Why is harder to tell a guy that a woman?

[AKAMichelle]

I have told several women that I crossdress. I have found some accepted and some didn't.

But what I don't understand is why I feel no fear telling a women, but never a guy. I was on the phone the other day with a good friend for 10 years and I couldn't tell him about my cd'ing. I have no idea of what would happen, but I just couldn't do it.

Anybody know the answer to this one?

[KarenS]

Good question Michelle. I have wondered that myself. I do still have issues with telling some women though also.

[Joanie B]

I have told several women that I crossdress. I have found some accepted and some didn't.

But what I don't understand is why I feel no fear telling a women, but never a guy. I was on the phone the other day with a good friend for 10 years and I couldn't tell him about my cd'ing. I have no idea of what would happen, but I just couldn't do it.

Anybody know the answer to this one?

Hi Michelle,
I feel the same way. I think for me it is partly because I am more comfortable around women anyway, but not so much around guys. Somehow girls seem to be more open and understanding in general. I think too that for some guys that I might tell there is still the stigma of being a weirdo or pervert or something very negative in their eyes.

For either gender, I can usually tell who wil be accepting or not based on their overall philosophy, life style etc. If I don't think they wil be accepting, I just don't tell them (boy or girl).
That is my 2cents.

Hugs,
Joanie

[Lorileah]

mostly because when you tell a guy they take three steps away and start acting like you are some sort of viper or they take three steps closer and start to act like a viper

[Cassandra Lynn]

Seems fairly basic to me. We have been taught to be a man, we must always be strong and this leads to never wanting to be seen as less than manly by our fellows.
Sad as that may seem, there is truth to it.
Thing is we are braver for what we are than most non-CD men could fathom, especially when we come to terms with our femme sides, and can accept what we are.
Just my 3 1/2 cents (economically adjusted, of course)

[Katie1234]

Because the human mind thinks that whatever gender the action the person is performing is closer to, you naturally are more comfortable telling that gender.

[Raine]

I have told more guys than I have told girls about my crossdressing. I don't think the fear in telling men about one's crossdressing is baseless though. Men have been much more apt to make sly negative remarks and take action on their beliefs, although acceptance between women and men has been about the same.

One of my male friends that's a comic artist eventually made a small comic where one of the main antagonists was a crossdresser, and he made no bones about his dislike of them through hyperbole.

[Karenmarie]

You have grown up as a male, man, macho, playing football or baseball
and maybe even being the prop KING in high school. You have heard
all of the jokes and comments made by boys thru-out the years about
"there's queers and steers" and I don't see any horns on you. hahahahaha
You have also heard the comments, "boy, if a queer tried to talk to me
I'd kick his a--." These are just 2 little simple things while growing up.
Where did 99.99% of these jokes come from???? Men or your buddies.
These kind of "jokes" were very seldom told around the "girls circles"
or you didn't think that they were.

Maybe you never entered into these kinds of "jokes with the boys" but
you might have been there. I feel that this sort of up-bringing that
most of us has been brought up with makes it a little harder to go to
a friend or brother and say "oh, by the way, I wore the prettiest pink
dress the other day with a really pretty pair pink pantyhose and shoes.
ha!ha!ha!ha! This is not the way that you would approach your best
friend, but when toy think about it; eventually......someday...... So
this is maybe 1 reason for for your conflict to tell men more so than
women.

Time will solve these problems. I have a friend who is finding a lot more
really true wishers than the others.
Good luck to you

[Dana]

Well its largely because of social and cultural conditioning. Historical myths and fallacies

It also a largely part of such of the above that if your a CD or such?

That your are at the very least bisexual or gay ~ when in fact? The exact opposite is true.

True they're are gay and bisexual men that cross dress ~ but its about the same percentage wise as the general men that pump iron, are body builders,

Gay men prefer real masculine men.

For the most part from what I've read on the Internet?

Gay and bi-sexual men disdain crossdressers?

[faltenrock]

I agree, I tend to talk to woman only about it.

[Dana]

Well its largely because of social and cultural conditioning. Historical myths and fallacies

It also a largely part of such of the above that if your a CD or such?

That your are at the very least bisexual or gay ~ when in fact? The exact opposite is true.

