More than CDing

[CamilleLeon]

So for the past few days me and my girlfriend Shannon (aka Shananigans) went down to the beach. We had a lot of fun chilling, relaxing, and etc and one night decided a photo shoot with Camie was in order. We get all dressed up and Shannon helps me with my make up. We spend over an hour taking pictures and having fun like a couple a girls having a sleepover (haha).

Anyway, something amazing happened. For awhile I was not just a guy in a dress and a wig...I was actually Camille. This has happened to me few times (usually I find CDing to be a great sexual thing but I still feel like myself). Has anyone else felt like a different person, of a different gender?

I feel like it was more than the clothes, or the make up, or even the wig. All of these things can make me feel sexy or feminine, but never made me feel like I was actually Camie. No, it was having this amazing woman who could take me seriously and treat me like Camie...the clothes and make up only helped the illusion she gave me. I was fully aware of all of body, and did not for a moment believe I was biologically female, but I felt like Camille, a woman (of sorts). This partly helps me realize that I am not a TS. I don't want SRS, I can feel like a woman with my woman without it. However, all that being said, the power of the feeling of being Camille kind of scares me. I was sad to let her go...

Anyone have any sense of what I'm talking about, or am I just rambling?

[sometimes_miss]

On a different level, some of us just feel like 'ourselves' when we dress up in strictly female outfits. It's not a feeling of being a guy in a dress, or a woman in a dress. It's just a feeling of feeling 'right' in a dress. I dress as a woman almost daily; I don't transition into another personality or anything like that. I just feel like I'm wearing what I should be, where as when I'm dressed as a guy, I feel like I'm wearing a costume to portray a fake persona. I have to actively focus on acting like a general issue guy, or the feminine feelings, expressions and behaviors in me seem to spill over, or 'leak out'. Basically, whenever I'm in public, I have to 'act' like a normal guy.

[lori m crawford]

yes i fell like i haft to live in to worlds me in side an what popple wont me to be

[Karinsamatha]

When I am dressed I feel as a complete person. At work I put on an act of sorts, one I am begining to find distastefull, and very exausting. However when I get home Karin comes to the fore front, and I feel like a whole person. But when it is time to go to work it is with a sense of saidness that I go back to being a man.

[kellycan27]

Not trying to rain on your parade, but how many times have we seen cder's suddenly realize that they are TS and cross over?

Kel

[CamilleLeon]

Not trying to rain on your parade, but how many times have we seen cder's suddenly realize that they are TS and cross over?

Kel

Well now I feel thoroughly rained upon...haha if that happens feel free to procede with the "I told you so's". I'd be pretty surprised myself...

[sissystephanie]

In the many years that I have dressed, I have really felt like Stephanie numerous times. But I have never wanted to be a woman in reality! No
SRS for this guy! My late wife knew and respected me for that. For those who don't already know, she fully accepted and supported my CD activities for the almost 50 years we had together!

I was happy to wear feminine clothing and still am. I wear it now, but present as a guy because I am one! No wig or makeup, because my late wife did that!

[Cherie]

Camille i have cd for 30 years or more but allways hidden had to with all the guilt feelings that it was wrong etc but only in the past 2 months i like you got dressed one night and Cherie finally came together she now is me and i am so happy with myself tomorrw is a shopping day with me and a gg for the real cherie

[kaitlin]

I know just how you feel! I chose to live on the edge between male and female, I present as a male because I somewhat have to but, my toes are always polished, legs and almost everything else is smooth and I don't own male underware! But when we have time for Kaitlin to be completely out, I feel like a heavy weight has been lifted off of me! It's like I can relax and breath for a change! It's during this time I feel I can quit pretending and be the real me! And when the time comes for me to change back, it's almost depressing. Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy being male, having male parts, don't care for SRS but I do love my girly time and being Kaitlin!

[Maria in heels]

Camille...with me, it's not something that I just do....Maria is an integral part of my persona, and whether I am dressed as Maria or not, she ALWAYS shows thru in little ways. Whether if I seem to be a little emotional, softer than the average "guy", kinder and gentler, this is how Maria affects me, and in turn, everyone around her.

It is wonderful when you can feel this way, isn't it?

[Kate Simmons]

With many of us the intrinsic female essence takes over when we CD.

[kimdl93]

I've certainly felt very much female when I'm fully dressed and enjoying the company and attention of my wife. I don't know that it means you might eventually cross over....in some sense, there's no need. If you can feel entirely female in the body you've been given, then who cares. I'd contrast that with someone who is genuinely unhappy with their body and can only feel right after full transition.

that doesn't mean you won't go there, but I'm not in a position to predict.

[Chickhe]

It happens to me when my wife forgets I am dressed up and starts to talk to me like I am a female.

[AmiFL]

you are lucky to have your special relationship with your girlfriend.... she accepts camille for who she is when she is there. So why shouldn't camille feel like a real girl. you make a cute young couple together. it is only a matter of time before you go out together as girlfriends..... lucky you

Keep enjoying the moments as girls togoether and let camille grow

[Laura Evans]

Often do, especially when I go out in public which is frequent. The walk, hand and body gestures, voice all say "Laura" in body and soul.

