[SIZE="3"]Hey, It's summer. Time to do manly stuff like boating and fishing and cleaning up the yard, and BBQing outdoors, and fixing up the race car, and going to the beach with the family. Wait till fall when the weather turns a little cold and windy and staying inside becomes much more fun and see if that old desire to dress up doesn't come back![/SIZE]
Lynn Marie
Click here to see me on Flickr
Very interesting to read this thread after a day of deep pondering on my own gender issues. Spent most of the day today on the internet doing deep research on various aspects of crossdressing, transgender, and transexual issues. Basically digging for the who am I, and what should I do about it answers.
Sandra's Darwinian path in brief:
- At a very young age I can recall trying on mom's shoes and garments, putting on makeup, ect. I dont recall the specific age, but I do know that it was young. This was followed by a few years of absence amidst masculine programming.
- In my puberty days it picked up again, although at the time I can recall it was associated primarily with "self exploration." Again it dropped off for a while amidst a few more years of masculine programming.
(Side note: I refer to masculine programming, because I grew up in an environment where I can recall something as simple and natural feeling as holding my wrists limp was corrected out of me. "Dont do that you look gay..." Just one example, but I'm sure if I hadnt diluted most of my memories with drugs and alcohol I would remember more.)
- Next came my teens. I went from straight laced nerd, to oy oy punk rocker, to a deep confused goth. It was during this period that I found myself identifying myself with a band that is pretty well known for presenting themselves in skirts, white powdered faces, and red lipstick. It only took once wearing a skirt over my pants with some red lipstick to the mall to be discovered by a family friend. The back lash resulted in a severe tongue lashing and being forced to shave my nice long black lofty hair and bleaching what was left. Again it dropped off for a while amidst a few more years of masculine programming.
- Needless to say it dropped off for along time as I was fully assimilated into my male life. This came with lots of depression, lots of drugs and alcohol, not finishing school, failed jobs, and failed relationships. It was sometime in my early 30s that I found myself drawn back in. Splurge followed by purge. New fiancée followed by another breakup. Splurge followed by purge. New fiancée followed by another breakup. And so here I sit. The biggest thing to change is I know now why for so many many years I was so confused. When it came to me it was like the Brooklyn Bridge had been lifted from my shoulders. I have no idea what the future holds for me. Will I out myself to friends and family? I know that I am not just a recreational crossdresser and am most likely trans to some or all degrees but will I transition?
This was not an attempt to answer the question you asked directly, but rather reinforce the idea that when it comes to sexuality and gender there are so many individual considerations. Should you feel bad because dressing does not thrill you anymore? Absolutely not. Will it come back for you again? For some yes, for others no.
I dont agree with the comments made that identified crossdressing with addictions. It goes a lot deeper than recreational or fetish for some of us. I cant just give this up and I will focus on quitting smoking loooong before I attempt to address my gender as an ailment or sickness.
Last edited by SandraAbsent; 06-29-2010 at 01:29 AM. Reason: fixin stuff
Life inside the music box ain't easy
The malots hit the gears are always turning
And everyone inside the mechanism
Is yearning
To get out
http://sandra-absent.blogspot.com
I think the key phrase above is "for some of us". Heck, quite possibly MOST of YOU; myself, I don't identify quite that strongly. Indeed, for me, CD'ing is more akin to an addiction, I definitely get a rush from it. But I have admiration and respect for those for whom it is so much more. PS....love your pic in your "first time" blog post: keep writing!Originally Posted by SandraAbsent
Anneliese, I couldn't have said it better :
CDing fullahead ...Damn ,this is FUN
twitter : @ lindaesj
Lilli I am sure that you touched a nerve with this post. You certainly struck one with me. I am struggling, with a knot in my stomach almost constantly, since getting caught with my wife's lipstick last week. We have been together for ten years, and she is the love of my life, a radiant and beautiful soul who has helped me let go of my fears and open my heart. She has known about my crossdressing since early on, initially accepting/enjoying it, then becoming repulsed and asking me to keep it out of her sight. We have co-existed like that, and I have had long periods (sometimes a year or more) of not dressing, although I doubt a day ever goes by when I don't think about it and wish for it. She asked me to keep it away from her, period.
