Are you a warrior or a princess?

[Frédérique]

[SIZE="2"]I was at the local Walgreen’s the other night, waiting for my sister to get her prescription filled, and I took a look around the store to pass the time. This particular establishment is just off of the north-south Interstate, right smack dab in the middle of Kansas (and America), sitting at an intersection that includes a McDonalds, a Wal-Mart, a car dealership, and several other small eateries. You can see for miles in all directions, since this relatively new area is being filled in with stores and essential services…

Inside Walgreen’s, nestled among the seasonal candy, toys, knickknacks and whatnots, was a SMALL bin of bargain books, maybe twenty in all. Half of the books were about warriors, replete with weapons, armor, military hardware and aggression, and the other half were about princesses, i.e. how to be or act like one, don’t you wish you were one, or wouldn’t you like to living in a castle somewhere, waiting for the warrior to make his inevitable appearance? A curious, albeit small gathering of books, to be sure, and right in the middle, between the two gender “factions” was Joel Osteen’s “Become a Better You.” I won’t comment on the latter, except to say that the author is REALLY smiling* on the glossy cover, and the word “scripture” appears on nearly every page, as if by magic (yet it’s deliberate). Well, I just had to look…
*[SIZE="1"]Can teeth get much whiter?[/SIZE]

Anyway, I got to thinking like a crossdresser, as is my wont, and I wondered about this warrior/princess dichotomy. Are the powers-that-be herding children towards one or another, and, if so, why? Do they, the standard bearers of an accepted definition of civilization, want all boys to think about being warriors and all girls to think about being princesses? Based on the polarized literature on display, I tend to make a connection, but I would anyway (consider the source). Are boys, depending on their parental/peer pressure, expected to embrace the warrior concept without question? Also, do girls look at the pretty, smiling, piece-of-work princesses and want to emulate all things associated with girly, like nice clothes, hairstyles, makeup and jewelry? The genders are neatly separated into two camps, at opposite ends of the bin, and the lack of subtlety amuses me no end. The fact that these were “bargain” books, and not selling well, was factored into my wonderment, but their very existence intrigues me…

Of course, I know there are girls who resist the princess urge (especially if their sister is a declared princess), just like I know some boys are appalled at the idea of having to become warriors. In other words, reality is infinitely more subtle. When I was a young boy, I was fascinated by all kinds of typical male stuff (hardware, attitudes, non-existent feelings, and pointless aggression), but something happened one night and I turned towards the idea of being a princess. Nowadays, looking at the gender specificity in a small selection of children’s books, I’m reminded of my own curious path from one set of feelings to another. Well, I’m allowed to...

Sitting here, writing this little piece, I see evidence all around me of my “wrong” princess lifestyle – I’m wearing a pink nightdress for coolness and comfort, lipstick stains my coffee cup, and my paintings of boys in dresses decorate the walls. However, the warrior boy I used to be is just under the surface (and under the bed ) – there are stacks of books on military history in my bedroom, gleaned from local libraries. I’m still fascinated with a barely suppressed boyishness to this day. The video games I play are all shooters, and explosions tickle my fancy. Smashing stuff up? Sure, but not in real life. If my peaceful world was challenged in some way, I would revert to the warrior, but, at this late date, the princess I became would be with me at all times. When I work on artwork in my studio, the change in environment facilitates a move away from the innate warrior to the innate princess. I turn away from violence, listen to music, and seek out things on TV to cry about. Everything is caressed rather than manhandled, and sharp edges are replaced by soft, yielding emotions as I try to create something beautiful. Can you dig it? I know what is (or was) expected of me as a boy, but I created a more homogenous creature from all of myself. We carry on, together…

Maybe I keep the boy around to facilitate the dominant “girl” I happen to be. I need something to bounce off of, and away from. Perhaps I’m proof that the warrior and the princess can co-exist, one gender hugging the other in an endless dance of existence…

So, my MtF friends, are you a warrior or a princess? Can you be both at the same time? I’d really like to know – am I the only one who thinks about this stuff?

