I am not a parent, but I have a total of 10 nieces and nephews. You have the opportunity to raise a child into this world to be a tolerant, open minded, and peaceful and loving individual. Dressing in front of your child is ultimately up to you, but you can still raise your child to understand those that do.
Gott weiß ich will kein Engel sein
1) You and your wife should make the decisions jointly and
2) Don't put your children in harm's way.
The first goal is easy to execute as it seems the two of you have a wonderful relationship.
The second goal takes some thought and there have been many good comments thusfar. I would mention that the process of bringing children to understand the difference between lying and not divulging private information is one that takes time and patience, but MUST be done as parents. As long as the message from both parents is the same, there are usually only a few bumps in the road. My experience is that little ones enjoy being "all grown up" by having responsibility for their actions like knowing what information is kept in the family. One's gender choice fits into this category, but so do hundreds of other topics.
But you do have 2 years to work all this out. You would be wise to work it out sooner as your won't be sleeping regularly for the last 18 months of this two years!
best wishes
tina
Hello KateW I can relate to your dilema as I'm the father to a wonderful baby boy who's 15 months old now . He's my first child and considering my age probably the last . For me it was clear before he was even born that in the best interest of my child , he wouldn't see me as Bianca but a strong father figure . That's something I feel is lacking nowadays . I only dress outside the house .
Some might think I'm ashamed of what I am but I see it a different way . I'm not ashame of having sex with my wife but we wouldn't do it in front of our baby . Same thing in this case , just a matter of boundaries .
Also like someone said I don't want to influence his sexuality but I intend on teaching him to be open minded and respectful of other poeple opinions and ways of life .
Finally , for me becoming a parent means thinking what's best for the child . I beleive as parents we have to make sacrifices . I even had to sell my sport car cause there was no room for baby's seat . I sure miss my car but I don't regret having to take care of a wonderful new life . We have agreed that family comes first , Bianca needs come after the family needs .
That's how we decided to do things . As for you , it's your child you'll be the parent of that baby so your decision how you'll decide how to raise him or her as long as both you and your wife agree on how to proceed . I hope my intervention was of some help for you and happy parenthood .
Kate...you do have at least a year to figure out with your wife on what you are going to do. I have twin boys who do not know, and my wife and I have decided to keep it that way. Of course, there are signs ( my shoe collection in the basement along with assorted pairs of shoes in the closet and Maria's clothes hanging on my side ) but my boys are so used to these things being around that they don't even think twice about it.
I do want them to be open minded, and when they "trip" into the adolescent stage of making fun of those who are "different" I remind them that everyone is free to choose, and just because they want to do something different than what we do, it does not mean that it is bad, nor should you make fun of it.
Since they were small, and my wife's shoes are smaller of course than mine, they would wear her shoes if they needed a pair...even two days ago, one of the twins wore my wife's pink and white platform crocks outside to help me with things from the car when I got home...if they do figure out and try on a pair of my shoes, I'm sure that they will have to put their heads together and figure out why mommy has two different sizes..ones that are too small for us now, and ones that are a little bit too big - hey wait, they feel like dads sneakers!
I'm glad that I ran across your post, because I actually got a "kick" out of watching the new Lady Gaga video where the guys are all dressed in hose and black patent heels and shaved legs. I did get to comment about this to my twins and my wife, who looked at me and just shook her head LOL
It is different for everyone, and as someone else said, once they got around 14-15 months, i stopped wearing heels in front of them...
For me, the bullying started in Grade 3. The homophobia started in high school, and it didn't stop until I finished Grade 13.Originally Posted by mister-mason
Agreed. This is the kind of thing that leaves children open for mental health issues throughout their lives.
I have 5 kids, aged from 8 to 30, I have always restricted my dressing to when they are not around, and I have never had a problem with that, my clothes are hanging the wardrobe, no one has ever questioned they are mine, if your wife is as supportive as you say, I dont feel it is going to be an issue, if you are capable of restricting it yourself?
Kate, In my experience.....years ago when my first born daughter was about two, I came out of the bedroom wearing Mommy's dress thinking she won't know.......WOW was I wrong. One smart kid. She said "ooooooh Mommy's dress. I immediately changed and never went there again. Remember, some kids are very smart.
Beth
Oh, how I wish....
I would say like many others that you and your wife need to discuss it an come to an agreement for sure, but i have read that if you softly expose children to things they dont necessarily feel it to be different and it really isnt something they speak of. this of course pertaining to your 3rd closet. as for dressing i read above where a 2 yr old remembers i have also read that now a days kids tend to have a stronger memory and a one time flash of something out of the norm may trigger a long time memory.. Good luck in your decision! thats my
Jessica
It's very strange that people say, "Don't do it around the kid because they'll get bullied in school later."
