I'm ready to reveal my full inclinations to my wife but I will be embarrassed to be dressed or dress in front of her. It worries me enough to avoid having the conversation with her in the first place. Have any of you girls felt that way?
Eva
I'm ready to reveal my full inclinations to my wife but I will be embarrassed to be dressed or dress in front of her. It worries me enough to avoid having the conversation with her in the first place. Have any of you girls felt that way?
Eva
I haven't had a SO long term yet to have the answer to this (yes, NicoleErin, my current SO is now my ex), but I do know for a fact that communicating this ("I will be embarrassed to be dressed or dress in front of her"), in addition to everything you want to tell her, will greatly help with your anxieties. Communication is key here.
A ton of girls here have used various techniques to kick start this discussion, from watching Ru Paul's Drag Race together, to even shopping with their SO's for clothes. But you know your wife better than we do, so for openers, I'm not sure how you'd even bring up something like that in your household.
I think the best approach is to make her understand it at a level that she can relate to you. I can't tell you exactly how she'll react, only that she'll probably need some time to digest all the information that you put in, but the fact of the matter is that it's very important to show that you're still the same person she married and to try and put yourself in her shoes.
When I came out to my close friends, I told them that being Lexi was like playing a video game where the role I'm playing is actually happening in real life as opposed to a fictional world (which was a good and valid reason, not a lie). It was also a role that was radically different than what I normally play. They were all video gamers, and as gamers we play different roles per game, so they related to my reasoning really fast.
After hanging out with Lexi a few times, my friends accepted her as a normal part of their lives and they began to understand what she really meant to me. They even asked me questions about her style, where it started, and in the end they've gained a better appreciation for her than I could ever hope for.
I hope that my post helped even in the slightest bit and, if anything, regardless of what happens... if you do go through with it... you can then proudly say that you've done something that some of our sisters still need the courage to do.
Good luck!
I did yes... It was very embarassingmy last girl friend had to see the whole get up and giggled at me for my choice in under garments... It passes slowly or for me it did but every situation is diffrent .. No need to not have any conversations tho sometimes it's best not to be dressed and talk, she may even encourage to to go dress up
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I do not!! Claim to be an expert on any topic, when I post a new thread or reply on any thread my imput is strickly that of a crossdresser. Not to offend Gay people , Transexuals or any other life style, I am only commenting on one of my own.
Telling my wife was not that embarrassing for me, and I'm fine with being dressed up in front of her. It bothers me to be only partially dressed around her though. I especially don't like to be seen without my wig when I'm dressed. I'm afraid she'll think I look like a freak of nature.
On occasion when I first started and was feeling particularly self-conscious, mostly when not entirely made up, I have felt embarrassed. But that feeling is pretty long-gone. I'm lucky that I have a supportive SO that also enjoys my dressing and likes seeing the progression.
Definitely. It is a very embarassing experience to tell someone about your cd'ing. there is no easy way to do it.
Michelle
Got to say it will be very Embarresing for you but will also give you a massive adrenalin kick at the end of the day if she loves you she will accept it but not be involved or accept it and help ? But either way shes allowed giggle and it will break the tension .
I think most of us feel the same way. The first few times are scary but not telling your so or wife is a lot worse. I remember my wife telling me the first time that my choice of clothes was not going to work. She soon took me shopping for clothes that would fit in with the norm. Out with the old in with the new. Then off to be embaressed for makeup lessons. IT was one thing after another until I realized that what she was doing was showing me that being a woman is more then just the clothes. Still always learning and that is part of the enjoyment learning to be me.
I would let her take the lead on this. Telling a wife or SO about cd'ing is difficult and a lot will depend on her reactions. I would let her take the lead; this is as much about her as it is about you. If she would prefer not to see you dressed, then the matter takes care of itself. Perhaps she would want to see you work into it gradually. I hope it works out for you.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Proud member of the Lacey Leigh Fan Club
Yes it was very embarrassing to tell my wife I am a crossdresser and I am very selfconsious when I am dressed in my wifes presence, really a long way to go.
I can certainly relate to that sentiment. I don't even like to see my self in a mirror dressed without a wig! When I'm not completely dressed, I aviod the old looking glass.Originally Posted by Sophie86
Telling my wife was not that embarrassing for me, and I'm fine with being dressed up in front of her. It bothers me to be only partially dressed around her though. I especially don't like to be seen without my wig when I'm dressed. I'm afraid she'll think I look like a freak of nature.
why dont you just sit her down explain it all to her im sure she has either seen your stuff around or at least knows something allready, after telling her that u dress ask if she would like to see you dressed or not and if she doesnt just say ok ill try and do it on my time with my clothes as long as your ok with that aspect of it, my wife was relived that i wasnt cheating on her like she thought even though she never asked if i was cheating,
and i took it upon myself to first show her what i dressed in then one night i got fully dressed and showed her even though it was hard to walk out and face her critisism i wanted her to see me that way at least once and she wasnt like eewwww or thrilled she aleast knew what i was doing with my free time, then with further discusions and stuff i have dressed one time going shopping with her and she actually to my suprize had a nice time with me dressed, now we look at clothes and coment on them together so if you dont go get the embaressment part out of the way then youll never get anywhere and feeling guilty for not leting her decide wether to join in or not theres my two pennys worth lol
Yes, I still feel silly dressed up with her. She will joke about when will she see "Crissy" again every once in a while. So she is OK with my dressing, I just feel funny in frount of her for some reason. Maybe some some kind forum member can give us shy girls some help, or advice.
