The real feeling

[Kate Simmons]

Sometimes I think it is hard to convey to others, especially SO's how we really feel when we dress up. Many times I think they do not take us seriously or think it's some kind of kinky fetish and play along, as long as we don't do anything to threaten the relationship. It mostly involves deep feelings(sometimes feelings we feel may be "forbidden" to men as society sees it) and really getting in touch with them to the point where we have a workable self comfort level. Sometimes we don't even realize this for many years. So, tell us how you really feel when you dress and how it makes you feel about yourself and life. There are no wrong answers or expressions because it's how we feel about things that matters.

[msniki48]

Denise,

For me it is constantly wrestling with being vince [ visually] and feeling like niki.

Dressing for me creates the constant. now i see, [in the mirror] what i feel inside.

the other part of this wrestling match, is when i see people and i know they see vince....and i feel the need for them to be comfortable. Thus, i should act like vince. This has been the norm for the past 50+ yrs. so the walls build up,[ overcompensating] and so does the pressure and resentment.

when i dress in front of people [ that know me]...it is like someone released the top on the pressure cooker, no need to act like that vince guy... i can be me 100% personaity wise. [ drop the guard] there is this total feeling of contentment for me.

i do struggle when it is time to go back to looking at that guy in the mirror.

i think that question on self realization from fantasy...is my struggle, as what seems to be reality for those around me [seeing vince, and vince acting like vince] this is my fantasy [ not in a good way] but it is me putting on my act to please.

my reality, of being niki....is to them...the fantasy part. to them they feel i am in acting mode.

i do feel as close to fulfilled as i can for today, when i am dressed and free to be myself..... Niki

PS: Denise, thanks for making me think..it is really why i come here and feel comfortable here.

[Carol A]

A problem I have had no answer for 57 years, phyically I don't want to be a women but just prefer to be one (dressed). My wife of 47 years tells me it's just me and who and what I am.

As you said no right or wrong answer I don't fight the problem I just enjoy it

[suzy1]

I have two lives, Suzy and the other me. When I am not Suzy I live an exciting life. When I am Suzy I am living a very different life but it feels wonderful. I think being Suzy does relieve me of all stress and worries as well. In fact it even changes my personality. For example, when I drive the car as Suzy I even hold the gear stick in a different way! Or if someone upsets me I can get a bit bitchy. Instead of classical music I love Lady Ga Ga.
Two lives for the price of one, wow! I love being who I am.

Have fun SUZY

[Amanda Stubbs]

I am very content with both sides of my life, I have an active life as 'him' and a slowly increasing active life as Amanda. I have no desire for GRS or to go FT, so why do I dress up?I don't know, I just know, from very early childhood, it's something I've always done and I thoroughly enjoy it.

[christina marie]

i have spent the better portion of my life trying to be something i just am not,and now that i have finally found the courage to be the real me(thanks mostly to the kind people here) i dont think i have ever been happier! this is just the way i am supposed to be.why?dunno. easy?NO. confusing?yep. stressful?yep. happy?YES!

[AlsoSamantha]

I've given up trying to convey to others why it is I like to dress. It's like trying to tell someone why you like the color blue, it's just who I am.

It's not my job to make the world understand me.

[suchacutie]

This forum is most certainly a way to realize again and again that we are not alone, no matter who we are. There are already a number of posts that could have been mine for the most part.

I enjoy my masculine life and very much wish to keep it! Nonetheless there is another part of me that we now call Tina. We now realize that she's been an unidentified part of me all my life. Now that she's out in the light, we are trying to give her enough time to realize who she is and what role she will play as time goes on. We haven't figured out how to give her all the time she might need, yet, as the masculine life is very full, but we are getting there slowly.

So, for me (us?) Tina is an exploration...an adventure, really. Who is this part of me that has been lurking there all this time, but is finally free to abe herself, and that self is often so very different from the "him" that it's taking some time to get used to.

Exploration, adventure, and self-learning...the Tina experience!!!

tina

[TGMarla]

There is a myriad of feelings that I experience when dressed. One of the first that comes to mind anymore, after all these years of gender dysphoria and crossdressing is "normal".

I love to experience the gentle smell of perfume wafting across my senses, knowing that it's my own that I'm smelling. I enjoy feeling my hair cascading down my neck and past my cheeks, coming to a gentle curl near the swell of my breasts. I adore the soft textures of the delicate fabrics I'm wearing. And I smile when I sense the hug of my hosiery on my legs, and the silky smoothness that they give to them. And walking in beautiful high-heeled shoes adds to the overall sense of feminine grace I feel when all dressed up to the nines in a lovely dress. And I love the twinkle of my jewelry when I glance at my wrists, ears, or ankles. It's a true sensory banquet that brings with it a sense of peace, wholeness, comfort, and happiness that I'm experiencing moments when life is as it might have been, and perhaps should have been, had I been fortunate enough to have been female. I love it all, the dresses, the heels, the hosiery and jewelry, the pretty hair and the makeup, the perfume and the pretty fingernails, and the experience of "having" breasts.

They are experiences that are denied to us as men, which only adds to the wonderment of it all. It's no wonder we crossdress with every opportunity that comes along. There's nothing else quite like it.

[Lexine]

Every time I go en femme, the song "I Feel Pretty" from West Side Story starts playing in my mind

Seriously it's kind of an out of body experience for me, very similar to when I play my video games, and forget who I am in reality even though Lexi and Alex are quite similar in ways and different in a lot of things. It's kind of like having a personality sandbox that I can mix and match different things and see what's good so I can assimilate it into both personalities.

