Was it easy?

[Kroma]

I know I've been a bit inconsistent with posting, responding, etc., but I always keep you guys in mind when I'm having troubles, and I am very much troubled.

For those that remember me, I've been struggling with my identity for some time now, and I'm wondering:

How did you know? Was it easy for you to come to terms with? Were the consequences worth it?

Am I supposed to be this confused about dressing? How do I come to terms with the lifestyle or decide if its right for me?

I know that the fabric, material, fashion, excites me, but if I'm in constant fear of being discovered how can I ever truly enjoy it?

I feel that if this was truly something ingrained in me that this would be much easier, but I'm just not sure if its a habit, coping mechanism, or something else entirely.

I am seeking counseling to help answer these questions, but your input is appreciated. Thanks for always being there.

[Jannis]

I have been struggling with this for many years. I think it is important for you to seek professional guidance at this stage. For me, it was at first a realization that i was always desiring to presnt as a woman. I don't know where it came from other than when I was young, I always wore my mother's clothes and would go outside. I did see a therapist who assured me i was not gay, but had a gender dysphoria. I learned to accept it myself, but have not been courageous enough to tell everyone. I am still in the closet but recently have taken some very bold chances and I suppose I want to be outed. Good luck with your discovery. Hugs.

[Tabby]

I'm in the same boat you are,and would love to hear some of the answers.Tabby

[AKAMichelle]

Your post has several parts so I will break up my responses into multiple parts as well.

IHow did you know? Was it easy for you to come to terms with? Were the consequences worth it?

It was a long journey of many twists and turns. You need to really dig deep to find the answers for you. It was far more confusing and difficult to find the answer but it was worth every thing it cost. At the end of the day, I would rather lose most everything I had to be accepted for me.

Am I supposed to be this confused about dressing? How do I come to terms with the lifestyle or decide if its right for me?

Confusion is a part of discovery. It is healthy to question yourself but don't beat yourself up because you don't understand yet. It takes time and you should be patient to find the answers.

I know that the fabric, material, fashion, excites me, but if I'm in constant fear of being discovered how can I ever truly enjoy it?

I feel that if this was truly something ingrained in me that this would be much easier, but I'm just not sure if its a habit, coping mechanism, or something else entirely.

I am seeking counseling to help answer these questions, but your input is appreciated. Thanks for always being there.

My opinion is that for you it is more of a fetish now. The clothes are just clothes and any excitement points you in the fetish side of things. That may or may not change. Mine started that way, but eventually it became more of a part of me. That is the part which you will have to find for yourself.

Good luck to you in your journey. Don't be afraid to ask why. What good is life if you are only accepted by others as a lie? A lie about who you are. Do others in your life like you or the made up version of you?

[mklinden2010]

I know I've been a bit inconsistent with posting, responding, etc., but I always keep you guys in mind when I'm having troubles, and I am very much troubled.

For those that remember me, I've been struggling with my identity for some time now, and I'm wondering:

How did you know? Was it easy for you to come to terms with? Were the consequences worth it?

Am I supposed to be this confused about dressing? How do I come to terms with the lifestyle or decide if its right for me?

I know that the fabric, material, fashion, excites me, but if I'm in constant fear of being discovered how can I ever truly enjoy it?

I feel that if this was truly something ingrained in me that this would be much easier, but I'm just not sure if its a habit, coping mechanism, or something else entirely.

I am seeking counseling to help answer these questions, but your input is appreciated. Thanks for always being there.

Easy?

There were and are some things about all this that are easy.

Which... Creates some problems when it isn't easy to do the easy thing while living in an uneasy environment.

The long and the short of all this might be as simple as, "To thine own self be true."

If you like motorcycles, you like motorcycles. Yes, they're often impractical, dangerous, stupidly expensive, only "punks" ride them, and so forth, - but you still like them. They're fun, easy to ride, get you places easily, don't use much gas, easy to park...

Look at what you do and what you like and define yourself by that - not by what other people do and like. No matter who you are or what you do (Reverend's kid, pole vaulter, lounge singer, cop) some people will like you and some won't.

That's life.

Live yours.

Take your lumps and enjoy the jumps.

You're not here to make sense of the world, only your little part of it.

Good luck.

