Frankly i think you will be best out of it, however what has your son being gay got to do with it, surely he is bi if he s married.one other point how does he know your id on here,i dont see that being on this forum has any bearing on things,its legal nothing underhand just support network,therapy if you like.
Brandi,
This is a tuff room sometimes because you will always get honesty in your GF's opinions.
I have to agree with all the others that said you were out of line to out your son. Even though he let your cat out of the bag does not make it all right for you to out him. Think about how hurt you were when he told your wife without your permission, you just did the same hurtful act.
I hope your life goes in the direction you want now. Remember "For every door that closes a new one opens."
Couple of items that may have helped here.
1) Private Browsing. http://support.mozilla.com/en-US/kb/...ivate_Browsing Many browsers have this feature.
2) Anonymous Email Addresses.
Keep it it mind.
Liz
For those that are supportive and understanding, "Thanks a whole lot." To those who think this should be some sort of spanking session or "there is something wrong with you" attitude, then all I can say is that that is the type of response to a pained sister that just pulls people down. People who have met, avoided and delt with challenges through, because and/or in spite of relationships.
For the Nay sayers here. First, only my son knows who he is here. I haven't outed him to anyone, here or anywhere. Secondly, I am not in an unrealistic state of mind, considering the circumstances. If you had followed my posts for the last few months, you would know that I was in the process of coming out to my family members, including my wife. Although she didn't embrace it, she was understanding with the life situation. My son hacked into the site, folks. He looked for and found me specifically. It could be any one of you, you know. Then, he made sure the most damaging posts were downloaded to my wife's computer. None of that would make you upset? I truly doubt that. My comment was directed specifically at him because he isn't anonymous or safe either.
Yes, it is a consequence of my life choices and yes, I'll grow and move along on my journey.
[SIZE="3"]Brandi[/SIZE]
Love life and find happiness where you can.
Hi Brandy,
You wrote "a major part of my wifes decision to divorce me came After I came out to her."
So you were haveing problems before?
Do you think [ leaveing all anger out of this] she may be just haveing one of those fearful times after being "in the dark" for so many years?
Do you think , without anger, she will come around to understanding?
Please get therapy... for both of you.. Please !!
Presh GG
This reply is awesome, cos at this moment we dont want much to do with the past, what is done is done so now we move on to damage control..............get a good lawyer and remember you are at "war" so you have to be calm and concentrate cos any wrong decision will only hurt you more, use the intelligent part of your head not the emotional part and get yourself a good deal out of this whole scenario. In future your life is going to be better and make sure you always see yourself as a winner...apologize where necessary and move on.Originally Posted by sterling12
It is always interesting here how sometimes people interpret what they read in a way that has little connection with what the OP intended. I read this thread when it was first posted and never understood anything other than what Brandi just clarified above. I even went back and reread her OP just to make sure that I didn't misinterpret it, which I do too often. In my opinion, what her son did was totally wrong and inexcusable. Forgivable, yes. Brandi did not "out" her son to everyone, she just mentioned this situation to this family away from home here. She referenced that he was gay and had hid that from his wife and mother. The written word is easily misinterpreted. It is hard to be able to write clearly and harder still to do it when upset. Why not in the future, when in doubt, especially in a case like this where Brandi came here to vent and receive support, ask the OP for clarification first before being so critical in your posts.
[SIZE=2]I'm sorry, guess I'm guilty of being a nah sayer...[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]And Allie makes a good point about asking for clarification...so...[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Would you mind explaining only what I highlighted in the above quote with bold type is supposed to mean more clearly then ?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]That was the single line that caught my attention the most, since it was because of that, which you stated was the reason why he was attacking you...[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]Karen[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]I really do have the...Right To Be Wrong.. [/SIZE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkSTG...eature=channel [SIZE=2]and my mistakes will make me strong![/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Just call out my name...and I'll come running...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SxTo...eature=related just lovin classic JT again...[/SIZE]
Brandi and I have communicated privately since she did live very close to me. I was very happy for her when she said she was about to tell her wife. I hopes it went well. And as she stated, it did at first. But then she said the thing that turned her wife against the whole issue of cross dressing was when she saw Brandi dressed for the first time. OK, I get that and even understand that to much reality for some wives to soon could cause a bad reaction. But for this to be the main reason for the separation and divorce, I doubt it. My assumption is that the marriage and love between Brandi and his wife had other issues going on. Clearly, it is none of my business. But if the love was there, I think Brandy would not be now looking forward to living more openly. I'm not hearing Brandi say that she wished or wanted a reconciliation. And this happens. It happened to me in my last marriage. We simply grew apart. Had nothing to do with my being a cross dresser. She was fully accepting and always was.