[joannemarie barker]

Cant say I have really felt that way but it was a lovely read and I dont think you should be scared

[CamilleLeon]

Cant say I have really felt that way but it was a lovely read and I dont think you should be scared

I'm not scared of the feeling as much as I am that I don't know if I could get enough

[suchacutie]

I sure have the T-shirt for this one. I used to hate anything that required that I leave the comfort of my male self. Hallowenn? Hated it. Being feminine in any way? Frightening!

So, here I was, dressed in feminine lingerie, stockings, 6" platforms, silky black top, no makeup or hair, no painted nails...parading without real practice in these incredible heels when my wife, in complete astonishment, said my legs were incredible and we needed to buy me a dress. Ok, so my mind was in a whirl. Who was this woman I had married 32 years previously, and, for that matter, who was I.

Luckily, one of use had lived through growing up as a woman, and knowing that I hated dressing up, knew that there was something here that we needed to look at. We instantly agreed that this feminine side needed to be separated out to find out who she is. And this is the point for me. I'd been living with my femme self as a part of me and by separating her, letting her identify who she was, and letting her grow into her own "woman" of sorts we would be able to understand her, and me, and the combination.

Within 48 hours we had named her, got her an e-mail address, started looking online for data about transgenderism (heavens, we knew nothing, really), signed up on this forum (and read for days), had her try on a dress (which only identified that she needed breasts for this to work), and then took a breath. Within a week we had chosen her hair style and ordered a wig. Within another week breast forms and two bras had arrived along with a boucle top and jeans from VS.

So, with all that assembled, Tina went off to get dressed (no makeup yet). She walked out the bedroom to the chorus of, "oh my god, you look incredible". Suddenly walking was easier, the hipsway seemed normal, and a little spin on my heels brought smiles from my "girlfriend".

Tina. This was now Tina. She felt like Tina. Her voice instinctively softened. Her gf immediately brought her into a bathroom and started to show her about makeup. Well...you can see that we've not turned back.

Then, about 5 months later, after a number of sessions like that we were in Atlanta...just the two of us...and we went shopping for shoes, skirt, non-opaque hold-ups, and then I was dragged into a drugstore where I was handed my first mascara and eyeliner with, "you'll need these now". But, the moment where it went over the edge was when my wife suggested that I go to the Underground where there was a woman making necklaces out of brass with one's name...and buy one for Tina. Having done that, then back into the hotel room, dressed, this time with mascara, eyeliner, and lipgloss, and then that necklace.

That did it. The last nail, as it were. There it was. It said, "Tina". It was no longer an option...there it was for anyone to see....Tina. Since then, dressing has been begun with a ritual, and when that ritual is over, the male is gone, and Tina is there. We are still working out who she is and how my gf and I interact (sheesh, see it? I just changed genders!) but every time its Tina, and only Tina.

This is one reason why those labels of CD/TV/TS and all the rest just don't work. Yes, I live in both genders, but not at the same time. There are physical compromises that must exist to be this way, but there is no doubt that if the possibility existed that Tina could exist for days as long as "life" didn't intrude. I'm very comfortable in both genders, but there is no mixing. Tina lives!

Thanks so much for this thread. Sorry for the length of this...just couldn't stop once I started

Tina

[kellycan27]

Well now I feel thoroughly rained upon...haha if that happens feel free to procede with the "I told you so's". I'd be pretty surprised myself...

LOL... just sayin. Stranger things have happened.

kel

[carhill2mn]

Oh, I suspect that most of us here have had a similar feeling at least once!

[Shananigans]

1) That was a lot of fun...I'm always down to get dressed up and play models.
2) I think Camie (full-on Camie) gets put on the backburner a bit because it takes you 2 hours to shave and then another hour for me to do your makeup. I think that when we're being pretty casual, you enjoy it...but, it's not the same as going all out with it. (You don't get that same ultra-femme feeling). Doing so (going all out) takes a lot of time and pampering... and, I think that also adds to it and makes it special. And, that's loads of fun. Can I see you presenting as a woman and doing this everyday? Or, going through SRS? No. Why? Because even when you are shaving, you still bring an ice cold Bud with you to the bath. (Called out!)
3) <3

[kimdl93]

1)
. Can I see you presenting as a woman and doing this everyday? Or, going through SRS? No. Why? Because even when you are shaving, you still bring an ice cold Bud with you to the bath. (Called out!)
3) <3

LOL, now that is honesty!

[tricia_uktv]

Often do, especially when I go out in public which is frequent. The walk, hand and body gestures, voice all say "Laura" in body and soul.

Absolutely Laura, and when for days you are only known by your femail name that adds to it. Not sure I'm TS though, yet!

[Lucy_Bella]

It is a nice feeling to be open about your inner feelings that drive you to emulate the true persona that urges to be exposed.. This is the beggining of a test lets say, in life. Can you balance your male side enough to supress the urge of what true persona you really want to live from here on out?
Or are you now hungry for more? Are you already planning your next adventure becomeing more and more riskier than the next until you have full acceptance nearly shutting the male part of yourself down..
Have fun ..

[k lynn]

you or so lucky to have shahonigansin your life