One big difference between crossdressers, Tg, and most GG's! Loners and groupies!

[Alice Torn]

[SIZE="4"]More and more, it has hit home to me, that, no matter how well we may be presented as a woman, no matter how pretty, we have more of the lone wolf, loner, individualist nature, than 99% of GG's. It never ceaces to amaze me, how social, hugggy, and groupy most GG's are. I have known a number, who are loners, too, but generally few. I always seem to end up around the odd antisocial eccentric loner ones! But, so often, we cders are out there all alone. That sometimes gives us away. GG's, for the most part, are super group oriented. Most men are not, and it carries over into our being loners dressed. Frankly, I can't stand most "group think"! How i wish it was more in GG programming, to be more like guys in that way!













gg's![/SIZE]

[Stephenie S]

It's not hard to do and I recomend it. It's SO much fun.

[Alice Torn]

Because of recovery groups,i did become somewhat of a hugger, more group oriented. It is easy to become a loner, again, though!

[vikki2020]

You make a good point there. When I get out, it is always solo! I do get to some outings with other girls, occasionally, but those are planned events, and, most girls come by themselves also. It is hard to find others that-#1, you already know, or got to know, #2, are at the same stage, and want to go out, and #3, can work out the same schedule as you! Other than that, it should be easy!

[Kate Simmons]

We cannot really change who and what we are Louise, amount of glitz and glitter notwithstanding. Men are intrinisically self reliant, women are intrinsically family and friend oriented and come to group consensus. You can paint over a leopard's spots, but it is still a leopard.

[Sara Jessica]

I've commented on this subject before, that my entire TG existence has been sooooooo much more fulfilling since I branched out in the community and made friends. One dear friend in particular I see on average once a month. We have much in common in terms of life experiences and our perspective on things, including our similar places on the ole TG continuum. I have also made several friends around the country and love it when they ring when in town. And I can't forget to mention the few natal women out there who have also become dear friends. That admittedly brings a different element into the circle of friends thing, something I am very grateful to be able to experience.

Regardless of who the friend is though, I cherish all of them. Friendship is something that I definitely approach from a woman's POV. The topics of conversation are different, the degree of listening and empathy seems to have come without effort on my part. It is what it is, just as I am what I am.

[LilSissyStevie]

I think you have a good point. I think many of us are extremely shy or awkward around people. We try to put a positive spin on it by thinking of ourselves as lone wolves and individualists. I've been reading a book by Dr. Brian Gilmartin called Shyness and Love (You can download it for free here). It was published back in the 80's and then forgotten. Gilmartin didn't write about CDs specifically, his studies concerned debilitating shyness in heterosexual males. My years on CD forums tell me that many of us either are or have a lot in common with the people he wrote about. I don't fit the love-shy profile exactly, but there sure is a lot of overlap. The book is huge but most of the relevant stuff is in the first few chapters.

[Alice Torn]

Denise, So true. Can a leopard remove its spots!? It is man underneath the wig and lady clothes, that decided to put them on.

Lil Sissy, That sound like a book right on. I have noticed so many shy, loner men, at singles dances! And, clear back to grade school. On TV, the old shows, always had an episode about a shy guy. Women have been shy, but, lately, the GG's seem to be much more bold, and may i say, manly!

[subaru_forster]

Respectfully, I find myself in disagreement of a lot that was said here. Certainly, there are societal heteronormative expectations that women be community oriented and men be individualist, but that doesn't mean that one's nature I this regard is truly dictated by gender. There are many people in my life, (myself included since you included "TG" on your list), who serve as counterexamples.

We all have some feminine and masculine traits within us, and I don't feel that it's appropriate to accuse someone who doesn't conform to their assigned roles of being an impersonator.

[Taylor186]

Have to agree with Subaru,

I would say most of the 40 or 50 CDs I've met personally through group and GNO activities are very congenial, social, "huggy" and travel in packs just as the GGs I know often do. Not necessarily more or less.

[Kate Simmons]

Well, I wasn't really suggesting anyone was a phoney. I was just expressing that despite our best efforts, we cannot change our DNA. Besides, there is nothing wrong with being one's self whatever the presentation is.

