amazing freedom

[BRANDYJ]

Vanessa, I am very happy for you. You have now crossed a bridge to where you should be very capable of communicating better with your wife. I strongly believe there should be a day that you come completely clean with her about your past cross dressing. You can explain that many of your mood swings or being mad or whatever caused the marital problems before the breakup are directly related to your having to hide it for fear of losing her. From what you say, that is ju8st not going to happen now. She is more then accepting. But don't continue the lies of the past. Your opportunity to be 100% open and honest are here and now.
Did you make up this thing about a man dressing as a woman for 45 days to calm his hormones, or did you read this somewhere? I never heard of such a thing. Sounds far fetched to me. And maybe even is far fetched to yo0ur wife, but she went along with it to see what would happen.
After this 45 day period, I'd still go slow, or slow down from the amount of dressing you are now allowed under this 45 day rule. Let her lead. If she is being honest and really likes you around dressed, she will lead and ask for you to dress. Just don't push it. I think you found a unique way to tell your wife and expose your dressing to her. Just don't keep up with other lies or it could all back fire.
Sounds like you both love each other. So now is the time to be completely open and honest with her, as she should be with you.

I wish you nothing but the best. And welcome out of the dark closet.

[Mea GG]

Oh, I love how this story came out!

Sounds like you are both very happy.

U + her =

And, yes, please do listen to what Brandy said above!

[Vanessac48]

It's like a dream come true, we are happier than ever. I did read about many CD's that are like me. When you dress it is just an escape of all the pressures, stresses, and leadership roles of being a man. I have been directing people's lives and motivating people my entire life. There is nothing to me like "escaping" the stress of everyday life, than to be a head to toe woman. I now work from home, and dress for work every day, it makes the stresses so much more paletable, I find my type "A" personality softening with each passing day, and my wife was he first to point it out to me. I can litrally feel the difference. It has slowed my brain down 10 fold. I was always doing one thing while thinking of 5 other things at the same time, I don't do that anymore, it has helped me to stop and smell the roses, and at the same time, love my wife more than ever because the reality is she is a great woman.

[Sandra]

I'm sorry but I still think what you have done is wrong. You have continued to lie to your wife about your past cding and it seems you are still lying to her.

I will watch out for you posting that she found out about all these lies and I just hope it doesn't break her heart, and I don't mean the cding but the fact that you lied to her.

[Sheila]

Thanks for all those that chose the positive feedback route, not sure why so many have to take the negative approach, ............................. here we all are trying to comfort and support each other, bit I guess those words are only true in Camelot, not here.

Support strangely enough also comes in the form of telling THE TRUTH ............ some were trying to warn you about the possible outcome of you wife lying to decieveve your wife ..........

The best part of this forum is that everyone has the right to say what they wish (within the rules). Each person will take their own path using choices that they have arrived at after weighing the pros and cons.

Some will have negative feedback simply because, been there, done that, got the T shirt.

Finally this is a support forum, and support is not always in the positive, without the negative there will not be any check and balances.

Having been a GG who was lied to I can tell you it ain't nice and if ever your wife discovers your lies, I don't bank on her response being nice either .......... you lied & lied and continued to lie

I don't regard this reply as taking a negative approach, nor do I feel I'm about to lay some of your own misery on someone else...
It's plain from your first post that this 'trial' is a deception on your part. If at some point you feel you have achieved acceptance for your CDing nature, and you decide to tell her what went on before, you may find the whole edifice comes crashing down: alternatively you could just keep quiet about it and live the rest of your life in a lie.
I wish you wouldn't regard a few reality checks from other forum members as 'negative behaviour'.

I beg to ask just how much reality there is in this *story*

Does your wife believe everything you tell her ?

I doubt it... You, IMO, are setting yourself up if she doesn't already know you've lied.
You are new here but if you go back IT"S THE LIEING that kills a relationship.
Presh GG

What she says

We say a problem in your logic and we wanted to warn you. See we don't see how well things are going, so we only have the red flags waving wildly.

We wish you the best and hopefully you will be one of those who get to enjoy your acceptance.

