[SIZE="3"]Good advice Megan. When CDing or anything else becomes an obsession rather than a simple avocation, we are treading on dangerous ground. I like hobbies, just don't think one should rule my life to the point of death![/SIZE]
[SIZE="3"]Good advice Megan. When CDing or anything else becomes an obsession rather than a simple avocation, we are treading on dangerous ground. I like hobbies, just don't think one should rule my life to the point of death![/SIZE]
Lynn Marie
Click here to see me on Flickr
I was a little flippant, and Megan came up with a good point and she is absolutly right. What I meant was this is a part of who I am, and will always be.
To all of our sisters who have contemplated or attempted suicide, I offer my apologies and please understand it was not meant in a manner that makes light of your torment.
I have to disagree with the hobby theory. I'm a committed sports nut. I played golf for years then gave it up and have never hit another ball. I raced cycles for several years two, but my last bike has hung on the wall in the garage for the past 20 of them. Then I swam, trained with an Olympian, though way off his pace. Again I haven't been in a pool for several years now. In fact the last time I went down to the country club was to play badminton. These days I dive off cliffs and body surf the ocean waves and I'm still just as committed to my latest sport fads, as I was once to golf in my teens, as my 18 year old son will testify, when he leaves dad to the dangerous stuff.
But CDing that's no hobby that’s part of who I am, been with me since the day I was born and it will still be there on my last day.
So how many people are given restricted diets and forced to give up their passion for particular foods to help secure their health? Do they become unhappy ever after too?Originally Posted by monalisa
Sometimes you got to suck it up and move on with life without the pouting.
I agree with others: store, don't purge. You may (probably will) want that stuff again.
I agree that "it's a hobby" isn't the primary reason for CD-ing. But, there are aspects of CD-ing I think of as a hobby. I like to make accessories like lace headpieces (headbands) for my maid's outfit. I like to shape and paint fake nails. I like to do minor alterations on my femme clothes. I do things like this in guy mode, and approach it and am rewarded by doing these things in the same way as other hobby activities. But the dressup itself - it's not a hobby - it's more compelling than any hobby.
I would definitely have to disagree with the idea that one cannot quit being a CD without excessive psychological stress. YOU can do it if YOU want to!!
That is the main problem, YOU!! You have to really want to stop completely, not part way! Some posters have said don't purge. If you keep your feminine clothing, I guarantee you will not stop CD'ing!! Some years ago I thopught it would be best for my family is I stopped completely. So I did, and purged everything I had at the time. For a 5 year period I never once wore anything feminine, and surprisingly did not care! Then my dear wife, who had totally supported my CD activities, informed me that she missed Stephanie and asked me to start dressing again. She even offered to take me shopping to restock a feminine wardrobe for Stephanie. I freely admit that I do like to wear feminine things, and even though my wife has passed on I still do!
But if my girlfriend, or any of my family asked to stop I would do so in a heartbeat. It can be done! I know because I did it, and without all the so-called stress. If there is stress, it there only because YOU put it there!! Unless you are a total prisoner, your life is your own! Only you can control it the way you want to! It just takes a little willpower!!
Stephanie
Lady on the outside, but man underneath!
From your statement above it sounds to me like crossdressing is more than a hobby to you. I may be way off base here but since it has persisted through most of your life it sounds more like a gender identity problem to me.
If it is a gender identity problem yes keeping super busy will push it to the background for awhile but eventually it will come back. Many men with gender identity problems ignore it and say it will disappear if I get married, raise a family and keep busy with my career etc., only to have it resurface many years later. I can say this with experience because I did it for 24 years before it came back.
On the other hand if it not a gender identity problem and it just that you like crossdressing I still don't think it is going to totally disappear forever. I'm sorry to say it dear but I think either way you are hooked.
Vicki
You call this a hobby it isn't this is a lifestyle
I wouldn't even call it a lifestyle - that implies free choice to me. This is life.
Check out this link if you are wondering about joining Safe Haven.
