Admirers

[Kaitlyn Michele]

thnx sarah for your post...

i can't argue that some guys leer...and i would run from that guy...and i know some girls that would run to him...to each their own..

this is a terrific thread...i learned alot reading gea's post...

men are men...most men want sex..and they want it now.

the whole concept of being wanted for who you are in total vs. the concept of a "chaser (of BBW, CD, S&M etc)" wanting you only for that one specific thing makes it different, and i have to agree that it can be upsetting to folks...i never thought of it that way...thnx!!!

i kinda like the wolf in waiting....if he's for real and he's willing to wait a bit ...then i'm ok being a she-wolf

[Kara Connor]

I'm curious. What is the best way to deal with the undesirable sort? I have no problem with people of different sexual orientations or "kinks", though I am only attracted to women and am completely faithful to my wife. When I go out in public, which I haven't yet, I would like to know how to best handle the situation. I don't want to be unpleasant to the purely friendly people, so other than reverting to guy mode - which might tend to escalate things - what tips do people have? I imagine the GGs on the list are used to dealing with this and will have some valuable insights.

Thanks

Kara

[Karen Smith]

Personally I think it's unfortunate many guys have made assumptions about who we are. If he's genuinely interested and attracted to who I actually am it's flattering, although I can't say I always return the interest.

[linnea]

Prejudices based on what people are ought to be questioned; prejudices based on how people behave seem appropriate to me. If a person a Muslim (and I am not), I don't have a problem. If the person behaves as a terrorist, I have a big problem. Actually, I don't think that this qualifies as prejudice anyway.
Drooling, letching, and other like behaviors do not appeal to me: they are creepy and icky. I don't feel any need to extend my own open-mindedness to accept creepy, icky behavior.

[Misty is Kindafem]

I think it would be helpful on this thread if the posters identified themselves as to their own sexual orientation. I'm not sure that a person who identifies as a hetero crossdresser is an unbiased observer, since by definition wouldn't they think sex with any man was creepy?

I agree. So the hets think it's creepy that there are men who like trannies? So what? I think it's creepy that a man would dress up like a french maid while loudly proclaiming that he is "all man". We're a creepy bunch folks. What we do is NOT normal as far as mainstream society is concerned. So save your sanctimonious attitudes for Sunday.

If you're a T-girl who enjoys the company of men than I've got news for ya; The Admirers are your only option. The average straight guy does not want to encounter your penis, no matter how hot you may be. Now before I get hammered, I said AVERAGE. I am willing to recognize those rare souls that are able to transcend the body for the sake of love, if you are willing to recognize that exception as a rarity.

There are perfectly good men out there who for whatever reason, prefer T-girls over real girls. Are they deeply closeted homosexuals? Are they frustrated trannies? Are they politicians?

They are just men who are attracted to what they are attracted to. Sure, some of them can be creepy but if I were being honest, I would have to say that there are more than a few gurls on this very site who creep me out as much or more than the creepiest "chaser" I've ever met. Some of you should read your posts a couple of times before you click Submit.

So the "admirers" are just objectifying me? So what? Women have been objectified sexually since the first other woman. If a man looks at me with desire does that mean there is something wrong with him? Excuse me? Am I not allowed to be desired?

The very idea that there is something wrong with a group of men who prefer T-girls is the reason they exist in the first place.

Okay, that's a little deep, but follow me; If the world were a more accepting place and people weren't held to such rigid sexual standards then there would be no need for labels. A man could date a TG or a GG and there would be no raised eyebrows. He's just a man who likes a certain look or type and that's the end of it. Imagine living in a world where you could just date someone who you found attractive and interesting, and the sexuality would be determined by that relationship, rather than by society. There would be no need for chasers in a world like that.

Back to reality, and reality sucks, because any man who has a preference for T-girls is automatically labeled a "chaser" and by definition must be creepy and predatory. That's not fair and frankly some of you girls may need to take a broom to your own doorsteps before you start with the judging.