[Nicole Marie]

Seek out professional help if you can. You may be able to get some insight on this site but from my own experience, I did not fully come to terms with myself until after a couple of years of therapy. Good luck!

[minalost]

...and I think of crossdressing as one of the good things. It's fun, it can be relaxing, and it can be exciting.

[Lorileah]

It gets easier but I doubt it is ever just easy.

Each step takes you to a new place. Each day brings its own new view. Some days you say, hey it's all clear now. Others, not so much. You just hope that things get clearer as you go along and as you go along, they will.

Good luck and try and enjoy the ride. It gets easier

[DonniDarkness]

Kroma,

If you let fear run your life, nothing will be easy.

If you feel the need to dress then dress, some of us are only part time cd'ers, fetishists, role players or just like girls clothes.
Lifestyle transition, could or could not be your path.

From the context of your post you seem to be trying to define yourself through others definitions, i think that is the point in mklindens "to thine own self be true" statement. I could be wrong though.

Dont be afraid to walk your own path.

-Donni-

[LisaM]

Kroma,

Your first question is, "How did you know?"
That is an easy question because it has always been with me. My earliest memories are of wanting and praying to be a girl. It has never gone away although it remains in the background at times.

Next-"Was it easy to come to terms with?"
No, it wasn't easy. I thought something must be wrong with me. I ran away from it at times; denied it. Then I'd face it and go to counseling; starts taking steps to go forwars and then I'd run away again.

"Were the consequences worth it?" Everyone here has a different story and a different path they have travelled. Some think it was worth it and others don't but each path is different and you won't know your path until you seek counseling and learn more about yourself and where you are on the CD/TG/TS spectrum.

Good luck!

[Elle1946]

Glad that you keep us in mind, that's what we are here for.
How did I know? I just did.
Was it easy to come to terms with? No, but it takes a lot of is this right or not, and what if's. I have come to terms with it, IT IS WHOM I AM..... I can't be anything else. I have been to therapists
Confused, YES. According to some people is isn't normal. But, what is normal for some isn't normal for all.
How do you know? If it feels right, then it is right.
Being discovered is one of the problems. I under dress all of the time but when dressed fully stay mostly at home.
I do believe that it is ingrained in a person that is why a lot of us purge then go back and buy more cloths.
Counseling will help, make sure you get a good counsellor. How I do not know I was lucky with mine.

[Michaela42]

Like many members have already said, nothing is ever easy. I always knew that I enjoyed wearing woman's clothing and such. There was a time that I tried to ignore that fact and believe it or not that was the hardest thing I have done. DO I dream of one day being able to walk into a store or down the street as a passable woman? Absolutely. Will it ever come to pass? Who knows?

As far as acceptance from the outside world, well, I am kind of cynical, but I am coming to understand the phrase "you cannot please everyone." In the words of that great sage Popeye "I am what I am." Love me or leave me, if you chose to leave me then you were never really my friend in the first place.

[Loni]

as for answers only you can really answer your questions about your self...you are seeing a counselor? she can help you understand your self a bit better.

but like most of us here, it has been a life long struggle,as kids with no internet to help us, we were told that people like us were freaks and had to be put down. but as a young kid i loved to go shopping with my mom just loved the feel of all the skirts dresses and other items. could not dress back then. but always felt i belonged in a skirt not shorts.

as time goes by you will know what you want in life, maybe it will be a cross-dresser or a transsexual, or you might just stop and go on life as only a man.
confusing? life is planed to be that way.

if we were all the same it would be a very dull and boring world. keep asking questions, and be all you can be.

.

[charlie]

Hello Kroma!
The uneasy part is that you are afraid of what you are going to be known by your friends, family and job. The question for you is dressing (and being you) worth all those people knowing that you dress? For me it has worked out OK. My friends know, my wife knows and the people that I work with know (even though they have never seen me). My only problem in this is that my wife totally does not accept my CD. It is a real bone of contention with her. After a year she is not still saying she is leaving me (a plus), but will get angry and cry that I will be seeing "Charlie" again. She hates "Charlie". My life would be easier if I did not dress, but I do not think I can just stop either. I wish I could. Being out Kroma, is not the end of your life. In fact it rather freed me from having to slink around and hide everything that I was doing. I can be me much more now. Even joke about it with others (but not my wife).

