Wow, what a day.

[ICU Nurse]

If you read my post on the introduction section, you know that I'd recently told my wife about my desire to wear hose and willingness to let me experiment a bit within her comfort level. I also agreed to see a therapist for issues unrelated to crossdressing and in order to better understand the roots of my desire to crossdress.

I felt that I had been easing her into my secret, but the desire to push the limits was surprisingly strong. I asked her how she would feel if I tried on some heels. Or what if I shaved my legs? She was not pleased with the shoes, OK'd the shaved legs, and wanted me to wait to speak with the therapist before I took another step forward.

I was feeling an overwhelming urge to run out and buy a pair of high heels. It was bordering on what I think was an anxiety attack (I don;t know for sure, I've never had one). The strength of the emotion was terrifying.

She got me calmed down a bit and we wound up talking some more.

And that's when it came out. Apparently I didn't so much come out of the closet, it's more like she came in.

She's known about my desire to crossdress and my occasional forays into it for two and a half years. And I HAD NO IDEA. Apparently she found my MySpace account where I confessed my feelings, blogged occasionally about getting dressed and talked with other crossdressers, transvestites and transsexuals about their experiences with these feelings. I was also very clear on MySpace about my desire to remain closeted and completely faithful to her and our marriage. Thank God that I did. I can't imagine her shock, but I hope that she found a tiny bit of reassurance when she read that.

She's hinted around that she knew, but I can't take a hint unless it's stapled to the end of the 2x4 that hits me between the eyes. As recently as a couple of weeks ago she hinted to me that the straps on a pair of her heels were stretched out (my fault). I let it slide.

But after she told me that she know it was time to come clean.

I told her everything, didn't hold anything back; how I got started, why I think I do what I do, stuff I've bought, stuff I'd stolen from cousins drawers, things I'd like to do and things that hold no appeal. Everything. I told her I'd like to be able to wear skirts, hose and heels around the house every now and then, and that I was curious about shaving my legs. She was also OK with me wearing hose under my clothing when I or we go out.

And I don't know what I did to deserve her, but she still loves me.

She doesn't want to see me wearing a skirt or heels, but I can wear them when she's not around and store them in plain sight in our closet. She'll continue to think about whether she will accept more as we move along.

I still plan to see a therapist (we've looked at a few and picked two that I'm going to call next week) and I've promised her that I won't hold anything back while I'm there either.

In the meantime I shaved my legs this evening and before work (I am working a 12 hour midnight shift as I type this) we had dinner with a couple of friends I I had on the pantyhose she bought me under my jeans.

I know that many people reading this know how it feels to confess to a spouse, and I can't explain how much I love and appreciate her and how she's dealt with this. I'm deeply sorry and ashamed that she had to find out about my feelings by stumbling across some email that I thought was hidden. I will spend the rest of my life trying to make up for it even though she's already forgiven me.

I don't know how or why I got this lucky, but I'm deeply thankful to be married to such a wonderful woman. God, I love her.

[simplykaelyn]

Sounds like you made a huge leap forward toward being yourself and being honest with your wife. Kudos to you and how lucky you are and I hope the best for you and your wife as you both work toward a positive outcome.

[princessmisti74]

Wow! You are one lucky son of a gun. This woman must love you just as much as you love her. I hope that more wives and girlfriends can be this understanding. I told my girlfriend a few weeks back and while hesitant at first, has become more accepting of my change. She is the greatest, even suggesting shoes and new styles for me. It makes me feel so much better that she knows about me and Misti.

[sandra-leigh]

For as long as I can remember, I've loved women in hose and the way they felt when I've run my hands over them. I've always wondered why women don't wear them all the time.

Recently I decided to try them myself. [...] I found that I liked the way they felt, and told her that. [...]

I really think my interest is tactile. I just like the way hose feels on her and now, on me. I don't have any interest in most things that many women seem to enjoy (like makeup, jewelry, girl-talk) and am happy with being a guy.

