What is the next step for me?

[Nicole Thomas]

I am still trying to understand why I CD. I often imagine what it would be like to have a vagina and natural breasts. It turns me on thinking about it. Then again, I think like a guy, look like a guy, live in a guy's world. I play baseball for my college and i feel if i did anything to my body to make it more feminine, it would jeopardize my baseball talents. I love baseball, but I also like to dress up. I think in an ungendered world, I would totally wear a skirt or a dress in public without a sweat. I would probably even wear women's clothing every day if it came down to that. But we do not live in a world like that.

I have also tried some self-hypnosis from isabella valentine for erotic pleasure to see what it would be like to have a woman's orgasm. This was a cool experience.

I guess this is just me venting more than anything, but I need to know what my next step is. Should I go onto hormones, and eventually SRS. Should I just take hormones? Or should I try to my feminine side more repressed but continue to crossdress? Unfortunately, im at a stalemate, I have no direction now...

[Angiemead12]

why dont you ask yourself what you really want! I dont think you should ask other people to decide the end result in your life!

I enjoy going back and forth, I like you race cars which is a boys world, I dont think I would be taken seriously if I had cleavage around the boys! Plus I do love my sports too.

What Im into now is just more feminization exercises! leg, butt, thigh workouts and lots of cardio to keep fit and slim. Also as a male I try to be androgynous, I sport long hair, pierced ears, long manicured nails, groomed eyebrows and full laser hair removal!

I do have the fantasy of going all the way but when I think of the long term realities I come back down to earth and just take it the way it is. I love that I can choose and not just stick to one! My only frustration is not being able to dress sexy everyday!

[eluuzion]

Here is the good news...there are no deadlines to meet in CD. Kewl, eh?

You get to take all the time you need to think things through. What is even better is that you actually do not have to make any decisions at all. You are allowed to just relax and see where your true feelings lead you.

Take your time. Your feelings will eventually lead you in the direction that will make you happy, just like the other issues in life.

Oh, and we do need a decision by 8am tomorrow morning... jus' kid'n...

[ReineD]

There is a difference between liking to wear the clothes or wanting to know how a woman's orgasm feels, and feeling you are a woman born in the wrong body.

Do you think of yourself as a man or a woman? Some people are dual-gender. They identify as a mixture of both.

I wouldn't take hormones until you know for sure.

[Nicole Thomas]

haha, thanks, that makes me feel a lot more comfortable. Lately I have had a hard time just enjoying life. I am often unnecessarily too critical on myself. I also get scared sometimes because I do not know where my future may lead me and how others will perceive me.

There is a difference between liking to wear the clothes or wanting to know how a woman's orgasm feels, and feeling you are a woman born in the wrong body.

Do you think of yourself as a man or a woman? Some people are dual-gender. They identify as a mixture of both.

I wouldn't take hormones until you know for sure.

Currently, I see myself mostly male that would love to be a woman certain days. That includes the whole package. I want have nice breasts, a feminine face (which I do not have at all) and imagine what it would be like to have a vagina. So maybe im dual gendered, but then again, I have been living as a male my whole life and have not had any life experiences in the real world as a woman.

[lemoignes]

It is not very probable that you find answers to all your questions.

Andy

[noeleena]

Hi,
Quite a intersting set of ?? s & im thinking are you a male or female , you have not answered your own ?, or have you ,
You do not say im really a male who likes dressing , yet say you think like a guy,
only you can answer those ?? s ,

Most men think only as a man / male .& about whats in between thier legs they are hard wired as such, you bring in fantisy oh dear a sexual detail,

if you were a female there would be no doughts at all. & from a young age . it sounds to me youd like to ...try...h r t , oh whats it like having a vargina & erotic pleasure & breasts .

