for being so brave and honest you deserve a humungous one of these
((((((((((((vivianann)))))))))))
for being so brave and honest you deserve a humungous one of these
((((((((((((vivianann)))))))))))
Yes I met her 30 years ago this month, and it was love at first sight for me, she is a very beautiful woman, we got to know each other well in the 2 months that we saw each other, I even asked her to marry me, then I was transfered out of the area and lost total contact, there was alot of things going against us being together and I will not tell that story here on this forum. I have always loved this woman for the past 30 yrs, however I had no idea after all these years with no contact at all that my feelings for her would be so strong, she seems to feel the same for me also.Originally Posted by ReineD
Wow, you've known her for 30 years!
I dunno, but I think it will be OK.
So if she's online doing some research already, you might invite her to join this forum and become a member of FAB? Or do you feel a bit queasy having her read your past posts? Not that there's anything wrong with them, but you truly would be baring your soul if you did that.
If your gf can get over this hurdle, you will have a wonderful relationship together. I'm pulling for your both!!!!
I would like to invite her here to this site, ReineD you hit the nail on the head, I am very queasy about doing so right now, fist reason I have changed since I started on this forum, but most important I am afraid of her reaction to those with panty fetishes, and those who fantasize about having sex with men while crossdressed, she is very sensitive about that kind of behavior. I dont want her to have worries about things like that. She knows I am solid in my sexuality, but I dont want her to worry about that kind of stuff, your help and advise would be greatly appreciated.
Paisley you are very sweet, thanks, I really appreciate what youhave said, and I really appreciate the very kind words and advice from ReineD.
Last edited by vivianann; 07-18-2010 at 12:35 PM.
I hope it works out. It is evident that you both care about each other. My fingers are crossed for you!
Vivian, if she's doing her own research online, she'll run across all that stuff and worse. Just Google crossdressing and see all the porn and meet-up sites that pop up.
The idea is for her to learn that there is a wide array of motives and behaviors with the CDing, and most CDs are like you. Not the pure fetishists. Unfortunately the sexual behaviors get the most attention because sex sells ads online.
I like to encourage couples to go through this site together and discuss the various threads, so the SO can be very clear about what fits in her relationship and what doesn't. You've no doubt changed or evolved throughout your time here. We all do, or rather our understandings develop as we discuss things and work through them. You could go through your posts with her and give her a historical perspective of your CDing. I can't help but think that doing this would bring the two of you even closer together.
At any rate it is entirely your choice, I by no means wish to influence your decision either way. I just wanted to present you with options.
Reine
As usual, I agree with one of my favorite GG's on this site. Reine offers some very good advice. I am not sure I'd be comfortable with all the porn sites she will encounter in her search for good information about what being a CD is really all about. I'd strongly encourage you to ask her to join here or at least read the posts together. Sit down wiht her and sign in and let her find the topics that will give her the answers she really wants to know.
Thanks for the wonderful advice, I will get together with her and log in to this forum and explain everything. I am putting everything on the line so there is no surprises.
We spent the whole afternoon and evening talking and joking around and we seem to be getting closer in our relationship. The subject of crossdressing never came up. I do realize that things could change in a heartbeat, so I am taking one day at a time right now.
I do know that she has run accross some nasty porn stuff during her online research and she was put off by it
Vivan at least you told her the truth and she called you the next day that means she is accepting you as a CD.
No matter what you did the wright thing. I hope she gets the wright info. For both your sakes. I wish you both the best.
Have you dressed for her? Seeing is believing, you know.
No I have not dressed for her, it is way too soon for that, if she does ask me to dress for her, I will do it.
That's the big fear for many of us...not the CDing. The more you can convince that you don't want to transition or run off with a man the better haha.
However, I must say, she said that she needed time to understand it. That is GREAT feedback from her, I feel. That totally means that she isn't going to sweep this under the rug and say, "Oh, okay, thanks for sharing. Can we quickly forget that this aspect of yourself exists??"
I think she sounds great and it seems to me like she will take the time to understand you and what crossdressing means to you.
"Today a young man [...] realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration...that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively...there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the Weather.”-Bill Hicks
“What freedom men and women could have, were they not constantly tricked and trapped and enslaved and tortured by their sexuality! The only drawback in that freedom is that without it one would not be a human. One would be a monster.” East of Eden by Steinbeck
It's absolutely wonderful that you've done this. So, so many times I read of our sisters doing the opposite.
You've been around here enough to know, but just remember that you've had most of your life to learn, research, adapt, seek deeper understanding, experiment, and adjust to your reality of being a crossdresser. She's trying very hard to catch up. It will take time. Possible lots of time. The important thing is she's trying, and you're being absolutely honest with her.
Well, if you don't mind more advice, I would just tell her about the forum and give her a quick run-down of the membership, explaining the vast spectrum of members. You can view the MtF together without logging in. We encourage members to log in under their own accounts.