I asked her how she would feel if I tried on some heels. Or what if I shaved my legs?[...]
I was feeling an overwhelming urge to run out and buy a pair of high heels. It was bordering on what I think was an anxiety attack[...]

Ummm, your interest in heels and shaving legs is "just tactile" as well? And you still don't have an interest in many of the things that women seem to enjoy?

We've talked since then, and while she doesn't understand what's going on (I don't really know either) and is worried about where this may lead. [...]
She wonders if I want to wear other items of women's clothing or go out in public dressed as a woman, if I'm attracted to men, or want to change my sex. I've told her that I think the answer to the first question is no and am sure the answer to the last three is no.

She's known about my desire to crossdress and my occasional forays into it for two and a half years. And I HAD NO IDEA. Apparently she found my MySpace account where I confessed my feelings, blogged occasionally about getting dressed and talked with other crossdressers, transvestites and transsexuals about their experiences with these feelings.

Do you think perhaps her questions the other day about where it is leading and whether you wanted to do those other things, might perhaps have been related to her already knowing that you were discussing these kinds of issues with other people?

What did those "foreys" consist of if you had not tried hose yet, as you led us to believe in your introduction?

She wonders if I want to wear other items of women's clothing or go out in public dressed as a woman, if I'm attracted to men, or want to change my sex. I've told her that I think the answer to the first question is no and am sure the answer to the last three is no.

Yesterday you "think" you don't want to wear any other women's clothes, but today you have an anxiety attack over buying heels, and you've been talking with CD/TG/TS for 2 1/2 years? A wholely reasonable interpretation of those statements by the viewing audience would be that you lied to her in that discussion and that you mislead us in your introduction. And, of course, that she would have known that you lied to her when you said "No" about the other clothes. A natural question she would have would then be "What else did you lie to her about? Are you telling her the truth even now?" And a natural question we here would have would be "What is the truth about your situation, even if only the truth as you know it?"

For a long time she's thought I would benefit from seeing a therapist (just for "normal, everyday" kinds of issues) and I've always declined.

For a "long time"? Would that happen to be about 2 1/2 years? So perhaps she was nudging you to open up to her? And even now, perhaps to open up to yourself?


I'm not bothered that you wear women's clothes -- I'm sitting typing in an ankle-length red dress, bra, forms, panties, earrings, with my toe-nails and fingernails freshly decorated today.

I'm not bothered that you found it difficult to open up to your wife: it took me time to do that even once I'd reached the point where I was starting to get sick to my stomach from keeping it secret.

A bit of denial to your wife: unfortunate, but human. You're going to have to make it up to her.

I am, though, bothered that you mislead us a fair bit in your introduction, to the point where your introduction was a form of fiction. I spent a good half an hour putting together a considered response to that fiction

[simplykaelyn]

[QUOTE=sandra-leigh;2255279][QUOTE=ICU Nurse;2255233]I asked her how she would feel if I tried on some heels. Or what if I shaved my legs?[...]
I was feeling an overwhelming urge to run out and buy a pair of high heels. It was bordering on what I think was an anxiety attack[...]

Ummm, your interest in heels and shaving legs is "just tactile" as well? And you still don't have an interest in many of the things that women seem to enjoy?

We've talked since then, and while she doesn't understand what's going on (I don't really know either) and is worried about where this may lead. [...]
She wonders if I want to wear other items of women's clothing or go out in public dressed as a woman, if I'm attracted to men, or want to change my sex. I've told her that I think the answer to the first question is no and am sure the answer to the last three is no.



Do you think perhaps her questions the other day about where it is leading and whether you wanted to do those other things, might perhaps have been related to her already knowing that you were discussing these kinds of issues with other people?

What did those "foreys" consist of if you had not tried hose yet, as you led us to believe in your introduction?