[carolinoakland]

The truth comes when you start asking the questions that you already knew the answers to. That's what the therapy is for, to get you to ask the right question. There are no absolute's. Be you. Carol

[Kroma]

It helps to know I'm not going through anything out of the ordinary so thanks for all your comments.

This helped too: Truck Drivin' Song

[carolinoakland]

I found that once I was a woman, I had everything I needed to succeed in life at long last, and I KNEW it.

[Heisthebride]

It's as easy as you want it to be. Other people can give advice but ultimately it's up to you. Too much advice can be just more info to parse through, not that advice is bad, just remember it's your decision.

I spent years questioning why only to discover my answer. Because I like it.

You may have a different answer, full transition, part time CD, they're all viable options. Do what's best for you.

[Rachel05]

I guess I was abuot 8yo when I started and I can't remember exactly when the "this is okay and I am comfortable with it" hit me but it is only the past few years so we are talking close on 40 years of not being sure!!

[suchacutie]

Heck, if it were easy my guess is that we'd all not spend a significant portion of our waking hours dealing with it in some way! Consider: It's hard physically to get around our male bodies; It's hard educationally to re-educate ourselves as if we had grown up as a girl; It's hard socially since we don't understand what our peers and colleagues will say/think about our gender decisions; It's hard in our own families for the same reason; And finally it's hard because we like to understand just who we are before we try to show ourselves to others and that understanding could take a lifetime!

This is not a lifestyle for wimps!!!

I'm a bit different from many who have responded in that I hadn't even considered that I might be transgendered until I was 55! With the help of a very insightful wife it all fell into place in a matter of hours and the adventure began to determine who I really was, and especially who this person we understand as Tina is! For me, that is the biggest issue: who is this feminine self that I've been carrying around in the shadows forever? Also, I have an established public persona that might not be well served if Tina were public, and it's even harder when I'm not sure who Tina really will become.

As you've noticed, it's a little like spinning around just to become dizzy.

Best of luck with your counseling, and understanding your identities!

tina

[Cassandra Lynn]

Was it easy for you to come to terms with? Were the consequences worth it?

One of the hardest things in my life.
Hmm, yes but.......

It wasn't till i was in a treatment center (alcoholism), that i reached down inside and said NO, no more fighting this, i've always wanted to be this, and from now on i'm going to EMBRACE it. The gates opened.
Worth it, that's a toughy. I hurt two women, not to mention caused myself too much grief to say unequivocally yes. But now i'm at a good place. Well good enough; i'm ready to live more as Cassie, i just am trying to rebuild my life financially so i can get my own place and put together all the great things needed to present as i want to.

I know that the fabric, material, fashion, excites me, but if I'm in constant fear of being discovered how can I ever truly enjoy it?

Some may never truly get there, at least not without letting go of the fear. But do try to be honest with yourself and give it time, Wish i would have had this and other forums 30 yrs ago.
If you've read enough posts here you've probably seen phrases like "blessed to be this way", "this beautiful life we live", "feeling of amazing uniqueness", fact is it's all true, IMHO, we are truly special. There are even genetic women that appreciate that fact, so stop fighting yourself/s. mj (Cassie)

[Von]

Am I supposed to be this confused about dressing? How do I come to terms with the lifestyle or decide if its right for me?

I know that the fabric, material, fashion, excites me, but if I'm in constant fear of being discovered how can I ever truly enjoy it?

I feel that if this was truly something ingrained in me that this would be much easier, but I'm just not sure if its a habit, coping mechanism, or something else entirely.

I'm certainly confused. I only wish I believed that I do get to decide if it's right for me.

I'm in a somehwhat similar place. I've also felt at some point that every explanation from coping mechanism to the wrong body had some merit. I just as quickly decide each of those doesn't make sense, dismiss it, and start over. I can't get a fix on it. But I've been thinking about it, and I think a large part if what I'm experiencing as confusion is just a lack of comfort in exploring CD. I have a constant internal struggle about it, because society has collectively decided that this almost arbitrary thing is wildly inappropriate. Something harmless, except for the stigma we have attached to it. If it weren't for that, you and I would be just as comfortable exploring it as we would any other interest, and we'd know exactly what felt right and what didn't. So, I don't think of it as confusion in the traditional sense of "I don't know what I want", but more a perception of the lack of acceptance if we come up with the wrong answer.