My point is, if Brandi feels that now she can move on and is not broken up about a marriage that probably was broken for some time, then I support her decision. I just hope her joy about now being free to be Brandi is so strong that it over shadows his love of his wife. Yes, the drive, compulsion can be so strong that we make some very bad choices for what's really important to us. I just hope Brandi doe snot one day look back and regret not trying harder to make his marriage work.
I know since I ma speaking from experience. I let something (not CDing) cause me to leave my wife that I loved. I regret it today even though I have moved on and have a new love in my life. I am blessed that today, my ex wife and I are friends and do care about each other. I'm blessed that I have found a new partner that understands, and accepts me just as I am.
Brandi, I sincerely wish you well in whatever you do. I just hope whatever that is, is not something you will look back on and one day regret. Be true to yourself, Be happy. But be sure of what it is you want.
I'm sorry you find yourself alone and unhappy.
I just wondered what these "more descriptive recountings" were? If they were things that you'd think any partner in a marriage would be unhappy and angry about then I guess I can understand it.
Sounds like there were things that couldn't be discussed openly and honestly within the family - your CDing, your son's sexuality...?
Im wondering too what these previous postings were that you say are trouble, frankly how did your son get your password etc to enter our site,did you leave it lying about, i dont see how anything you posted on here can have any relevence to divorce proceedings,unless there is more to things than you have told us.
Brandi;
I'm sorry to hear about a divorce, as for the nay sayers all I can say is divorce can be a nasty thing to go through.
My ex-wife used everything and anybody to her advantage to get what she wanted out of the divorce. Even when she agree to work things out before going through with the divorce.
Unless they been through one don't criticize the other person until you walk in their shoes.
Just my two cents worth.
Sharon no one pretends divorce is easy,i think theres more to all this than just Brandi s wife knowing about his crossdressing,deeper problems in the relationship,this is as they say the straw to break the camels back,i hope Brandi finds happiness after this,seems to me all of them have issues to sort out,being nasty doesnt solve things does it,i say sit down talk it through like adults then do whats best for all.
If this all comes down to youe Cross-dressing that really sucks. Seems like there was not much love there. Well atleast now you can be who you want to be.
Angie
Sweeterica,
Since you are new, try reading as a guest. There are far more guests than members reading here everyday.
Brandi's son didn't need a pass word to access the open forum.
Brandi, I'm truely sorry you are hurt. I do hope you will be happy.
Presh GG
Presh GG yes ok i see where you are coming from but to be honest how would you know someone on here was your father,i mean we dont use our male names do we, maybe he just saw his dads photo,to me i cant see how he would recognise it,its not very clear is it.Dont get me wrong im not being nasty to anyone,but i do think there is more to this situation .
Brandi,
I'm glad you seem relieved and happier now that you are more free to express yourself. However, I just wanted to encourage you to accept responsibility for yourself...neither your son nor wife (ex) are responsible for your posts...you are. All posts made here or elsewhere are viewed by the world at large, including neighbors, prospective employers, families, fellow parishoners, coworkers, etc. Either do a good job disguising your identity or be careful what you post...and in the event you are found out, accept responsibility for it yourself instead of laying blame to someone else.
Enacting life's lessons into positive change...
maybe he used the family comp, came across the site in browser history, maybe followed it through, maybe recognized the writing style, seen the clothes hanging on airer at home/in a closet ergo the connection made ...... simple really
I allow myself to set healthy boundaries ..... to say no to what does not align with my values, to say yes to what does.
