Hi all, Getting the Confidence to go out

[dayna_nj]

Hey everyone, ive been dressing a long time. Started thinking about it when I was about 10, started actually doing it around 14 maybe.

Im 34 now, I've met men at hotels and always enjoyed it and am very experienced, but the reason im here is about going out. I feel like I look ok, maybe close to passable but definitely not, but im starting to get a strong urge to go out. I just dont have the guts to do it though. I go for a bustier look because I feel like that might take attention away from my voice not being perfect, or my male frame. Im not large, 5'7" 145, but I have male shoulders, male hands, adams apple of course, female voice isnt perfect, etc...

But I have fooled people before at the hotels ive stayed at. I dont know what it is though, when I try to go out just driving around I get so paranoid. What if I get pulled over? What if the car breaks down, what would I do?

I live with my girlfriend who knows I do this, told her about a year ago. She doesnt love it but isnt willing to leave me, so I just do it on the weekends maybe once a month, she doesnt bother me about it.

Anyway, just looking for advice/encouragement. I really want to go out but cant seem to get over my fears, ive been dealing with this issue for about 15 years now.

Picture 3.jpgmenew5.jpgmenew3.jpgface1.jpgface2.jpg

[dayna_nj]

I forgot to mention that in every pic I wear a choker or a turtleneck. Its much easier for me to dress and be passable in the winter bc ppl dont think about a woman wearing a turtleneck. I took the ones in the gray top 2 weeks ago, and it was nicer out, so I had to wear that choker and I think its a dead giveaway, I dont usually see women wearing them.

Im really getting the itch to start dating men, I just dont know what to do to become more passable. I dont know if I go too large with the breasts, if maybe I try to dress more low key instead of over the top sexy? Need advice.

[AKAMichelle]

tone down the boobs and it would help with passability. Welcome to the forum

[Tina B.]

Carry moist wipes and a change of male clothes in the car, that takes care of breakdown fears, follow traffic rules, police will have no reason to stop you. now all you have to worry about is having a wreck and winding up in the ER. other than that get out there, your pretty safe in your car.
Tina B.

[dayna_nj]

Carry moist wipes and a change of male clothes in the car, that takes care of breakdown fears, follow traffic rules, police will have no reason to stop you. now all you have to worry about is having a wreck and winding up in the ER. other than that get out there, your pretty safe in your car.
Tina B.

It takes me so long to get undone, getting changed in the car would never work for me. If I broke down I would just be stuck there to deal with it. Total humiliation to say the least. As much as I love CD-ing, I'm very embarrassed about it because I know how almost everyone looks at people that do it.

Getting pulled over isnt a big deal. CD-ing isnt illegal, and I never drink and drive or anything stupid like that. My big fears are accidents and breaking down. I refuse to go anywhere alone. If someone else is driving its a little easier.

[carrie-ann]

I agree smaller breast will help. Most people don't care. So just do it. Have fun and confidence.

[dayna_nj]

Like I said I only went larger with them because I thought it might take the attention away from the other flaws, but I guess it doesnt really help. The other thing too is I have a friend who is extremely busty, and skinny, and it looks great on her. Lots of women have large breasts, but for me it was just hoping to draw attention away from things that will give me away.

Many men cannot think straight when they see large breasts, so that was my thinking with it.

[az_azeel]

Dayna Hi .. i have moved your thread here to the new member section ... .. welcome to the forum.. hope you have fun..

[dayna_nj]

Dayna Hi .. i have moved your thread here to the new member section ... .. welcome to the forum.. hope you have fun..

Oh ok, well I wasnt really introducing myself with this thread. I was looking to talk about getting the confidence to go out. I tried to edit the thread title but it wouldnt let me.

[Jennifer Girl]

You look great, and you look quite passable to me. Based upon your photos, if I saw you walking down the street, I wouldn’t think “that’s a crossdresser” at all. Also, I’d like to say that you are an inspiration to me because I am roughly your size (5’ 7” tall and weigh 141 lbs.), and I have muscular arms/shoulders/chest also. You look very feminine to me. I hope to look as good as you once I figure out this makeup thing. Anyway, you look awesome!

[dayna_nj]

Thanks Jenn. Makeup just takes practice. Im not the best at it but its something anyone can do well with practice. Check out tutorials on youtube. I have fooled people before, but it was at night, a little distance between us. I had a latin woman say "hey mama" to me at a hotel, ive had men say hi, one that said I looked pretty, I got gas in my car and fooled an older guy. All at night though.

I couldnt pass during the day I dont think. You can just tell from looking at someones hands or shoulders, the way their face is shaped, just how they look in general, there's very fundamental differences between men and women that everyone can recognize instantly if there is enough light on you and they are close enough. As hard as I try to look sexy I know people can just tell sometimes. Maybe not everyone but im sure many can. Im very self conscious about that. So few cd's are genuinely passable that ive seen myself so ive kind of given up on that, now its just a matter of not caring anymore and just getting "out there", which im terrified of doing for so many reasons.

[az_azeel]

Oh ok, well I wasnt really introducing myself with this thread. I was looking to talk about getting the confidence to go out. I tried to edit the thread title but it wouldnt let me.

Sorry i can move the thread back .. and change the title if you wish... what title would you like ??

[dayna_nj]

Sorry i can move the thread back .. and change the title if you wish... what title would you like ??

Well I guess just "Getting the confidence to go out". I pretty much think about that everyday, even after cd-ing for like 20 years since I was 14, so thats why I signed up here.

