Feminine Tells

[Frédérique]

The way I crossed my legs
How I stood in general
How I use the bathroom
How I liked romantic movies more than any other genre.

[SIZE="2"]My favorite “feminine tell” is when I turn away from obviously male behavior and seek activities that are more in keeping with my gentle nature. I notice this when I talk to anyone – I bend the conversation away from normal, meaningless banter and push it towards thought process, using memory and observation to link seemingly disparate events. It may not seem to be obviously feminine, but this simple technique puts real-world people back on their heels, letting them know I’m not in the peer group they are concerned with. My values are completely different, and it all has to do with my barely hidden feminine qualities influencing everything I say or think about doing…

Oh, and I also cross my legs at the knee, wear clothes that aren’t anything like the accepted norm, I’m discrete and quiet at all times (boys like noise, you know), and I also prefer the genre of romance above all others. I need to point out that the latter can be written as well as visual… [/SIZE]

[marthaCD]

My SO from time to time who knows I dress says things like "your such a girl" especially when I am watching my weight and I respond "why thank you"

[anouk]

My wife didn't have no idea, in spite of my numerous minimal "indications" in my behaviour and even some information told by relatives and neighbours.

[Annaliese2010]

My question is this. What tells do you have and after someone found out about you, how did they react in relation to your tells?

Dyu mean tell-tales? I've always had a bunch of little ones; enough to make everyone think I was 'difrent' when growing up but not enuf to find me out.

01. I love chocolate0
02. I'm too chatty, impressionable & emotional (I cry sometimes)
03. Am more comfortable with other women
04. Feel uncomfortable & out of place when w/a bunch of guys
05. I'm into details, just naturally so
06. Am probably too opinionated, sensitive and caring
07. I have too much intrest in sex
08. If I don't watch it my voice will drift up esp. when excited
09. I love chick movies and have to run out to the lobby to "get candy" so I don't get caught balling my eyes out (like in Titanic)
10. It's a chore to be "into" sports - at least enuf to fool everyone that I'm really not
11. I'm totally non-violent; belong to PETA & Sierra Club; never hunted - don't want to
12. Am touchy-feely; like to hug; am sensuous; am a romantic most definitely; I'm as a strnger in a strange land; I belong in another century (1700's?)
13. I'm fastidious
14. And superstitious - which is why I didn't end the list at "13"

[Brandi Wyne]

Most of my "tells" were related to my grooming. Shaved all over, longer and painted nails, using some light foundation most days, things like that. When I outed, well let's just say the genie wasn't going back in the bottle.

[Abbey Lane]

I cry at movies.
I sit on the bowl.
I occassionally cross my legs.

I wear womens underwear all the time she accepts that. I tell her it's more comfortable.

I do the laundry. Fold her undies, fold her pantihose, fold her bras.
I keep the house clean.
Started to pluck my eye brows to get all the white hairs out I tell her.

Maybe deep down inside she may suspect I do crossdress since she seen videos of me years ago doing a skit. Plus in college dressing up as a girl. So maybe she knows but keeps her mouth shut. But I play in the dirty, go to all the football and basketball games and she loves the jock / masculine side of me. But humm wonder if she does suspect cause of these fem issues....until she mentions something I won't know.

[Mickeytgurl]

Dyu mean tell-tales? I've always had a bunch of little ones; enough to make everyone think I was 'difrent' when growing up but not enuf to find me out.

01. I love chocolate0
02. I'm too chatty, impressionable & emotional (I cry sometimes)
03. Am more comfortable with other women
04. Feel uncomfortable & out of place when w/a bunch of guys
05. I'm into details, just naturally so
06. Am probably too opinionated, sensitive and caring
07. I have too much intrest in sex
08. If I don't watch it my voice will drift up esp. when excited
09. I love chick movies and have to run out to the lobby to "get candy" so I don't get caught balling my eyes out (like in Titanic)
10. It's a chore to be "into" sports - at least enuf to fool everyone that I'm really not
11. I'm totally non-violent; belong to PETA & Sierra Club; never hunted - don't want to
12. Am touchy-feely; like to hug; am sensuous; am a romantic most definitely; I'm as a strnger in a strange land; I belong in another century (1700's?)
13. I'm fastidious
14. And superstitious - which is why I didn't end the list at "13"