Nor do we get your wifes version of the story, but heyyyyyyyyyyy

Ah, yes. The perfect marriage. And all based on lies and deception. .......... Good luck.

Ain't that how all the best marriages work

I'm sorry but I still think what you have done is wrong. You have continued to lie to your wife about your past cding and it seems you are still lying to her.

I will watch out for you posting that she found out about all these lies and I just hope it doesn't break her heart, and I don't mean the cding but the fact that you lied to her.

You and me both Sandra

Would be nice to get your wifes feedback on all this & also have her if FAB to help our newer ladies who struggle, thought I doubt we will ever get that, which will be a shame.

I for one would pooh pooh the notion about your discovering the 45 day dressing as a woman & I would have asked where you found it & I would have wanted to read it for myself .......... & I would have done my research ......... but then I am me and I am way to interested in educating myself about changes in my life ................. I would be interested in what your wife has had to say to others about your experiment in becoming a softer gentler person ............. cos I sure as hell would have told my friends and mates about the sure fire way to calm Their Bill n Harry down, we would have had a bloody good laugh about it as well ................ remember they know nothing about CDing being members of Joe public ........... a few glasses of wine and heyyyyyyyyy next doors hubby would wonder what had hit him

[BRANDYJ]

Vanessa, I sure hope you are taking in all the good advice from the GG's here. The lies and deception must STOP and stop now if you are truly going to make it work with your wife.
Ask her to join here. Let her meet the wonderful GG's that have faced the same issues. Let her learn from those that faced much the same thing she did. If all you say is true, she would be glad you asked her to join.

We still want to know if you made up this 45 day plan or did you read this somewhere?

Come clean with us. We are all here to help you, not condemn you with our opinions or comments.

[PortiaHoney]

I wasn't sure what to make of your posting.

On one hand, you got what you wanted by lying to your SO and you were quite open about hoping you could convert her AND so far, you have done so succesfully.

On the other, it sounds too good to be true.

If it is true and the BOTH of you are deleriously happy about how events have taken their course, then I think it is fantastic that you have such a great story to tell and wonderful life of freedom to be yourself ahead of you.

However, if it isn't true and you have encouraged others to use deception to achieve their own aims and their attempt to do the same fails miserably, I hope you can live with your conscience. I have doubts about ANYONE who encourages lying and deception in order to achieve their own goals. I am not convinced that lies will ever be a good basis for truth. Except for politicians.

Communication, on the other hand, and honesty, are usually what helps couples arrive at a solution that is mutually agreeable. Either that, or they discover their needs to be too different and they go their own ways, often still as friends.

Have you considered another couple of scenarios? She likes being with a woman so much, now that you have overcome her own prejudices and fears, that she runs off with a real woman. Or, how about this one, She continues to like you as a woman, but YOU decide you have had enough. After all, you said you like being a man. What are YOU going to do when the CD phase passes because you have fullfilled your desires and she doesn't want the "manly" you back?

Enjoy the moment. It sounds like the two of you have arrived at a wonderful place. But, even Adam and Eve got evicted from their ideal place because they were naughty. I really hope your crystal palace never cracks and crumbles because they are beautiful, yet fragile, places. And, yes, being a woman is a great feeling.

Take care

Portia

[AliciaJordan]

Why does it seem that we have to be so honest in our relationships when nobody else has too?

Have you told your SO/girlfriend/whatever every single thing that goes on in your life? Think about it for a couple of seconds.

How many times have you been out with the guys and your buddies see this hot looking girl and make comments about having sex with her and doing this or that? How many of us have thought the same thing? Did any of you run home and tell the SO that you saw this awesome looking woman and thought of banging her right there on the spot? (or more like for this group, she had an awesome body I wish I had so I could get away with that outfit she had on...).

Look, he found something that worked for his wife, after all he knows her better than any of us do. I would be surprised if she reacted the sameway after the 18 months if he came clean right away. Now that she knows the girl side of him, he may be able to say that he has been doing this all along and had he not gotten her used to the she part of him, she may have bolted again. Who knows, she may even know or suspect that he did, but doesn't care because the end result is they have a happy understanding marriage.

