Feminine Tells

[AKAMichelle]

I was thinking the other day about something my wife said some time back. How once I told her all of my little feminine things that I did on a daily basis made perfect sense. While it didn't change that she couldn't accept my cd'ing, but it got me thinking about all of those little things that I just accepted were me.

Here were my tells:

1. The way I crossed my legs
2. How I stood in general
3. How I use the bathroom
4. How I liked romantic movies more than any other genre.

My question is this. What tells do you have and after someone found out about you, how did they react in relation to your tells?

[StacyCD]

I'm with you on 3 & 4!

[Angelofsomekind]

She said after she found out, the satin bed sheets made sense.

[Joyously 27]

I am like #'s 1 & 4 but I cry very easily. Back in 1946 I was stationed on Treasure Island
in SFO Bay I went to see a movie "To Each His Own" with Olivia de Havilland with a couple
of Navy buddies I cried at the ending. God was I a butt of their jokes. Just a few days ago
it was on TV I did not cry, I wept.

[bredalee25]

After my wife found out she really didn't say I did anything femme to give her any indication that I dressed. The funny thing is I was gonna keep it from her because the exgirlfrind knew and couldn't handle it.

I got started again when my wife kept insisting I put her bra on. Made me wonder if my ex said something to her as they used to talk. Anyway I've been dressing eversince.

[Deborah Jane]

I just checked, apparently in guy mode I have nothing feminine about me.

[Madilyn A.]

[SIZE="3"]My wife picked up while we dated, on my attention to detail regarding other women's make up, and her make up. My comments about stockings and lingerie. My sensitivity at weddings, movies, funerals. My attention to my own male grooming. The real giveaway though was while on our honeymoon, I bought her stockings and a garterbelt. She said if you like them so much, you wear them, and I did, for the rest of the honeymoon.[/SIZE]

[Laura Evans]

All four apply to me plus more sensitive to womens issues, feelings, etc... the last is what attracted my gf to me and was the most telling of all.

[lacie]

I dated my now wife for about 6 months before I told her that I crossdressed. So she had plenty of time to study me. When I finally told her she immediatley said, "But your so manly and macho..." I do cry easy however.

[Sheila]

I just checked, apparently in guy mode I have nothing feminine about me.

Not quite what I said ............... or rather meant ........... you are the same person in whatever mode you dress, kind, caring, loving, with a wicked sense of humour, honest, loyal, decent, a brilliant parent, a fantastic loving partner, you don't kick dogs or cats, will help old ladies across the road, curse at drivers that get in your way in either male or fem dress ............... in short you are you ....... you are also annoying, stubborn and an A$$ in whatever dress mode & I love you in either dress mode &

[sherri52]

mostly in how I talk and present myself
I get along with everyone but relate with the women on too many aspects
I wear mostly fem clothing
and while out i'm always complementing a woman on her shoes, blouse, etc
Although I have my manly side the fem side always shows through

[AKAMichelle]

This subject keeps me thinking about it constantly. I wonder what people who don't know us pick up on. Are we telling others that we are different long before they find out we are crossdressers?

[Chloe Renee]

My SO tells me all the time to "stop being so girly." The little things I don't notice are apparent to her. My movements, and body language has become more femme as I stopped trying to overcompensate.
In the process of I have lost a couple of clients. They thought I was gay, if they are that closed minded, I don't want to work with them.

[Persephone]

This subject keeps me thinking about it constantly. I wonder what people who don't know us pick up on. Are we telling others that we are different long before they find out we are crossdressers?

I sometimes figure I have so many "tells" when attempting to pass en drab that I might as well have "crossdresser" tattooed on my forehead, except that I would hate the way it looked, even if it was in pretty script.

My spouse claims that my femme self took over 85% of me quite some time ago.

I don't remember a time when I didn't sit with my legs crossed, and it goes on and on from there.

I find that them that wants to see it, sees it, and them that don't usually actually don't seem to notice, or, at the very least, they don't seem to really care, so the 15% or so of me that is still attached to guy world goes off and does "his" thing with his misogynist guy friends (as well as his non-misogynist guy friends) and sometimes hangs out "with the guys."

What's really important to me is what Popeye said, "I am what I am and that's all that I am!"

Yeah, sometimes, Michelle, I do think about it, just like you are saying you do, and then I either go off and have my nails done or go off and have a beer and don't worry too much about it.

No doubt, it just doesn't matter and your friends and family love you for the sum total of who you are.

Kathi Lake's profound post recently said it all,

That's kind of where I was going. People know. I guarantee it. It's not just the acrylics. It's not just the long hair. It's not the clothes and the body that is obviously feminine (unless they make guys 4-inch wedges - which would be very cool). What it is is the reason why you are accepted wherever you go, however you present yourself. You accept yourself. Barbara, you are one of the most gender-fluid people I know. You seem to have the ability to "shape shift" as you call it by adding or removing articles of clothing/makeup in order to fit into a category that you have created. I will step outside the boundaries of what I usually do and give advice. All I have to ask is this; are those boundaries totally necessary?

