Wife's reaction? Was it close to what you thought?

[MichelleW126]

Well I could be way off here. I thought after getting married, all my thoughts on CDing would go away. They have not.

I honestly think my wife and I could have a lot of fun with this. She already has my face smooth and clear of any blemishes. She loves that I shave everything but my lower legs and armpits (i shave those during winter and she loves that too!) She recently bought us an epilator and we have been epilating my whole body. I'm pretty fem like because I'm a runner and have little to no muscle mass.

She once said while we sitting on the bed, "will you dress up like a girly boy for me?" and quickly said no I'm just kidding like she was embarrassed. I think she would almost enjoy helping me dress and used it to our advantage.

I know I need to tell her, but have your reactions been far off? Or dead on what you thought?

[BRANDYJ]

If you know your wife and what her core values are about things like religion, gays and other things that are perhaps as out of the so called 'norm', like being a CD is, then you probably have a very good idea of how she will react. Most of all, do you know how much she loves you? How much does she honor being open and honest.
But from all you have just told us, I'd say you must need to be hit in the head to know that she seems to be more then OK with it. She accepts your shaving. She share sin your epilating your whole body. You need more of a clue? My feeling is she would really be excited about it. Perhaps wants to see just how feminine she can help you look. I also would guess she already has very strong suspicions and that offer to dress you, then back down was a very strong clue that she either wants to see you fem, or that she already suspects or knows you are a CD. I have a hunch she will be fine with it. I wish you all the luck in the world my friend. Juts don't wait to long to tell her. Most women get upset for the hiding more so then the idea that you dress.

[Angiemead12]

when I started hinting to my SO by trying her undies and a skirt here and there she thought it was funny! But after maybe 4 incidents and a stretch in one of her favorite sheer panties she asked me seriously if I was into wearing women's things. In the beginning the confrontation made me answer that I was curious to try them. But really I knew I wanted my own!

A few days after I made the decision to come clean, we were about 6 months into our relationship, and after trying to tell 2 EXs and not having any success I decided to gamble again because I want her to be the one.

Anyway moving forward its all great now, but it wasn't so easy in the beginning, she needed lots of reassurance that I wasn't going to leave her for a man, and that I could still do my manly duties whilst having an alter ego. We bought and read books from amazon, signed up for internet forums and read articles for information.

Now everything is sweet, we have been together for about 4 years and have influenced each others dress styles and help each other for outfits!!! My avatar is a result of her big help, she does my makeup so well I love it!

I guess in the end I would have to say that I had fear of losing her and rejection, but after the months of hardship things cant get any better!

[busker]

I think the next time you are in the same situation, go for it. She obviously thinks you have the girl look---and you do--so use it to your advantage. If at the end of the experiment, she has changed her mind, well, you'll just have to find another way to broach the subject.

[sissystephanie]

I told my to-be fiance that I was a CD before I actually proposed to her. Since I had known her for years, I really thought she would say NO to everything! Instead she asked me, "Do you want to become a woman?" I told her that I had no desire to be a woman, I just liked to wear feminine clothing! We had almost 50 years of happy marriage before she passed on. She fully and totally supported me, fixing my wig and doing my makeup so I could be Stephanie! She told me often that I was her best girlfriend!!

From what you have said, I think you can do the same. Of course you are already married, so you will have to come with a good story as to why you didn't tell her before. But I think she will understand and be acceptive. Just make sure that she knows she still has a man as her husband, even if you are wearing lace panties!

[Karencd37]

Well I could be way off here. I thought after getting married, all my thoughts on CDing would go away. They have not.

She once said while we sitting on the bed, "will you dress up like a girly boy for me?"

Years ago, when I got married, I had that same belief, that my desire to crossdress would disappear once I was married. I could not have been more wrong. It sounds like she might be receptive to accepting your feminine side. I would suggest you make her aware of your feelings and desires to dress and become feminine. Doesn't have to be a full time change obviously, but if you're like me, the inner need to dress and be a girl isn't going to go away. I wish you the best.

[Danielle Gee]

My Wife's reaction was about what I thought it would be ... "Conditional" acceptance. But she was always the "Leader" of our marriage.

Danielle

[AKAMichelle]

I think you do get a sense as to how they are going to react. I was right about how my wife would react although I was still hopeful that I was wrong.

[Heisthebride]

I believe you have a pretty good feeling how different people will react, just from your story she sounds at least open to the idea. I went through several girlfriends and the only two I told were both accepting. I ended up marrying the second one.

You pretty well know how she will react, go for it. Just be prepared to give and take she has a stake in sharing this part of you too.

