How I Finally Found Self Acceptance

[Sheila]

Given that so many have or have had self acceptance issues that may have taken years to shake off if not fully at least to the point where the doubts, insecurities and fears no longer hold you in total abject fear of the world knowing the whole you .............

how did you reach a peace with yourself ?,

was it through therapy,

acceptance from your SO,

friends,

family,

books,

support groups

Your personal faith/religion

or any other way

or a combination of things that helped you ?

[DAVIDA]

Yep! It wasn't just me alone that did it! Her name is Jean. She is the love of my soul!
It was twenty years ago now. I don't know where I would be now without her.

[Jonique Patricia]

I quickly thought about it and come to this conclusion about me.

I spent 9 yrs serving in the Army and made it to the rank of SGT. I even wore CPL stripes, cause I found a loophole in order to use it and so to speak 'made a deal with a devil'. So this is based on what I experienced.

I realized that I didn't just defend the average NORMAL American. I was defending those that were like me and weren't afraid to face it head on and damn the rest. It is my years that made me realize the axiom, "You are as strong as your weakest link."

I always thought that this part of me was weak and vulnerable. How wrong I was, since being buried deep in me for so long that it reemerged and with a vengeance to show me that it will always be apart of my psych no matter what I would through in its way.

Learning as I came up through the ranks, I realized that I had to adapt to this and that. Adversity and competition becomes your two best friends. It also separates you sometimes from who you really are and some when YOU come back and you find what you built up must be rearranged to accommodate the real YOU.

I also used the tested axioms of "SUCK IT UP-TROOP" as well as "Fake the Funk". Meaning if I want what I want I need to make sure I do it right to get it properly or it ain't worth having. Pain, physical or mental will eventually become nonexistent and you will feel better. Faking the funk just means that you have no strength to put into a situation right now, so you go along and act as if you do until you are ready to take appropriate actions to correct the wrong.

Right now, in my situation, I made a tactical retreat and am assessing what I have and what I need and what I want. It may be sooner or later that I win out for myself. But I will preserver to accomplish what I want and settle for nothing less.

I see a therapist, but it is a relation where I say what I feel I have to say and she makes me examine what I say and what I feel and if the jive. She is patient cause I go off on tangents but gets me back to the point. I see her cause of my Cross Dressing and not the side affects of depression and the need at time to punch a baggage container to reaffirm that I do live and I do feel.

So where do I stand now. No further that I was a year ago, except that I am not a sneaker; unless I play a sniper role on EA Battlefield games and I relish the thought that a few fools found that I was their to trash there game play (oops-them tangents again). But sneaking around in a marriage is bad. I am committed to her, even if she right now thinks that I am not being the man she married. I am not going to sacrifice my inner self for some ones uneducated selfishness. It could me that the commitment ends, bad. But I tried and will try.

So if you want advice, to take a well used phrase: Improvise, Adapt, Overcome! and you will win out.

Just got to say one more thing:

[SIZE="4"]WHOOOOAHHHH[/SIZE]

JP

[Ashley S]

I guess a combination of an accepting SO, and some accepting friends, and this site right here!

Also, I've spent countless hours researching TG information on the internet.

Someone on here (I can't remember who) once said. "Maybe the best way to find out who you are, is to first find out who you're not.", which seems like sound advice to me.

I still have some problems with anxiety and depression, but I plan to see a therapist soon. I'm eager to hear a professional opinion on my situation.

Ultimately, I think (for myself) it's just exposure to other TGs that helped me the most. My former SO and the people on here have helped me accept that I'm TG (it is NOT a phase), that it doesn't change the person I am inside, and that (most of all) it's a whole lot of fun!

Sheila, I'd also like to add that I've always found your posts to be among the most helpful, supportive, and honest. You're a treasure to the TG community. I think you should have your own TV show...maybe Doctor Sheila (I picture Doctor Phil going "The problem is YOU!, how do you expect anyone to love and respect you, if you don't love and respect yourself?" in his southern drawl.)

And to everyone: Thanks for just being here to help young folks like me sort through some of this stuff. Your opinions and experience are worth their weights in gold. I can only imagine how difficult it must have been before the internet was around. So thanx so much everyone and keep up the good work

IJust got to say one more thing:

[SIZE=4]WHOOOOAHHHH[/SIZE]

JP

[Jonianne]

Individual and group therapy were major contributing factors. My issue was mainly on a religious/spiritual level and through the conduit of unconditional love and acceptance of others, I was able to let in the unconditional love and acceptance of God and give myself the self-acceptance I despertly desired.

My deepest depression ended when I finally realized that no one was making me feel bad about myself, "I" was the one who was making me feel bad about myself. When that finally sunk in, the deep depression finally lifted and never came back.