But this lipstick episode seems to be different, and now she is questioning whether she can accept it. We are going to get therapy.
I should say that I have erotic/masturbatory compulsion with it sometimes, more often than not, I find relaxation and emotional freedon, like a weight being lifted. This sense of relief is always the case, even if I am also having an erotic episode. In those instances, I stay in my clothes and makeup afterwards, as long as I can. I sleep in my lingerie whenever I can.
I always keep it away from my wife, so she doesn't know it's going on. I don't tell her afterwards, so it is clear to me now in hindsight that she was thinking that I had given up the behavior. Her frame of mind now is that I have something like an addiction that I should be able to control. She no doubt takes it personally that I keep doing it, especially since I masturbate sometimes.
So my whole focus now is on why I do it, why I need to continue this behavior that is so upsetting to my wife. Can I control it? I get anxious just thinking about trying to forget about it. This must be how herion addicts feel when they are confronted.
Can I really control this? I am afraid I can't. Am I broken? I want to know what the right thing to do is. I don't want to kid myself; I want to be a responsible person and a loving husband.
It's a good thing we're getting professional help.
I want to tell both Lilli and Selena, two sisters who seem to be on opposite ends in the continuum: hang in thereWould tell you each in private message but I think you each need 10 posts first. So keep posting! Especially you Lilli, no matter the resistance you might sense. Sometimes everybody seems so darn serious, I feel lucky that I'm in it for the fun. But I do have my issues and want to say, thanks to this community for embracing me, an ugly duckling fetish dresser. This place is truly remarkable.
...among most of the crossdressers here that the urge to indulge in this activity is a life sentence with no time off for good behavior - especially if we commit "fashion crimes" in the process. And the periodic purging that most of us have done at one time or another to "cleanse" ourselves of our obsession is about as effective as trying to push a piece of rope uphill.
So when life hands you a lemon, the best response is to make lemonade...
For me it comes and goes. I went 2 years once without dressing and thought I was "over it". After that it came back stronger than ever. With that said, i had the opportunity Friday to dress,the wife was at work and kids were gone, and I dressed up completely but without make up. I sat there on my bed and thought, "this is a little silly" and went and undressed.
Yes I believe I will always be a crossdresser because I've not known anything else .As I am getting older it seems more important to me to be able to find some time to express myself the way I would like to without ridicule and fear.I hope that if I just "go slow" then maybe my dreams will come true.If not then at least having those dreams has been some of the funPattie
Not according to most members here. But, I'm guessing that if a CD does lose interest, he'll not be here posting.
The opinions here may be biased. There are 35,600 members at cd.com. Current members (logged in within 3 months) number 7,900. Where's the other 78% of the membership?
Reine
This is true, if a member loses interest in being a cd, they will also lose interest in making posts (or logging in) in this forum.
Or maybe, there is not much more to say, because a lot of threads get repeated.
As for growing out of it - not sure about that. I have learnt to accept that I am me and see nothing wrong with crossdressing.
Whenever I have worn a skirt in male mode, there have never been any issues at all.
It never goes away been dressing over 50 years, feels better some days!
Try adding a zero.
Come back after 500 years and tell us whether the desire is still there!
Whenever I have worn a skirt in male mode, there have never been any issues at all.
Dont ever think about stopping! Myself im a closet cd forever, but if u can be dressed and out about sport it girls!
