Crossdressers OUT and IN Relationships

[IMkrystal]

I have two questions (1 & 2). For Crossdressers who are not currently in a relationship and I have two questions (3 & 4). For those who are in relationships. Looking at “The Picture and Video Gallery” I don’t see MTF Crossdressers or men dressing like women. I see just many beautiful women. I have been on many different dating sites and on one, a woman wrote back that I looked better than most women on the site! What I have found is that I am attached to women that make an effort to look “good” Women who take the time and effort to show themselves off! When talking to a GG about this, she made the comment that women get tired of doing this. In my past relationships I have not brought up my crossdressing. The biggest reason was a matter of trust. In one relationship that produced my now thirteen old daughter. I did tell my daughter’s mother after several years (less than a year before my daughter’s birth and her mom was more accepting before than after)
My questions to you are:

1.) Is the way we dress and the way we feel when dressed any reflection on the kind of women we wish to meet?

2.) Describe your fantasy woman partner?

3.) When we meet someone are we settling for the lesser of two evils being in a relationship and hiding or being along and lonely?

4.) Why did you not tell your SO about your crossdressing when you met or at least when you got married?

[Lexine]

3.) When we meet someone are we settling for the lesser of two evils being in a relationship and hiding or being along and lonely?

You can have your cake and eat it too. Being in a relationship doesn't necessarily mean that you have to give up things that you like doing entirely. There is compromise there, and there can even be instances when a potential SO would even be perfectly fine with CDing! My SO is fully accepting of my CDing even way before we started dating and we go out a lot and she doesn't really care if I go as Lexi or Alex.

I think that says something about the person's character if they don't feel "threatened" by a "hobby." The hobby doesn't even have to be CDing... it could be video games, Texas Hold 'Em, etc.

Being alone is the same thing. We do what we do because we want to feel happy about ourselves and who we are. Even if we're not in a relationship, the least we can do is love ourselves and really work on making ourselves the best we possibly can... both sides or the other side.

4.) Why did you not tell your SO about your crossdressing when you met or at least when you got married?

I told her about it before we even started dating. She loves it!

In my past relationships I have not brought up my crossdressing. The biggest reason was a matter of trust.

IMO the best way to establish trust is to tell them from the beginning. If they can't deal with it, then they have bigger problems to deal with. It's a good way to weed out the people who have issues

[Miranda09]

Interesting questions Krystal and, since I am NOT in any kind of relationship now, I can address the first 2 questions...I think!!!!!!!

I guess basically, the way I dress and the way I present myself is really the type of woman I tend to be attracted to. In other words, those that keep themselves fit and have a less than traditional sense of style. The real test will be when I do meet someone who is right for me, how they will handle my TG personality! As for the second question, don't know who my fantasy female partner would be or how to describe her. There are many variables that would come into play.

[IMkrystal]

Miranda can you go into more detail about the variables

[Heisthebride]

3. You can have both a relationship and still dress, lots of people do. You just need to be honest and take their feelings into account. Some are happy and fine others learn to become more accepting others may not be able to deal with it. The worst thing to do is keep it hidden. That creates tension and distrust.

4. I did tell her two months into dating her. Three years later we are married and planning a vow renewal where I will be the bride and she will be my groom.

[sandra-leigh]

I didn't know I was a cross-dresser until about 8 years into the relationship.

[Miranda09]

Miranda can you go into more detail about the variables

Hmmmmmmmmm....Welllllllllllll......a little Angelina Jollee, some Lauren Bacall, a bit of Goldie Hawn, and a dash of Meg Ryan! She must be able to keep up with me intellectually, have an artistic side, be adventuresome, love the outdoors, be open minded (of course), and let me photograph her endlessly!!! Somehow, I doubt she even exists (or she wouldn't be a fantasy...right?), BUT, I was married to about as close to my fantasy girl as I think I'll ever get.

[Marcella Camira]

3) I don't wanna get dressed all time , so no big deal. I like being a guy I can be lazy if I want too! So,not settling! Besides, she kinda knows anyway!

4) I didn't have to tell her she found a vcr tape, I had forgotten about and saw me in it! Later she said, it made her excited! I was embarrassed for a about 2 sec. That was when we first started living together almost 18 yrs ago. Then I have done it off and on since! More so lately! Last year or so!

