Once a dresser always a dresser?

[RobCD]

I think everyone would answer this question differently. For me I can go for months without dressing and be perfectly fine but then the urge hits and I have to do it or find some other way to vent.

[Jenniferx1]

My dressing is not for gender identification, but rather for pleasure. I dress less now than twenty years ago, but that's because of circumstances (less time/place/opportunity for privacy). I suspect that as my body ages I will dress less because the effort/payoff relationship will change. But I will always believe myself to be a crossdresser, even after I stop dressing if that day ever comes.

I would agree to a certain extent with you although my crossdressing is in reverse, in so much as I dress far more now than 20 years ago. I suppose what makes an enourmous difference is first off if your partner is happy with your dressing and secondly if the joy is still there as life progresses. I would personally feel that whether you actually dress up or not that the look of a dress/make up and heels would stay with you forever.
Hells bells my life would become boring

[Kathleen Grace]

I haven't dressed fully in years, but the desire stays with me always. I get through it by helping my wife pick out her clothes, and visiting here when I can.

[PretzelGirl]

I think with all things here, it is good not to assume that a statement applies to all. So I firmly believe that there are people who can quit. Now there are most certainly many who cannot, that is obvious. But who are we to say that someone else can't? That is applying our feelings about ourselves to them. It really comes down to the reason that the dressing started. Just because many of us dress because of gender identity doesn't mean everyone does. Just read Nicole's reason. I could see someone similar to Nicole quitting very easily.

So to me the only all-encompassing comment that is appropriate on this forum is "you can never make a statement that applies to all crossdressers". And now that I spent all of 5 seconds on that wording, someone will shoot it down with a technicality. But you know what I am getting at.

[Deborah Jane]

"you can never make a statement that applies to all crossdressers". And now that I spent all of 5 seconds on that wording, someone will shoot it down with a technicality. But you know what I am getting at.

All crossdressers crossdress

[erika130]

I dont think it's a matter of 'growing out of', but more like phases, where there are periods you are very interested and some other times you're simply not. I feel like saying that you 'grow out of it' is as if dressing was a bad or immature behavior that you must overcome, & at least for me, this is obviously not true, I fully enjoy it when I have the desire to do it. I know there are definitely periods where I don't even want to think about it, but then just out of nowhere the feelings come back

[PretzelGirl]

All crossdressers crossdress

Thanks Debs.

[KarenSusan]

I've had the feeling to crossdress ease up a little bit (it never totally goes away) but when it comes back it always seems to be stronger.

[Aaron Zwidling]

Since no one seems to have done so already I'll tackle the views of the 'mental health' community. Please note I'm not a mental health professional myself but have done a fair amount of reading in these areas. Back in the dark ages (1950's and 60's) the consensus view amoung mental health professionals seemed to be that crossdressing was a 'problem' and could be cured. More recently the consensus view has shifted to say that most crossdressers can't stop dressing, and it is only a problem if the person doing the dressing makes it a problem. In other words if a crossdresser is happy being a crossdresser there is no good reason to try and change the behaviour. If you believe what the they are saying most of us can't stop, and many of us wouldn't want to stop even if it were possible to do so.

On a personal note I've been doing it for 35 years and counting and the my desire to dress is pretty much the same as it has always been. The difference is I am now much more comfortable with those desires than I used to be way back when, and I certainly think Western society is more comfortable with us than it was when I first started dressing.

[Sweeterica]

I think we all have those moments in life where we put CD on hold, for family or work reasons,i personally dont think we stop for good once we have experienced these moments,i for one wont.

[clandestine322]

I am not sure that once one is a crossdresser, they always are. I think it depends on circumstance and mind set. I made conscious and rational decisions about my crossdressing and basically quit about six years ago. I still wear hosiery at times and over half my shoe collection is considered from the women's department, etc. which to some could be considered a form of crossdressing but I do not. I consider it more taking back items that used to formally belong in the men's wardrobe. I didn't return to such a forum as this to suppose another interest in crossdressing but rather to see how the community is faring and bounce some ideas and thoughts off to learn more about myself.