You know, as a group we are by and large just as intolerant as the straight world and I can't decide if that's disappointing or comforting.

-Misty

[t-girlxsophie]

Any time Iv'e been confronted by an "Admirer" has not been the most Pleasurable of experiences,Usually first question is "are you wearing Stockings" and they get more leery from there on,Mind you after some Rather Industrial language (not ladylike I know) They are soon sent Packing,I know some will say they not all bad,but that aint my Impression of these Men,I am sure GGs prob feel the same when Leered at by Builders etc in the street.

[AmandaM]

Many admirers think that cause you dress up, you're gay and cruising for sex. Similar to women who wear short skirts, "she must want it, look how she's dressed".

I'm curious. What is the best way to deal with the undesirable sort? I have no problem with people of different sexual orientations or "kinks", though I am only attracted to women and am completely faithful to my wife. When I go out in public, which I haven't yet, I would like to know how to best handle the situation. I don't want to be unpleasant to the purely friendly people, so other than reverting to guy mode - which might tend to escalate things - what tips do people have? I imagine the GGs on the list are used to dealing with this and will have some valuable insights.

Thanks
Kara

Just have to tell them sorry, not interested, and be determined about it. About the third time, you'll probably have to man up and say something like, back off jack. imo

[Crissy Kay]

Wow, what an interesting topic. Though my point of view is sort of from the admirers side!!! I do not chase or date tgirls, but I really admir all the effort you full time girls put in to looking good. If you are going to dress up and go out you are bound to attract some mens attention. What I do not understand, is why go to all the trouble, if you do not want anything to do with men. There are some creeps out there, no doubt about it. All I can say is just be careful, when you do go out.

[sherri52]

That's why when I go out I usually go to a resturaunt or club that doesn't cater to any special group. There always seem to be admirers in those places. I get looks but usually no one gauking.

[Rebecca Petersen]

Just getting drool on my pretty dress would creep me out!!

Didn't Monica Lewinski say something similar?
Sorry, but guess we all have our own likes and dislikes.
Rebecca

[Sarah_GG]

I'm not saying there's anything wrong in admiring per se. My SO also admires fabulous crossdressers, drag queens, transvestites and transexuals. In fact, spends quite a lot of time paying homage to the fifties girls from the Finnochio era!

What I don't like is that they swamp a venue, don't join in, look sweaty and slimy and lurk at the edges of the action with their eyes on stalks and dribble coming out of the corners of their mouths.

If an admirer wanted to impress a gurl all he would have to do is scrub up well, put on a suitably gentlemanly type of outfit (something that might complement a burlesque ensemble) and ask one of them to dance!

It seems they make absolutely zero effort but are still guaranteed a good end to the evening. Can't they at least be encouraged to work a bit harder for the end result?!

[dilane]

I found myself questioning what it is about these individuals that I find... well, a bit creepy. For starters I think it's because everyone else makes a real effort and dresses up, but the admirers don't make any effort at all. I also find that they seem to 'letch' and drool a bit too much.

I think admirers are behaving the way many straight men would behave if GG's were as desperate for sexplay as many T-girls in the clubs are. Basically, women keep men somewhat in line.

When you see a line of letchering, silent, leering "chasers" at a T club, you're getting a glimpse of the brave new world that could be -- but for the fact that women simply don't put up with that kind of behavior in general. They would complain to the management, or would simply stop coming.

I started going out to T-clubs (the late Queen Mary in LA), and now I go to straight places. I've found the men who come over to chat or buy a drink to be similar whether they're chasers in a T-club, a straight guy who hasn't read me, or a guy in a straight club who has read me.

However, someone with T-girl experience will assume that we will be much more likely than a GG to hop into bed for a free drink -- something I obviously disabuse them of.

Also, in straight clubs there are plenty of guys who make no effort to dress up, and who take in the scene and check out the women -- but in a less creepy and rude way.