As I said, the people around you - the people you know in various "spheres" - already know Barbara, just as much as they know your male persona. Barbara is a big part of you. Barbara is not so much female as feminine. You are just more overt about it than a majority of us. That may be due in part to your wonderful accepting wife. I think that deep down she knows that her husband will always be the wonderful man she married, even if he does go to the salon more than she does.

Her acceptance, and the acceptance of your ladies group and all those others that know you- truly know you as you are - have allowed you to grow into the balanced person you are now. Congratulations my friend, you have arrived.



Kathi

P.S. - "Tells" is a word with interesting origins -- are you by chance an avid card player? Does the name S. W. Erdnase mean anything to you?

[eluuzion]

This subject keeps me thinking about it constantly. I wonder what people who don't know us pick up on. Are we telling others that we are different long before they find out we are crossdressers?

Well, I consult with people on these issues in my business. I can confidently say that most people are not very observant, and do not pay attention to details. For example...try and describe what the last person you talked to face to face was wearing?

Now when it comes to a relationship partner, the odds begin to turn against you. Women are more meticulous about minor detail in general, but the longer the partnership, the more both partners develop a "sixth sense" with each other.

You know, when your partner says "I felt like something was wrong" or "I can tell something is bothering you" or "you just don't seem like yourself today". Those feelings are real. Any relationship counselor will tell you that if you have those feelings your spouse is being unfaithful, you will almost always be correct.

So, yes they notice. But that does not mean they let you know...it just means that you are no longer the only one playing games. It has just become "fun for the whole family"...lol

[Loni]

very number three, i do cry for a good movie, but i do not go out of my way to see a romantic movie.
i tend to not cross my legs to much but yes to this number one, and yes i do tend to stand with my feet together. so yes to number two.

#1 yes

#2 yes

#3 yes

#4kinda.

.

[Angiemead12]

well my SO said that in general when im male im effeminate and when im dressed im really girly!

But I balance off with a little partying, racing, and sports!

[Staci G]

I sometimes open my mouth when I should shut it, like at the department store when I let my wife know which pantyhose are the better buy. I am also sensitive in either mode I cry at the drop of a hat. I have been told though by those that know Staci I am much easier to get along with as Staci.

[Terrihoney]

I am more emotional than most men and tend to cry easy. Otherwise, my SO still can't believe I dress, as I'm 'too much a man'. I've always kept male friends a bit distant, I can bond with female friends.

Hugs, Terri

[Kate Simmons]

Beats me Hon. I don't have any "tells" in femme mode that I know of. If I do they are in someone else's head not mine. It is what it is ya know?

[Anneliese]

I have ALWAYS crossed my legs. It's the only way to be comfortable, and always has been.

I cry easily, especially at the movies. I remember when I was married, and the Challenger exploded. I was devastated. Tears were streaming down my face. The ex, who was a very beautiful, but rough, (and sex-addicted) trailer park blonde, was furious with me, calling me a "sissy" and a "baby", over and over.

Although I like some romantic movies, I'm really into character studies, which your standard macho man would label a "chick flick". I've NEVER been attracted to explosions, gun battles, and car crashes, which make up a large portion of the standard Hollywood movies out there. I think 99.9% of them are complete crap! I like movies like "You Can Count on Me" (could name many more), but my absolute favorite of the last ten years is, without question, "Hedwig and the Angry Inch".

[AKAMichelle]

My SO tells me all the time to "stop being so girly." The little things I don't notice are apparent to her. My movements, and body language has become more femme as I stopped trying to overcompensate.
In the process of I have lost a couple of clients. They thought I was gay, if they are that closed minded, I don't want to work with them.

I know what you mean about clients. I worry a little about that, but sense most of my clients have never met me it is easier for me. Until you get to talking with some of them and I bet some can tell. The other day I was talking to a woman about manicures and pedicures. I told her that I had had both before, just not lately. She told me that her husband would never do that. We started comparing notes as to what her husband did and what I did and we were very different. that is what got me thinking about the little things we do which no one would pay attention to much, but together they become like a tell. Broadcasting to the world that we are different. They may not why, but they know.

In fact a week or so ago, I was talking with an employee for a client and she mentioned that she was doing 4 Mary Kay Makeovers that weekend. I almost asked a bunch of questions about what she did during those makeovers. I was even more tempted to ask her to do a makeover on me. I knew better and kept my mouth shut.

[mapletree]

i guess i might add a few more tells maybe?
5. crying at movies
6. sorting laundry
7. cleaning the oven
8. going through my closset

[StephanieDragg]

I think I had the same tells except I was very aware of the leg crossing I think so made sure never to sit like that, but the other 3 yes for sure

[Anneliese]

Something I noticed as a child, regarding leg crossing, was that it was considered effeminate everywhere EXCEPT tv talk-shows, such as the Tonight Show. There, everyone but the manliest men have ALWAYS sat with their legs crossed. Sort of the Tonight Show exemption.