A Traumatic Event

[Starling]

I began dressing when I was ten or eleven. As the decades advanced, through the inevitable urge-purge cycles, I never dressed fully; I never went out, or even tried to make myself what a wise sister has called presentable--i.e., physically and mentally together enough as a female to be treated with respect by most people, even if they have read you.

I never had the desire, that is, until I suffered a trauma which left me with an invisible, but significant, physical disability.

Somehow that event awoke in me a need to blow up the closet, to go out among other people, and to be accepted as a transwoman when I do. Joining this community was the first step I took. For family reasons I don't plan to transition, or even dress full-time, but I do want to have a public female life to complement my male oeuvre.

This awakening has made me somewhat careless about concealing my TG/TS nature, and I've even been dropping hints to selected friends and dressing more androgynously, when I can. My goal is to acknowledge my true self and live more fully in the time I have left.

Does this sound familiar to anyone? Did some negatively life-changing event kick your consciousness into high gear, and even higher heels?

Or were you just lucky?

Lallie

[Anneliese]

Divorce and high-stress jobs have kicked me into female mode. It's is SO wonderful knowing I can escape into femininity.

[dilane]

Hi Lallie,

My background is different: I was dressed by an older neighborhood girl at around age 7-8, then when I did it on my own a couple of years later, I remember going as complete as possible: I wore full makeup and dressed from the skin out.

I knew it was not a good idea to get caught (and I was a couple of times!), but I never felt guilty or that I was bad for wanting to present as female. The problem was that everyone else seemed to think it was an embarrassment.

I never went out until I was about 30. At my wife's suggestion I went to a halloween party en femme -- once. I remained indoors several more years until I connected with an Orange County CD group, and then with Virginia Prince's group.

It was that exposure with others of my ilk that got me going out and mixing it up in the real world. That started when I was in my late thirties.

[AllieSF]

Yes, I had a similar experience when I was diagnosed with prostate cancer and had it removed in 2005. I like to say that this was the real reason for me starting to dress so very late in life. But, I do realize that I probably had some good seeds waiting to sprout since very early childhood. I guess that it took so long because I am a very slow learner. The main thing is that I did finally discover this side of me and really do enjoy it all and am very happy with myself.

[ColleenW]

Hi Lallie -

I can't say I've had any really traumatic experiences. For me things have just flowed from one step to another.

[Kathi Lake]

My "traumatic" experience was essentially turning 45, and realizing that time wasn't going any slower - or moving backwards. I never wanted to be the person who looked back on their life and said, "If only . . ."

And here I am.



Kathi

[SuzanneBender]

I am not sure if there was a traumatic event in my life that caused me to dress more and step out of the closet. Well that not true. There was the broken nail incident of 95 but I am not sure that was it.

Mine was prompted more by my introduction to the internet. It helped me realize there there were normal people out there like me. It was nice to realize I wasn't alone in the world.

[DawnRodgers]

Although I've dressed for over 40 years it was mostly alone when I traveled on business. Also the timesa while ago were not as open as they are now. About 13 years ago I went into a diabetic coma and was out for about three weeks. When I came out of the coma I had memory problems and actually forgot for about 6 months that I dressed. I finally realized that I CDed and found all of my things up in the attic where my wife had put them. When I found them it all came back to me and I remembered all the times I had yearned to be with someone and never followed up on that. I decided then that I had to feel what it was like, i needed to live out my yearnings and set out to see what it was like. Mission accomplished and, OMG, it was better then I could ever have imagined - again and again. I feel that I have, now, experienced what it was like to truly feel like a woman for some short times of my life. I realize that it is nothing compared to a full time experience of the real thing but, if life was different and I realized at an earlier age the feeling of what it was like I certainly would have considered transitioning. As it is the experience was and is eye opening.

[Loni]

for me it was just dressing,(was coming out) had to put on back burner due to money reasons....but then i was almost killed in a very bad auto accident. but a number of other things happened about this same time.
so i guess one could say yes, maybe, possably....with "other" reasons added.


.

[Starling]

Well, there's a pretty wide range of experience in this fairly small sample--once again demonstrating that we're all different, except for one thing.

Maybe my trauma simply shocked me into needing to live life more fully and try to realize my dreams. A few of you have gone through some awfully harrowing ordeals. I'm glad you've come out the other end whole--and pretty.

I admire you gals who knew it was right for you from an early age, and weren't deterred by parental disapproval from exploring more deeply. Like most of our friends here, I dressed, such as I was able as a child, in the face of an almost overpowering sense of shame.

That most of us have been able to persevere, in spite of it, shows how strong is the need to be yourself. Thank you for your replies.

Lallie

[alice clair]

I had a heart attack 2years ago and flatlined in the emergency room, it took 4 tries with the paddles to revive me and when i recovered i felt that i had to change the way i lived and so i started dressing more and feeling much better about myself as a crossdresser and figured i should live life now and not when it was too late to enjoy who i am. So i am working on removeing myself from the dungeon of the closet. Thanks to all of you wonderful women here for your support of myself and all of the girls that reside here, i feel that we are a family and need each other to fully function as a family and to support each other in good times and bad. Have a fem day i know i will.

PS
I have been exercizing and lifting medium weights to help me also to live longer.
Michelle

[Laura Evans]

For me there was no trauma but a strong desire. I did not go out in public until late in my life out of fear of discovery, etc... and only after I came out to my SO early in our relationship and was accepted 110% and encouraged to follow my dream.

[tammygirl79]

Well, for me, I have been crossdressing since my early teens, but it dick cick up when i went through a traumatic change in my life as well. I went through a very messy divorce, child custody battle, and was laid off of work all at the same time around three years ago. Thats when I really started dressing all out as a woman. It then became more of a lifestyle or alter ego, then just a hobby if you will.

[TxKimberly]

My "traumatic" experience was essentially turning 45, and realizing that time wasn't going any slower - or moving backwards. I never wanted to be the person who looked back on their life and said, "If only . . ."

And here I am.



Kathi

So now that that damned Australian has stopped taking the words outta my mouth, apparently Kathi has taken up the banner. She just stated my thoughts perfectly.

I also recognize the risk taking behavior that you mention. I think there comes a point where we are so desperate, so exhausted by the secrets and the needs, that we think being found out would be a great relief. Be careful of this feeling my friend, for in your feelings of desperation and perhaps despair, you risk doing something, and in a fashion, that you may regret later.

[Kathi Lake]

So now that that damned Australian has stopped taking the words outta my mouth, apparently Kathi has taken up the banner.

I know! Totally! What's up with these Aussie/Kiwi twits and their posting what we were totally going to post, until they beat us to it. Must have something to do with being a day ahead of us, or in the other hemisphere. Something!



Kathi

[Starling]

...in your feelings of desperation and perhaps despair, you risk doing something, and in a fashion, that you may regret later.

I get it, Kim. I take your caution to heart. But I want some very special people to know, and for me to be able to be myself with them. If I can have that, I think I'll be more careful of unconscious slips.

I can't do much about the people at the Post Office or the stores.

Lallie

[AKAMichelle]

Mine happened 4 years ago when I learned my partners stole millions from their clients. I was getting paid by those stolen millions and all of a sudden when they got caught. I lost everything that I had. It took me 2 years before I reached the point that I wouldn't live in a hole feeling sorry for myself. That was the day that started me getting out of the house dressed. That event changed my whole life.

Now I just had another event which has changed my life again this last week. I am reevaluating my life and unsure as what direction it will take.

[Starling]

Good luck to you, Michelle.

Lallie