True they're are gay and bisexual men that cross dress ~ but its about the same percentage wise as the general men that pump iron, are body builders,

Gay men prefer real masculine men.

For the most part from what I've read on the Internet?

Gay and bi-sexual men disdain crossdressers?

And lesbians and such think we're nothing but a joke!

[noeleena]

Hi.

I cant speak as a male because of how im wired. yet i do understand some details.

A male is totaly different than a woman , in how we think act live & see things. we are more senitive & of cause theres a lot more ,

& your right many men are strong body wise & mentaly wired different. & use that as a means of getting there own way,
So they see all men in the same light. & women for many to be used for thier own ends,
When a male is soft or kind, gentle ,you know what im saying ,
theyr seen as not like them .there are other names they use,i wont,
& more so when we jump the fence. & become women , they cant , or wont accept us even as women ,tho for some of us we have allways been female ,/ women. just could not show it .

Yet its some what different for my self , as was proved on saterday just gone ,
we had a school get to gether. 120 people turned up , 4 from my class of 1953 3 men & 1 woman ,well was i accepted, that has to be a very big yes. & even others both men & women got on well with me as we talked,
& i took some of the pics of our class s for them to see.
& as it was, i was complemented on being who i am,

For those who do dress i know its hard for some to come to terms with who you are out side of your door, yet faceing up to who are & letting others in to your life can be a big burden lifted,

& as a twist i had a G P / D r, come to me to day & he was very open about him self not some thing that a person does to a stranger,
well im finding that males are becoming more open to those difference s .
& because im avalable to people they are prepared to talk with me.

I belive that we in n z , as a nation are coming to terms with those difference s that we have , & people dont see me as a threat so can accept who i am & get to know who i am as a person. then as a woman.

& we will look forward to our school reunion in 2012.

...noeleena...

[Andy66]

And lesbians and such think we're nothing but a joke!

Wow, how sad that you believe that.

[Von]

I haven't told anyone. Except here. But I know what you mean. So here's a theory:

Assuming that we are talking about platonic situations in both cases - I think it boils down to what's expected of you in the respective relationships (or what we think is expected). If It's a woman, and there is no romantic interest, it just means you have more in common. You are interested in women's clothing, and maybe it makes you a little more sensitive and empathetic (seems to me), and easier to relate to. You can fulfill what's expected of you in the relatioship, and then some. Generally positive things.

But with a guy, what's typically expected from a male friend? That you are pretty much like them. There is generally no benefit to you being more like (or looking more like) a woman. You've made it more difficult to relate to you & understand you.

In short, nothing lost from a platonic relationship with a woman, some things gained.

But with the guys, something is lost - an ability to relate - they don't feel the way you feel, about some things at least.

To put it simply, you are more like the woman now (in appearance/attire at the very least), and less like the man now. We intuitively understand this is more likely to result in a positive reaction from a woman, and a negative reaction from a man. Of course this requires the employment of sterotypes and generalizations. The ultimate reaction depends a lot on the individual presumably.

[lee in a skirt]

Its probably because men in general will laugh and pick on someone for such behaviour whereas as females are generally more accepting.

[BRANDYJ]

I have told a number of women that I have become friends with. Once I got to know them and figured out how they may accept my confession, it now is not that hard to tell a GG friend. But I have to have a sense about her ability to be accepting first. So far, I have not made a mistake in choosing who I trusted. As fr men, I have told only 2 different men that were friends. One was into a kink not related to crossdressing, but it gave me a sense that he would be at least non-judgmental. He accepted it and we remained friends...good friends at that. Next was a totally redneck true back hills country boy that I became good friends with. I told him about it and his reaction was total acceptance and did not bat an eye.
The only other male I have told was my own brother. That was a huge mistake. We have not talked since I told him 2 years ago. His brand of Christianity tells him I am going against God's wishes etc. Intolerance among the so called Christians makes me angry and glad I am not one of them.

But I agree, it is easier to tell a GG then to tell a man. In general, I believe women are more accepting, more understanding, less judgmental, compassionate and more willing to accept things out of the so called norm. Men are so fragile with their egos and so protective of their macho presentation that they tend to put down anyone or anything that is considered gay or sissy. For many, I think it is a false front, but they have to maintain that macho image even if they deep down envy or wish they could be as open as some of us are.

