I think what I am referring to, I guess, is the guilt or shame that is frequently attached to doing something that is not accepted by most of society.
Deep down, I know it's okay to dress however you like. Put on a Big Bird suit, wear a barrel, or don a dress. It shouldn't matter. Yet, there is that lingering feeling of wrong. I just wanted to know how many of you have overcome that, and how long did it take before you accepted yourself?
Since I remember and that is.......... a long timeI've carried thoughts of guilt, I FELT LIKE A FREAK! Since over a year ago I couldn't keep up with charade anymore and so I have succumb to her will and started HRT. Slowly my inner self became calm and balanced. Alexia emerged from deep abyss to stand her ground as she deserves and since that moment guilt have perished. I embrace the Freak in me now, I feel Freakin Fantastic, and free. With no regrets, weather I am dressed a part or just in my old mode, weather I am awake or a sleep, I am Alexia.
ther is nothing wrong with cd or being you you just an dress haft to be you an dress as you i have for 40 yrs an i dont care no more an they ones i come to dont eather so be you an do what you wont you will know the real frinds
Two things affected that feeling. First, I spend hours in therapy over the course of two years. I had other issues, but the cross dressing had always been the elephant in the room. Its funny, but I had to hear my therapist say, "It's not a crime - you didn't kill anyone" before that cloud started to lift. We delved into the origins...and pretty much concluded its just the way I was wired - so either learn to live with it or spend your life hiding. I think the therapy helped me accept myself enought to actually dare telling someone else. The second thing was coming out to my gf - now wife.
I guess for me it was when I realized I could go out in public and function normally in the gender in which I was presenting. The only hard part was getting out the door the first time. After that, as they say, the rest is history. Also having people support you along way is a big help too!
Renee
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] [SIZE="2"]Huggs, Renee[/SIZE]
It took years for me to come to accept that I was/am a CD...I'm 50+, came out to my wife about 10 years ago and it was really only after I let my secret out to her that I could truly accept myself. I believe it was because my wife learned to accept that part of me (we have been married for 34 years) that allowed me to be at peace with myself. My fear of losing her went away and since that was such a relief I could then accept who I was and I did not have to supress it any more.
I believe I could not accept myself until I was honest with her and therefore honest with myself.
I hope that makes sense!!!???
When broadband internet became the norm I realized i wasn't the only one, that other guys had a wire crossed just like me!
It wasn't some wierd thing that I conjoured up... the childhood fondness of female clothing items etc is common amongst us. Knowing this, that its genetic, I guess... it allowed me to simply accept myself and enjoy myself. Doesn't sound like there is much a cure for it, if I wanted to cure it.
Now I just enjoy... quietly, It's awesome. Of course everything requires control so my life isnt disrupted by it.
When I started crossdressing! Actually, I never felt any guilt. I started late in life and it has been a smooth ride. Maybe it is the age and maturity thing. I don't really know nor care, as long as the guilt never arrives.
I'm not sure guilt is the correct term for me, but certainly embarrassment. The realization that dressing was a harmless activity and that I had far worse habits caused me to accept CD'ing as a secret pleasure without the baggage.
i've never had any guilt. i always felt better about myself when dressed. the issues i have right now about all of this is that i'm not able to do it more. if i had my way i'd start the ball rolling and dispose of as much of my male self as i could. but i don't have the money for that. YET. i'm not the one with the problems. it's the rest of the human race that does. except for everyone here that is. lol.
I don't think I had any guilt, just a concern why I had a desire to dress as a woman but was 100% male every other way. I was in high school in the dark ages before the internet, so I had to do research the old fashioned way....at the library. My research taught me that I wasn't alone. I learned I was a "crossdresser" and that there have been crossdressers since the beginning of recorded history. The research helped me put my crossdressing in perspective. Since then I have been able to balance my life in a way that allows me to crossdress as I need to and still maintain a normal life. My wonderful wife has known since before we were married and has been supportive and encouraging.
Once you move PAST the "it is all about CD/TS'ing" phase, that is when the guilt or shame or dancing around in the shower with a bathing suit while listening to some Shania song becomes a thing of the past.
yes I am TG, not one for labels but my gender or gender presentation plays in only ONE aspect - when I am getting ready for the day, otherwise I don't even think about it.
