WARNING: Angsty post ahead:
I'm having a really difficult time these past few days. It's been a long time coming, but I've finally begun facing up to the fact that I'll never "pass" whatever that means ... I'll never look like a girl, and I really must face that.
There will be those of you who say, "Yes you can" look like a girl ... and this would be true, assuming I wasn't as lazy as I truly am.
But "passing" may or may not be necessary.
What I really need is to get over feeling "bad" or "guilty" about wanting to be, or to feel, pretty.
And here's the difficulty (finally): I am so jealous of the advantaged "others" here ... the ones who make it seem easy to appear as pretty girls, the ones who more obviously "pass".
Jealousy sometimes has a place ... but not this kind, not to this degree. It simply depresses me to look at photos of pretty girls, and find that they are, in fact, men.
I know, I know: I should get help. Counseling.
I simply have no time for counseling. I have no projected time off; I spent all my yearly time off already this year, dealing with a dying mom, being the primary care giver.
You all are my counselors. Make it count, and thanks in advance.