[subaru_forster]

Well, I wasn't really suggesting anyone was a phoney. I was just expressing that despite our best efforts, we cannot change our DNA. Besides, there is nothing wrong with being one's self whatever the presentation is.

It may be true that we can't change out DNA, but IME, people who bring this up are usually trying to justify ignoring a person's merits, rather than trying to inform. I apologize if I came across as accusatory, but sometimes I do get the feeling that that some CDers feel that their femininity is an "imitation of the real thing" which is fine, until they begin to speak for gender variant folks that this sentiment may not apply to as much.

But I do appreciate your sentiment that whatever immutable aspects
we may have, that it's good to express them :-)

[DemonicDaughter]

[SIZE="4"]First, behavioral genetics (BG) is quite a vast subject and is an extremely fascinating subject that I HIGHLY recommend anyone looking into.

That said, behavioral genetics don't support things like the OP's statement. Humans are social animals by nature as a species, gender apparently doesn't play a factor in the level of social activity.

It works for the argument that the only reason you see so many social GGs is simply because those GGs ARE social and therefore go out. Wallflowers are often dragged out by more social friends. According to most BGS (behavioral genetic studies), things such as living in a village setting is a genetic trait, but how one acts as an individual in that setting isn't genetic but a learned behavior.

So it stands to reason that perhaps women are more encouraged to go out in groups (I know I was) and are also encouraged to form greater bonds of friendship and comradery. [/SIZE]

[PretzelGirl]

DD makes a good point. I know a lot of GMs and CDs that are social butterflys. So what you are experiencing may be more a product of someone's upbringing than genetic.

For me, I know I haven't been out dressed shopping alone yet. It is more fun with others. And I belong to a Tri-Ess group where some of us are huggy. To me a good time is amplified by sharing it with others.

[Joanie_Shakti]

I think you have a good point. I think many of us are extremely shy or awkward around people. We try to put a positive spin on it by thinking of ourselves as lone wolves and individualists. I've been reading a book by Dr. Brian Gilmartin called Shyness and Love (You can download it for free here). It was published back in the 80's and then forgotten. Gilmartin didn't write about CDs specifically, his studies concerned debilitating shyness in heterosexual males. My years on CD forums tell me that many of us either are or have a lot in common with the people he wrote about. I don't fit the love-shy profile exactly, but there sure is a lot of overlap. The book is huge but most of the relevant stuff is in the first few chapters.

LilSissyStevie, thanks for the link. I looked at the description of "love shy" at the website and identify a lot with it. I was considering joining, but after looking at the forum, there are some really hostile people posting there. I may get depressed about my aloneness, but am rarely bitter or hostile about it.

As for the OP, I've always been sort of a loner. I do better in groups of two or three than I do in larger groups, where I have a tendency to become quiet and just observe. And now that the reality of middle age has set in, I feel more awkward about the whole thing.

I have always been this way but I don't think it caused my crosdressing. Rather, my crosdressing has increased my tendency to keep to myself due to the fear of being found out and ridiculed about it.

[donnalee]

I have recently independently come to the same conclusion re:Aspergers as the recommended site. It's nice to have the confirmation, but does nothing to address and, hopefully, effectively solve the problem. There is no medication or other scientifically vetted solution that I am aware of, but would welcome any information, even anecdotal, that might address this.

[LilSissyStevie]

I was considering joining, but after looking at the forum, there are some really hostile people posting there. I may get depressed about my aloneness, but am rarely bitter or hostile about it.

Yeah, I looked at the forum and saw a lot of bitterness and misogyny. I wasn't really recommending the forum. I think Gilmartins book contains a lot of insight, though. Even still, it's not going to be the whole story for everyone.

[Alice Torn]

I must be honest about myself, as a part time cd. I am bi-polar big time, and can be the life of the party, hugging everyone i meet, OR later, become the quiet, wall flower, keeping to myself. Blood sugar affects socializing, as does alccohol, seratonin levels, sleep. We are complex beings.