Does it not occur to anyone that bullies will be bullies anyway?
The recent cases of kids committing suicide because they've been slammed on the Internet come to mind. That's enough to die over?
Bull.
Two problems here. Bullying exists because it works for the bully, and, people being bullied don't fight back properly. How many of us put us with crap and later thought, "I shoulda..." but didn't do it at the time?
Childhood bullying, left alone, just helps the bullies get better at being bullies and the victims be more compliant victims. You think there's no justice? There is... That bully can wind up being your kid's boss.
Don't set yourself, and your kids, up for crap. Be who you want to be and teach your kid that "right and wrong" includes leaving people alone AND being left alone.
The other kid's bigger, smarter, meaner than your kid? There's a workout, a book, an attitude for that.
Right thing, right place, right time - for the right reasons.
Going to be a parent?
Be a PROUD parent with PROUD kids.
I would not stop being you!After all its being you that will make up the character of your child.I would suggest allowing your child to choose their own way in life without being coerced however.I've chosen this route,basically not telling my daughter until later in life.There have been no exposures,I've been very discreet,I've also led her to believe she is free to be who she want's to be.A fine line it is,so do your homework.
Thank you to everyone for your feedback so far! You are right, I do have some more time after the baby is born to try and work this out. In fact, I spoke with my wife, and she said the exact same thing and thinks it should be fine - to start with at least. Then we can work out exactly how we are going to handle it after the first year.
While I certainly wouldn't want to cause any stress or confusion to the kid, I think its also to impart that you should be yourself, whoever that may be (as long as your a good person!). Whichever way we decide to handle it, I will always strive to be a good father however I can.
I was also thinking that while I have been aware of my crossdressing since I was very young, I only really started to understand it in my late teens. So I shouldn't really expect a small child to make sense of it...
Oh I don't know!
Kate xxx
I am only a cross dresser when I don't crossdress!
About Me: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...595#post306595
"I don't want the world to see me, cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am" - Goo Goo Dolls
[SIZE="3"]www.HappyDressers.com[/SIZE] - Where cross dressers go to be happy!
you and your wife defentley need to tal kand decide wht is best for the 3 of you
You are making two assumptions, (1) that other kids will find out, and (2) that it will be a problem. I don't agree that either is a foregone conclusion.
I also live in the real world, and my son is almost 7yo. To date, he has never said anything about my crossdressing to anybody at school or elsewhere.
I have a friend who has been post-op for almost 20 years, and who fathered a son while on hormones and living full time, prior to SRS. It's supposed to be medically impossible, but it happened none the less. She has continued to live as a woman, and used to take her son to and from school virtually all the way through primary and high school. If someone said something about her being his mother, he always corrected them and said "no, that's my dad." If he had any problems with bullies at school, he never admitted it to his family.
Another friend has recently come out to her adult daughter's friends, and went from being seen as a boring old guy to being cool. They actually encourage her to dress and go out with them.
These are just 3 examples in my immediate circle of friends, but I know others online who tell similar stories. The current generation of school children, around here at least, are more likely to see a crossdressing parent as cool or interesting rather than a negative.
Parents who give their children the impression that it is a negative, whether they are CDs themselves or not, are the ones who continue to indoctrinate the younger generations to see us negatively.
I would recommend being open and honest with your children if you want them to be open and honest with you.
Congratulations KateW!!
For me, it was never a complicated issue. I simply asked myself a few questions.
1) How do I feel about my (ex) wife’s belief that “she deserves to have a life too” ??
My Answer: It is an illogical statement and total nonsense designed to justify self interest.
A person’s life changes with the circumstances that affect it. A person does not get to just “create” another “life” or “person”, and “keep the old one, too”. That is nonsense thinking inherent in schizophrenia and multiple-personality disorders. You are ONE person, period. You don’t get to create “additional” people and personalities at will, to enable you to continue doing things you do not want to give up when your life changes. This is reality, not Disneyland, lol.
2) What is my priority…my needs or my child’s needs?
3) What will promote the best interests of my child?
4) Would CD make my child’s life more difficult and confusing?
5) Repeat question #2.
As I said, it was a simple process for me. Common sense usually is pretty simple for me.
But, that is just me…it obviously does not make sense to some folks, but it works for me, which…at the end of the day…is all that really matters, right?
"I slept just like a baby last night...Slept for an hour/cried for an hour/slept for an hour/cried for an hour"
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