[Miss Tanya]

My wife is accepting with limited conditions, and looking back on it, I guess I should have always known she would be pretty okay with it. But in my insecure mind, I just assumed anyone who ever found out would no longer talk to me (I come from a Catholic conservative background).

If coming clean has taught me anything, it's this: never underestimate my wonderful wonderful wife.

It sounds like your wife is already pretty accepting. You should tell her now while the marriage is early, because I promise you that she will find out the wrong way, or you will summon the strength to tell her eventually. And the longer you wait, the more betrayed she will feel.

[kimdl93]

I told my present wife before we got married, which is way better. But in my first marriage, I didn't reveal myself to my wife until a few months after we married. It was a situation a lot like yours - I was partly in CD denial and thought it would "go away". And like your situation, she brought out my dressing - in my case by encouraging me to wear her bra, panties and pantyhose when we made love. She enjoyed the fantasy of being with another girl and I got to be the girl!!!!!

I'd like to make the point that my cross dressing was not a factor in our divorce at all...we just grew apart over a long marriage.

So my feeling is that you should just come out to her. She already sees the fem in you, so its not going to be a shocker, and I think, based on what you've said, that she may really enjoy having you openly express your femininity.

[minalost]

Well I could be way off here. I thought after getting married, all my thoughts on CDing would go away. They have not.

Didn't make it go away for me ether...

I honestly think my wife and I could have a lot of fun with this. She already has my face smooth and clear of any blemishes. She loves that I shave everything but my lower legs and armpits (i shave those during winter and she loves that too!) She recently bought us an epilator and we have been epilating my whole body. I'm pretty fem like because I'm a runner and have little to no muscle mass.

Wow, I wish my wife liked this stuff. She ether doesn't care or doesn't like my epilating or shaving anything but my beard...

She once said while we sitting on the bed, "will you dress up like a girly boy for me?" and quickly said no I'm just kidding like she was embarrassed. I think she would almost enjoy helping me dress and used it to our advantage.

Next time say yes before she changes her mind!

I know I need to tell her, but have your reactions been far off? Or dead on what you thought?

Believe me, honesty is better than getting in trouble for the cover up. And the sooner the better. Besides, it sounds like you've really got nothing to be afraid of, unless you're totally mis-reading the situation.

Go for it!


Oh, almost forgot. To answer your question: yes, she reacted just like I though she would.

[DonnaT]

Next time you two epilate each other, simply say "Yes."

She'll ask, "yes what?"

Then tell her you'll dress like a girl for her. She'll probably repeat she was only kidding, but you can tell her you aren't, and would like her to help you dress.

My wife and I had only been married a short while, and she complained about my itching hairy legs. One day she decided to shave them for me. This led to a dressing up session, and she/we had fun with it. I had no preconceived notions about how she'd react.

This year will be 35 yrs together.

[Mea GG]

You probably reacted strongly when she said the girly remark which may be why she backed off so fast.

It sounds to me like she either suspects you CD and wants to make it easy...
or she has a fantasy about it. If I said something like that it for sure would mean one of those two.

It sounds extremely promising to me.

I would have a conversation. "remember the night you said would I..."
"well, I'd really like to, it would be fun".... or if you are more daring, out and out tell her.

What Donna suggested was great!

But do not let this time go by too fast. Go for it!

[Loni]

i also thought my needs would go away after a marriage...but not so, they only grew stronger. my ex could not cope with this and to be "more" of a girl started going out. seeing other men. this is why she is a ex.
let your girl friend know before hand, if married let her know very very early on.
i envy those who have a long term marriage, and a wife that enjoys both side of them.

.

[tinalynn]

It took a friend of my wife's saying 'who cares, it's only clothes' after she outed me (the friend is lesbian, so she thought it would be okay 'cuz she needed to talk) before she came around to it. Now we have an understanding, and unspoken limits are pretty well understood.

I think your wife already suspects that you CD, to feel free to bring it up when the subject is already similar. No 'stories' are necessary - only truth will explain this. You probably didn't tell her prior to marriage because you thought you'd lose her. Well, there you go... No stories needed... DON"T LIE!!!! Lies can be sniffed out pretty easily, if not now then certainly later. I think she'll be okay with it.

BTW, we all thought we could stop at some point. Ain't gonna happen...

[t-girlxsophie]

Even though my Wife knew I dressed from even before we met.I was still nervous and concerned that when she finally saw me dressed,and in front of her she would maybe have second thoughts,All the time i was getting myself ready for her I had all these negative thoughts running round my head,But I needn't have worried she liked what she saw.And we have gone from strength to strength since that first appearance.