Well i can tell you in answer to a few .
im a woman born with a female & a male wired brain my body is some what or was male i have breasts & a vagina, what i dont have is my womb i can not have & carry my own child.

i did not relate to men yet worked under them , i live as a full on woman as far as it goes with my body, im on h r t for life i need those meds i dont wont them its a need for those of us who are female / women, its not a game we act out or even play its who we are for keeps ,
Many of my friends around the world are dressers & are all out male , who like to dress for a while.
, hey no probs ,

If you asked me if you should go on h r t id ask you why do you & what for,
& if you do go on meds you need to see your G P first & a Psychiatirist & a endo & follow a path that would show you if the steps you take are really right for you its not as i said a game of fun , Oh yes the mind games of your mind ,Psychologial ., & your emotions,

im 63 in a few weeks & the last 12 years iv been able to be my self ,a woman in my own right,

i dont know how old you are tho youd be a lot younger than i,
& i would think very seriosly about who you are as a person first,
because you could go through all we have gone through to be like who we are & you could later on regret haveing h r t, s r s, & other surgerys,
Think it through & do get help,

...noeleena...

[Angiemead12]

you dont need to answer all the thoughts in your head, If you want to confirm something before accepting it then might as well try it to be sure! You will know your limits sooner as well and know how far you wanna go.

[Kate Simmons]

Your next "step" depends entirely on you my friend.

[ReineD]

So maybe im dual gendered, but then again, I have been living as a male my whole life and have not had any life experiences in the real world as a woman.

Then Eluuzion's advice is perfect for you. Take your time, don't rush things, live as both your guy and femme self whenever you feel like it, date others as both, and eventually your path will become clearer.

It's easier to take off a good pair of silicone breasts than it is to have a mastectomy later on should you decide that having real breasts gets in the way of your guy times.

Also, take your time to do research on the effects of HRT. Hormones do soften facial features somewhat, but they do not change the basic bone structure. Feminine facial surgery (FFS) does that and it can be quite prohibitive if you have a very masculine face. Google it. Also, hormones may or may not give you breasts. This all depends on your genes. And last, HRT will seriously impair your ability to have sex, which is not a problem if you are TS and wish to rid yourself of your male organs, but not a good idea if you like to use them.

[GaleWarning]

Just accept yourself the way you are and have fun playing with both sides of your personality.
You are one lucky person!

[AKAMichelle]

The inbetween world is where most of us stay for a long time. We don't know which way to turn. You best choice since you are young is to see a therapist and try to figure out your next step. You have your whole life in front of you so take your time and get it right.

[Nicole Brown]

Most, if not all of us girls, have at one time or another asked many or all of the same questions that you are trying to find answers to. I will not speak for any of the other girls, but I for one have spent many years struggling with these questions.

I, much as you, started at a very young age with the desires to feel feminine. I met these needs by wearing my mother's clothing. As I grew older I started buying my own clothing, then makeup, heels and finally a wig. All through the next 40 years of married life I dressed whenever I could find the time. As I aged, the desire to dress and be feminine grew stronger until I reached my current place. I am now looking to living full time as Nicole hopefully by the end of the year.

If everything stays on plan I will begin my transition within a year. It has taken me many years to reach this point and I sincerely wish I had reach this stage much earlier in life so I would have had many additional years to live as myself.

Take your time and examine your feeling carefully. You may find the guidance of a analyst and therapist helpful in defining your needs and desires. However you decide to proceed, you have my best wishes for a long and fore filling life.

[kimdl93]

its already been said, but bears repeating. There's plenty of time for you to work out things to your satisfaction. You're young, have the normal, raging hormones of youth...and they can influence your thinking. And from what I can tell, you like your guy phases as well...so don't take the natural curiosity of youth too seriously. Feel free to explore - get some clothes, dress up by yourself....enjoy the moment. If you enjoy the experience, do it again. Then pack things away and play some ball.

[mklinden2010]

I am still trying to understand why I CD. I often imagine what it would be like to have a vagina and natural breasts. It turns me on thinking about it. Then again, I think like a guy, look like a guy, live in a guy's world. I play baseball for my college and i feel if i did anything to my body to make it more feminine, it would jeopardize my baseball talents. I love baseball, but I also like to dress up. I think in an ungendered world, I would totally wear a skirt or a dress in public without a sweat. I would probably even wear women's clothing every day if it came down to that. But we do not live in a world like that.