BTW, please don’t tell me about Xena, The Warrior Princess, OK? My cherished fantasies do NOT involve swordplay…[/SIZE]

[AriannaVillota]

Very thoughtful insight, and something for all of us to think about. Thanks for sharing. =)

[Kathi Lake]

Universal Answer - it depends.

Am I a warrior or a princess? Yes. Once again, we come to the point where our thinking is forced down one path or another. Must we be so binary?

In my "real" life, I guess I would be a warrior. I wear Kevlar and carry an M-16. I work with bombs, bullets, missiles, nukes and jets. I work among highly testosterone-charged guys who go out of their way to show how manly they are. However, I am a princess, and everyone pretty much knows it. I am soft. I am gentle. I am caring. I am not entirely large.

With all of that, though, I am a good leader, and get respect without demanding it. Whether that is due to my rank, my advanced years (as I tell some of the new Airmen, "Kid, I have underwear older than you!"), or other things, I don't know.

Basically, I feel that I am both a warrior and a princess - a princess who doesn't need to be saved by another warrior. I am my own warrior. I simply choose not to dress in smelly old armor, but in lace and pearls.



Kathi

[Michaela42]

I chose option C.

Like Kathi was describing, far too many people try to see things in binary, either/or, black/white, yes/no, etc...

One of the beauties of this world is that there are shades of gray to nearly all decisions. Please read my signature for a quote that pretty well sums up the question more eloquently than I can

[Kate Simmons]

Always a warrior first, a princess second. The thing is I take of the bad guys looking good.

[suchacutie]

In another thread here I talked about the two sides of my existance, stating that I enjoyed and, apparantly, have always needed both of them. In defending/explaining my male side I made it clear that I enjoy being a husband, part of which includes being the "dragonslayer!". When the bear walked across our property near the house a week ago, I'm the one the went out to see if all was back to normal. I wouldn't have even considered expecting my wife to do that.

On the other hand, Tina is real princess material! She is high maintenance, fashion concious, fastidious, loves watching chick flicks with her girlfriend, just adores her shiny red nails, and would never miss a day of moisturizing her skin.

Put the two sides together and you get me. Ok, so it's a little crazy, but from what I've read here in the last 5 years, I'm far from alone !!!

tina

[Elizabeth Ann]

First, I just want to say that I adore your new avatar. Is it a photo of you? I would propose immediately if I were not an old codger and married.

I think everyone here, especially here, thinks such dichotomies are seldom absolutely black and white. In fact, regarding popular culture, there was a recent article in the Washington Post about the evolution in TV (television) and movie heroes and heroines. Characters like Monk are flawed and show their vulnerabilities. Even more relevant, there is a trend in confident, aggressive action heroines, such as Laura Croft and others.

For me, though, I would peg the spectrum poles at a confident self sufficiency at one end and a self doubting passivity at the other end. That is the shameful result of the sexism endemic in society. Any of us of any gender can display competency that requires neither warrior or princess. My last act of violence was when I was 13 years old, and I feel no less a man, nor for that matter when I am cooking or sewing.

I have often wondered what is truly, instinctively masculine and feminine, and what is behavior taught by society. There are some fundamental differences, given that males and females behave differently throughout the animal world. But I think much of this is learned behavior. We worked hard with our son and daughter to instill a sense of self confidence in each, that it is okay to try, and sometime fail (I hate those stupid graduation speeches that say you can be anything you want, because if you fail, of course it's your fault). I was really pleased not long ago when our daughter, who calls herself a Diva, called for advice on how to fix her plumbing.

So, if you are a competent princess who doesn't need a prince to "complete" you, that is far better than a warrior who blindly follows his leader. And yes, we all have some mix of warrior and princess. I love my panties, but I can spend hours in the hardware store.

