I'm confused

[Diane Douglas]

My wife has known of my cross dressing for the 10 or so years. At first she was accepting of it, then it slowly went down hill to don't ask/ don't tell situation, and I can do whatever I want with the money I make.

Ok, so the other day I went to VS and bought 5 pairs of panties, and I put one pair in her drawer. Later in the day, I get the question, are you still dressing in women's clothes. I replied that I do occasionally. She response was that she would do what she needs to do. Later she said that even though I have my quirks, she will keep me around.

Anyway, today she mentioned that a woman she works with, divorced her husband after finding out he was a TV. This was said as a fact and did not appear to contain a threat.

Is she starting to reach out and open this up for discussion? Do I just let her make her comments and maybe ask questions, or should I be more active in pushing this?

Thanks for any help you can give.

[dayna_nj]

I told my girlfriend of 5 years just about 8 months ago. She was NOT happy about it, but didnt want to let me go either, which believe me I was very prepared for.

Since then, when I go out, I just say "Im going out tonight", she knows what I mean, and seems totally cool with it, but I know she thinks this is very weird, almost like a disease. Thats how "normal" people look at it. Its very difficult for them to understand it. Many of them think its like a form a brain damage, like your brain just isnt working like society thinks it should.

The fact of it is she will either learn to live with it, and let you do it, or leave. That could happen at any time. All you can do is do what makes you happy. Ive accepted the fact that this isnt going away, so if someone cant handle that, family or my girlfriend, they can leave whenever they want. I cant do anything about that, and I wouldnt argue that with them. I cant sell them something on like this, so I wont try to. All I say is this isnt my fault, I didnt ask for this, I didnt wake up one day and decide to do something evil like this, but this is how it is.

Just try to talk to her, try to help her understand, maybe she will, who knows, everyone is different.

[Sparkles]

As the wife of a cross dresser I can see both sides. If I were you I would have quiet evening alone and tell her that you would like to explain to her how it makes you feel to dress. The most important thing to me was finally accepting that it had nothing to do with sex. They are just clothes. I'll admit I still get embarrassed in public sometimes, but her love is more important to me than anything in the world. Be prepared to answer questions,and have a list in your mind of questions she might have just in case she's too embarrassed to ask. Most importantly, DO NOT LIE and tell her her you will quit! This is who you are and you cannot change.

[NoraTV]

"She will keep you around." ?????

You are being used, Diane. You are not something to be kept around, like a plunger in case her toilet gets stopped up.

[Joanne f]

It would have been a good opportunity to have asked your wife why she thought the other woman left her husband because he was a TV and if she thought it was just because of that as it may help you both to talk about someone else that was in a similar situation before moving on to talk about your own situation , anything that helps is a good thing in my way of thinking as although you are not directly talking about yourself you know it also concerns the both of you

[NicoleScott]

What were you thinking, putting panties in her drawer? Some cd's on this forum believe in a total honesty relationship, but it's a one-size-fits-all approach that doesn't work for all. Don't-Ask-Don't-Tell was working for you as it works for many others, but you raised the issue again by putting panties in her drawer. Seems to me that if there is ever to some level of acceptance (beyond DADT), she should initiate it. Back to the closet, DD. Enjoy the terms that you have - many others would love to have those DADT terms.

[Babeba]

'You know, you've mentioned CD'ing a couple of times recently. Did you want to talk about it some time? I'm happy with how we've been dealing with this, but I'm here if you want to talk about it. Either way, I love you and you're amazing to be around.'

If I were your wife, maybe I wouldn't mind getting a nice little card with something like that ^^ written on it. Very non-confrontational, she can either leave it as is, or bring it up with you sometime!

[Tanya83]

"She will keep you around." ?????

You are being used, Diane. You are not something to be kept around, like a plunger in case her toilet gets stopped up.

I'm guessing she said that light hartedly. Sounds to me that she may just be more open to it and is looking for some appreciation for being so.