Annaliese,
I am with you on almost all of these. There are a couple I would phrase differently and I will outline those, but I would throw out another idea for everyone to ponder. These seem to be common. In other words, there seem to be some personality traits that are very frequent in those of us prone to cross. I am in a profession that requires a great deal of very expensive training. There has been an effort for many years to identify those that exhibit certain personality traits in order to predict success and aptitude for it. The list is fairly short, but it does include controlling, narcissistic, perfectionist, preoccupation with sex, and a very compartmentalized emotional state.As a group, we don't "do" bumper stickers. The persistent problem is the chicken and egg argument. Does the training and work create the personality, or vice versa? At any rate, here is my list of traits that could be tied to being a CD based on yours:

1. Chocolate is the bane of my existence. I cannot live without it, but it is a direct contradiction to my trying to maintain a low body fat. There is nothing--absolutely nothing that beats the "mouth feel" of a well made chocolate. I would expand the trait to say "enhanced sensuality". My wife says my sense of smell is far beyond that of most men. Smells elicit strong emotions for me, whether calming, agitating, or arousing. Some of the most sensual for me are well worn vegetable tanned leather, fresh dark earth, cloves, plumerias, certain lillies, Victoria's Secret "Very Sexy: The same applies to deep rich colors and music that is, for an audio neophyte such as my self, best described simply as "big". For touch, I love natural fabrics...wool, silk, suede.

2. I'd split this one. On the one hand, I tend to be very expressive verbally. I talk too much, I control conversations, and I reveal too much--at times just to see reactions and ultimately to figure out how to manipulate and control. It is who I am, and I understand it and know it well. It has taken me years to get it under control to the point where I can use it as a tool.

I am also very empathetic versus emotional. I do have a quick temper and will tear up in a heart beat, but I seem to be able to sense and react very easily to what other people are feeling. It drives my wife nuts that I connect so easily with women and that I seem to find the "buttons" that make those relationships too close too quickly. It doesn't work as well with men because most are more closed off...but it does work, particularly if they are under some kind of emotional stress. Did I mention that I tend to be a bit manipulative?

3. See above. I am fascinated with women. The way they smell, the way they move, the way they feel. I am thrilled with the illusion that I can create, but it is not a desire to "be", only to emulate. Most of my close friends are women.

4. Discomfort with men. Not really a problem for me, although I find many male groups shallow and crude. I definitely have and share very masculine interests, but the emotional barriers that most men throw up kind of blunt my senses.

5. Details. I would agree that I am attuned to certain details. Emotional states, body language and facial expressions among people. The meaning of language rather than the detail. I pick up on what people mean rather than how they say it or write it. I am very theory oriented with math and science, but cannot deal with monotony of the detail work. I actually tend to let far too many "details" slip. Never ever ask me to proofread something for spelling or grammar.


6. Ditto--see #2

7. No kidding! Of course that is a trait in my professional group as well. So is a tendency for adultery and failed marriages. The solution my wife (not the first) and I found has been absolute and complete openess--attraction, flirts, temptations and activities.

8. I have a very androgynous voice unless I am mic'd, then it drifts lower in volume and tone.

9. I enjoy flicks that are emotionally involving, whether they are action or "chick flicks". "Feel good" flicks are very welcome. "Serendipity" was great for a warm feeling. The problem with most flicks is that they are simply to predictable.

I'm afraid that is where our similarities end. I am extremely competitive, and love participating in sports. I do NOT enjoy watching them, however, and I tend to enjoy individual challenges more than team events. I am absolutely not a pacifist in any way shape or form. Okay, I would prefer that people get along, but one of my male hobbies is weapons. I am neither superstitious or religious, and unfortunately, I am a slob.


Too funny...my wife has been reading over my shoulder. She notes that there seems to be a difference in what we are all expressing depending on how we feel about dressing as a whole. She notes that my dressing is an expression of my sensuality and that my competitiveness is what drives me to make the illusion as complete as possible. She also notes that even my answers seem "masculine"

Long winded enough for you?

[Ingrid1999]

I generally do well maintaining my long practiced public male persona. And not all of it is a performance, i like beer, football cars etc. And girls, just not like most guys do

1. A whole lot of things on Annelise's list. Except Im not superstitious, but I do belive in Karma, and Im not completely non violent- but I dont belive in harming animals or hunting (animal crulety is on my short list of unforgivables)

2. I have a list of unforgivables.
3. I belive in beauty, style and grace; and if something along those lines comes up I cant keep my mouth shut about it.
4. I have opinions about womens clothes -- see above
5. I can get bitchy, sometimes
6. I am a complete softy and I can catch myself gushing
7. The leg crossing thing.
8 A bunch of femenine gestures and body language that my mother did her best to beat out of me. And I still try to conceal but once I relax or get comfortable come out.
9. Chick flicks
10. Girlfriends, and not the kind guys are supposed to have. Which leads to one of my biggest tells ...
11. Meeting a new girlfriend! When I meet a woman who is a kindred spirit and we connect or "hit it off" the girl in me steps right up, pushes my male persona hard to the side and takes over.
12 Attraction to lesbians, not "hot chicks" who play with girls, but Riot Grrls, Butch femmes and sports dykes.
13. I get crushes on girls. Most people cant tell, but one of my close guy friends can.