I have also tried some self-hypnosis from isabella valentine for erotic pleasure to see what it would be like to have a woman's orgasm. This was a cool experience.

I guess this is just me venting more than anything, but I need to know what my next step is. Should I go onto hormones, and eventually SRS. Should I just take hormones? Or should I try to my feminine side more repressed but continue to crossdress? Unfortunately, im at a stalemate, I have no direction now...

C,

Well, if you're still trying to understand why you CD, you have a long way to go before you get to SRS, hormones, etc. And, as many have pointed out, that's a good thing because you're young and have the time to work it out. This is what time is for.

Probably, just going by the "downward sloping curve" that seems to chart CD activity for everyone as a group, over time you'll do less of these, less of anything of what you're doing now. People's interests and needs change over time. The current intense interests will fade and you'll be focusing on work, wife, kids, pro sports competitions, etc. as your life moves along.

Speaking just of CDing, it may simmer along as some low level all your life. CDing opens a door to explore a lot of things, but for the majority of people, there are other doors, and windows of equal or greater interest and you can't be everywhere, everything at once... Choices limit what you get done.

Like dating, or, jumping off the roof, we try some things and generalize about others. Experiences help you relate to others and other possibilities. We all have to experiment and decide what to go forward with. This can have some seemingly minor, but important consequences; many which are actually positive...

For example, after going out in "full rig" just a few times, you may find you never complain about how long it takes your SO to do anything when "dolled up." Walking is a problem in heels. Going to the bathroom is a problem in a long dress. Makeup, on different days and in different mirrors, just doesn't get done the same. You KNOW to be patient AND that patience makes you "a keeper" for your SO. Who, in turn, FEELS like doing more for you, her patient honey... (Win by playing!)

That you fantasize about things really doesn't mean all that much. It's what you should be doing. What you fantasize about, however, is a bit tricky because it can lead you into behavior that gets you in trouble. Trouble, you don't need. Play at things - like wearing a skirt in public, but keep it harmless and watch what others do and have done. If everything was a good idea, there would be no bad ideas. But, they aren't and there are... So, be careful.

Play. That's a key thing. Present it as play until you start to think you mean to do more than just "fool around." Hopefully, you'll play a lot before settling on a path.

Good luck then. Stay out of trouble. Do good things and live a long time.

[bianca66]

I live in two worlds...My manly butchy world with the people that know me as such and go out into the second world as Bianca only with other Cds/Ggs...It just keeps things simple that way...My two worlds are totally seperate and different in every aspect.

[carolinoakland]

My next step when I was at that point was to go to therapy to once and for all resolve. Am I a CD or a TS? And learn to be happy with who I am. Ta Da! I am Happy. Your turn! Carol

[Davina Diamond]

Hiya cyankee, I'm in the exact same position as you and I relate to everything you said.

I think its natural for us part-time crossdressers to wonder and fantasize what it would be like to fully be a woman, breasts and all as that's why we crossdress in the first place.

Just do what feels natural and comfortable. You'll know when you reach your barrier or when you've almost gone too far.
I never thought I'd buy a wig, I thought I'd just wear some clothes on the odd occasion but I know I want more now.

I've been through a lot the past couple of years and I've came to the conclusion its better just to do what makes you feel happy whatever that is. If crossdressing starts to make you feel bad, negative or unatural then its probably time for a break to work things out in your head.

All the best in your life, and remember there's always great people here who understand what you're going through and wish you happiness.

Dee Dee, x

[tricia_uktv]

Have fun. Its all that matters. You will give up the baseball as I gave up the cricket. If its in you I'm afraid you have no choice.

Always be open about who you are.

Don't let anyone down.

Learn to work with acrylic nails.

Smile, because we are so lucky!

[Jaclyn NM]

I know how you feel. I played football, basketball, and baseball in high school, and I played football in college. I served in combat in Viet Nam. So I I don't think I'm a whimp, or a sissy. However, I love wearing female clothing, especially stockings and real high heels. I guess that's just who I am, and I'm okay with that.

[Davina Diamond]

Tricia, I just had an image of crossdressing cricket, that would be a great game so long as you had proper shoes :P x