Am I presenting too girly?

[Kerigirl2009]

I started thinking about all the girly signs I may be presenting and wow it is a lot.

First off I shave my legs, arms, chest, pits and of course my face almost everyday. Then of course I have my fingernails painted in a clear high gloss, next I pluck my eyebrows not too arched but slight and thin. I also like to wear my shimmering chapstick and on occassion I will wear brown/black mascara let it set and then remove MOST traces of it but leaving some.

Then I underdress nearly everyday sometimes with a bra or cami and sometimes I am sure the straps so show under my colorful shirts and polos
Soft pink, baby blue, canary yellow, peach, light green. I sometimes even wear nylons.

Now keep in mind this is when I am presenting as a man.
So I am asking you am I sending out to many signals that I am a crossdresser or am I just a feminine man with good grooming habits?

At work I get a lot of comments from women who say very nice things to me such as you are a high maintenance man but more men should take care of themselves. Which makes me smile.

What do you think?

[BiancaEstrella]

This is going to sound cliche, but I think you should continue to do what makes you happy. You seem content with the choices you make, and I or anyone here would be a fool to tell you to stop.

[Angiemead12]

Does it matter? I do the same things too!

[Gerrijerry]

seems to me you already know the answer. I spent many years learning to look and act more feminine. nails, hair, eyebrow waxing, lingerie under my clothes in male mode. I kept fooling my self that no one noticed as I did more and more. People noticed and 60% said nothing. The other 40% said may I help you miss. However I was never treated badly infact I was always treated the way I treated others. With respect. But then I live in NY and you could dress here anyway you like and people just would not really care. Too bad I can't afford to live here after I retire.

[Fab Karen]

A man wearing nice colors? *GASP * why obviously everyone in the world can TELL.
You don't have to stop shaving or bathing or having taste to be accepted as a male.

[Chari]

You always have to be comfortable and confident in who you are, what you do, no matter what "packaging" you are wearing! Most people today are too involved with their own problems to really care or comment about others. Please yourself!

[kimdl93]

I am doing pretty much everything you describe whenever I'm out in public, so if someone looks, they'll get a message about who I am. I don't know about if I would draw big a distinction between a feminine man or a cross dressing male. I suppose the two are different, but really both reflect our gender identification...that is, despite our biological sex, we are definately more feminine than the average guy.

[Freddy12]

You are not presenting too girly. You are doing what you want to do. It's obvious that you want to be feminine, and you are being feminine. It is not up to anyone else to judge how you are presenting. Please yourself, and continue to do what makes you happy. I'm doing only some of what you are doing, and I have never had anyone comment, but if I did receive comments, it would not bother me. I'm going to be me.

[Tina B.]

Do you feel fake in your presentation, do you feel more masculine than the way you dress? If the answer is no, I feel good, then whats the problem, this is who you are, and if you are comfortable in what you have on, then it can not be too much, or over done. And if the ladies like it, then whats the problem?
Tina B.

[Pythos]

So of all those items you mentioned, which ones are the ones that are inherently feminine?

Yes they are things women do, and most men do not.

Where is the gender label however?

The only items I can see being inherently feminine, that is an item that is for the most part only useful to women is the bra, and in some cases panties.

Everything else is only "too girly" because of the notions of our sexist society. Leg shaving is not only for the girls. Athletes, soldiers, and many other men do so. I was made to shave my legs for swimming, and have not gone back to hairy since, I much prefer the feel of shaved legs to hairy ones.

It is also what is in your mind. That is another boundary we all deal with.

[Sara Jessica]

What you describe Keri is exactly what I am going through.

I call it the elephant in my room, the one that everyone notices but no one talks about. The other great description I've heard is "leaking femme" which I first heard from either Kathi or Veronica.

That said, let the record reflect I am not hung up in the least bit about what others might think. But I am well aware that the more of these gender markers you put together, the more chance there is that people MIGHT make a connection to the TG thing.

For example, here is my list of leakage...

1. shaved legs (could add underarms here too but no one really sees that unless it's out by the pool)
2. Plucked eyebrows, not a perfect arch but definitely some shaping going on which has brought a comment or two so far.
3. The nails get pretty long every so often.
4. Facial electrolysis, hair between the chin and ears is pretty much non-existant. And I've been known to pluck the rest at times which leaves an unnatural shadow-free look for days thereafter.
5. wear perfume daily.

and the kicker of late....

6. My hair is getting way long.

So as we go through the list, some things in and of themselves may not bring to mind the tg thing at all. Perhaps putting them all together it still wouldn't with most peeps...tg awareness amongst the muggles isn't as great as we might imagine. Yet I'd be kidding myself if I wasn't mentally prepared to someday be challenged by someone's perception, that perhaps someone will put together the fact that if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck...well, you know the rest. That is the key, be prepared and if nothing is ever said, great. And I don't mean be prepared with some convoluted made-up story, I'm talking about telling the truth.

