Your fault or hers?

[Sheila]

After eight years of marriage, and seven years of her knowing I'm a CDer, we're still trying to figure out how best to talk about this. The good news is we are talking, at least periodically.

Jamie would it help if she came here and joined the FAB section, where she could talk with other partners ?

[PretzelGirl]

We talk about it quite often, although I don't think any of it is forced with her. Just what comes up naturally. I sometimes wonder if I overdo it and she usually tells me that by wondering, I am then overdoing it. But it is just another topic of conversation in our house.

[Elizebeth]

If I bring it up she shuts down so I keep quite and keep the don't ask don't tell thing going.

[Secret Drawer]

I also struggle with guilt. Perhaps it comes from the social notion that "children are innocent," thus adults must be "guilty??" I think that after 30 plus years of hiding my CDing, it is difficult to suddenly feel OK with it.(in so far as society, including my own family is concerned) We all go through different phases as CDers and it took me awhile just to personally (internally) accept my own CDing. Now I am on the road to somehow bringing my wife to understand and hopefully accept it. The original question about communication is difficult because it is dependent on circumstance. I have felt the need to be more communicative lately with my wife but have (the guilt thing) that prevents me from direct conversation. I have been purposely looking at womens clothing, lingerie, and swimwear sites in front of her to provoke (mildly) conversation that I hope to then steer in the right direction. I hope that all of this leads to direct and open conversation in the future (regarding my CDing). The big issue I have is that I don't know if she is aware of the fact that we (as CDers) won't necessarily stop, and in fact, I would like to expand my CDing to be a much bigger part of my life. For sure this is difficult and exciting at the same time.

[unclejoann]

Communication? what's that?

She has been so negative about every aspect of this that I finally gave in and started growing my body hair back last weekend. I simply said "you win." And that is how I feel, I am growing it back just so that I won't have to listen to her complaints.

And who knows? Perhaps she might even touch me again in a month or two.

[JamieG]

Jamie would it help if she came here and joined the FAB section, where she could talk with other partners ?

I have on occasion suggested that she check out the SO group here or elsewhere, but she's not interested. She has enough forums and blogs to keep track of as it is.

[minalost]

That will teach me to post something and then leave town for 3 days! I had a lot of reading to get caught up with everything that was said. Thanks to all of you that responded. As usual there was a huge range of responses that reflects the diversity of our community!

I'm truly jelious of you girls that have open and free communication with your SO on this topic. I also appricate the problems that the rest of us have. But I do agree that it is up to US, the crossdressers, to make sure the lines of communication on this topic remain open - if only to make sure our SOs know that we are willing to talk if they want to.

Thanks again!