[Kelly Greene]

since cding is an activity that one has to take part in to qualify as a cder I would have to say that it should be possible to quit if you put your mind to it. That said I must also admit that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction in physics and life.
some reactions are easy to deal with and some are hard in the end cding is something we do for ourselves and quitting is also something you would have to do for yourself. If cding or not cding is done for someone else you may have some regrets that may be painful to deal with.

all I can say is what my mother made sure I understood " You have to be honest with your self "

for me being honest with my self is continuing the journey in heels when possible.

[Lilli]

... I think there are three things to seriously take into account when considering this question - and I mean not just marginally, but seriously seriously:

1) There is a big problem in asking the question to a group of people who are only responding to it because they are in a group that still does crossdress. The answer tends to be biased. Someone already pointed it out but this is central. Not getting a "Yes, one can stop and I have" for an answer here on this forum is sort of what comes with the territory.

2) Consider the responses we all tend to give: that it may lay latent for a while, but that there tend to come moments, when you really really need it and that once you do it again after having stopped for a while, it does come back with a vengeance.
I don't want to include who doesn't want to be included in the following statement, but the behavioural pattern is that of an addiction. Comparable to smoking. Which I personally am fine with. But I know, it is possible to stop smoking or drinking. If you do, your addiction (someone called it "behavioural pattern" above) will never leave you. But it is very well possible not to indulge into it anymore - ever - if you so chose. And - if you consider that an alcoholic tends to stay away from any place that might encourage his former addiction - a "dry" crossdresser would certainly stay off this webpage for fear of breaking his dam.

3) There is something much more powerful in crossdressing than in smoking: It is considered a serious transgression or flaw by others, i.e. the society that we live in. We all struggle hard to come to terms with our crossdressing. This is much different from coming to terms with the fact that we smoke. Other than smoking, this needs a powerful explanation. That - which doesn't make things any easier - tends to lie in the explanation, that we do not follow the usual gender boundaries of society, because they are not in us.
If you accept that explanation, every courage you may have built up to resist the urge is crushed. If you did it, because, it is in your nature, then there is no way it can ever stop. Stopping would be unnatural.
My point is, it is extraordinarily difficult to say to oneself, oh I just blurred the boundaries here a bit, and then maintain that you are still inside the box of your gender stereotype. If you find you are not in it anymore, than you suffer (dysphoria). This suffering demands an explanation and you might voluntarily provide one by stating that you don't actually have gender boundaries in you. Then of course you are stuck.

I personally think this is not true. I think we have these boundaries. But the fact, that our libido drives us to transgress is extraordinarily hard to reconcile with an unbroken image of the self. If it is broken, it suffers. If it suffers, it is weak. If it is weak it fails to put up the power to fight an addiction.

Apologies to those onto whose toes I have stepped with this. This is how I see it. And I am fully aware that I am wandering in and out of crossdressing. AND that I do find it exciting.

Well, what do you all think of my two cents?

[BRANDYJ]

No, crossdressing is just a short temporary phase we go through. It goes away I'm sure. Take me, I started at about 10 years old, now 61. I just know this phase won't last, I'll grow out of it.

[Sheren Kelly]

I don't think there is only one cause or mode of crossdressing. Individuals use it in different ways. That means for some it is trivial and can probably be offset or replaced with another interest. For others it becomes so deep a part of their identity that they progressively become obsessed with it. You need to honestly look into yourself and find what motivates your crossdressing before you can assess if it is a voluntary activity that can be dismissed or a expression so integral to your identity that it is an essential part of your life.

I am somewhat inbetween. I believe I will always be a crossdresser, but other priorities can push my femme side to the background. I can be masculine when I have to be, and femminine when I want to be.

[Jenny Green]

[SIZE="3"]So now if you quit CDing, how would anyone here know? Has anyone ever stated I'm quitting and never coming back? [/SIZE]

So, a few months ago, I found a website that some of you might be familiar with. Yvonnesplace.net. A crossdresser for many years, obviously, who, earlier this year, wrote a column and publicly called it quits. He says he's stopped CDing and sold all the clothes and accessories, after apparently being very "successful" in dressing and having SO's support for years. The site's archives go back almost 15 years.

