So my 5-year old daughter asks...

[JamieG]

"Daddy, do boys wear dresses?"

I paused to think carefully about my answer. My daughter has never seen me dressed, and my wife and I have agreed that, at least for now, we don't want to tell her. I wanted to avoid getting into trans-politics, but obviously I wasn't going to give the narrow-minded (and untruthful) answer of "No." So I responded: "Some do, but most don't. Many people think that boys shouldn't wear dresses, but I think anybody should be able to wear anything they want. What do you think?"

She cheerfully said, "I used to think dresses were for girls, but if a boy wants to dress as a princess or a queen, that's okay." I'm so proud of her!

So how would you have responded if in a similar situation?

p.s. This same girl told her mom that her dream was to have a pink and purple castle filled with My Little Ponies and Lady Gaga and Ru Paul CDs. She's goes off to kindergarten next week. It'll be interesting to see how her peers will react to this "nice little girl with strange opinions."

[bianca66]

Haha...Ru Paul Cd's...Just wait till she finds out about Jeffrey Star

[Lexine]

I would've probably answered it with real world examples, like some people do it for work (acting, primarily), national identity (kilts), or that acceptable trends change over time (King Louis IV comes to mind), but like you I'd include that I believe people should be able to wear whatever they want.

[DonnaT]

I think your answer was a very good one, and would likely have made a similar response.

Then I would have asked her why she asked.

[Loni]

i say good dad. (now reward your self with a new skirt.)
you answered in a way that i would say is right, it was short and easy, not full of info that would only have been a lost cause (30 sec rule).

notice the first sentence ver the second one.

[VikkiVixen7188]

I think you did good. Im not sure what Id do yet, Im just 22 and kids are a ways off.

[t-girlxsophie]

I would've probably answered it with real world examples, like some people do it for work (acting, primarily), national identity (kilts), or that acceptable trends change over time (King Louis IV comes to mind), but like you I'd include that I believe people should be able to wear whatever they want.

Love this answer Alex,though in my case Its the Mini Kilt

Well Done Jamie on the answer you gave your Daughter,It was well thought out and answered in a simple but effective way for a young child to take in.

Sophie xx

[Shari]

I can understand my little ponies. I can even accept that she knows about Lady Gaga.
But how does a 5 year have a clue about rupaul?
Shouldn't she be watching Barney or Sesame Street?

[Rianna Humble]

I like the way that you invited her to express her own opinion after you had given her the facts that she asked for. I'm sure your daughter will grow into a well-balanced person if this is an example of how her parents respond to her.

[CallMeMeg]

It was perfect.

[GingerLeigh]

My 5 year old daughter thinks that only girls can like pink, and boys like only blue. Girls play with dolls and boys with cars. Even with career oriented questions, only boys are astronauts and girls are nurses. I don't know where she gets these ideas from but I continually tell her that she shouldn't limit herself to what she wants to do or what she can like. I tell her she may do what is in her heart, wear what she wants, and like any colour she wants. There are no rules and nobody can tell you what to do, boys or girls.
Your response to your daughter was perfect! I don't think my daughter will be so open minded but she is only 5.
My 3 year old son by the way likes pink, and changes diapers on baby dolls. I caught him trying on my daughter's tutu once, he noticed me and quickly ripped it off and threw it to the floor. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree now does it? Again this is nothing we're teaching them or encourage.

[TxKimberly]

How awesome is that?! I HAVE been faced with almost that exact scene with my own daughter and I responded just about exactly the way you did. I guess that means that either we were both right or both wrong. LOL
My little princess said something along the lines of it wasn't fair that boys weren't allowed to wear pretty things. I almost teared up . . .

[Madilyn A.]

Great subject. I think your answer was very appropriate and I'm sure I would have answered similarly. I too find it very odd that she would have any knowledge of RuPaul or CDs, and that they have made some impression to want in the castle......A few years ago I attended a funeral and saw a female cousin with whom I had lost touch for decades, she had her 5 yr. old grandson clinging to her legs, as a shy child sometimes might huddle close to a family member when meeting new people. We talked a bit and I commented on how attached her grandson was to her. BTW she looks much younger than a grandmother has a right to. She tells me that she has babysat him since he was a baby and "the child just loves to rub my legs and wear my shoes and clothes, he's always in my closet, isn't that cute ??" I felt so compelled to tell her about my experiences at that age or many CDs early years, but I wimped out. So I'm quite sure we will have another "gurl" join the team in the future.

[kimdl93]

Seemed like a perfectly adequate answer to me. At that age she was genuinely curious...and you gave her a simple, honest response.

[ChloeMartin]

As the father (huh? oh yeah) of a 3 year old girl, I have to agree. Perfect answer. Thanks for the post. Something good to consider in case I get a similar question one day.

[Jenny J]

Great answer Jamie, maybe the 'younger' generation gets it and is going to be much more accepting. If not, she will make a heck of a SO to a worried CD.

My daughter loved My Little Ponies but didn't have a clue as to Lady Gaga or Ru Paul. Not so sure if that wasn't a good thing.

Jen

[JamieG]

I can understand my little ponies. I can even accept that she knows about Lady Gaga.
But how does a 5 year have a clue about rupaul?
Shouldn't she be watching Barney or Sesame Street?

I should clarify, Mom and Dad are totally at fault for my daughter's knowledge of Lady Gaga and RuPaul. Both Lady Gaga CD's and the latest RuPaul CD (which has many of the songs heard on Drag Race) are on frequent rotation when we travel in the car or have a "family dance party." We all sing along. I don't think she knows what RuPaul looks like or that she is a drag queen. I don't think she even knows what a drag queen is.

For me, these songs are guilty pleasures. I'm usually more of a classic rock / alternative rock fan. I've been trying to expose my daughter to many of my favorite classics: Led Zeppelin, The Clash, Talking Heads, Fleetwood Mac, etc. and to slightly more recent stuff like Wilco and Modest Mouse, but so far the only thing that has stuck with her is CCR's "Down on the Corner."

One other funny story: last month we celebrated my birthday in our backyard with a bunch of friends and their kids. I had my iPod connected to speakers and on shuffle. The adults were drinking beer and grazing off of the munchies we set out, and the kids were playing in the pool. At one point, all of the kids in the pool yell for my daughter to jump in with them. She yells back, "Not until I'm done dancing to my song." What was on the iPod? "Jealous of my Boogie" by RuPaul.

[Gerrijerry]

perfect answer simple yet understandable to a young person

[kellycan27]

I would've probably answered it with real world examples, like some people do it for work (acting, primarily), national identity (kilts), or that acceptable trends change over time (King Louis IV comes to mind), but like you I'd include that I believe people should be able to wear whatever they want.

Real world examples? She's 5

[JulieC]

Awesome answer!

My wife and I, like you two, have decided not to tell our children at this time. But, we do make an effort to educate our children about diversity issues across the board, including gender topics. It's gone very well so far.

[AKAMichelle]

You responded much better than I would have. But the question begs another question as to what caused her to ask the question. I bet there is a little boy she knows who is talking about being a princess for halloween.

[sissystephanie]

I think Michelle may have the answer as to why the question was asked! Fortunately, neither my daughter or my son ever asked me a question like that, My daughter was born in 1956 and my son in 1960! They both learned I was a CD last year when I told them!!

[Babeba]

Real world examples? She's 5

Umm, 5 year olds are sponges. Example: how many dinosaurs the average 5 year old can rattle off! If she's interested, she'd at least remember the vague concepts.