[Andy66]

Thanks for asking, Denise my dear. If you care to read it told from a GG's perspective: A few weeks ago I bought myself a nice men's button down shirt, the kind I would have worn in my teens and twenties. I stopped dressing boyish during my thirties partly because my control freak ex-bf didn't like it. As soon as I wore that shirt "out and about" I felt sort of nervous, wondering what people might think of me - because it's so obviously masculine. Then I started feeling more like my old self, more empowered, autonomous, assertive, wearing what I want to wear. It was pretty nice. I think I'll do it again.

p.s. I missed you.

[meleny]

I can't explain it to myself. How can I be expected to explain it so someone.

[Joanne f]

Some feelings are hard to explain ( well for me there are) but it is almost like switching something off , a bit like sitting down after a long day and saying to yourself "at last", a feeling of normality yet a pleasurable uplifting normality, a "yes this is me" feeling .
It just feels right as the pressure of fighting it (or longing for it) has been lifted.

[Kate Simmons]

Being on both sides of the "fence" brings with it a certain degree of autonomy and empowerment. When we get there, we realize we are masters ( or mistresses if you will) of our own destiny and we honestly owe no explanations to anyone by virtue of who we are unless we want to furnish them voluntarily.

[Joanne f]

Denise,
if you can walk that fence and do not mind in particular which side you fall on at any time then that is good, but if you walk on one side and desperately want to get to the other side then you know you have some climbing to do and some times that is a very high fence.

[Kate Simmons]

Understood Joanne but sometimes we realize that the "fence" only exists in our own head. Due to societal conditioning, we erect that imaginary fence for the convenience of others. Coming to that realization takes a lot of doing I'll admit, but it's nice to know when you have the power to do that.

[Joanne f]

Denise,
i think you are right on that , problem is i have always found it easier to build barriers than to knock them down

[Raychel]

It is kinda hard to explain, But for me the feeling when I put on womens clothes, is like a day at the spa, I guess, it just feels right, A time of relaxation and just feeling good.

[Sarah Doepner]

I'm still working on a lot of the feelings I get when I crossdress. One thing I would like to be able to do when I'm not dressing en femme is to allow myself to be more receptive to the sensory side of life. I do stop and smell flowers and look at pretty things, but I only get the feel of smooth soft clothing in the form of my Hawai'ian shirt collection. I don't wear jewelry or scents or have my hair fashioned in a way that makes me look nicer. I don't have the opportunity to bat long dark eyelashes or taste the lipstick.

Marla said it very well. There is an entire world of sensory input that men's wear doesn't offer. I know I'm being selfishly selective in those parts of the womens experience that I seek, avoiding the specific stresses and pains that are so much a part of a womans life. With that focus for me it is a very comfortable and calming world that I enter when I strive to emulate the look and feel of a woman. That comfort and calm has come to help me deal with the other things that fall on my plate during the other 90% of my life.

[Andy66]

I think most of us here have had to climb fences to get where we are. Just keep climbing, never give up.

[vikki2020]

I am comfortable on either side of that "fence", but I think it's has become more of a blurry line, than a divide. The best part of the feeling I get when I dress, is the lack of it! It is becoming so "normal" for me to be out dressed, that I really don't think about it. It is great to get in the comfort zone, without much effort, and it is such a natural feeling. Actually, I do prefer that side of the fence, and I try to stay close by, at least in my mind!

[Kate Simmons]

Some of us have the natural talent when it comes to enjoying the best of both worlds. The worst takes care of itself and always manages to find us regardless, so savor the best times my friends.

[RADER]

Denise:
You are correct in sating there is no rite answer.
Dressing for me is getting to feel what my wife feels, maybe a way of
getting closer to her. I do not want to become a woman, Have enough
just trying to be a Male; But I enjoy the Fell of a dress, a Bra, Slip, Panties,
etc, so does that make me a freak like some would think. My wife is totally
OK with my dressing, but it stays in the house. I would never pass anyway,
so that burden is out of the picture, But some times I do dream I could.
This Forum has opened my eyes to so many like me that I do not feel alone
in my ventures of dressing. For example, I would never under dress wearing
a bra outside, Now I do on a some what regular bases. I Thank the members
for showing that being me is OK. Rader

[Jonianne]

I have a yearning deep inside to be able to be like a female, to identify with females. I guess part of it comes from wanting to distance myself from the males I grew up with.

The males in my life were very good to me, I just did not like the lifestyle they had, I wanted no part of it. I wanted to be around tenderness, gentleness and kindness, but I was stuck as a male, in a tough Appalachian mountains male's world.

[Debutante]

Denise,
Thank you raising this question as you did. It really addreses the issue of the deeper feelings we all feel.
For us mtf crossdressers, who feel this deeper need to des and fel the wonderful feminine feelings it brings, we are often misunderstood by our SOs, friends, or family.
For me, it brings the peace of connecting with that part of myself that brings peace, beauty, contentment, and wholeness.
I feel more whole, having met the "woman within". This has been a journey for me -- from angst, shame, self-denial --and all the psychological problems that self-denial and suppression of feelings bring -- to acceptance, and more fully embrace my "inner woman".
That we MUST address this and embrace our biggest fear, is twhat all the religions an spiritual wise persons tell us is necessry to fulfill our destiny.
What we feel in our teens, 20s, and 30s, for a mtf CDer, will change as we address this woman, the feminine, and ourselves. Sometimes it is scary, and a huge problem -- sometimes we can embrace it fully more early on in our lives.
deborah

I have a yearning deep inside to be able to be like a female, to identify with females. I guess part of it comes from wanting to distance myself from the males I grew up with.

The males in my life were very good to me, I just did not like the lifestyle they had, I wanted no part of it. I wanted to be around tenderness, gentleness and kindness, but I was stuck as a male, in a tough Appalachian mountains male's world.

Very well said, Joanne! I feel the same... ven though I was brought up in the North, in Mass.

blessings,
deborah