Now I know what is next, what if my wife kept secrets from me. Fine with me as I trust my wife. If she feels it is important enough to share with me great, but if she feels she needs to protect/hide something from me, I am not going to pry. She has her reasons.

I guess my main point is, it is impossible to be 100% totally honest with anyone, even your spouse. I don't know how many times my wife tells me I look sexy in my shorts when all I see is the fat belly hanging over my belt and the extra chin under my mouth. When I bet she is really thinking, you could use to lose a couple (100) pounds or so.

And yes my wife knows about Alicia. She has from the start. At first she wasn't too comfortable with it, but she is getting better with it. She has bought stuff for me like skirts/tops/pantyhose/etc.

[Sandra]

Alicia

You don't have a bloody clue what it feels like for a GG to be lied to regarding cding.

[Sheila]

Why does it seem that we have to be so honest in our relationships when nobody else has too?

Have you told your SO/girlfriend/whatever every single thing that goes on in your life? Think about it for a couple of seconds.

Nobody expects total honest from their partner ............... what we do expect is honesty in the big things, things that affect our relationship ...... or is that to damn difficult for some to accept ????

How many times have you been out with the guys and your buddies see this hot looking girl and make comments about having sex with her and doing this or that? How many of us have thought the same thing? Did any of you run home and tell the SO that you saw this awesome looking woman and thought of banging her right there on the spot? (or more like for this group, she had an awesome body I wish I had so I could get away with that outfit she had on...).

It is not the damn same and you know it ........... if it is so trivial then no reason Mrs need not tell her friends is there .............. after all you talk to your buddies about "wouldn't mind bedding that" so no reason for her not to tell her buddies about her hubby dressing as a woman as an experiment to get in touch with his fem side to make him a better person now is there ....... or is there? ............... owwww wait I bet there is ............. maybe summat about maritial relationship privacy ................. damn double standards agian ........... is okay for "HIM to talk about wanting to bed this or that chick" cos that enhances "HIS" masculinity .......... so we as GG's can't do anything to take away from that grow up get real

Look, he found something that worked for his wife, after all he knows her better than any of us do.

he tells us he has ............. we have yet to hear her soide of the story ........... remember this is the INTERNET & trust me if any of my GG's friends had been told that by our partners we would have had the area rocking with our laughter ............... (remember this is not about him fessing up to being a CDER ( in which case whoever had been told would have kept it within the relationship till we had a chance to digest it and work on how it fitted into out lives as a couple .......... I know cos I was one who discovered in my previous relationship over 2 years into it)) ...........

I guess my main point is, it is impossible to be 100% totally honest with anyone, even your spouse.

100% sure ................... but this is not an owwww I only paid $10 for a fishing pole when in actuality you paid $15, this affects her and her life as well you know ..................... how are they handling people coming to the door, how are they handling friends popping round to see them, family ............... there are too many unexplained things that have to be handled on a daily basis for this to be taken seriously ......... FGS

And yes my wife knows about Alicia. She has from the start. At first she wasn't too comfortable with it, but she is getting better with it. She has bought stuff for me like skirts/tops/pantyhose/etc.

Cool and have you done 3 straight days dressed let alone 45 and if so what about people coming to your door, working, going to the mall & is your wife comfortable with that if so ?


"Is this real" .............. we can all only speculate, and I do remember a member here recently who had the grace to come back and fess up to having not been totally honest with us all in the past .......... MAYBE SOME OF US ARE REMEMBERING THAT

[PortiaHoney]

I'm with the GG's on this one. It's not about a little white lie, this is a major, relationship shattering lie on a par with having an affair. It's about betraying trust in a relationship and anyone who thinks otherwise is going to think it's ok to hide a drinking problem, gambling problem or affair, loss of a job or any one of a number of big issues that couples have to deal with.

I feel sorry for your partner if you can justify to yourself that not letting her know who you really are is OK. I also feel sorry for anyone who does this and gets caught out because THAT is WHEN you will know exactly what you have been doing. Honesty truly is the best policy and live with the damn consequences. Or just don't do it. Or weigh up exactly what it is you want.