This above all: To thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any
Galileo said "You cannot teach a man anything" and they accuse ME of being sexist
Never ascribe to malice that which can be easily explained by sheer stupidity
Flo:
I have to agree with some of the others store your stuff for a while and allow your self some time to catch up with life. You could also try adding some little fem item to your regular life, an anklet you can hide under your sock, switch to panties instead of briefs ( I ware black microfiber panties every day and I have to change into and out of my work uniform every day in a locker room and not a single person has noticed over the past year or so). Life does get in the way of the thing we like to do but that does not mean that you have to give it all up instead give your self time to catch up.
Little things can make a big difference.
If you find things getting too over whelming you may want to find a counselor to talk to.
Kelly Greene
I am like you where finances, funds, wife and life in general have caused me to hold myself back from CDing. Certainly if you don't feel like doing it is better to leave it out but it is such a rush, such a sense of freedom of the self that no matter how much it will be suppressed by life itself, finances and significant others it will always be there in the subconscious, waiting to come out again.
CDing is work for me at leastHey entertaining is what I love to do
But yeah I felt the urge to stop completely at times, because of ruined relationships with girls once they found out I wore more then just their makeup and shoes. Just the stigma living in rural America can crush you, if you can't be a "good ole boy" wearing dirty t-shirts and blue jeans. I can tell you how to get your skin a pure dead white, but heaven forbid I run a tractorI might run over somebody
Imperatrix
FEEL FREE TO ADD: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?...31&ref=tn_tnmn
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
I have found that life gets in the way and will make it so you don't crossdress but you will away wan't to dress just the same.
mostly harmless
the real question is how does one NOT start......i use to stop everytime i dressed! Now i've just accepted it at part of my life and make the best if it..just wish my wife was remotely supportive. I'm glad to have you girls!
I tie you up and sit you in the far corner of the mens section
Imperatrix
FEEL FREE TO ADD: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?...31&ref=tn_tnmn
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Oh dear Flo I've had times in my life that dressing was out of the realm of possibility up till 4 years ago my wife never knew. When I came out to her And she accepted Angie my dressing time was very limited. Now the only place I don't wear some girlie things is at work And there has bee a few time I even did there. So hang in there hun you will find a way. Trust me it won't go away. I truly hope things work out for you Flo.And remember we are here for you girl. Love and hugs.
Angie
Flo,
That doesn't sound like an answer, that sounds like another problem.
Everybody has family, career, and financial problems at one time or another.
One thing that makes putting up with problems a bit easier is not worrying about wanting to crossdress in the midst of all that.
So, you think about it while all this stuff is going on. And, the harm is? So, you find an hour, or, a day, to do something for yourself - and you feel and function better for taking some "recreation-al time." All to the good, probably.
Crossdressing doesn't require a $75.00 green fee, a gun club membership, a rebuilt 1930s coupe to provide some distraction, relief, reassurance, pride...
Don't fight yourself and get in your way. Just tell yourself, "I'm a smart crossdresser and right now I need to do this first... But, tomorrow or next week or next Christmas, I'm gonna...."
Go ahead, make your plans.
Life is what goes on while you're making plans - you just work yours in where you can.
Good luck.
I think it's not so much stopping the physical aspect of the dressing as I think most of us would/could have a go at abstaining for a little while and probably be able to do quite well at it. It's the physiological pressures that are our downfall
For myself, I know that if I were to stop completely, in probably less than a month or for sure after a couple of months, I would be so desperately miserable, not to mention the mega increased levels of stress, anxiety, and irritability that for sure would happen to me because that's what happened before when I tried to stop.
There's also the frustration of "not being allowed to do something" ... when lots of others, especially GGs, would be allowed to do it. It would seem so unfair to me that just because I was born male I wouldn't be allowed to wear pretty clothes
.
The River City Gems - Northern California's largest and most active crossdressing & transgender support group!