Yesterday you "think" you don't want to wear any other women's clothes, but today you have an anxiety attack over buying heels, and you've been talking with CD/TG/TS for 2 1/2 years? A wholely reasonable interpretation of those statements by the viewing audience would be that you lied to her in that discussion and that you mislead us in your introduction. And, of course, that she would have known that you lied to her when you said "No" about the other clothes. A natural question she would have would then be "What else did you lie to her about? Are you telling her the truth even now?" And a natural question we here would have would be "What is the truth about your situation, even if only the truth as you know it?"




For a "long time"? Would that happen to be about 2 1/2 years? So perhaps she was nudging you to open up to her? And even now, perhaps to open up to yourself?


I'm not bothered that you wear women's clothes -- I'm sitting typing in an ankle-length red dress, bra, forms, panties, earrings, with my toe-nails and fingernails freshly decorated today.

I'm not bothered that you found it difficult to open up to your wife: it took me time to do that even once I'd reached the point where I was starting to get sick to my stomach from keeping it secret.

A bit of denial to your wife: unfortunate, but human. You're going to have to make it up to her.

I am, though, bothered that you mislead us a fair bit in your introduction, to the point where your introduction was a form of fiction. I spent a good half an hour putting together a considered response to that fiction

I guess I'm not on board with your views, but I don't see as big of a problem as you. Not claiming right or wrong anywhere, just saying I don't see an issue.

[sandra-leigh]

I guess I'm not on board with your views, but I don't see as big of a problem as you.

It isn't cool to come on board and ask for community support while considerably mis-representing your position. It is a breach of trust.

[Rianna Humble]

Yesterday, you said

For as long as I can remember, I've loved women in hose and the way they felt when I've run my hands over them. I've always wondered why women don't wear them all the time.

Recently I decided to try them myself. I talked with my wife about it

...

She wonders if I want to wear other items of women's clothing or go out in public dressed as a woman, if I'm attracted to men, or want to change my sex. I've told her that I think the answer to the first question is no and am sure the answer to the last three is no.

Today, you say

She's known about my desire to crossdress and my occasional forays into it for two and a half years. And I HAD NO IDEA. Apparently she found my MySpace account where I confessed my feelings, blogged occasionally about getting dressed and talked with other crossdressers, transvestites and transsexuals about their experiences with these feelings. I was also very clear on MySpace about my desire to remain closeted and completely faithful to her and our marriage.

I can understand, but not condone, your decision to lie to your wife, but why did you feel it was necessary to lie to the members of this forum where you have come for support?

We are not here to judge you, but to try to support one another. When you deliberately lie and mislead us not only does it make it difficult to support you now, but it makes it difficult to believe what you tell us in the future.

When you share a problem with us next time, should we expect a completely different tale within 24 hours as we have seen here?

You cannot start again with a brand new introduction in the New Members forum, but you might like to consider starting again by putting a truthful introduction in the MtF section. It could go a long way towards making it easier for us to know how to interact with you.

[AKAMichelle]

Sounds like a wonderful start. You are truly one lucky girl.

[Angie G]

Go slow with you experimenting as not to scare you wife into not being so supportive. You are a lucky CD don't blow it hun. I now what it is to have the support of your wife For I am one of the lucky ones. When she asks a question answer with be honest. Good luck in you journey.
Angie

[ICU Nurse]

I've read your responses and took some time to decide whether or how I wanted to respond.

My intro post was written for and shared with my wife when I was trying to ease her into my closet. I had no idea that she was aware that I wanted to crossdress at all.

The second post was written after I told her everything about my desire to and experiments with crossdressing. We no longer have any secrets and I'm pleased with the progress we've made.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

I'll probably go back to lurking now, and maybe commenting from time to time.

All the best...

[simplykaelyn]

It isn't cool to come on board and ask for community support while considerably mis-representing your position. It is a breach of trust.

o.k. I get that now.

[Mandy]

[SIZE="4"]Am so glad everything is working out for you the best way is not to have any secrets [/SIZE]