Liz

[kymmieLorain]

I guess I am a little of both. I am the warrior that likes to play with guns and some other manly things. Then I am a princess who likes to sew, have painted toes & dress in comfy lingerie.

Kymmie

[carhill2mn]

I suspect that not too many people think of this subject to the depth that you have. IMHO "society" has been pushing genetic boys toward the "warrior" and gentic girls toward the "princess" for generations. In recent decades girls have been given more of an opportunity to try on the "warrior" role with less adverse reaction from "society".

The push for boys to be "warriors" may be slightly less now than in the past but the vast majority of "society" still does not accept/will not understand why a boy would want to be a bit "girly" at times or at all. Naturally gentle boys still have a very difficult time even if they do not wear girls' clothing, etc. Thus, we CDs are still mostly misunderstood and often derided. All one has to do is watch fathers and mothers at a sporting activity of some kind to see/hear them push the "warrior" ideal . "Tom boys" are still an exception as they can go from "warrior" to "princess" and back again at any time and be well thought of.

Unfortunately for us, any changes to this situation will take a long time.

[sissystephanie]

We are back to labels, aren't we? It seems like we could have at least a month with no mention of labels being made, couldn't we? Guess that will never happen!

I was born a man, so I guess that makes me a warrior!! But I like to dress like a woman, so does that make me a princess? Not in my head! No matter what I have on, there is still a man underneath. Not a warrior, I put that part of me away a long time ago. I am just a man who wears feminine clothing!!

[docrobbysherry]

Why limit yourself? Warrior Princess!

Grabbed Frame 1- 128.jpg

[Cassandra Lynn]

Another thoughtful and eloquently stated post Frederique........hope you don't mind my thoughts.
While some of what the males in my family do, as many do, out in the field is considered warrior behavior, we are not the stereotypical machismo-fueled types. Rather on the contrary, we are all passive, even if quietly sure in our manhood.
Nary a fighter, or television-esque warrior amongst us, even though we possess leadership skills.
Far as i know, and i'm fairly sure in this, i'm the only one of us who can come home from a day afield and enjoy a long soak in a Plumeria infused bath and slip into something soft and silky and cry my eyes out watching some chick flick.
Just wish it was reversed somewhat. Slip out of my silky and soft for an occasional day afield!
mj (Cassie)

[Kat42]

Saw a T-shirt while eating lunch the other day. GG at the next table wore it. It read "Self-Rescuing Princess". I thought "You Go Girl!"

[GingerLeigh]

Funny how I fantasize about being both simultaneously. I'm engaged in battle with a hostile enemy, a powerful weapon in my hand, while wearing heels and a skirt.

[charlotte_sp]

Saw a T-shirt while eating lunch the other day. GG at the next table wore it. It read "Self-Rescuing Princess". I thought "You Go Girl!"

I like that XD

On the original topic, I'd like to add that it's not that strange to have different personalities at different times.
After all, when you're around your family you probably don't act the same as when you're with your friends or coworkers.
The same person can be a responsible parent or a party animal depending on the situation.
Sometimes it's tiring or even boring to act the same way, so you need a change.
I treat cross-dressing as an indulgence to compensate for work-related stress.

As far as the warrior/princess dichotomy goes, I think it's a little unfair to dismiss it as labeling.
I believe if you're honest with yourself, vanity and narcissism are a big part of cross-dressing.
I mean the number one priority is looking pretty and feeling good.

Personally, I find it a little troublesome that my primary objectives in femme mode are so self-centered.
What does it say about my attitudes towards women?
I consider myself a feminist, but when I dress, it can feel a bit hypocritical.

Anyways, to Frédérique, I'm glad you're willing to share some of your private feelings.
You are not alone in struggling with multiple identities.