I think you showed yourself in the first line Jordan. You are not other people. And vague references to what other people do is usually a cover up for what you think goes on to justify doing what you know is wrong. Thinking about doing something and actually doing it are 2 completely different scenarios and one does NOT justify the other.

[Schatten Lupus]

You go girl! That is one bitchin' plan if I ever heard one.
That 45 days to soften up thing almost sounds like something that I would come up with.

[Traci Elizabeth]

[B]

I beg to ask just how much reality there is in this *story*

Very interesting point Sheila. One that I too share.

From the premeditated deception of it's origins, daily continuance, and conniving of how to perpetuate the lies to the alleged fairy tale bliss at the end, it just comes across as a concocted work of fiction.

Only the OP knows the truth or if the statements have been embellish or altered. Regardless of the actual facts, I remain sadden for the wife.

But there is a lessen to be learned here by all of us whether we have a spouse, SO, girl/boyfriend or for when we do: Trust in the Truth! It will set you free!

[Vanessac48]

Well, I'm now on day 68. My wife buys me pantyhose on a regular basis, and paints my toenails. She loves the change. I'm a man when she needs one, and best friend girlfriend as well. We are both happier than we have ever been. It is a permanent change, she even gave me a name. I'm in heaven!

[Lisalove1976]

I'm not sure about the 45 day thing but after having a very troubling week with my wife I finally had some time to myself yesterday and decided to get dressed... after being home for a couple of hours she asked me if I had gotten dressed, aftre telling her "yes" she said "that explains the mood change" ....so I do believe that dressing does change me in a better way.

now if only I could get her to accept Lisa!

[BRANDYJ]

I am very happy to hear this worked for you. It's amazing how your wife did a 180 and now enjoys this side of you. This would be a dream come true for so many here. I have never had to hide in the closet from any of my past of present SO's, so I can only imagine the stress created by having to keep this side of us from a loved one. I could never do it. So count me lucky fro always having acceptance from my SO's. Now you too can fully enjoy a much closer calmer relationship with your wife. In time boundaries may be needed to keep the harmony. Be ready to listen to your wife and what she might want to suggest as to limits or boundaries should she tire of to much of your fem side. Remember, she married and wanted a man. Be prepared to compromise and show her that her needs and wishes are every bit as important to you as your own are. Be careful to always tell her how much you appreciate her as well as love her.
I'm not sure your method is right or would work for others, but the important thing is it worked for you. Remind her that you do not wish to go out in public, have sex with a man or even with her while dressed. My guess is she will wonder these things if she has not already. But most importantly, vow to never lie to her again about anything. Vow to never hide things from her.
I sincerely with you and your wife the very best.
It would be nice if you could get your wife to join here and share her side of this story with us. I'd be very interested in her experiences in coming to accept you. She would also be a welcomed addition to the FAB forums. Perhaps you can suggest she join.

[JOY445]

Thanks for all those that chose the positive feedback route, not sure why so many have to take the negative approach, but that sadly is how the world works, lay some of your own misery on someone else, and it makes you feel better I guess. All I can say is I'm feeling good, she is feeling good, and things right now are better than ever. I thought putting this out there might help one person take the calculated risk, that is the only reason, but some want to greet this with disdain, and here we all are trying to comfort and support each other, bit I guess those words are only true in Camelot, not here.

Hi
I personally didn't hear disdain in any of the replies to your post. all i heard was good friends who have the wisdom of experience offering good advice. You seem to have missed the point. You got what you wanted by trickery and deceit, never a good foundation upon to build a lifelong relationship. If this is ok with you more power too you sister!
However, you can follow the advice of your fellow ladies, lay it all out and you can both move forward together in an open honest loving relationship, remember where there are lies there isn't a "real" relationship.
Please accept my words in the spirit with which they are intended
love JOY

[Miranda09]

Vanessa, I've read your posts here and the idea of the original thread and I must say that your approach was brilliant. It sounds like you've bridged a gap with your wife and both of you appear to be quite happy again. It's so nice to see how a person's view can change so radically when approached in a creative, caring manor. Hope the ride never ends.

