Hey all...glad that this thread is continuing!
I just want to clarify something that I see repeated quite a bit in threads on this forum. Often times, the issues around being a gay male crossdresser are confused with the issue of "whether I am gay because I fantasize about being with a man while dressed". There are tons of threads dealing with the latter on this forum. My view is that having fantasies about being with a man while dressed is not the same thing as calling yourself a "gay male crossdresser". For me, a gay male crossdresser is simply a male crossdresser who envisions being with a man as a primary life partner, who falls in love with a man, and is primarily attracted to men, and who can envision living day-to-day with a man in a conjugal relationship, regardless of whether he is dressed in women's clothes or not. To help those questioning themselves, I would probably ask the question, "Are you primarily attracted to men regardless of what you are wearing?" If so, you're mostly likely "gay". If you are only attracted to men when you are dressed as a woman, and you also find yourself attracted to women, then I don't think that you are gay -- perhaps, you are bisexual. (Hope you won't all clobber me for saying that!) I remember when I was questioning my sexuality, I seemed to be focused on who I fantasize about being with in bed. A dear friend clarified that "sexual orientation" was much deeper than sex -- it was about who we fall in love with and who we enjoy romance with.
So, as someone who still envisions being with a man even when I'm not dressed as a girl (although I would like to be seen as the fem in the relationship), I've come to the conclusion that I really should stick to the gay male community in terms of looking for an ideal mate. The reason that I feel this way is because most trans-admirers that I have met seem to have a great deal of difficulty being with me when I am not in girl mode. Being in a relationship with me involves being with my male self 90% of the time, and my female self 10% of the time. And, luckily there are some gay men out there who have been fine with my dressing and treating me like the girl in the relationship, so I feel like that has to be the closest fit at this point...
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