[busker]

Elizabeth Ann mentioned the animal world and there in many cases the princess is the male and often the hapless victim of the "warrior princess". Female spiders often dispatch the male after mating --how rude- and male bower birds (homemakers of unusual grace, taste and skill) are the ones who build the fancy houses which the princesses very often mock after just a single glance.
Many females are larger than males in some species and the females that are nest parasites leave their young for someone else to rear while they go off on a toot looking for another sex fling.
It is often the males that are the most brilliantly colored in the animal world and the "warriors " are often drab (no pun intended), though that may be natures way of keeping the female safe by allowing the predators to chase the more colorful males.
Pehaps it is only among America's educated human species where the male is expected to be the warrior. Women in many parts of the world have been warriors for thousands of years and in modern times (WWII Russia comes to mind with it's many pilots, for example, and their regular service in the army and Heroes of Our Time)) and dominatrix is certainly as old as Rome.
More study of nature will set us right.

[JOJO44]

Universal Answer - it depends.

Am I a warrior or a princess? Yes. Once again, we come to the point where our thinking is forced down one path or another. Must we be so binary?

In my "real" life, I guess I would be a warrior. I wear Kevlar and carry an M-16. I work with bombs, bullets, missiles, nukes and jets. I work among highly testosterone-charged guys who go out of their way to show how manly they are. However, I am a princess, and everyone pretty much knows it. I am soft. I am gentle. I am caring. I am not entirely large.

With all of that, though, I am a good leader, and get respect without demanding it. Whether that is due to my rank, my advanced years (as I tell some of the new Airmen, "Kid, I have underwear older than you!"), or other things, I don't know.

Basically, I feel that I am both a warrior and a princess - a princess who doesn't need to be saved by another warrior. I am my own warrior. I simply choose not to dress in smelly old armor, but in lace and pearls.



Kathi

Yes Xena!

We hear and obey!

[Deborah Jane]

Some days I'm a warrior, some days I'm a princess, but most days I'm just a blend of the two

[Kara Connor]

I used to be way more binary about this, or at least in guy mode I was quite "blokey". More recently I have become more metrosexual, and don't care so much what others think. The other day one of our friends asked my wife if I was wearing eyeliner (I was in guy mode and am not out to this person). She didn't ask me. My wife just said "I don't think so, he's just tired". I was dying to say, after I found out, "No, of course not. It was my mascara which smudged a bit throughout the day. Move on, no eyeliner to be seen here"!

Having said that, I was desperate to see "The Longest Day" on Sunday, it being the 66th anniversary of D-Day. In the end I had to rent a DVD (thanks for not having it on the instant queue, Netflix) so there was a bit of warrior coming out there. I'm definitely a WW2 history buff, and can tell the difference between a Mark IX and Mark XVI Spitfire *.

In girl mode, definitely a princess. Love learning about makeup, and trying to match shoes and pick out clothes that actually go together to make an outfit, rather than being a random collection of skirts, dresses and tops.

* The Mark XVI had the Packard built V-1650 Merlin and the IX had Rolls-Royce Merlins

[christina marie]

Do i have to be either? cant i just sit on the fence where i usually do? i am not fond of being shoved into a box,no matter how roomy it may be. if you put me in a princess box, i will use my knowledge of the proper application of explosive devices to extricate myself from said box. there may be a slight amount of collateral damage. if you put me in a warrior box, i will whine,pout and bitch until someone lets me out, and if no-one does, i will have to shred that nasty smelly little box with my nail file. then there will be massive collateral damage,'cause someone is gonna pay for treating a Princess that way!

[Sara Jessica]

Love your thoughtful post Frédérique.

I guess there's another way to put it, and it happens to describe me. I'm a lover, not a fighter. I've never had a warrior mentality but I can't say this is because there was always a princess lurking about. Some guys just aren't cut out for danger. Never had the desire to be a police officer, firefighter, millitary (sorry Kathi ) or anything like that. And just because a guy may feel this way, it certainly doesn't mean there are any gender issues beneath the surface. But in my case, the gender thing just adds another variable to the human experience.

