How would you go about telling...

[Naomi Rayne]

Telling people that you are a CDer may be hard for some people and easier for others. For me its kind of hard. I want to tell people but I am a bit afraid of the reaction I might get. This lead me to thinking about telling new people you meet and old friends or people you already know. Some peopke may argue this and there is no right or wrong answer but I think that telling friends you already have is harder than telling new people. Friends you already have know you one way and depending on when you started CDing don't know the other or new side of you. So they could be really shocked when they find out and have to rework how they think of you even thought the fact that you CD might not change who you are at all. New people who don't know you would grow to know you as you now are since you started CDing and they would either like you or they wouldn't. (Not based on CDing alone of course)

So here is my interesting question. Assuming that you have had friends before you started CDing how would you go about telling the friends you already had as opposed to new people you meet?

[Kathryn Martin]

I just had this happen a few days ago. I simply told my friends that I was a gender bender and crossdresser. They took it very well. We will see in the long term.

I found that for me the best thing is not to beat around the bush and simply say that and then let them react and ask questions.

[carrie-ann]

I've done this already. I lost most of my friends. But I have made a whole lot of new friends. Good luck.

[Cherie]

ive just lately come to terms with who i am . Telling friends about myself would be to hard right now but i do agree new friends is a good way to start. would love to meet girls from this foram

[LitaKelley]

I recently told two of my closest friends, a M/F couple. They took it rather well, and both found it extremely funny.

I'm debating on whether or not I want to friend myself on facebook, lol.. ie: friend my CD profile with my regular one that has my family, etc, and see if anyone notices, etc..

[Sarah89]

Alchohol is your buddy. .
I tell my friends all the time when Im wrecked, half of them think I am joking though :S
But the group of friends that do beleive me actually seemed really intrested , and were asking me all sorts of questions.
The way I drunkingly explained it to them was :
Me : *hicup* When I see a pure hot chick dude, Instead of wanting to *hicup* shag her, I wanna dress up and look as hot as her"
My Mate : "That kinda makes sense I guess, its kinda weird though , but whatever."

Unfortunatly because of the humour I use, alot of my mates think im joking when im telling them that :S, but as I said , theres a couple of them that know Im not bullshitting.
and somtimes ask questions about it and that.

[pernille d]

i have recently come out to two co workers and tey both took it well , one was worried about me as i was not myself and when i told her i was a CD she just said "phew is that it " as she thought i was i trouble with the law or something like that .

the one thing that is important is that you first have to accept yourself, if you can do that then telling is not such a big deal ,

[kimdl93]

I think the key is to know your friends very well - how open minded they are, how judgemental they might be. I wouldn't share this part of myself with old friends if I knew they'd react negatively.

I had a little differrent experience. My ex outed me during our divorce - far and wide, to friends, family, even my sons. Surprisingly, I don't think I lost a single friend as a consequence.

[VikkiVixen7188]

I tell them, then read their reaction. If they look stunned about it, I just pause and then say "Im just playing with you bro." If they say "I dont care." then they know and its cool.

[carhill2mn]

I think that you should carefully examine why you think that you should tell your friends. Is there something to be gained by telling them? What are the possible/probable losses? Is the risk worth the reward?

[sissystephanie]

Carole's post really puts it in perspective! What is to be gained by telling? I have been a CD longer than many of you have been alive, about 70 years! But only a very few of my friends know that I am a CD. And that is the way that I like it.

[Amanda Stubbs]

Most of my close friends and family already know. Of course news travels and occasionally get asked by others. I never deny it, usually replying with something like; "Yes, when the occasion calls for it. It's great fun ! You should try it !" adding "I find the girls love it too !"
Many times one of my inquistors has later approached me for more information........!

[Leslie Langford]

Carole's post really puts it in perspective! What is to be gained by telling? I have been a CD longer than many of you have been alive, about 70 years! But only a very few of my friends know that I am a CD. And that is the way that I like it.

Fair enough, but many of us here who, statistically speaking, have fewer years ahead of us than we have behind us start to worry about what kind of a legacy we will be leaving. And not all of us will be passing on as a result of a prolonged illness or the like which gives us more of an opportunity to put our affairs in order before the Grim Reaper comes calling. Many of us will die instead as a result of a sudden heart attack, aneurysm, or the like. Do we really want to put those who don't know about this side of us through a WTF!!! moment when they have to go through our personal effects to settle our estates?

In my case, my wife has known about my crossdressing for many years, even though she is not thrilled about it and is not looking forward to having to get rid of "Leslie's" personal effects one day. Both of my adult children also know, and while they are fundamentally open-minded about it and O.K with it overall, I also know that they would rather remember the masculine father who helped raise them and shape their personalities. But in a pinch, they would certainly be a fall-back in the event my wife pre-deceases me.

At this point, no other family members, friends, or acquaintances know about "Leslie", nor do they need to. I feel that my bases are sufficiently covered in the event of an untimely death.

[Maryesther M.]

I wouldn't and won't. Anybody who wants to know that sort of thing would be a CD-er too. A different sort of friend, new. It's a bit like other hobbies/activities:... My rowing friends don't know my choir singing or bridge playing friends, so if I cultivated a circle of cd-ers they would be a brand new lot, seperate from those I already have.

[eluuzion]

I wouldn't and won't. Anybody who wants to know that sort of thing would be a CD-er too. A different sort of friend, new. It's a bit like other hobbies/activities:... My rowing friends don't know my choir singing or bridge playing friends, so if I cultivated a circle of cd-ers they would be a brand new lot, seperate from those I already have.

I feel much the same way, M... I may get run over by a train someday, but it will not be because I was laying on the tracks waiting...lol. I have not felt any burning desire to announce anything to anybody, and being happy as I am now, I see no reason to drill a hole in the bottom of my boat.