[susan fuller]

I told my wife six months into our relaltionship. We were together several years before we got married. she has been supportive from the start. I feel real lucky.

[Rianna Humble]

1.) Is the way we dress and the way we feel when dressed any reflection on the kind of women we wish to meet?

I do not consider the women I would wish to meet when I am dressing, but I tend to dress in a way that looks right for my age. Since I have received compliments from GG's who have a sense of style, I would hope that my dress-sense would not put off a future girlfriend.

2.) Describe your fantasy woman partner?

I probably will not form any lasting relationships until after my transition, but then I would hope to meet someone kind and considerate, who shares my sense of compassion. Someone who would enjoy going out together to do the girly things,like mani/pedicures or clothes shopping, and is not afraid to show her emotions.

I have met a few people like that, but they were already in stable relationships.

[Dana]

I would love to be the wife with a GG.

Not in a FemDom type relationship, Just the wife of such.

I'm retired out of the Marine Corps, my medical alone along with my commissary, PX + medical premuimns alone would earn my keep me such.

There was one GG here seeking such ~ but the common community beat her up for seeking such.

And it wasn't the GG's doing so but the MTF's?

That's not to say that I wouldn't play the male role ~ for her comfront in public and for family for her benefit ~ but I would love to play the "wife" role in the private relationship role?

There's one such couple here I believe called Marla and Rachele ~ I could be wrong


She actively sought after a crossdresser ~ and found one? (BTW? She's pretty a HB10 (HotBabeX10)


On DateACrossdresser there was a girl that sought after a crossdresser ~ and found one!

[sherri]

I fall in the first category. Not only do I think I probably emulate the kind of woman I'm attracted to, but I'll go you one better -- there are many reasons why I dress, not the least of which is that I truly have a femme nature of my own, but I've often thought that my feminine dressing and expression are a way of providing myself with the female companionship that I've always had up until a few years ago. Without the arguments! Sounds kinda shizo I know, but it's really not a significant factor in my own mind and heart.

I'll take a stab at #3 too. The short answer is acceptance alone might be enough for casual dating, but not for entering into a committed relationship. You got to have that do-re-mi.

[Allyson Michelle]

1.) Is the way we dress and the way we feel when dressed any reflection on the kind of women we wish to meet?

Yes. I strongly feel that the reason i dress in the fashion that i do is because I'm into women who dress like that as well.

2.) Describe your fantasy woman partner?

Ahh... well, Accepting of what I am of course. Smart, funny, all other cliche movie attractions. She doesn't have to be skinny mini, I like a little meat on em'. She has to be outgoing and have a sense of humor as well.

[Debb]

1.) Is the way we dress and the way we feel when dressed any reflection on the kind of women we wish to meet?

2.) Describe your fantasy woman partner?

3.) When we meet someone are we settling for the lesser of two evils being in a relationship and hiding or being along and lonely?

4.) Why did you not tell your SO about your crossdressing when you met or at least when you got married?

Krystal, I'd like to answer #1 although I am in a relationship, and then #3 and #4.

1 -- I think the way that I dress reflects my taste in women to a large extent. I'm interested in women who are mature yet young-looking, and not stuck on themselves to the point where they only wear "frilly" things. Women who wear jeans and t-shirts, with ear rings.

3 -- OK I guess this is one I can't answer. I'm in love with the woman I married 27 years ago, and at the time, "hiding" was so ingrained in my personality that I didn't even think of it, so I guess my answer would be "no".

4 -- I consider myself a crossdresser, with a twist. Not all crossdressers are transgender, but I am, and this plays into the whole "coming out" experience -- I wasn't sure what it was that I was feeling. Also, I was in the military at the time of our meeting and marriage, and this was before don't-ask-don't-tell, so I didn't tell. I'm not even sure I had a sense that I was a crossdresser at the time, to be honest, although I had known something was 'wrong' with me for a long time before that.

[JulieC]

I'm in a relationship, so....

3.) When we meet someone are we settling for the lesser of two evils being in a relationship and hiding or being along and lonely?