I pass among men very well, and Ive always been accepted by the guys without question. Ive only rarely been hit on by guys. But women have sussed me out a number of times. A few have assumed I am gay, but a couple have pegged me like I was wearing a sign on my chest.

[tess graham]

Michelle, so what is wrong with romantice chick movies???? They are my favorite too. : ) Tess

[Cheryl T]

Here were my tells:

1. The way I crossed my legs
2. How I stood in general
3. How I use the bathroom
4. How I liked romantic movies more than any other genre.

My question is this. What tells do you have and after someone found out about you, how did they react in relation to your tells?

I have been told I cross my legs the feminine way...but my comeback is that I have problems with my knees and am uncomfortable crossing them any other way.
Other than that I don't think I have any "tells".

[Kate17]

I was one who had tried to hide it from my self and my wife for years but when I did tell her she said it was sooo obvious. I crossed my legs when I sat, cried at sad movies, sat to pee, shaved my legs and arms.

[Perlita85]

Most pople that come in contact with me notice my fem manerism, clothing, perfum, etc. For my friends and kids is just the way I am. People notice that I love to listen, to take care of babies, care of sick people, arrange flower vases, herb gardens, chick movies, shoping, chatting. Yet, when the need arises, I can be a fearless chick. The other day my oldest boy coem in the middle of the night saying tha somebody was outside his window; her mother was frightened, and so were the little ones. I grab my flashlight and my gun, and went outside, and notbody was there. I trun around to coment to 18th year old boy, but he was not there; it turn out I was outside alone!!! I went inside and ask him why he did not come out, his answer was "what if somebody was here. Well I realize, that despite his 6 feet 180 pounds macho frame, he is still a little boy. I felt happy that I could provided them security and comfort. I think that been TS/TG make us stronger that GG and GM

[Annaliese2010]

Annaliese,
I am with you on almost all of these. There are a couple I would phrase differently and I will outline those, but I would throw out another idea for everyone to ponder. These seem to be common. In other words, there seem to be some personality traits that are very frequent in those of us prone to cross...The persistent problem is the chicken and egg argument. Does the training and work create the personality, or vice versa?

I'm thinking that yes, these probably are shared traits among TG peeps. I like the way you've generalized some of these to include a broader category of experience or behavior. And IMO it's the egg first i.e. it's in there - there's something constitutional to begin with (genetic) - though it's interactive too i.e. depends on local influences in time and/or where one chooses to focus one's attention. Although there does seem to be a subset of TG's who have a much stronger internal feminine proclivity, which says to me...the neural (or neurohormonal) systems that underlie the cross-tendancy are much more pronounced or well-defined in them - and as such, less amenable to change or reversal, while for the rest of us there is a kind of plasticity to the thing where you can bring it out by attending to it, or minimize it by not. At least that's my experience as I feel no overriding need to express my feminine side; feel no pain or frustration if I don't; yet remain free to become the girl in me for other reasons when it helps to do so - either to indulge myself or to deal with broader problems, as a kind of escape and to see it all from a different perspective.

1. Chocolate is the bane of my existence...I would expand the trait to say "enhanced sensuality". My wife says my sense of smell is far beyond that of most men. Smells elicit strong emotions for me, whether calming, agitating, or arousing...

Yes I too have a keen sensitivity to smell though not touch necessarily - but I do see where that fits and could very well accompany smell as part of a generalized increase in sense acuity as it may be present in you and others of our kind. But chocolate...yea...gotta have it! Feel guilty buying it or admitting I like it so much - and afraid how it's SUCH a tell!

2. I'd split this one. On the one hand, I tend to be very expressive verbally. I talk too much, I control conversations, and I reveal too much...It has taken me years to get it under control to the point where I can use it as a tool.

Yes! I reveal waaay too much - even as part of me is thinking "um, no DON'T!". When I talk I'm more often than not, like...NOT just jabbering on...I mean, it's real thoughtful stuff actually. Insightful, applicable to the moment and person. Helpful - by my estimation anyways. And it just comes - not like I have to think much ahead of time. Of course...that self-assessment may just be MY bias and lack of objectivity speaking so...IDK. But...I really like your "tool" concept. I am awfully apolitical and non-manipulative - at least not consciously so. My problem is I don't think first before I speak. Sometimes I wonder though.