Now, for this guy, will the urge come back? In the end, will this turn out to be yet another purge? Don't know, but it got me thinking. If CDing is more of a fetish thing than a TG thing for a given person, then if you end up having complete freedom to do it as much as you like and are pretty much completely passable, then does the thrill go away after a while? If wearing the clothes becomes the routine, then where do you go from there to look even more feminine and prettier?

I think about this, and wonder if that's one of the reasons I have no desire to go full time. I enjoy the thrill part. The part that's different from my day-to-day stuff. As with many others, I like the escape.

[joandher]

we all have cycles OF DRESSING OR NOT, I've been dressing for 58 yrs,and believe me the older you get the more intense the urge, during the course of my life I've had periods of not wanting to dress but it still comes back,again and again, eventually you learn to embrace and love it
I always feel very privileged,that I was born this way as we that dress get to see both sides of the coin

Yes we are born cross dressers ,like most people who started at a very early age it cannot be deemed sexual as most haven't reached puberty ,I myself was only 5 yrs old and didn't even know anything about sex, we might get excited when we dress up ,but so do many GGs

And up until today's date even the best doctors and medical professors cannot explain why we do it

All I will say is we are a more loving ,caring,and considerate type of male


to all

J-JAY

[jenna_woods]

from what i have read about crossdressing Most all say once we start there is no turning back, but at times I kniw we lose interest but in time come right baack to crossdressing, I my self have stoped 3 times only to return, now I acept it and enjoy dressing a lot.

[Anneliese]

Until recently, my dressing has been in phases. However, this was until the latest job stresses, and until i decided I no longer cared if I ever got laid again, which was very freeing. Now that I truly don't care, I can dress to my heart's content. If I die and never have sex with another woman, I'm cool with it. I've had good and bad, and plenty of both. IF I am to ever get off with another person, it will be with a TS/CD, or perhaps some wild and crazy hooker which meets all my wildest fantasies. Normal, standard middle-aged women I'm done with. I'd rather be alone.

At this point, my CDing is for life, and no looking back (damn, this is fun!)

[Miley]

In the same way for many here, for me the desire can come and go but there is always the desire, just sometime stronger than other times.

[Veronica Lacey]

This question seems like one that rests in many minds, Andi.

From my own perspective when I read a statement like "once a dresser always a dresser" it makes me think of negative things I have read in the media or heard others state in discussions.

"Once an alcoholic always an alcoholic"
"Once a liar always a liar"
"Once a thief always a thief"

For some dressing is life, expression, fun or perhaps just a phase to name just a few reasons. These reasons seem many and varied but I hardly see dressing as something that needs to be structured in a manner that equates it to negative attributes. I have not read where somebody said this as a negative; the statement seems to give many of us a rudder by which to navigate our feelings about dressing. Maybe Shakespeare even asked: To dress or not to dress?

Clothing may make the man or woman and offer us avenues of expression and communication...but I believe that it should not be considerd a destiny. It's clothing. I feel we should...wear it. Enjoy it. Share it. Donate it. Do what we wish with it but maybe we should avoid hanging ourselves by it.

Good or bad I prefer that dressing simply be viewed as a small part of who we are, a small part that may grow to be a larger part or maybe simply come and go as we progress through life.

[NoraTV]

...but this individual's answer is no.

[mapletree]

I think that I will always be cross dresser and there are times when work and life make it not possible for me to dress as often and for long periods of time but this is my life and who knows the future holds

[donninacd]

This is probably related to your reason for cd'ing. The more compelled you feel to do so, the harder it will probably be to stop. In my case the answer is certainly wrapped up with my reason for cd'ing. I think that once I don't look good enough to have a reasonable chance of arousing someone sexually, at least somebody young/feminine enough that I'd be interested in (sorry "dirty old men" haha) I will give it up.

[~Michelle~]

Sorry, I've never heard of anyone that was a CDer quit for life...

Me neither.