[AlsoSamantha]

Some posts here have accused you of achieving your goal through manipulation and deceit. I think you found a creative way to introduce your wife to something that would have otherwise been unacceptable. In the real world this is called spin.

There was no force used, and she was free to accept or reject any part of this by her own free will, and although you may have had your own objectives and agenda, she probably had hers too. In the end you both got what you wanted/needed. It was a win/win solution.

It's obvious your wife KNOWS you're a cross dresser and is accepting.

I applaud you!!

[Kelly DeWinter]

... not sure why so many have to take the negative approach, .... lay some of your own misery on someone else, and it makes you feel better ..... All I can say is I'm feeling good, .... I thought putting this out there might help one person take the calculated risk, ....., but some want to greet this with disdain, and here we all are trying to comfort and support each other, bit I guess those words are only true in Camelot, not here.

I can only say so many are negative, because what you are doing to your spouse is wrong in so many ways, and you continue to insist that it's the right thing to do. It's almost like watching a train wreck in slow motion over 45 days . We WANT to help, but can't, we want to turn our eyes from what's coming, but we can't because we know the outcome will be destructive.

I have held my opinion long enough to see this 'story', through the 45 days. It really reads like a bad novel. It's hard to believe that anyone who has read your other posts could believe this.

In another post you are divorced, now you are married again ?
In your other posts you are into '****ty' look, and now you want to look like a nice woman for your wife ?
You really expect anyone to believe that this will not eventually blow up on you, if it's even true in the first place ?
If you lie you will get caught, maybe not now or next week or month or year, but eventually. I cannot believe that any spouse gg female or gg male, would fall for such a ruse.


Most of use have raised children .... We don't teach them to lie, we teach them to accept responsibility. Most here who have kept a lie up eventually paid the price. Other who started with the truth have wonderful relationships.

IF your story is true, what a fantastic opportunity you had to come clean and base the rest of your life together on honesty. Now within you is another lie, that will fester, and eventually come to the surface or manifest itself in another great 'story'.

No one is trying to put their misery on you or anyone else, the posts here are clearly trying to avoid misery, by NOT following your example. IF this story is true, then BRAVO for you, you got your way by lying to your spouse. I'm sure there must be at least 1 gg on here who will come forward and say they would love to know their spouse thinks enough of them to lie to them.

I see in a very small amount of posts here, this is great, why didn't I think of it, I've got to try that. A word of caution .. DON'T . Vanessa offers a 'calculated risk' . What is at risk is a relationship.

And the legend of Camelot was built on values such as truth, camaraderie and the ideal of putting others interest's and well being ahead of ones own.

"For if I had only known that the small lie that I carry within mine own heart, would bring down this mighty kingdom, I would sooner fall on my own dagger then should I exist another day" Tristan - Knight of Camelot

Vanessa, everyone here want's to support you, but accept that fact that not everyone will buy the bill of goods you are selling.

Don't confuse 'comfort and support' on this forum with 'deception and collusion' . Sometimes you , me and others, will hear things we may not like, they will upset us because people do not agree with us, but even that is part of support. Would you rather hear honesty for the people here or just what you want to hear ?

It's my opinion, i'll stand by it.

Kelly

[Kelly DeWinter]

Some posts here have accused you of achieving your goal through manipulation and deceit. I think you found a creative way to introduce your wife to something that would have otherwise been unacceptable. In the real world this is called spin.

There was no force used, and she was free to accept or reject any part of this by her own free will, and although you may have had your own objectives and agenda, she probably had hers too. In the end you both got what you wanted/needed. It was a win/win solution.

It's obvious your wife KNOWS you're a cross dresser and is accepting.

I applaud you!!

You have got to be kidding !

reread this thread, Her wife, thinks shes on a 45 day 'cure' for male agression. Nowhere does she talk to her wife about being a crossdresser or being transgendered. She admits to manipulating the situation. I think her wife may suspect, or may eventually figure it out.