I am also very empathetic versus emotional. I do have a quick temper and will tear up in a heart beat, but I seem to be able to sense and react very easily to what other people are feeling...

Hahaha...yep that's me too. Very empathetic, sympathetic, caring - you name it. But also can be dark and temperamental. From such heights to such depths - it's hard to describe or appreciate the true breadth and scope of my emotional landscape. No, I'm not manic-depressive because I have control and an ever greater ability in time, to lean towards the mean of my existence. I'll never approximate the population average but I don't really want to. I like myself and being 3 standard deviations from the mean is just fine with me.

3. See above. I am fascinated with women. The way they smell, the way they move, the way they feel. I am thrilled with the illusion that I can create, but it is not a desire to "be", only to emulate. Most of my close friends are women.

Oh GOD yeah! I love women and everything about them. I'd just as soon not live if there weren't any women. I NEED to be near one, to talk and laugh and interact on a regular basis - or I'd get listless, weak and maybe even wither and die. It's an aura thing, I think. I need the influence - even that had by casual friendships or chance encounters - to get that smile, feel the heat of her attention on me, close enough for our aura's to touch, to feed, to feel the energy - the lift - to have some reason to be - and likewise to be sensitive to her need - to give, provide, to satisfy - remove her pain & suffering, whatever that might be - is somehow...validating. (I bet it's easy to tell how it's been too long since I got laid, eh...lol)

4. Discomfort with men. Not really a problem for me, although I find many male groups shallow and crude. I definitely have and share very masculine interests...

Well...the guy in me does too, I must confess. Was speaking from this my feminine pov - which is...how shall I put it...not so entrenched either way...so...exactly how I am seems to gradually shift and change...it's all so....liquid.

5. Details. I would agree that I am attuned to certain details. Emotional states, body language and facial expressions among people. The meaning of language rather than the detail. I pick up on what people mean rather than how they say it or write it. I am very theory oriented with math and science, but cannot deal with monotony of the detail work...

Math & science huh? We are of a kindred spirit then - I suspected as much. I understand what you're saying about meaning and significance - it's the content not the conduit; the signal - not its medium nor detailed mechanism. Yes, indeed - same for me. WRT human interactions, it's always been easy for me to "see inside" someone - to put the puzzle together - decipher motive and intent - the code that exists between the lines, in and around the symbols that carry it. Because everyone (including me, I'm sure) has a way of revealing themself - even in the most understated and casual way - yet it's all there - enough raw data to beck-engineer - to reassemble - and in your minds-eye, watch the hologram appear. What we transmit, even while trying to hide - is like a give-away - okay, right - a "tell" - in so many ways too - subconsciously so perhaps? I don't try to read people - and not that I always am able to - but quite often enough...it just happens. Like I'm cursed with a special kind of vision or built-in integrator that can automatically sift thru all the b.s., identify what's real and put it together to form the pic - or at least a good approximation.

9. I enjoy flicks that are emotionally involving, whether they are action or "chick flicks". "Feel good" flicks are very welcome. "Serendipity" was great for a warm feeling. The problem with most flicks is that they are simply to predictable.

Very well put. Yep, that's it.

I'm afraid that is where our similarities end. I am extremely competitive, and love participating in sports. I do NOT enjoy watching them, however, and I tend to enjoy individual challenges more than team events. I am absolutely not a pacifist in any way shape or form. Okay, I would prefer that people get along, but one of my male hobbies is weapons. I am neither superstitious or religious, and unfortunately, I am a slob.

Quite right actually. For my guy side is extremely competitive - it's what makes it all so much fun. To be the best - to beat the other guy - or to at least try and be the best you can be and appreciate how good he or she really is, over you - in what you do professionally, anyways. To reach - to achieve - to aspire then succeed... What a feeling.

Too funny...my wife has been reading over my shoulder. She notes that there seems to be a difference in what we are all expressing depending on how we feel about dressing as a whole. She notes that my dressing is an expression of my sensuality and that my competitiveness is what drives me to make the illusion as complete as possible. She also notes that even my answers seem "masculine"

Aww... She sounds so cool! Wow, you're a lucky girl, I just gotta say. Would that this were the case for me... Um...she got a sister or close friend by chance?

Long winded enough for you?

I get your point and yeah...quite.

[Miley]

My wife come to know I was a CD at a very early stage of our relationship, although there was nothing that would have let her know as i come across as just 'a nice guy'. After I come out to her some things made more sense, like how I had such great taste for female clothes...hehehe. This is still one of the things she loves about me coz we can shop together as girlfriends and husband and wife, although she always gets first dibs..lol.