In the relationships I had when I was in hiding, I didn't feel like I was settling for the lesser of two evils. It wasn't tied together like that. I didn't equate being in a relationship with an inability to crossdress. I lived on my own in all the relationships I had while I was crossdressing, so I still had plenty of opportunity, even with girlfriends who frequently slept over.

When I stopped hiding, I refused to accept having a girlfriend who didn't accept me crossdressing. So, it was a moot point.

4.) Why did you not tell your SO about your crossdressing when you met or at least when you got married?

I wanted to develop a relationship first, to see if there was something worthwhile with her. On the first date, you want to put your best foot forward. Let's face it; women in this society aren't raised to dream of their knight in shining white wedding dress. Revelations of crossdressing come later. But, I was insistent that I was going to tell her. I did, a few months into the relationship as things were obviously becoming serious.

What I have found is that I am attached to women that make an effort to look “good” Women who take the time and effort to show themselves off! When talking to a GG about this, she made the comment that women get tired of doing this.

I too am attracted to women who make an effort to look good. Not all women are like that, and I certainly don't mean to imply that all women should be like that. Each to their own. In my case, my "each to their own" is that I am not attracted to women who routinely look slovenly, using their bras as pockets for cell phones, cigarettes and who knows what else, wearing nasty flip flops, etc..etc..etc.. They're of course free to present themselves how they'd like. If they're happy, I'm happy for them. I'm free to not be attracted to them.

[Tasha McIntyre]

Hi Krystal,

I'm in a great relationship, but will have a go all all 4 questions.

1.) Is the way we dress and the way we feel when dressed any reflection on the kind of women we wish to meet?

I have dressed since about age 11 or 12, but up until recently I had never used makeup or donned a wig, so I had no idea what I would look like all done up. I liked to feel feminine when dressed, and I think that attracted me to girls that looked and dressed feminine.

2.) Describe your fantasy woman partner?

Singer and songwriter Deborah Gibson. I try to look like she did in the mid 1980's. Strawberry blonde straight hair with eye level fringe.

3.) When we meet someone are we settling for the lesser of two evils being in a relationship and hiding or being along and lonely?

No, I'm happy to say I didn't settle.

4.) Why did you not tell your SO about your crossdressing when you met or at least when you got married?

Sadly, it took me 8 years into our relationship to come clean. Why? One, because I was terrified of sharing my deepest, darkest secret with anyone. Two, I didn't understand myself, so how could I expect anyone else to understand.

Only with the help of this forum did I get a handle on things, and was able to tell the wife, and develop Tash's personality and image. My wife has taken it wonderfully well, even becoming a (silent - non posting) member of this forum to learn more. She doesn't ever want to see Tash but is accepting and understanding.

Tash

[AmandaM]

I would love to be the wife with a GG.
Not in a FemDom type relationship, Just the wife of such.
That's not to say that I wouldn't play the male role ~ for her comfront in public and for family for her benefit.

That's my dream with my wife. She seems receptive to the relationship heading that way. I'm hopeful it'll get to the point where I'm fem all the time except when I have to be a guy.

[fallen_rayne]

1.) Is the way we dress and the way we feel when dressed any reflection on the kind of women we wish to meet?

I have never thought of it that way. I guess if i had to answer honestly i would have to say yes. I would love to get a shy little goth girl that would love me unconditionally.

2.) Describe your fantasy woman partner?

A petite shy little girl, who is nerdy and plays video games. Very passionate and loves to speak her mind, whether right or wrong. Would be a minx in the bedroom. Would love me for me for CD'ing and all.

[IMkrystal]

I would like to thank all who have responded. It has been helpful seeing that I am not alone in my feelings. I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE! This form has helped in my personal acceptance. Yesterday at the at the beginning of the Ghana & Uruguay World Cup match The Ghanaian team held up a banner saying "Stop Racism" I am still living for that day where stereotypes no longer matters.

[CdChloe]

3) I don't think so, if you love someone enough to decide to be in a relationship you aren't settling, perhaps they are more than you want and you just haven't seen it all yet

4) in all honesty I didn't tell my now wife about it for fear of loosing her, and even then if I remember rightly it was either just before or after I proposed that she came home early from work and caught me sitting on the couch in a pink top and blue netball skirt and heeled boots... And even then I still felt uncomfortable around her as Chloe.

