She kicked me out

[giuseppina]

This doesn't sound like a positive relationship. As others have said, if she wants to tell tales about you, let your friends come to their own conclusions. If she keeps it up, she'll alienate herself.

Previous posters have given good advice.

Good luck.

[Simply_Vanessa]

no matter what happens to you two...just stay optimistic and look forward towards a future fiilled with possibilities! guiness? i'll take a heineken

[Miley]

Hi Steph, I am sorry to hear about what you have gone through. It sounds to me like she has Bipolar disorder (manic-depressive disorder) If she does then I can understand how difficult and hurtful it can be when the one you love has a fit. You can't reason with her when she is having a down moment and they can do the most damaging things during this time, it can be very distructive. Don't take it personally, and don't blame yourself, sounds like she needs to take medication to balance her out and help her deal with her emotions. At least now you can have some peace.

[silkysophie]

I work in a Mental Health (a bit ironic being a tranny) and I deal with a lot of people with Personality Disorders so I can kind of feel for you. To manage 10 years you deserve a medal as sometimes I can't even manage a 8 hour shift!!! Some may differ but I personally think not even medication can help PD's as just masks the issues. It's something medication alone cannot 'cure' just therapies. Alot of the time it stems from child hood abuse or issues.

It's easy for others to say but you are better of away from her. From my experience as a health care professional, PD's will never 'get better'. Like you've experienced, they may be ok for a period of time then a tiny bit of stress sets them off. You're lucky she doesn't self harm or threaten suicide every 5 minutes which is very common with this disorder!

I'm sure the people she has told know about her disorder and then will surely know how vindictive it can make them act. If not you should tell them all about it.

Good luck

[Michelle55]

It's been a rough road for the last 10 years, I've been kicked out of the house maybe 20 times, this time I'm not going back.
Crossdressing is only a small part of it as my ex SO has a borderline personality disorder and flies into abusive rages from time to time.
the photos of my kids are being kept from me unless I return for more abuse.


I'm gonna breath a huge sigh of relief now and get on with a brighter future.

I had been married to my ex-wife for 26 years. The last 10 not good and the last 2 or 3 terrible as I was always "walking on eggshells". I never knew what to expect when I got home. Sometime very sweet, but increasing often very abusive verbally and emotionally.
I think the biggest part was approaching menopause (age 48 at the time), but she was in complete denial of that. She also started having a lot of paranoia. Her mother had been hospitalized many years ago at about the same age for that.
Of course, to suggest that someone with paranoia is in fact having those symptoms invites more paranoia.
The best thing she did for me in the last 10 years of our marriage was deciding to move out.
My ex and I did not have any children, so I have NO CONTACT with her.
I was promised many times to have pictures from 26 years made available but never got them. I regret not making more of an issue about those photos now, but it's just not worth the grief of dealing with her to get them.
I'm now married to a wonderful, loving, lady who is completely accepting of Michelle and even encourages her. Life does get better.

[Mea GG]

Steph,,

You can breathe free...You can relax.
That is more valuable than any treasure.

I can relate, though it was an alcoholic that I dealt with.
But, this is the best move you could make; I don't think you will be sorry.

I agreed with the advice above to not spread that story re crossdressing was her idea. Why cast it in a bad light when you don't know what the future holds. As someone said, "I am not gay" is really enough to say.

saw this on Facebook recently:

Idiots drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

You can be the dignified civilized one. The kind people respect.

Enjoy your freedom...the sun will even shine brighter!

[NathalieX66]

Ih Steph, I don't think this is a fair relationship if there is abuse. I'm sure all kinds of nasty things were said. Others labeling us as homosexual crossdressers means they are too unwilling & ignorant to look at the facts, or are trying to press your hurt button.

[Cassandra Lynn]

I tend to agree with those suggesting that you should avoid a counter story. If any want to question you just tell them it is a legal matter and will be discussed with your lawyer and the courts. It will invariably be read in a similar manner to what you were thinking. And as also pointed out, anyone who really matters will see your attitude and accept it as confidence and feel for you.
Wish you joy and happiness for the future. mj (Cassie)

[Alice B]

It is time to see a lawyer and protect your rights. And do it now!

[cdsteph]

Thank you all...good advice.

no, my belongings are a small price to pay for the freedom away from BPD.
for those that don't know of borderline personality disorder... please look it up.

I stand corrected...the truth is always better than a cover story.

even Karen 5...something despite the acidic tone, likely meant it better than it came out.

I am a drug and alcohol rehab worker and have access to many fine resources.... none of which I need ...I care for my ex and wish no legal recourse other than to accept this disorder on her own....
I have protected myself.
I will give up prized items if that's what it takes as long as I can enjoy my own path.
And I will do exactly that.

Thanks for the hugs!!!

I sincerely hope that any of you can recognize BPD in a partner and get out
long before I did.... it takes a huge toll on a spouse.
Don't do like I did and pretend that it will get better...it won't...

But damn! I miss those clothes and forms and heels .....it'll be a while before I can purchase more.......


smee

[Kelly DeWinter]

..... I sincerely hope that any of you can recognize BPD in a partner and get out
long before I did.... it takes a huge toll on a spouse.
Don't do like I did and pretend that it will get better...it won't...

smee

Steph,

I'm glad you are going into a situation where you can have peace. I hope that your ex can find a way to get counciling or treatment to help with her BPD.

I know a good number of people who have BPD so I have to disagree with you reguarding just getting out when some one has BPD. A lot of cases can be sucessfully treated. Depending on access to counciling and doctor prescribed medication. The one issue that cannot be controlled in weather a person will stick to the precribed meds and counciling sessions. In a general sense it's a lot like a broken leg. It will only heal well if the cast stays on and it is rested properly and the prescribed meds and physical therapy are followed. A lot of familys do cope well with BPD, and some do not.


