I have been thinking a lot lately about how my cd'ing is moving. Several months ago when I finally got free of the constrants and began dressing when I wanted again things changes. I go out shopping, dining, movies, nail salons and now mowing the yard dressed. I am beginning to question how this all ends. The issue is that the more I dress the more I want to dress. The more comfortable I feel dressed and interact with people, the more that becomes a part of me. Are we somehow by allowing ourselves to dress actually making the issue worse in our marriages and relationships? It almost seems like an addiction.
I don't see anything wrong with cd'ing but I question if it doesn't somehow absorb us into the cd'ing pit where we can never escape. Here is my observation which has got me thinking alot. I am a cd'er and not TS. I have no desire to be a woman fulltime but that is exactly what is happening. The more I dress and feel comfortable that way, the more feminine I feel. It is like I am moving to the other side faster and faster. I read a post awhile back about cd'ing = transexuality. I didn't agree with the premise but the more I dress I understand how you move farther and farther over to the female side of things. It is almost like I am really TS but until I let go enough to be me, I couldn't see it.
I see how SO's could become very frightened by this post and almost didn't post it because it might make it harder for someone to be accepted by their SO. Then I worried more about people just blindly following the examples on here of out cd'ers and end up going too far for them. There is a balance in life which is constantly changing just like the pendulum of being TG, but somehow I question if we don't control the speed and direction in which everything moves. It is so hard to explain this feeling which has come over me lately. I think it really hit me when I started going out in my own hair. I went out last night to see Inception and it made me really think if somehow cd'ing was an idea which allowed us to expand way past our comfort zone.
I know that I am rambling and I'm sorry for that. It is so hard for me to put this new feeling into words. I feel a little out of control at the moment and just trying to get everything balanced out again.