It's frustrating. I am back and forth daily about whether to exoplore and embrace CD, or to fight the impulse. On some level I'm fairly convinced that it's unlikely to just disappear, and that I risk drawing out the misery over continuing to not be true to myself. On the other hand, there is certainly evidence that CD can make life more complicated, and cause plenty of misery too. In the end, i'm just not sure I really have a choice.

I don't know that it helps much, but maybe there is some insight to be had from considering the nature of the confusion. Good luck.

[Angel.Marie76]

...
How did you know? Was it easy for you to come to terms with? Were the consequences worth it?

Am I supposed to be this confused about dressing? How do I come to terms with the lifestyle or decide if its right for me?

I know that the fabric, material, fashion, excites me, but if I'm in constant fear of being discovered how can I ever truly enjoy it?

I feel that if this was truly something ingrained in me that this would be much easier, but I'm just not sure if its a habit, coping mechanism, or something else entirely.

I am seeking counseling to help answer these questions, but your input is appreciated. Thanks for always being there.

When I look at your post, I was stewing over exactly what you might be looking for, for an answer to things..

When you ask 'How did you know..' I have to look at it from a TG/TS perspective in my own case, and as you haven't really put much of a wall around your question I'll answer it that way. How did I know that I wanted to dress? How did I know I might like to look like a woman? Feelings. When I would interact with females, I would not necessarily /just/ be attracted to them, but also fascinated by parts of them.. their clothing.. their habits.. their looks.. I felt like I wanted to emulate them. Soooo I did.. or tried anyway. This went on for several years off and on, always hidden away because I felt like a freak inside for it. As time moved on though, I began to realize that I felt happier when I tried to think more like a stereotypical woman... I wanted to let my mannerisms bleed out but I knew if I did I'd probably be tagged as flamingly gay. When my dressing started to become more involved over the years, my happiness was highest when I felt most like a complete woman. Year later now, when I finally bumped into a GG that respected me for both the man AND woman that I was, that it was SO firmly cemented that 'Holy Crap~! I really am happier as a woman on the outside!' and it just seemed like a wildfire that just burst from me and screamed to breathe in the world. Voila, Angel was brought out into the world, the public, for the first time.

As far as ease, coming to grips with it, and consequences, etc... it's been a tricky road. There are so many variables to consider, and some people have it better off than others. Ease of dressing in private - simple. Ease of dressing in public, terrifying. Fear of exposure and retaliation - horrible. HOWEVER, you have to realize where your comfort level lies. If you're only comfortable dressing at home, in private, with no one knowing, fine. If you're terrified that someone will find out and the world might come crashing down, then perhaps you should not look any farther ahead. Conversely, if you feel this nagging feeling like there just HAS to be more to this, that being closeted is just not enough.. that the urge to be existent in public as your female self is just clawing at the back of your mind and you're fighting with it to no end.. therapy certainly would be the best start. Maybe finding a support group to attend would help...

The feelings of 'you think it should be easier' if it was more of an ingrained feeling or instinct.. well, I don't know about that. Personally, with the feelings that I've had, and the fears that manifested themselves before me, I was torn with what the right answer might have been. There are certainly consequences going in either direction.. staying in the closet or accepting and moving forward.. whatever.. but coming out, whoa baby! SOOO much to think about and, in the end, whether or not all the risk is worth it. Again, staying indoors and keeping it all a secret (a COMPLETE secret) means that you in theory will never have to worry about exposure. Once the world knows though, you generally have to just ride the waves as they crash onto shore...

I'd say, in the end, if you're getting therapy, good, educated and well trained therapy, then you're definitely on a good track to start with.. Where you go from there is entirely up to you. Just don't ever think that you're being forced to go down a particular road without your consent. It's all up to you..

[Kroma]

Thank you all again for your input and support. I met with a new therapist today, and apparently, I'm dealing with a lot more than just CDing, including gender identity conflicts, poor self image/esteem, no sense of self or self worth ... so I've got a lot to work through. He suggested, as many of you have, that CDing will most likely be something that will stay with me. After talking to him, I feel the need to be comfortable with myself before I can decide how far i want to take this. This may mean facing some of my fears, namely my parents, but at least I have a goal.

Thanks again for the wonderful input.