One thing I can say which picks up on Kathi's comment about leadership is that the warrior versus princess definitely feeds into what kind of leaders we are. I aspire to inspire rather than being a forceful ranting lunatic (simply coining an extreme example). Is that my feminine side coming through? Sure, but as many might say if they knew the whole of me, I'm just being myself.

[sophieporter]

I'm sweet and innocent unless I need to deal with someone.

Happened first time I went out, was on my own, and a girl in a group screamed across the square at me, "are you a man...in a dress?!", so I had a word with her.

It's all covered by my motto: 'Dear world, kindly get the F**K out of my way'

Sometimes you have to be stronger.

[Frédérique]

Am I a warrior or a princess? Yes. Once again, we come to the point where our thinking is forced down one path or another. Must we be so binary?

[SIZE="2"]Well, I’m on the lookout for the sources of gender-bias, and I feel children are being gently forced down one path or another, for better or worse. It may seem (and be) innocent, but I wonder why this polarization exists at all – is it just the time we’re living in? I think life is just one big RPG*…
*[SIZE="1"]role-playing game, not rocket-propelled grenade![/SIZE]

I was thinking about you when I wrote this piece, Kathi. You’re living proof that two seemingly dissimilar personas can coexist in one elegant package, and you do it with such grace and aplomb. As far as leadership goes, I imagine it comes with the territory, but I am somewhat handicapped in many respects. At my age I resist being led anywhere by anyone, and I would expect any followers to question my motives. If I was younger, I would probably follow without thinking. I do tend to step forward in the highly competitive art world, however, a form of battle with self-created images. I stand out from my weaker opponents and feel curiously strong, a leftover from my “warrior” youth days, I think. Of course, on this site, I tuck nearly everything away, if you know what I mean…
[/SIZE]

I suspect that not too many people think of this subject to the depth that you have. IMHO "society" has been pushing genetic boys toward the "warrior" and gentic girls toward the "princess" for generations. In recent decades girls have been given more of an opportunity to try on the "warrior" role with less adverse reaction from "society".

[SIZE="2"]Yes, and good for them. Maybe the presence of princess-oriented books and accessories is an attempt to pull things back a bit, along the line of family values, regardless of the hard-won lessons of history. Unfortunately, boys aren’t allowed to try on the “princess” role, unless the parents hope a momentary relaxation of the accepted norm will assuage their son’s girly desires. Even if the boy can successfully be a princess in some capacity, peer pressure wouldn’t allow further exploration along this interesting path, inevitably (and sadly) causing confrontation…[/SIZE]

I guess there's another way to put it, and it happens to describe me. I'm a lover, not a fighter. I've never had a warrior mentality but I can't say this is because there was always a princess lurking about. Some guys just aren't cut out for danger. Never had the desire to be a police officer, firefighter, millitary (sorry Kathi) or anything like that. And just because a guy may feel this way, it certainly doesn't mean there are any gender issues beneath the surface. But in my case, the gender thing just adds another variable to the human experience.

[SIZE="2"]I’m reminded of my father, who was a leader in the local fire department back in Massachusetts. I don’t think he relished the role, which is where a lot of my questioning about male behavior, surface appearance and bravado comes from. His insecurity was noticeable. I may just be the longed-for expression he couldn’t quite accomplish – he never pushed me toward any traditional male activity, yet nurtured my artistic yearnings, along with a profound love of nature. As such, I never had the desire for dangerous undertakings or leadership, but the closet suits me just fine…[/SIZE]

[Madilyn A.]

[SIZE="3"]I've spent my first 50 years or so suppressing my inner self to a large degree. I outwardly had a warrior mentality, super competitive in business and sports. Lately, more and more of my inner self is surfacing and the Princess is very close to the surface coming up for air on occassion. The warrior has retreated and fought his last battle !![/SIZE]

[joannacd66]

Am I a warrior or a princess? That a good question ! and a very personal and soul searching question too . For Me I still am a warrior , but of course in thosw special, quiet and calm moments I can easily, effortlessly and willingly be a princess