Beside one halloween party (and that doesn't really count) The only other person that has ever seen me dressed, is my uncle. I did not feel silly at all. Actually I felt totally relaxed and very comfortible. He is a crossdresser also.
My wife has said that she NEVER wishes to see me dressed. This troubles me a bit, That means that I will never feel that totally relaxed and comfortible feeling in my own home.
my sister's reply when I told her how I prefer to dress
"Everyone has there thing, all that matters is that you are happy, love what you do and who you do it with"
OK, here's the deal. The embarrassment is just an innate response to doing something for the first time - like stage fright. You'll just have to live with it - and to my knowledge, no one has ever died from embarrassment.
The bigger issue is how to communicate effectively with your wife. Do you have any inkling of how she might respond? Are you prepared to answer her questions? If not, then you better do some research. Check out the how to tell a GG forum to get prepared.
Eva, I know just what you mean. Getting up the nerve to face the embarrassment of telling your wife, your not the man she thought you where, and then telling her your a cross dresser, both scary and embarrassing. When I did it, I got lucky and found I was married to a woman that was open minded enough to take it all in stride, she took me shopping and bought me a couple of dresses, and everything I needed to dress from the skin out, including a wig.
When we got home she was excited to see what we had bought and how it would fit, and would it make her husband happy. I took the stuff to the bedroom, and it took a while to get up the nerve and put it all on then walk into that living room, I was scared, embarrassed, and bashful, all at the same time.
She told me I looked great, but then the next time, I felt the same way all over again. But given time, and freedom to be me, I not only have no trouble in front of her, I feel very natural in what ever I'm wearing, from a party dress to a pair of lady jeans and a old guy tee shirt, it's just me wearing whats mine and I feel in the mood for. Well I guess this was just a long way to say, you'll get used to it!
Tina B.
I had a similar experience with many of my friends. The few that didn't ask those questions just kinda went "okay, i kinda figured." Of course, that says how much better those friends know me and pay attention than I do. But when dealing with SOs, you need to make sure that you include in your "expression of self" that you're still the same person inside that your SO fell in love with and that you're going to be completely honest. Open and Honest Communication is the main key to anything of this nature.
Ladies -
Thank you so much for sharing. I know what I need to do.
Eva
Yes, the first time I was nervous as hell and weirded out...which I'm sure did not help ease my girlfriend into it either. But we moved on from there, and slowly I went from feeling weird or embarassed doing it to feeling weird and embarassed about asking to do it. Now we've moved beyond that to where we're both pretty comfortable with it. Just take it slow but do it...it's worth it. Good luck girl!
"It makes no difference whether the voices in their transformations have each other to depend on or not. Smooth them out on the whetstone of the universe (tian), use them to go by and let the stream find its own channels; this is the way to live out your years. Forget the years, forget duty, be shaken into motion by the limitless, and so find things their lodging-places in the limitless." ~Zhuangzi
"everyone here hates everyone here for doing the same thing that they do." - Less Than Jake
Hello eva telling your wife is one of the hardest decisions but you will know the right time to tell her maybe try a few questions about cding first then take it from there
I dressed for my wife once, on a lark, very early in our marriage just to see what her response would be. She laughed hysterically. Even told her mother about the hilarious thing I had just done.
I was humiliated. I have never broached the subject again, and never will.
My first time dressed in front of my wife was after we had already had the initial discussion. I let her know I was going to dress and gave her the opportunity to do something else and avoid it if she wanted. She decided she was ready to meet Sarah and it's been fine ever since.
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Sarah
Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.
Please don't forget to take a minute to consider what she may be feeling. I don't know the details of your relationship, so I don't want to assume or imply that my comments are anything other than my experience.
The first time I dressed infront of my SO, I was a nervous wreck. We had talked about it for some time, and she made no hesitation to clearly and calmly state that it will be a shocker for her to see as well. For 2 years my SO knew me as a t-shirt and jeans *GUY*. And now all of a sudden she is supposed to see me dressed and what? be totally 'normal' about it? I was afraid she would laugh, and she warned me she might, just because it is a totally different portrayal of a person she 'knew so well'.
My advice, talk with her about your hesitations, I'm sure she has reservations of her own and if you talk to eachother and work through them, the whole experience will feel much more natural for the both of you.
Good luck, hope everything works out.
nikole
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