It's not until just recently that I've started wearing skirts etc around the house, I need more clothes, and I feel healthier and happier than ever

[Michelle55]

3.) When we meet someone are we settling for the lesser of two evils being in a relationship and hiding or being along and lonely?

4.) Why did you not tell your SO about your crossdressing when you met or at least when you got married?

#3 When I found myself looking for a new SO about 5 years ago, I swore I would tell her BEFORE things got serious. I was not going to hide anymore and it has worked out great.

#4 With my first wife I was 24 when we got married in 1979 and like most of us back then, we thought it would "go away" once we got married.
I told my current wife about my CDing after about 2 to 3 weeks of dating and she was fine with it.

[kathie225]

I enjoyed this question as with many others in the past that make one stop and reflect on why we are where we are.
My wife and I married for love. It seemed like we were intended for each other. That was over 45yrs ago. It wasn't a matter of "settling" for either of us as if one of us (or both) couldn't do better or this person tolerates me. Over the years we've had big challenges and disappointments, but we survived every one. So I believe we married for reasons that were right for us.
As to the last question, I don't believe I was conscious of my need to CD when we married. But as the urge began to stir within me, I talked to my wife about it. It is something we have adjusted to and our solution seems to be working so far. BTW this issue isn't among the challenges or disappointments that we have had to confront over the years.

[JoannaCaroline]

I stopped dating women that wouldn't accept all of me a long time ago. I got married 5 yrs ago and met my wife 9 yrs ago. I told her all about my many varied selfs the day I met her. To be honest I've told everyone Ive dated since I was about 24 and most before then. Only had 1 say she didn't want to deal with it and she was very sweet about it. She was probably more freaked out about my interests in BDSM than TG

1.) Is the way we dress and the way we feel when dressed any reflection on the kind of women we wish to meet?

For me definitely but there are some looks I just can't pull off so I don't try. The way I normally dress is a look that I love to see but occasionally it's fun to go crazy. My wife can pull of outfits that just won't work for me.

2.) Describe your fantasy woman partner?

The way they dress or the way they look? It would definitely be my wife. She will wear 3 inch long nails, a fetish outfit and march in a gay pride parade one day (she has many times) and the next day be wearing a long conservative skirt and blouse at a wedding with the nails and not care what the neighbors think. She also does not care what people think about her TG husband/wife.

3.) When we meet someone are we settling for the lesser of two evils being in a relationship and hiding or being along and lonely?

Not sure I understand this one. I think you are referring to people who settle for getting into a relationship with someone who doesnt know about them being TG or in a relationship with someone who does know but that you wouldn't normally be in a relationship with. In other words you are only dating them because the seem to accept you . In either case neither applies to me and I highly recommend that no one settle for either.

4.) Why did you not tell your SO about your crossdressing when you met or at least when you got married?

I told her the day I met her. For the previous 10 yrs of dating anyone, I told them within a month of starting the relationship. In a few cases I was doing it very early and expected it to end a budding relationship. I was surprised at the positive responses I got. Only one relationship ended because of the confession and it was amicable. I did have one relationship end and then she tried to use it against me. She outed me to everyone we knew, which in that tiny town was everyone. I didn't even find out for almost a year when one of my friends (who didnt know) just had to ask if it was all true. I was at first mad about it but then realized that none of my friends (who didnt know) cared about any of it. Oh and by the way the TG part is the tame part

In my opinion you should tell, but then I think you should tell your spouse a lot of things. Most people though it has a little to do with community, friends, church, family and the concern of what everyone would think.

[minalost]

3.) When we meet someone are we settling for the lesser of two evils being in a relationship and hiding or being along and lonely?

Why not try for both: honesty AND a relationship? If I had to do it over again I would try to find someone who could accept me for ALL that I am. Don't settle - keep looking until you find the perfect one!

4.) Why did you not tell your SO about your crossdressing when you met or at least when you got married?

I didn't know that the crossdresser thing was life long. I truly thought it would go away after I got married. Yah, no internet back then... Again, if I had to do it all over again I'd tell her no latter than the second or third date. Why start something that you can't finish?