[torontocdlooking]

Tried slipping into a pair of panties during foreplay. The whole thing came crashing down very quickly. Not something she was into at all, and in fact made a comment to another family member. Very troubling.....

[JamieG]

Michelle, I wouldn't assume that she'll be excited about it. When my wife and I were dating, she would make little comments like "We should dress you up as a girl for Halloween" or "You'd look cute in a tutu." She'd seen me in tights for a jester costume and one time I "lost" a game and "had to" dress in a french maid costume for her. She also "made me" watch the Rocky Horror Picture Show, Priscilla Queen of the Desert, and Hedwig and the Angry Inch. You would think from all of that my wife would have been thrilled to have a CD for a husband. However, once I came out to her, she was less than enthused; in fact she was angry. She said, "It's one thing if you were just my friend, but I don't know if I can be attracted to you now that I keep picturing you as a girl." The good news is over time, we reached an understanding and our relationship is stronger than ever, but we went through some tough times.

In short, my opinion is that you do need to eventually tell her. There are some good threads on the forum about how to do so. Once you do, make sure to keep the communication lines open and don't push things too fast -- let her set the pace. She might be uncomfortable at first, but if you make sure that she knows she's the most important thing in your life, then hopefully she'll come around.

[pernille d]

a similar experince to what i had wih my wife , and i too said no , and i still wonder if i had said yess i would have been out 7 or so yaers ago , and had 7 more better years !!!!

from my experience please tell her your only lieing to yourself and her and i am sure things will be ok as from what you say she seems quite open with things . ( just remember all the rules about comming out).

one thing that springs to my mind is, could it be bedroom fetish as it can be a lot different what happens in the bedroom to what happens in real life. but what ever tell her so you dont live bottled up the rest of your life .

good luck

[Von]

It sounds to me like she either suspects you CD and wants to make it easy...
or she has a fantasy about it. If I said something like that it for sure would mean one of those two.

It sounds extremely promising to me.

I agree. My immediate thought is that she suspects something, and probably isn't sure exactly what - CD at least. My other thought was that it seems obvious she likes the feminine side of you - is it possible that she is bi?

Either way, you couldn't have a better opening.

My guess is that she suspects (again, something) and wants to know what it is that she's dealing with - and is gently and thoughtfully giving you an opportunity to come clean. I suspect she's into it, and you will be really glad you told her. But either way, it's absolutely the right thing to do. Not only will your guilt grow about your dishonesty, but you'll have to continue to hide or supress it - moreover she deserves to know the truth.

It's a risk, there is certainly no guarantee. It could be that she suspects and is trying to lure you into an admission so you can deal with it. But it seems obvious that either way, she suspects something. She's not going to get less suspicious. If you don't talk to her about it, she'll talk to someone else and/or speculate until she catches or confronts you.

I don't have a wife or SO. I just started CDing very recently, and haven't dated since. So you can consider this an outside viewpoint, or just dismiss it - but it seems like you have as close as one could get to an ideal chance here. It seems unlikely to me, but if she's not at least accepting (CDing will probably be a relief, but you should be completely honest with her and yourself about your feelings as much as you understand them - even if that is beyond CD) your going to have to deal with it sooner or later. Best for everyone now.

Good luck, let us know...

[dorylinn]

I know I need to tell her, but have your reactions been far off? Or dead on what you thought?

The stress, The thought loops of what could happen....


The earth did not in fact implode..., lightning strike me down..., Six O'Clock News pick up the story.....

She took it quite well, with a lot of confusion, and questions.

Thank All the girls here for their good advice, support, and suggestions.

[MichelleW126]

I think for now I am going to ease back into hinting to her and see how she reacts. Possibly slide on a pair of her painties after our epilating experience this weekend.

I just don't think I can come clean all at once until I get a better idea. She has bascially told me she is here til the end NO MATTER what and I honeslty believe her.

I can't wait to take this further!

[Alice B]

My strong guess is that she knows and is just waiting for you to discuss it with her. I also feel she will be very accepting, so do it.

[daviolin]

The way it sounds, I wouldn't wait a minute longer and tell her. She sounds like she would enjoy it. I waited 33 years to tell my wife, big mistake. she hates my fem side. Our relationship is really damaged. and we had a great thing going before I told her. I don't want to get you in hot water. so use your better judgement. You know your wife, I don't. But I belive if you are totally hooked on dressing. the sooner the better. I know, Its a living hell here at my home. I also thought the urge would go after I got married. It returned about a year after our marrage. And has esclated ever since. Good luck darling. By the way you are really cute.