[Gerrijerry]

My wife and I have one couple that we have been close to for many years. We travel together a lot on vacations. But my wife and I went on private vacations where i used to crossdress most of the trip. Then two years ago we were asked by them about going on a cruise that was comming up. The fact was we already had booked a cruise with the dignity group. Yes the same cruise and they had also book but not with the group of course. You can guess what I felt at that time. Cancel the cruise or just tell them. My wife at that point insisted insisted we tell them. We sat down for coffee and cake at our home with them and simple told them that on that cruise we were also going but with the dignity group. Then explained about why we didn't invite them with us.They asked if we got a discount on the group with the ship line. Actaully we did. So imagine my shock when they said can we change our reservations to go with your group and save money. The cruise was the first time that I knew someone close would see me dressed, that we really knew well. When it was time the first night to change for dinner I just put on a pair of female jeans and a blouse with lingerie and fixed my hair into a feminine style and a little makeup. I thought less would be easier. When they came to our cabin to meet us for dinner the first thing that the wife said was. I was expecting this Flamboyant outfit instead you look just like normal woman. Oh well she told me I guess I have to wait for formal night. And here I went to all the trouble of changing into a skirt and fancy blouse to make you feel more comfortable. I could not believe that she was being so nice. Her husband just said can we get going I am hungry and simply didn't care how I looked. It was the most amazing trip of my life. You never know what others will say or do. Other people We told were not always as accepting.

[Joanne f]

Why is there a need to tell , the one`s that will see you will know and it doe`s not really matter to the one`s that will not see you , i think the need to tell comes more from a inner self desire more that the need for friends to know .

[Starr]

I saw a thread on here somewhere were one of us girls had been questioned about her nails and long girly style hair cut.. she simple said.. "Oh.. I am girl a couple of days a week" or something close to that. I loved that quote and I to whomever it was that said that I am sorry I can't remember who it was or if I got it a little wrong.

[Naomi Rayne]

I saw a thread on here somewhere were one of us girls had been questioned about her nails and long girly style hair cut.. she simple said.. "Oh.. I am girl a couple of days a week" or something close to that. I loved that quote and I to whomever it was that said that I am sorry I can't remember who it was or if I got it a little wrong.

This is one of the stranger things about mentioning to people that you CD. Like when your questioned about things like why you know so much about makeup or why your nails are done. Do you give a simple answer like because i like them that way? In order to avoid telling people you CD. Or do you tell them its because you CD. Being that you dont particularly mind telling them you CD.

[girly_esther]

Hey there Lola, as for me, I didnt tell my old friends/family because I didnt had to.And if anyone asks that how do u know so much about makeup, the simple answer is - because I do watch a lot of tv!!!all the time 24/7 makeup commercials!!! starting frm tampons ad to makeup everything abt girls.how abt that?? well, you really dont have to tell people if you dont want to.Its upto us what we think.When we cd'ing we think that maybe people know about us or may be we must tell our friends/family.Because we feel something is wrong. But people really dont care.May be friends do but they dont need to know every single thing about you just as much as you dnt know every single hidden thing about your friends.Hope that makes sense.Unless its your wife/girlfriend then you have to tell her at some point rather than she finding out 1st & then hell lot of problem.

[AKAMichelle]

I have to agree about the level of difficulty with telling old vs new friends. I too find it so much harder to tell new friends and I usually do right from the beginning. But old friends mostly still don't know and may never know. The few that I did tell took a lot of preparation on my part.

[Emma England]

I have not done so.

If you tell old friends and they disown you, then they were never real friends in the first place.
A true friend accepts you for the way you are, not some pre-judged societal stereotypical view.

[Naomi Rayne]

Hey there Lola, as for me, I didnt tell my old friends/family because I didnt had to.And if anyone asks that how do u know so much about makeup, the simple answer is - because I do watch a lot of tv!!!all the time 24/7 makeup commercials!!! starting frm tampons ad to makeup everything abt girls.how abt that?? well, you really dont have to tell people if you dont want to.Its upto us what we think.When we cd'ing we think that maybe people know about us or may be we must tell our friends/family.Because we feel something is wrong. But people really dont care.May be friends do but they dont need to know every single thing about you just as much as you dnt know every single hidden thing about your friends.Hope that makes sense.Unless its your wife/girlfriend then you have to tell her at some point rather than she finding out 1st & then hell lot of problem.

I am not sure if the tv excuse would work because i talk way too much in detail to only see some stuff on tv haha. Also my SO knows so no problems there

[suchacutie]

I guess I just don't have this drive to push Tina on my old friends, or even new friends, for that matter. It seems to me that people who meet Tina know Tina. I'm not sure I want to mix this up a lot. After all, I don't tell friends what I had for breakfast. If I have breakfast with them, then they'd know!

Lastly, when it becomes clear that I know a lot about "feminine" things, my response is an easy one: "I've been married for 37 years. Why don't you simply expect that I'd know a lot about what is important to my wife?"

That usually shuts down any issues!



tina

[Naomi Rayne]

I guess I just don't have this drive to push Tina on my old friends, or even new friends, for that matter. It seems to me that people who meet Tina know Tina. I'm not sure I want to mix this up a lot. After all, I don't tell friends what I had for breakfast. If I have breakfast with them, then they'd know!

Lastly, when it becomes clear that I know a lot about "feminine" things, my response is an easy one: "I've been married for 37 years. Why don't you simply expect that I'd know a lot about what is important to my wife?"

That usually shuts down any issues!



tina

Fantastic. I loved the breakfast thing. If you dont mind i might even use that as a quote. Thats really fantastic haha. Also good point about the answer. i am not married tho so that wouldnt work, but i could tweak it a bit to make it work.