Here is a wonderful article on self-acceptance by Dr. Joy Browne
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ad.php?t=84515

[victoriamwilliams1]

I found myaccecptance by accepting myself first and then by people I have met. I think what helped me was I am know as the tall girl in public and I had one S.A. wondering what happened to the tall lady.

[Sheila]

Thanks to all who have so far replied & Joni thank you for reminding me that while personal faiths/religions can cause great stress to TG folks trying to accept themselves, it can also work the other way and be another conduit of acceptance

Ashely I practiced darts injecting on oranges when I was training to be a nurse ............. none died in the process

[Rachaelb64]

Divorcing my ex-wife.............

After my marriage collasped, I hit rock bottom with my depression, I really considered ending my life at this point.

But something clicked, I not sure what, anger, stubborness. Whatever it was it made me start kicking back against the World. This is the point I started acceptting myself for Me

I remember my ex threating to tell the whole world I was crossdresser and looking at smiling saying 'do it then'.

Its not been easy, nothing really is, but I'm happy with myself for the 1st time in very long while, plus I've find a wonderful woman to stand by side

[StaceyJane]

For me my journey to self acceptance starting with finding the online TG community. That's the first place I found people like me.

Therapy has helped also the support of my wife and daughters which has allowed me to come out and not have to hide in my own house.

[kimdl93]

therapy, increasing maturity and a supportive SO

[sissystephanie]

I started out as a CD when I was about 6 or 7 y/o. Never had any desire to become a woman, just wanted to wear their clothes. By the time I entered the military at age 19, I knew that I was a "True" CD and accepted that role. Then when I proposed to my fiance, I told her that I was a crossdresser. She not only accepted me "as is," but fully supported me for the almost 50 years we had together.

So I guess my correct answer would have to be myself and my wonderful late wife!! I have gone to therapists, but they did not do anything to change my mind or correct me! Nor did they tell me why I do what I do. I do it because I like to!! I know who I am, and what I am. If you don't like me or the way I dress, that is your problem not mine!! I am my own boss, not the subject of someone else!

[sterling12]

I think Logic has a lot to do with it. Somewhere along The Timeline you realize that, "This is reality for me, like it or not, it's who I am!" Then, it's only logical that you should accept and actually like yourself as a person. When you do, all The Self-Hatred, all The Guilt, goes away.

I harp on it a lot, but I also recommend a Face to Face Support Group. When I joined Tri-Beta, it seemed to solidify my resolve, and make my own doubts go away. I think a lot of Gurls would overcome their anxieties, and get much closer to realizing self-acceptance with The Help from their Sisters in a friendly, non-threatening environment.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[docrobbysherry]

Maybe BOTH?

As a man, I found peace, happiness, and self worth in my work. Success is important for many men to help them find self esteem and acceptance!

As a CD, I'm STILL working on the "self acceptance" issue! However, I've had 60 years to accept myself as a man.
And less than 14, to accept myself as a CD/TG!

Hopefully, "time wounds all heels"!

[suzy1]

It’s quite simple in my case. I have never had a problem with self acceptance.
I am not religious so no problem there.
And I have always believed that it does not mater what you do in this life as long as you are not hurting anybody doing it.
Too many people have unnecessary hang ups. It robs you of happiness.

That’s just my opinion, SUZY

[PretzelGirl]

I may reinvent myself from time to time, but if I haven't accepted myself all along, then I don't know what acceptance feels like. I have never fought anything. I am who I am and it is time to move on from there. Life is for living and not for stressing over.

[Angiemead12]

Im 30 now and have come to the acceptance by

Doing therapy, having an accepting and supportive SO, friends, and some family members.

I have bought 4 books, have signed up to various internet support groups.

And have had lengthy talks, multiple times even though its about the same thing with all of the above!

It took a few years but hell no ones going to change my mind anymore about what I can or cant do!

[SuzanneBender]

I just ordered it from a cross dressing store on the internet! It was and sale for $59.95. Oh wait that was breast forms. I get so confused sometimes.

Actually I am still working on the whole self acceptance thing. Everyday is a new discovery. Thus far what is helping:

A loving wife that doesn't understand any of this (neither do I). She shows wonderful moments of acceptance when really she should have kicked me out of the house for hiding this from her for so long. I am the luckiest person on the planet for having her in my life.

This site and many of the ladies that are a part of my life because of it.

Reading a lot.

A marriage therapist that has no experience with anyone that is TG. However, she acts like this isn't even a pothole on the road of psychological well being.

All of those "average" people that I have moved among dressed that haven't raised an eyebrow or that have been wonderfully nice.

My faith in the fact that somehow God wired me this way for a reason.

Comfort in being able to find great shoes at incredible prices