And do dirty things to me............?????I tie you up and sit you in the far corner
This exactly what I was speaking of when I mentioned in my earlier post about "YOU!" If you want to stop being a CD, why would you care about wearing pretty clothes? If you really wanted to stop, you would not even think about it!! I have said it before and will say it again!! It is YOUR LIFE, and YOU make the decisions! No one else does, unless you are a child or in a prison!There's also the frustration of "not being allowed to do something" ... when lots of others, especially GGs, would be allowed to do it. It would seem so unfair to me that just because I was born male I wouldn't be allowed to wear pretty clothes
I love all you girls, but some of you have some totally illogical ideas about Crossdressing. Any CD can stop, but only if they really want to!!
Stephanie
Lady on the outside, but man underneath!
I'm sorry, but that is not borne out by reality. I fought this for nearly 45 years and even went a few years without dressing, but in the end the despair it created inside of me nearly drove me to suicide. The only way I could have made your statement true would have been to give in to that urge. So please don't tell me I could haver stopped completely if I had really wanted to.
Check out this link if you are wondering about joining Safe Haven.
This above all: To thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any
Galileo said "You cannot teach a man anything" and they accuse ME of being sexist
Never ascribe to malice that which can be easily explained by sheer stupidity
I had a big job, big income, big car, big title, big toys, big ego.
So, Big dealI just walked away one day. (over 15 years ago). I am "self-enjoyed" now and do not miss corporate america at all.
Was that a responsible decision?
I never told anyone my goal in life was to be "responsible" or follow rules and expectations. My goal has always been to just be happy...
I've been pretty successful in both of those areas, most of my life.
My philosophy has always been...
"If you have to make a choice between being responsible or being happyl...be happy."
I am thankful for all of the people who spend their lives being "responsible." They are the reason people like me get to slip between the cracks without being noticed.
So, thank you "America" I am real proud of you!
Last edited by eluuzion; 07-14-2010 at 02:58 AM.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
You Can't quit. I have tried, and gave up on that idea. I have come to accept the fact that it is a big part of my life, and have learned over several decades, how to keep balance in my life. Male/female is kind of the yin and yang for me, and I am relatively content in that.
"To be, or, not to be, that is the question..."
It was offered, in an earlier post, that, "All it takes is a little willpower!"
Yet, what is the "will" but that awareness that there are issues and choices and the knowledge that decisions must be made? What is a "failure" of will but an uncertainty about what to do? What is this "stress" but a conflict of the will itself about what to do?
Quitting crossdressing for five years without stress may be nothing more than the absence of awareness that there are issues and choices to deal with... Life goes on... Five years can fly by in our lives when we come across some set of plans we put aside - in the middle of other things - and, on seeing our dusty plans, we wonder, "Now, why didn't I do that?" Learning a language, adding that second floor, putting in that garden... Time passes, things happen the way they do, and, no stress is experienced because it doesn't occur to us that it's going to be five years... That doing anything about this thing matters so much.
It takes more than "willpower" to get anything done. It takes knowledge, it takes time, it takes money, it takes opportunity, it takes luck... The list of what it takes to get something done can be very long. Willing something to happen is only willing yourself to will it, but willing something into existence rarely works all by itself.
"If you want it bad enough, you can do it."
No, you can't - not always.
"Will" you cure cancer?
Maybe you will, but not just because you want it to happen.
Can you "will" the dead back to life?
Not when they're dead and buried.
The OP doesn't seem to lack willpower. The OP seems to lack time, money, opportunity, etc. to do everything he'd like to do.
From what he said, he's already put crossdressing aside in favor of other things.
He was, is, and probably always shall be a crossdresser of some stripe - and he knows it in his heart and mind.
He's made his choice and he's not especially happy about it.
It was done, not because he willed it, but in spite of it.
Willpower, by itself, had nothing to do with his choices.
But for deciding to post about it...
For me with work now filling the free time I once had I used to dress weekly at the most 3 times a week and now if I get 3 times a month that is a surprise! I do prefer to work so though I miss it I have to support the family!
Posting Permissions