Last edited by Nicole Erin; 08-12-2010 at 09:42 PM.
It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.
Back to the original question:
You know how most CDe'rs have that apprehension about going out in public fir the first time?
well I didn't.
That being said, after showing up en femme at a few support group meetings, then bars & restaurants, then finally at shopping malls & stores on my own. I may have been nervous at first but looking back on it, I felt so relieved. does that tell you how desperate I needed to come out? Yeah, well maybe.
The reality is I'm just a regular dude...who actually likes to go out en femme every now and then. It is now my outlet. I have always felt that humans take up such a miniscule place in this universe that we are meaningless in the whole place. I take from the Unitarian church philosophy that God made each and every one of us unique, and that we should consider it a gift from God, and embrace our uniqueness.
I never felt any guilt or feeling of it being wrong.
For me going out as a woman always felt right.
It's been several years since I broke through the wall and accepted this part of myself, felt good about myself and started going out and meeting others. I stopped feeling guilty after admitting my crossdressing to my wife.
Although I don't feel guilty and enjoy the femme side of my life, I am not out to the world. My wife isn't ready to share my girl side with her parents, siblings or friends, so I also have to accept that although I'm comfortable with this, she isn't and I respect her need for some continued secrecy.
Sarah
Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.
The first time I ever dressed was for my wife, and in seconds she said we needed to by me a dress. With support like that, and it's continued, there never was a moment of doubt.
tina
the more i dress the less wrong it feels. coming out to my wife let me not always hide although she isnt totally supportive, i can now hang a few things in my closet. opening up to a few ladies at a consignment shop was a huge step in making the wrong feel right. i want to find a friend who will go out in public with me and help eliminate the last of the wrong.
I don't think it ever completely quits feeling wrong. But I think the times that you feel that way definitely diminishes.
Michelle
I overcame the guilt or shame a few weeks after joining here, and finding that I belonged to a large, fantastic group
It's been a long overdue journey of discovery since then.
Tash
For me it's been the last couple of years when I started going out a few times, but also more importantly, as I started coming out to more and more people and it not getting treated like as big a deal as I thought it would be. It made me realize it wasn't as dark a secret as I imagined.
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~Riley
Check out my trans themed standup on YouTube!
My Tumblr Blog
I felt the guilt and shame becasue I think that I saw myself thru others eyes. When I finally realized that what others thought didn't really matter. I started feeling better. Today I don't even think about it. I just feel correctly dressed for the person I am.
I felt creepy, fetish & perverted in the beginning.Now I dress when i feel tired & depress from work, and love Kathy to be a happy person. A very good way to keep myself away from suicide
This maybe a strange one, but I have never had guilt feeling about my dressing. To me I know it was something I should not doing,(well certainly as a 8 year old) but I never have had any feeling of guilt about doing this in my life. I Just enjoy doing something I get pleasure from doing, I do people no wrong, so why Feel guilty.
PS I have had feeling of wishing to be able to stop, wishing I was not a CD, (mostly for my family) but not guilt for actually enjoy, dressing up.
Cya
Tracy
[SIZE="2"]The nail that stands out the most, is the one that is hammered down the hardest![/SIZE]
For me it was probably about ten years ago when I finally started to feel that my cross-dressing was not a bad thing.
The next step in the process was when I found on the inter-net that I wasn't the only person that cross-dressed and that my story was pretty similar to a lot of others who had gone through the same struggles as I had.
The next step happened about five years ago when I was getting divorced (not related to cross-dressing) I decided that I wanted to see a therapist to help me to not make the same relationship mistakes again , I developed a trusting relationship with the therapist and in the process found that she worked with other people with gender related issues , so I told her about my cross-dressing and how I felt guilty , ashamed and confused and how I had hidden it from everyone in my life over the years.
She helped me to see that my cross-dressing was just a part of who I am as a person and that it is a positive part of who I am.
As a result I have come to accept myself and to come to a place in my life that I can enjoy who I am and what I like to wear for clothing.
Tomara
My dressing evolved around my wife. My wife is a bit quiet, so I was a little "wrong" in the beginning because I still felt like I was feeling out her reactions. Once I was convinced, everything felt right.
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