I agree that it is something which is innate within us. I was dressed as a girl and sexually abused by my older female cousin when I was a small boy, 6-7-8, and remembered it vividly for the rest of my life. Even though it wasn't until I was past 40 that I got into circumstances which made me realize that cross-dressing was a missing part of my life, remembering those incidents gave me an intense sexual "rush." Maybe if this was still the moral climate of the 1950's I wouldn't have done anything about it, but it would always have been there.we all have cycles OF DRESSING OR NOT, I've been dressing for 58 yrs,and believe me the older you get the more intense the urge, during the course of my life I've had periods of not wanting to dress but it still comes back,again and again, eventually you learn to embrace and love it
I always feel very privileged,that I was born this way as we that dress get to see both sides of the coin
Yes we are born cross dressers ,like most people who started at a very early age it cannot be deemed sexual as most haven't reached puberty ,I myself was only 5 yrs old and didn't even know anything about sex, we might get excited when we dress up ,but so do many GGs
And up until today's date even the best doctors and medical professors cannot explain why we do it
All I will say is we are a more loving ,caring,and considerate type of male
J-JAY
Of course, like many people who come to realization in middle age, and are correspondingly more inclined to endless self-analysis, I have purged on at least three occasions, but the old phrase is true, you cannot purge the urge. And, every time I've purged (and of course gotten older) the more intense the impulse to dress has been once I've gotten my wardrobe and wigs and makeup restored.
It is highly unlikely that a CD will "grow out of it". It is much more likely that one's feelings about dressing and being dressed will change over time. My experience has been
that being en femme is not as "exciting" but is more pleasurable and is an important part of who I am.
Hugs, Carole
[SIZE="3"]This is definatly true, as it has happened to me.
Once a dresser allways a Dresser[/SIZE]
[SIZE="3"] Mandy xx[/SIZE][SIZE="3"]Dont knock it, till youve tried it[/SIZE]
[SIZE="3"]Qualified & Insured Waxing Therapist[/SIZE]
Hey, It's summer. Time to do manly stuff like boating and fishing and cleaning up the yard, and BBQing outdoors, and fixing up the race car, and going to the beach with the family. Wait till fall when the weather turns a little cold and windy and staying inside becomes much more fun and see if that old desire to dress up doesn't come back!
__________________
Lynn Marie
You are kidding, right?
Hugs, Carole
I have been dressing since I was about 12, and multiple times I have gotten the urge to stop, for whatever reason, getting caught, relationships, career. However even though I usually purge and try to go cold turkey, something always draws me back. I'll start off again with just a thong and bra, then skirts, make-up, wig and so on and so on untill I'm in full dress at a club, bouncing my boobs to the beat. (fake ofcorse) I have decided not to purge anymore, just store it away if I want to take a break. Plus Mac make-up is to expensive to toss...lol
mmmmhhhmmmmm
I must have done more than I initially remember. When putting on foundation, the smell takes me back to when I was very young and even very vague memories of wearing “moms” high heels, approx 6 years old? Fast forward 6 years and I am trying on tights and stockings for the first time, why, I don’t know. Another few years later I try the same and realise it feels “sexy”, no turning back now.
Since then it’s been on and off but now I like to dress fully or as more femme as possible. It has, for me, been something that I can’t get away from.
By reading other posts online here it made me think about myself and now know it’s just who I am, a crossdresser. Thank god (or whoever) for the internet, for helping me understand it’s not just me though.
So now I don’t try to fight the urge to dress and enjoy it while I can.
To summarise, Crossdressing has never gone away, rather came on stronger the older I get.
Yikes, what does the future hold!!
Christina
from what I have read on it, thewre is no stopping crosdressing. I have tried 3 times and no am liveing full time as Jenna, and loveing it, yes telling family was hard.
I have not heard of a single crossdresser who has ever quit.
Besides, why would you want to give up something that is nice?
Whenever I have worn a skirt in male mode, there have never been any issues at all.
They've all been cured by a new wonder drug, which also prevents them from posting here!
I wonder how many drop off of other forums and for what reason, compared with this forum.
For me I dont think the urge to dress will ever go away but i know at times there has been long periods that i have not dressed and the urge or desire is diminished with time. On the opposite end since i have joined this forum i have dressed and explored more than ever. I think because of new ideas and the excitement that comes with the courage to buy heels or outfits. Im hooked more than ever because i have been exposed to more and found out that i am not the only one in the world with these desires.
I have dressed for over 50 years, my " urges ", come & go, right now my full time urge has has lasted for six years, and I dont see it leaving soon.
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