In ‘kid-dom’ you are ether a bully, a victim, or a toady…” This quote (or miss-quote - I’m sure I didn’t get it quite right…) is from my favorite Christmas movie (brownie points for the first person to guess the title…).
How many of us were “victims” as children? I’m not trying to imply any correlation between having gender issues and being bullied, but I do know that, as a kid, I definitely fell into the “victim” category. So, if you were a “victim” why do you think that was? And DID it have anything to do with being gender challenged/confused? Were you just easier to victimize because of your size or place in the pecking order? Or did it have to do with something else altogether?
I’ll go first. As stated, yes I was bullied as a kid. Why? I think it was because I was small; I was perpetually “the new kid” (moved around a lot – Air Force brat…); and, let’s face it, I was “the sensitive type.” I was far more likely to break down and cry than to fight back; something that caused my Dad no end of frustration. I fact, more often then not, if I got beat up at school, I’d also get a whipping at home for not “fighting back.” (Ended up just not telling my Dad anytime I had problems with other kids…).
Did any of this cause me to CD or result because I was already (in thought if not in practice…) a CDer? I think I was already, as early as 8 or 9 years old, fantasizing about women’s clothing. I think I was already thinking more like a girl than a boy, and also ACTING more like a girl than a boy (Heck, I STILL cross my legs like a girl…). The result was predictable. I don’t think I really stopped being bullied until I was in collage, although high school was a lot better that middle school/ Jr. high school.
The result is that I learned to imitate behavior, out of self preservation, that does not come natural to me. I also learned to hide and/or suppress the behavior that led to the bullying in the first place. I know this is one reason I have such a hard time talking to my wife about my CDing.
Anyway, I think that’s enough self analysis. Besides, I’m no longer a kid, and no longer a professional victim. I gave both up 30+ years ago. But how many of you went through/are going through the same thing? And how did/does it affect you and your relationships with others? And finally, did it have any impact on your gender identity?