[Joann Smith]

I have ran across some that were sweet and were genuinely looking to for a serious relationship with someone and it did not matter if they were GG or TG ...But that has been rare ...most of the "admires"...if you want to call them that have ran across have been wack jobs of the worst kind ... just wanting to do strange things to you ...or have you do it to them...in either case I want no part of it and i have gotten pretty good at backing them off without pissing them off too bad...I try to be careful because some of them are seriously out there and they could be dangerous if provoked ...

Joann

[CherryZips]

If you are going to dress up and go out you are bound to attract some mens attention.

Agreed. Men are going to be attracted by anyone on the T spectrum. And actually I think not because its because they can pretend to be straight or gay. Men are attracted to Tgirls for their T ness.

While trans behavior is taboo I think their "creepiness" is because attraction to trans is also taboo so the social rules for dealing with it are unwritten.

What I do not understand, is why go to all the trouble, if you do not want anything to do with men.

I have a slight problem with this. For a start it implies that should any Tgirls appear in public they are really looking for attention from men. I think there are transgender lesbians who might question that.

Secondly its an issue of choice. "Why go to all the trouble, if you do not want anything to do with men" is what male predators say about women in short skirts. People of any sex and sexuality have the right to decline an offer and not be harassed.

There are some creeps out there, no doubt about it. All I can say is just be careful, when you do go out.

Agreed. In same ways thats the main issue.

[msginaadoll]

What Misty said!!! I couldnt have put it better. I dont want to lump any group of people in the same boat. Its like saying all CD's are gay, all admirerers are creepy, all leperchauns are Irish. Some men at bars i have realized have a hard time talking to women, CD's etc. Heck when you are as intimidatingly beautiful as we all arel it can be tuff. I was once told by a friend that when they met me they thought I was initially stuck up. I was shy but they took my shyness as something else. Well maybe the men who just stare or look are shy too. It is tough for me but I am gradually accepting that when dressed a man may find me attractive. Thats a tough thing ladies and there are a lot of very lovely ladies here. Face up u may have to just uglify yourself if you wish to be let alone!

[AllieSF]

I agree with what Kaitlyn said and what Gina just mentioned about shyness. I think first we have several terms for men I (maybe women too looking for a FtM, not my area of expertise!), Admirer, Tranny Chaser, lecher, etc. I think that the term Admirer is correct for those people who are attracted to someone dressed as the opposite sex. A Tranny Chaser for me is less admirable from the nice human being viewpoint, while a lecher is just that regardless of who he/she is looking/leering at. I have talked to a few admirers and in reality, though they may appear to be lurking along the sidelines, they are just shy and nice people. If a Tgirl, or anyone for that matter, wants someone and is in the right venue, they do not have to wait for someone to walk up to them. They can approach them directly to check them out. Also, I think that Tgirls have some similar power as to a GG. if someone does approach them, they can always decline the invitation. And, finally, there are those Tranny Chasers and lechers out there, and like anywhere else, it is probably best to just ignore them. Oops, another finally! There are kinds of venues for going out as a Tperson, but in reality very few that give the Admirer and Chaser the opportunity to actually see several Tpeople all in one place.

[Empress Lainie]

[SIZE=4]The one that blew me away was a young guy that I had danced with several times one night, and at the end of the last dance he knelt in front of me and bowed his head to the floor.

If I had a sword I would have knighted him!

This guy couldn't have been over 25, I'm was 73 and he treated me like I was his age.
[/SIZE]

[MsJanessa]

Admirers are like any other guy---as any GG will tell you some guys are just plain creepy--and some are quite nice--really depends on the individual--are most of them are looking to hook up some are just more subtle about it---but if you go to any straight singles bar, most of the guys there are looking to hook up--I think it has more to do with being male, than whether you like T-Girls or GGs

[michelle_melb]

I dont know what all the fuss is about male admirers - yes i have met some creeps but i dare say they treat GG's the same way. I have also met some very kind and understanding men, one of whom impressed upon me that i was the same person whether i be in a business suit or a dress and who has since become a really good friend.
xx Michelle

[ReineD]

So the "admirers" are just objectifying me? So what? Women have been objectified sexually since the first other woman. If a man looks at me with desire does that mean there is something wrong with him? Excuse me? Am I not allowed to be desired?