The problem with this post is that she is using forced feminization which is a fetish as a cover 'cure' for being transgendered/crossdresser. With so many of us in the CD/TG community wanting to be accepted for what we are, which is normal everyday people with an awesome sense of fashon. It flies in the face of everything the TG/CD community has worked toward to encourage someone to perpetuate more inacurate information.

From original post.

Lie One
" I needed a way to be able to dress, so maybe this is sneaky, but it has worked so well. I sat down with my wife, and explained to her I had been reading a lot about men, and the "macho" quality, and testosterone that gets in the way of female/male communication. I went on to explain that as crazy as it sounded, a man needs to be humbled, and get in touch with his feminine side, and dress as a head to toe woman for 45 days to be able to soften the ego, the macho, and become a better man. She was highly skeptical"

"Lie Two"
"I said well what happens after 45 days, when I stop?"

This is the part that people disagree with ! The lieing and the continuation of the lie with another lie.

As far as 'spin' is concerned, remember that IF a doctor ever says, "The 'slight discoloration' on your x-ray is nothing. I reccomend that you take a nice long relaxing vacation, but do it in the next 90 days."

Kelly

[Molly Wells]

Well, I don't normally get into these discussions like this, but somewhere in the back of my little brain is a recollection of reading a story like this some where before. I thing this whole story is fiction. Just my opinion.
Molly

[Vanessac48]

I am now in day 79. I have worn a dress,heels,eyeliner,foundation,bronzer, fake nails, a bra,breast forms,earrings,painted toenails,pocketbook,lipstick...and wig...100% a woman everyday without exception. We eat on our deck, play board games outside, etc. Regardless of how this came about, we have had 0 arguements since day 1. We talk about the early days, and how ridiculous she thought it was. How hideous I looked. Now, she loves me like this, because quite honestly, I have changed completely from a macho man, to the best girlfriend/husband she could possibly have. When we go out I'm her husband, and even my personality then is so much better, I notice the difference, she says it is night and day. This is a couple hat seperated twice, and finally found happiness. She truly is an amazing woman! I love her endlessly, I just never allowed myself to. My emotions are free, we talk for hours, and she tells me there is nothing wrong with it! Honestly, I believe I feel there is something wrong with it more than her! I realize by being a head to toe woman for over 11 straight weeks, has made me into an emotional woman, and I love it, because no more macho and testosterone to get in the way. I love her, she loves me, I found camelot in a dress,heels, and makeup, and so did she.

Well, I don't normally get into these discussions like this, but somewhere in the back of my little brain is a recollection of reading a story like this some where before. I thing this whole story is fiction. Just my opinion.
Molly

I swear to God on my life this is true!

[Vanessac48]

Day 102 and things are fantastic. I now go out on a regular basis, which was scary at first, but soon I realized that your more fearful than you need to be. I am now confident and go anywhere I want, usually very casual in capri's and a t-shirt top with my nails done, and subtle makeup. I would say if I am awake 118 hours a week, 100 are dressed. Wife loves it now, and she constantly shops for me. I asked her if she likes shopping for me and she said yes. I spend 1 day a week out with her, lunch in a park, etc., so we get realtime together at least weekly. She never questions my dressing, just tells me how good I look, if I do, and is my coach. Life is sweet, never been happier.

[Ashley S]

Sorry, I too have been following your alleged story from the beginning, and can't resist anymore. I agree with Sheila, Sandra, Molly, and most of the others here.

First and foremost: I question how truthful this story is.

Second (making the assumption that it is true): I fail to see how ANYONE would buy into the initial story of using forced feminization as an anger/aggression management technique. I feel sorry for anyone that gullible.

Third: Admitting right away that the way you've gone about this is Sneaky. This shows that you KNOW it's wrong, and yet you've done it anyway.

I have a big problem with anyone who feels that deception, manipulation and dishonesty are acceptable means to an end, especially in a relationship.

What you have done is wrong, regardless of what you may or may not have accomplished, and you should not be proud of it.

I view what you have done as being the same as winning a game of cards by stacking the deck, or winning a race by sabotaging the other racers. The first place ribbon is worthless when you had to cheat to get it.

You're a liar and a cheat. I hope one day you realize there's no point to playing if there's no honour in the game.