Then if she is interested, you can encourage her to set up her own account and join FAB. Then, after 10 posts she can easily find your profile and you can offer to sit down with her and go through your posts together, in case she has any questions/concerns.
Reine
Hi Vivian
Someone said the truth will set you free but sometimes that is not always evident. Everyone that has gone through this, has their own story. One thing that helped me is my wife recognized the fem side of me before I told her. She is not into macho stuff although appreciates certain manly character that I posess. She see's my masculine side as much as my fem side so it is a good mix. Perhaps your girlfriend can ponder the advantage of that. I can tell you that although I hang around the house with painted nails and in somewhat feminine attire, my wife will not have a girl to girl talk with me so she has set her limits. I also promised her I would not embarass her by being too feminine among neighbors and friends. I am lucky that I live somewhat remote so I can get away with a lot. you need to help her see the positives.
Good luck girl and I wish you the best.
Congratulations. Always choose to be with people who you can be yourself around. I learn that more and more every day.
Take it one step at a time. If you were able to tell her, which is no big step, then you've accomplished quite the feat! congratulations!
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Jamie-noun-(JAY-mee)-A mystifying enigma that's wrapped in a mystery that's secluded in a dark forest with mind-teasers and twisters, that loves anime and video games . . . with a rack . . .
~Vanity is a bitch, and I'm her willing slave.~
Well I have some good news, my girlfriend told me last night that she loves me so much that she accepts me no matter what, and that if I need to dress up as a woman that I can, however she is not ready to see me dressed up yet, I told her that it takes time and I will not force it upon her, I did tell her that I would love to share my feminine side with her one day when she is ready so I dont have to be without her and alone, and she agreed, but the time is not now. I will honor her wishes.
I have been answering her questions when she ask's me about crossdressing. so far so good. I hope to bring her here soon when she is ready.
[SIZE="3"]That is wonderfull news Vivian.
I'm so pleased that everthing is working out for you[/SIZE]
[SIZE="3"] Mandy xx[/SIZE][SIZE="3"]Dont knock it, till youve tried it[/SIZE]
[SIZE="3"]Qualified & Insured Waxing Therapist[/SIZE]
Congratulations, there are many things I can share with this, but let communication and information be your strongest assets in the coming discussions. You are the only one who can tell how your wife will react to certain information, sometimes letting things sink in steps rather than a whole is better. I started with just panties for a few months nd look where I am at now!
Vivian,
My experience is similar to Kate's. It was actually the softer side of my personality that attacted my wife to me, before I told her that I was a CD. She called me "Sweet One" even before she knew, and still does. Her big worry was that I would want to transition, and after 40 years I hope she realizes that that is not a concern. (There are parts of my male existence that I will not give up!)
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Proud member of the Lacey Leigh Fan Club
I am so pleased for you vivianann...now the energy you would have spent hiding and feeling bad can be used for the positive development of your relationship...It sounds like you two have such a good strong friendship that there is a lot of potential for the future.
That's great news! I'm happy that she is open to the prospect of seeing you dressed and isn't saying, "Nope, never want to see you dressed" which is the story of a lot of people on this site and it makes me
"Today a young man [...] realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration...that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively...there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the Weather.”-Bill Hicks
“What freedom men and women could have, were they not constantly tricked and trapped and enslaved and tortured by their sexuality! The only drawback in that freedom is that without it one would not be a human. One would be a monster.” East of Eden by Steinbeck
Sorry that I am chiming in a bit late. I guess the best advice I can give (from one who came out to his wife about crossdressing) is to assure her that you will do EVERYTHING at her pace. She definitely needs the confidence boost that you have considered her feelings above anything else!
I am very proud of you. I decided after my divorce that I would never hide my crossdressing again. I will always be honest with my gf or potential girlfriend. It is a deal breaker. I am very fortunate to have an awesome GG that has accepted Trisha. I wish you luck. I hope she is open to the idea and maybe you should suggest that she join this forum. It helped my GG understand my dressing. Answered a lot of questions she had.
Good luck.
Trisha Simone.
Trisha Simone
I was thinking a few weeks back how Crossdressers have so many phases and steps of acceptance we want to get thru. Well I remembered it took me close to 25 years to be able to accept myself as a crossdresser, How in the name Bugs Bunny can we expect a new someone in our life to think it over and be OK with it in 10 or 20 minutes, or a day and a half, or really even anything shorter than the 25 years it took myself to accept myself.
I just felt that maybe this was a point worth making, I have no idea if it has been posted before in here or not, But serious, Can we really expect someone to accept us after sleeping on it for a night ? I Hope and pray yes, But the reality of it, myself I know I need to be more realistic about time frame for someone to work things over in their mind about why, why not etc.
If only,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, and hopefully in this lifetime.
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