What I don't understand, creepiness or non-creepiness aside, is if a TG is interested in men, presumably it is as a woman? In other words she wants to be wanted by a man who sees her as a woman (else why bother dressing)?

So why doesn't the fantasy fall apart when she also knows that the very reason an admirer wants her is because of her penis? In other words, he doesn't want to be with a woman, but with a guy in a dress. Else he'd be chasing GGs.

Maybe I'm looking at it all wrong, but if I were in that CD's shoes I would find this discouraging. Just knowing what the admirer really wants would shatter my entire reasons for expressing myself as a woman.

Does anyone know if the admirers we're talking about are also interested in post-op TSs?

[Sarah_GG]

So why doesn't the fantasy fall apart when she also knows that the very reason an admirer wants her is because of her penis? In other words, he doesn't want to be with a woman, but with a guy in a dress. Else he'd be chasing GGs.

I'm probably about to be shot down in flames here... but frankly these guys couldn't get a GG and because they know the buttons to press to get a CDer - meaning that they're only interested in getting laid - because some CDers have this desperate urge to be 'treated like a lady' when dressed, they are sitting ducks for the admirers.

I'm sorry, as a collective bunch they are odd and creepy. They are only after sex and, as their social skills are non-existent, they don't have to make any effort to get it with some CDers. I'm not saying that's wrong - some CDers only want sex too, so it all fits and everyone's happy. But that attitude brings the general tone down to a seedy level that isn't appropriate for this type of night out. This particular venue is NOT a specifically tranny gig. The frequenters "are a pretty diverse bunch of all ages - straight, gay, trans, and everything in between. It's all very tongue-in-cheek, and no-one takes themselves too seriously..."

If this event becomes swamped with 'admirers' then I, for one, am not interested in going. There are plenty of exclusively trans clubs around that aren't particularly nice places to go to for that very reason.

[Suzy Harrison]

Out in public, I get guys looking at me now and again and I'm fine with it. I'm sure most of them think I'm a GG and will just look, but will not nterfere.

However on one occasion, a taxi driver who realised I was TG, suggested he should come back to my hotel room for sex. It was as if because I was TG, I would welcome sex from any one who offered. Not nice.

[Satrana]

because some CDers have this desperate urge to be 'treated like a lady' when dressed, they are sitting ducks for the admirers.

Makes sense to me, after all what choice does a CD have if he wants to have that type of experience? It would be more risky to seek attention at a straight joint.

Also some CDs are quite happy with the fact that they are male so it is not an issue that the admirer is after them because they are hiding a penis under their skirt. They just want to feel desired and enjoy the ultimate scenario.

I think the ones who may find admirers creepy are either just expressing their heterosexuality or just don't like the attention.

T-clubs will always be pick-up joints and as more Tgirls come out of the woodwork I would expect this issue will only grow in size. If you are after something safe then normal venues would be a better choice especially for couples.

[Rogina B]

As far as my thoughts,Misty was right on! And I'll add that sometimes admirers have a fetish for some of "our look"[foundations,stockings,etc] that have gone by the wayside in the real GG world. So, we become a walking,talking ,model for them to enjoy.Something that is impossible in the real world. Enjoy the attention,it is only bad if you make it that way!

[Sarah_GG]

T-clubs will always be pick-up joints and as more Tgirls come out of the woodwork I would expect this issue will only grow in size. If you are after something safe then normal venues would be a better choice especially for couples.

Exactly. That's what I said. This venue isn't a specifically tranny night out. It's been set up as more of a dressing up and dancing night. The music is fabulous and many of the outfits amazing. The admirers just bring the tone down - they don't dress up, they don't dance and there's too many of them.

If anyone wants easy sex (and doesn't want to pay for it) there are plenty of joints geared to that end. But many of us don't.