[az_azeel]

Well I guess just "Getting the confidence to go out". I pretty much think about that everyday, even after cd-ing for like 20 years since I was 14, so thats why I signed up here.

done for you and sorry for the miss understanding

[dayna_nj]

done for you and sorry for the miss understanding

Oh thats ok, I originally intended to just introduce myself, so that was what the topic title was, then I changed my mind and decided to get right into why I signed up, sorry about that.

[reneeisy]

Hi Dayna:

You definitely look passable to me. Very pretty. You might want to go a little smaller with the breasts though. And don't be afraid of breing pulled over by the police!! As long as you are not drinking and you have obeyed all traffic laws you have no reason to worry. Crossdressing is not against the law.

[dayna_nj]

Hi Dayna:

You definitely look passable to me. Very pretty. You might want to go a little smaller with the breasts though. And don't be afraid of breing pulled over by the police!! As long as you are not drinking and you have obeyed all traffic laws you have no reason to worry. Crossdressing is not against the law.

Thanks. What would I do if my car breaks down? Theres no way I could get undone in the car, not all my makeup. I would literally have to sit in a tow truck with some guy dressed like this, my blood pressure goes up just thinking about how scary that would be.

[reneeisy]

I always take a change of clothes (guy clothes) with me in the car; and makeup remover (usually vaseline) and towels (to help with makeup removal) for just such emergencies.

[AlanaBCD]

You are over thinking it all. How many times have you driven around, in male mode, and gotten stopped by the police, broken down, etc. It doesn't usually happen.

I won't say it isn't scary. My first few times, I was terrified, and guess what... nothing happened. Well, nothing that I wasn't expecting. I got read a little bit, most didn't care, I got flirted with...

The time you are wasting thinking about it, is time you could be enjoying.

[charlie]

Hello Dayna!
You look great. Go out. People on the street or at the store aren't studying you. They glance at you, see what they expect and move on. Any imperfections are filled in by their own brain. If you are really unsure, then start out by going to a bar that has a drag show. You will be in the bar and audience and be completely accepted. A few of the men you are searching for will be there too! Lots of straight looking guys go to drag shows to try and pickup CD. Watch out though, many are married. Who knows you might get a date and go out as well. If you get stopped by a cop, he will take your information and treat you just as if you weren't dressed. Not a worry. If your car breaks down, call a cab. Cab drivers will treat you with respect as well. The guy from AA started my car and said nothing about my short skirt and heels. Just be you.

[tricia_uktv]

Hon, firstly you look great and look the part so don't worry about that - and I would say ignore the size of your boobs. Because if you have attitude and confidence, maybe even arrogance, the size of your boobs doesn't matter. I would say go to places dressed where you are confident and practice being the person you wish to become. Dance is brilliant for that so if you can find a dancefloor go and strut your stuff. It will take some time and may ruin what you have as you get deeper into things so make sure you are prepared for that. I don't think you can turn back now so good luck.

I mean that.

Hugs

[Megan70]

So here's what I say in all honesty because you did ask. I am very seasoned and have been going out in public , passing with mans nose, mans hands and broad shoulders. Its all how you dress and present yourself and here's the key word... confidence.
Now for the critical critique. You look fine in every way to me except the boobs. Man do they draw attention and all eyes would be on you immediately by both men and women. Then you'd be studied more carefully and read. Please dear for your own sake, them down about 4 sizes and save the clownish inflated look for the men in the hotel rooms, but not in public. A reasonable bra size would do nicely with your face.
MY two cents and opinion , not meant to offend but give straight advice... that you asked for.

Megan

[txrobinm]

Makeup is excellent. Hair is,too (the dark one, especially). You are also hiding the shoulders well with your choice of outfits. I agree with Megan about your choice of breast size- go with something proportional and appropriate to the venue- if your are nervous, you want people looking at you because you are thoughtfully put together, not freakish/overtly sexual. This is really important if we, as a group, wish not to be looked at as perverts. (Yes, you can appear as you wish, just remember that in public people will paint with a broad brush, and if you are the only CDer they knowingly see this year, what impression do you want them to take away from the experience?)

The only t-folks I've seen that truly passed had been on hormones for 20 years. For the rest of us, well, some get clocked faster than others. However, we ALL pass 100% as trans-something! And that's OK. It's OK to do this, it's OK to be both m/f, it's OK to be in between, it's OK to pay homage, it's OK to express, it's OK.

You are blessed to be so short and thin! You can shop practically anywhere with success!

Take an emergency bag along for comfort your first few times out. I think I stopped carrying mine after my 6th trip or so. Now I just get ready and go. Kudos on your decision not to drink while dressed- it's risky enough without adding any more! Now I go out several times a month, sometimes to the "gayborhood", sometimes to mainstream places with friends- just depends. And sometimes my confidence is down, but I do my best and go anyway, just like what a real woman would do (she can't just stay home because of a bad hair day, now, could she?).

Go get 'em, tiger!
~R

[dayna_nj]

Great responses. So you think the breasts will actually give me away, I havent really thought about that, I should change it then. Like I said this whole time I thought it helped. I know it attracts more attention, but people are going to see me anyway, so I thought that if they grabbed attention, it wouldnt be on my hands, or whatever else that I feel could really give me away real quick.

Ill have to try smaller and just see what happens.

[prene]

Loce your pics.
I am a boob person.
I love them. Not crazy big but at least D or DD.
I have a thunder thighs so I need boobs to round out my figure.

Love you figure.