Kelly

[tammygirl79]

Steph, I am soooo sorry to hear you have to go through this!!! My heart goes out to you. I say this because i went through a similer situation myself about 2 1/2 years ago. But like Loni said....let her keep running her mouth, don't stoop to her level, and she will hang herself......that's what my ex did! I wish you all the best while going through this....hang in there sweetie!!!

[Midnight Skye]

I'm really happy to hear you're moving forward Steph... situations like that are a nightmare... and so freaking difficult to move past. Just keep doing what you're doing and you'll find solid ground to live on!

PS: I'm not sure about your wife dressing you comment... on one hand its quite fun and humorous... on the other... my you paint a colorful story

[Sheila]

I am a drug and alcohol rehab worker and have access to many fine resources.... none of which I need ...I care for my ex and wish no legal recourse other than to accept this disorder on her own....

would you tell your clients partners to get out of their relationships because of the stress and strain being with their partners cause them ........ I sincerely hope not

I sincerely hope that any of you can recognize BPD in a partner and get out
long before I did.... it takes a huge toll on a spouse.
Don't do like I did and pretend that it will get better...it won't...

There are avenues that can help a person with BPD, but only if, like drug and alcohol dependents, they wish to use these recourses and continue to do so. I know some folks with BPD and it can be a nightmare for the families & friends when they don't take their medication ....... it is an illness like many that if medications are not taken then it becomes worse .......... it does not mean they are bad people, just their illness makes them do things they would not normally do and in either extreme

Steph you will get over this and hopefully find some peace in your life

[eluuzion]

hiya cdsteph,

Just a thought…

You have nothing to prove to anyone in life but yourself and your children.

Your wife will provide all of the proof about her true character anyone requires through her behavior…it requires no action on your part. Her comments about you will be given the same questionable (lack of) credibility that she has aptly demonstrated she is worthy of.

All negative impressions (verbal or actionable) communicated by you regarding your SO will only hurt one entity…your children. Dysfunctional spouses are still a mother or father to a child…both parents being critical elements in determining their ability to develop as well-balanced adults. The demeaning of a mother or father of a child by a vindictive spouse is one of the greatest errors in judgement a parent can ever make. It will confuse them, and ultimately have the reverse effect desired.

Separation and divorce with children involved changes priorities. Simply stated, there should only be one central priority for both parties, which supersedes all others…the best interests of their children. Unfortunately, this is rarely given priority by spiteful spouses, eager to “destroy” each other for nonsensical issues of self-ego preservation.

It is difficult to “support” a SO in the eyes of your children, when you actually despise the SO in reality. But it is the best thing you could possibly do for your children’s best interest. If you are looking for something to “prove” with your “soon to be ex”, try being a “better mom” than she is. Your kids will prosper from your wisdom. I can testify from personal experience that it will be the closest thing that you will experience in the break-up “process” which will even remotely resemble “winning”.

Defending yourself against lies and trading insults with an SO makes about as much sense as
Arguing with an idiot on the Internet…it is like playing Marco Polo with Helen Keller.

Life is too short…

Not advice, just my thoughts…Good Luck

HaveFun/BeHappy

[erika130]

I don't whether to give congratulations or condolences so guess I'll settle for a hug

My thoughts are somewhere along this line, but I guess congratulations on staying positive and wanting to move forward !!
And also a

[Samantha B L]

Well Steph, It looks like things will be working out after all.

[~Seana~]

Wow. Well first I guess I should offer hugs, cause you'll need em about now.

BPD is a horrible condition. I know, I live with a spouse who has it . In the 4 years or so we've been together I've watched her go from outright insane, to a living breathing person capable of coping without going off the deep end. IT took alot of hugs, and alot of determination on her part to get where she is. And as a fellow cannuck, I'm betting your spouses access to psychological help has been limited by an underbudgeted health care system. In ottawa the only available psychiatrist belonged on the couch more than my wife did.
Of all the symptoms, one will be hitting her pretty hard about now, unreasonable fear of abandonment, whether real or imagined. Perhaps that explains her backlash.
No one but you knows where your life will take you. If you havent already, I'd recommend picking up a copy of the book "Walking on eggshells" it's a very good read on BPD and dealing with it's symptoms. Because if you have kids, you will always have to deal with her in one way or another until they're out of high school and on their own. And everyone is right, let the lawyers communicate for you.
If you find yourself pulling the motorhome through ottawa, look me up for a coffee and a hug.

Amanda

[Karen564]

even Karen 5...something despite the acidic tone, likely meant it better than it came out.

[SIZE=2]Sorry about that, I just hate hearing about lying or making up some story to make the other look crazy just to save your own skin in the process...[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Kinda like don't do the crime if you cant do the time thing....but maybe that's just me...IDK......but I can understand why some do it, it's just that I don't agree with it...that's all..[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]But I do wish you all the best & hope you can move on & be much happier now...[/SIZE]

[My Lady Marsea]

The best way to look at it now is that a door like opened and you have a foot in. At this point there is no more closet. Get the other foot in and let it shut and FINALLY start like living the life YOU want. The motorhome and the resolve to say it's over are like good starts or wutever. BTW...you'll quickly find out who your "friends" are. Some will be moved into the "acquaintances" category, a lot will drop you like a hot potato and some will so totally accept the new you. New friends are in the works. Just say to yourself, thank gawd, now I can FINALLY live MY life. I really can't see a here lol. Best of luck in your new found life and and I say this as I have been there done that.