[Ashley S]

I think an equal proportion of guys and girls know about me. I guess I was pretty lucky that my guy friends accepted the fact that I'm still the same person they've known for years, and still have the same interests. It didn't seem to affect things one bit. But these are people in their early to mid twenties, who come from fairly liberal areas.

[t-girlxsophie]

Simple answer and we all know it-It's A Man Thing,anything out of the norm leads most guys to run a million miles.Though I have a cpl male friends who know and are ok with it,they dont wanna know anything about it,but they still cool with me
Just myworth

[Sophie_C]

I have told several women that I crossdress. I have found some accepted and some didn't.

But what I don't understand is why I feel no fear telling a women, but never a guy. I was on the phone the other day with a good friend for 10 years and I couldn't tell him about my cd'ing. I have no idea of what would happen, but I just couldn't do it.

Anybody know the answer to this one?

It's much, much easier than you think.

1. Crossdressing is most commonly associated with homosexuality by the public at large.
2. Many men are insecure and threatened by homosexuality.

Therefore, crossdressing threatens your relationship with a man. If you're presumed to by homosexual by a male friend, that makes it immediately possible to them that you are attracted to them, while to a female friend, it changes nothing even possible about the platonic relationship between you two. In fact it strengthens the platonic nature of it.

[Jonianne]

Women tend to be easier to confide heart stuff with, but I have shared about my cd'ing with several straight guys as well. You just have to find others, male or female who are sensitive and willing to be in a heart sharing, vunerable mode. After I was able to share my vunerable stuff with them, a couple of them started telling me about things on their heart, that they had never told anyone else.

That's so neat when people feel safe enough to open up to you.

[Daintre]

To tell it from the heart, I cannot tell other men my inner feelings, I just can't lay it out and see what happens. I have surrounded myself with women providers, doctor, lawyer, therapist. My best friend turned on me so that now I am so careful who I tell. I wish it were not so but I have lost so much, I can't afford to lose any more.

[victoriamwilliams1]

For me I most of the guys I know are hyper males when it comes to dressing so it would not be nice!!!

[Kirra_Moon]

It's much, much easier than you think.

1. Crossdressing is most commonly associated with homosexuality by the public at large.
2. Many men are insecure and threatened by homosexuality.

Therefore, crossdressing threatens your relationship with a man. If you're presumed to by homosexual by a male friend, that makes it immediately possible to them that you are attracted to them, while to a female friend, it changes nothing even possible about the platonic relationship between you two. In fact it strengthens the platonic nature of it.

That is what I was thinking.

[Christinedreamer]

I have discussed the disdain that many men have for TGs on other NON TG forums and chats. I used a pink font when typing and that raised questions. After feigning just a personal like of the color pink and no more, I finally opened up about being a CD. Many were intrigued and just as many males as females were turned off and upset. That opened the door.

I explained the basic biology, M/F development to them as a group and when some of the guys hollered BS I told them to take a look at themselves the next time they showered.

First the obvious, why do men have nipples? Next, I told them to look at their scrotum carefully. You see that little crease that looks like a healed scar? Well it IS. The line is Natures "suture line" that would have not occurred IF the hormones had not flooded your system at the right time and the right chemical make-up the cause you to develop fully as a male. Otherwise, that "suture line" would have been the sides of the labia of a vagina.

The testicles are merely repurposed ovaries and are INSIDE the body for the first 10 years or so, usually.

I went on to explain that both men and women who identify fully as such, carry BOTH estrogen and progesterone as well as testosterone and that as men age, testosterone is converted into estrogen derivatives such as estradiol.

Some guys came back with an "Well I'll be damned, I didn't know that" response while others played the usual pseudo-macho bravado scene to the hilt.

Once the ice was broken, the more intelligent of the chat participants joined in a lively Q&A session and now many are quite pleased to chat when I pop in. They usually still gently tease me what dress I am wearing or joke about me having nicer things than they do, etc. I get a kick out of that.

I have even offered some ideas advice on bridal gowns and my personal favorite- peignoirs. Most women nowadays don't even know what they are!

I also have a few male admirers in the rooms and of course I play that to the hilt although I am not too attracted to men per se.

[PortiaHoney]

Girls can't catch the virus that forces you to wear womens clothes because they already have it.
However............