Boundaries assist me to remain healthy, honest and living a life that is true to me
Just to be clear... I never suggested Brandi would want to reconcile with her wife, only that I believe anger is most times fear and pain "rewrapped". And it's very hard in life to be happy if one is afraid, in pain or / and angry. Therapy is good at getting thru lifes trials. And Brandi's wife must be in a simular state, divorce is hard!
Brandi, It's been a few days, how are you?
We really do care.
Best to you,
Presh GG
I hope you and your son can reconcile your differences. Its sad to see issues between parents end up dragging kids into the whole mess...
I think something needs to be cleared up here regarding no-fault divorce. It's true in most states that fault is irrelevant. If one party states irreconcilable differences, then the divorce is granted. However, in many states, including Michigan, fault is taken into consideration in custody issues, and division of assets.
being a florida girl myself id love to help,but you are too far away for my busy schedual.however if ever in or near palm beach ill meet with you no problem.hope all works out for you.
just a florida girly girl...................................what in the world can make this brown eyed girl turn blue(roxette)
ALl I will say is dont shut your son out. My dad and I spent the last 4 years rebuilding our relationship. Dont do that.
suʍop puɐ sdn ɟo ןןnɟ sı ǝɟıן
A couple of thoughts come to mind after reading this post…been gone a few days, so maybe I'm a bit late on relevance here...
“Comparing something wrong with something worse, does not make it right”.
“It is better to offer a hand than to point a finger”.
If I interpreted your post correctly, I commend your decision not to opt for using the “gay” issue as a retaliatory weapon.
“There is always somebody out there with a bigger gun than the one you are holding”. These people are generally called attorneys…lol.
“You can’t prevent bad things from happening. You CAN control how you react to them”.
You can also control how certain types of “information” can be used. Most importantly, you can control whether certain types of information can be used at all, particularly potentially damaging information. Rules of admissible evidence, hearsay evidence and numerous Statutes and Court Rules exist to prevent such nonsense from entering the legal process. A good attorney can strike most of the issues you mentioned. A great attorney can recover money damages in your favor. There are also many excellent Pro Se resources on the web if you are financially challenged…
I have studied human behavior my entire life. I am rather proficient in “reading people”, spotting “lies”, profiling and predicting behavior. The ability is not as glamorous as many seem to view it. It does result in a life of isolation in many aspects, as well as experiencing very few “surprises” regarding people’s behavior and actions.
For what it is worth, I believe most people are pretty predictable if you just focus on identifying their basic “Character” and “Moral Compass”. This will, in any given situation, (particularly when they attack you) predict the behaviors they would consider “ethical”, in advance of them taking action. In many cases those behaviors will also represent an “invitation” to respond with identical ethics, rather than your own. That is a life-changing mistake that I would never consider.
I would however, refuse to ever become a “victim”, or accept any negative consequences resulting from any unprovoked attack by another person (a relative or otherwise). I would simply feel obligated to respond with sufficient actions that repair any looming damage and penalize the perpetrator, as well as confidently convince him/her that engaging in any similar attacks in the future would result in immediate and severe consequences. Interestingly enough, it is like “forcing” the person to exhibit some “character”, even though they actually do not have a clue what the concept means. Lol
But hey, that’s just me tossing out my “two cents worth”…you owe me a penny…
Marriage and relationships…”Great Fun for the Whole Family”, eh?
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Warning people to be cautious with what they post on the “internet” is about as worn out as the saying “Don’t eat yellow snow”. If you post it, someone you wish did not not find it, will indeed find it, and probably eventually use it against you.
The difference now is what previously required a diligent and time consuming search of many resources, can now be achieved in seconds with the advances in data mining technology. Google has been replaced by Spokeo, Wink, Spock, ZabaSearch, Zillow and a host of other sites tailored to the dubious efforts of amateur private eyes and stalkers, determined to ruin peoples’ lives. Just add the (.com) to any of those listed and type in your name, phone or email.
Protecting your “personal data” is like working at a second job for free, but in my opinion, worth every minute. It is still possible to protect yourself, and choosing the right "pubic access" options to the posts/images you submit on each site you frequent, can help alot.
(Such as the excellent suggestions posted here by Liz!)
But hey, that’s just me…hide-n-seek is a fun game when no one finds you !
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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