[CallMeMeg]

Yes you are. So what? My S-I-L said to me "I've never seen a man wearing a charm bracelet before." I said "I like blazing new trails."

I don't think you're asking a question ~ you're just bragging.

[larry]

Does it matter? I do the same things too!

This kind of thread scares me. I am DEEP in the closet and reading all this sometimes makes me want to get out . I worry that after reading more from all of you all of a sudden --I will go do something I regret.

[boardpuppy]

Hi Keri,
I don't think you're presenting to girly, infact from your perspective maybe not enough. Then again I have a bisised opinion, my girly list is almost as long as yours but no makeup this southern humid weather has got to go. I can't wait for cool fall weather to get here.

Hugs,
Alice

[kym]

sounds like to me you are currently presenting as metro sexual, which a lot of us are doing to a certain degree. Plus if some one comments or questions you, just tell them you enjoy what you do, enough said.

[Charleen]

I'm the same. Long hair, long polished nails, perfume, mascara, earrings, necklaces, arms epilated and 6 rings. All in drab for work. I love it when I get called Ma'am dressed in drab!
Why do I do this? Because this is who I am.

[Marissa]

Hi everyone.. I'm going to try to stay within responding to the actual topic title.. since Keri is not asking:

1. will I or this be accepted?
2. am I ready if confronted?
3. is it okay to be me?

"Now keep in mind this is when I am presenting as a man.
So I am asking you am I sending out to many signals that I am a crossdresser or am I just a feminine man with good grooming habits?"

Imagine you "a typical football watching/farting man" (not being insulting, just giving visual.. ) in an office setting with desk next to a male coworker (Bob) and this is what you see in one day or a week:

1. Bob in dress shoes but no socks.. hmm is that nylon?
2. Bob is clean shaven.. hmm on face, arms..uhhh legs.
3. Bob sure has some well taken care of nails..a bit
longer then most.. but nice.. is that nail polish?
4. Sure felt funny when I slapped good old Bob on the
back earlier...was that a strap or something I felt?
5. What is Bob wearing under his shirt? Looks like a
strap or something..hmmm
6. Is Bob wearing lipstick or chapstick? Eitherway, his
lips shine a bit and sorta look pouty.. hmmm

I have seen the high maintenance 'pretty' boys that all the office girls are drooling over..but I'm not sure about Bob.. I think I'll ask the guys tonight over wings and beer.. End of scenerio...

And i didn't even bring up that Bob's eyelashes might be more noticable with a hint of mascara..

I would hope my scenerio makes sense from a guy's view.. and its not a question of acceptance.. its a question of how one may be perceived..

[Kate Simmons]

Aw g'wan Keri, you are such a girl and you know it.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Well, the mascara is probably pushing it, since I don't know of any trend out there towards men wearing mascara, and I don't know any men who wear mascara (unless they are on stage or something.)

Having visible bra straps is a real giveaway. I'd make sure they are hidden, assuming you do not want people to know about you.

[Michelle James]

Me too! I am always underdressed. Usually wearing sandals (with toes polished). Lately flowered shirts are my thing. Mostly male but some women's. Most always wear woman's pants, like jeans etc. i guess I'm just testing the waters. Seems like no mater what I wear I get very little reaction. I do push the envelope though. LOL

[Kathryn Martin]

I don't wear a bra and my eyebrows are plucked but of natural size. Other than that I epilate my legs and arms, I sometimes wear light mascara and my skin is very well maintained. I wear pink dress shirts, Italian shoes and get comments from my male partners in the office and of course the women. It is known in the office (although I have not come out to anyone) that "you are not a real man" because I don't scratch, fart, ask for directions and love fashion.

Girl, don't worry just keep doing what feels right and be proud of it and confident in yourself.

[joann07]

I guess that would make you a true "meterosexual". but a real girl on the inside.

Hugs!

[Emily Ann Brown]

My girlfriend says people at work probably just think I gay..hahahahahahaha.

Better that than an ***hole.

Do you care? Do what makes you happy.



Em

[bianca66]

This kind of thread scares me. I am DEEP in the closet and reading all this sometimes makes me want to get out . I worry that after reading more from all of you all of a sudden --I will go do something I regret.

I found that doing things slowly people tend not to notice...If all of a sudden your eyebrows are thin and no armpit/leg hair then it is so drastic that people will notice...Start thinning your eyebrows over time so its subtle...Start doing more mantainance on your nails then you used to do. I started growing my nails, slightly longer than normal and keeping them at the same length but well maintained and no once again no one noticed...Wore jeans for a long time so when I did shave my legs most people couldn't remember if my legs where hairy or not etc...

[patricia 402]

im just plain jelous! i couldent be as beautiful as you if my life depended on it. keep up the good work!