Just had that long-dreaded "little chat" with my wife. Exhausted, drained, hurt, ashamed, anxious... but at least I feel a little less dishonest now. Mind you, I have ten years of secrecy to make up for.
Huge thanks to Marla GG for her sticky thread on coming out to your partner. It made a huge difference. My wife didn't like it, that's for sure, but I managed to avoid saying anything too dumb or self-absorbed. I watched her going through several stages of shock and pain knowing that it was far worse for her than me. She didn't rant at me or say anything deliberately hurtful. Well, I couldn't have hoped for more really. One thing she said shocked me though: she said she wouldn't have minded as much if I had had an affair! That seems far worse to me. I hope she didn't mean it.
Now it's up in the air. I've asked her not to make any decisions in a hurry, but it's plain she's wondering whether to stay with me or not. I suppose the negotiations will begin. What could she live with and what she couldn't. What do I need, now that I've forced the door of the closet? One problem is that I don't know to what extent I'm TS or just a CD. It isn't really the clothes that interest me, it's the body that I care about. In fact, it's the legs and underarm shaving that are the crux of the matter. She said she suspects I've decided to move in "a new direction". I guess she's right, but I have no idea how far I need to go.
Wow, life sure ain't dull for us guys eh?