My poor car, keyed again...

[GingerLeigh]

Well, It looks like the bigots at my workplace are at it again. My car has once again been keyed. I've talked to HR, and have set up an appointment to discuss what happened and possibly why. This is the second time my car has been keyed, my windows were once scratched with a ring, "I'm Gay" smeared in the dirt on my trunk, and a tire slashed bad enough I almost had to replace it (keep in mind there are child seats in the back seat of the car, what kind of animal risks kids?) The real clincher was the bra that someone left hanging on my license plate some time ago. We're talking real, serious harassment.
I've talked to my supervisors, but never explained why I feel like they are targeting me. They are dumbfounded as to why since I have no real enemies we are aware of, I do my job well, and thought I was well liked. The party(ies) responsible know about my dressing (I'm married and still in the closet, but funny what you say when under mild sedation at the hospital where they have relatives) as they have made smart ass remarks that are surprisingly pointed about my sexuality.
Living in the closet has made me fearful of reciprocating, but I've had enough of this crap. How do I approach HR without fully exposing my crossdressing to the system? What should I do? I fear that those responsible will expose me to my family, or that they may even get physical as retribution for my taking it up with management.

HELP!

[Joanne f]

I am sorry to hear that you are being targeted in this way , it may only be one person but that one can make you feel quite bad and that the whole world is against you , i hope you can sort it out and find out who is responsible for this mindless act.

[Nicole Erin]

I would give plenty to catch some MF'er messing with my car like that.
Last night someone stole a few things out of my car but that had nothing to do with my TG'ness.

Just if you go to HR, explain some think you are gay, no need to say anything about the TG'ness, and besides, if you do not present as female on a regular basis like "out" CD's or TS, then you can always deny that rumor.

I am guessing you work at something manly like construction or factory? I mean I hate to say but I cannot really imagine anyone but some dumb-ass rednecks doing that, cause they tend to cause a lot of problems.

Whoever has done this has left you no choice but to take some kind of action. If you do, things *could* escalate but if you do nothing, this abuse will not stop. Think - it has happened at least twice so far, you think it won't happen again?

OH also, if you do not know who it is and they retribute for your ratting them out, then you DEFINATELY know who it is and WILL have a case against a specific person.
Bullies want easy targets, they are not looking for a battle. If you know who did this, you need to report it. They are not going to risk more trouble just cause they are mad, instead they will know they are being watched.

Plus. as you have to, carry mace or pack heat if you are truely worried about them doing something.

Do not just roll over and meekly accept this.

If they retribute after you tell HR, then you will definately know exactly who it is and then you will have a solid case against them.
Now if you report things and know who it is and they say "well there is nothing we can do" then it is time to f*** with THEIR car, I mean there isn't anything that anyone can do, right?

[carhill2mn]

Perhaps, you need to get the poice involved. Regardless of whether or not you are "out", this probably qualifies as a "hate" crime.

[Amanda22]

I'm curious, wouldn't this be a criminal matter? Not that you'd get satisfaction, but at least it would be documented, and perhaps the employer could issue a company-wide statement that vandalism of personal property has been reported to the authorities. That may get the message to the guilty parties to stop. Just a thought...

[Loni]

get and keep a solid paper trail going. even up to a police report. (low on the crime scale). if the person was to ever show them selves, not to likely as there actions prove they are a coward. but with the paper trail you can take them to court for damages.
you get to keep your job, they loose theirs,(no company will put up with this as they can be sued) and you get to sue the person doing the damage.

will the company hr allow you to put up a privet video cam? or is there any cct cam's looking into the company parking area?
paper trail + video = win in court.

.

[KarenCDFL]

This just sucks.

You need to ask your employer to put up security camera's This maybe even filed as a hate crime which is a Federal offense.

Lets see these cowards harass you while on camera.

Hope they catch these $%$#%%'s before they hurt more than your vehicle.

[JulieC]

If you want it to stop, they have to be confronted in some way. The safest, best way to do that is by involving the police, whether OPP or local. These perps are not leaving you a choice. You're being forced to put up with it. So what choice you do have is either tolerate it, or take legal action. Illegal action isn't going to be productive.

Put a discrete cam (or two) in your car. There's a variety of options here. Once you have confirmation of who these people are, you will have them at least for that incident. You might not be able to prove prior incidents though. But, you can bag them for that incident. I don't know what the laws are in Ontario, but if you have any hate crime laws you can escalate the consequences to the perps.

[Nicole Erin]

Discrete cams in car, good idea...

If that happened, how funny would it be if HR took them in the office and showed them the video and was like "So do you care to explain this?"
I would key my OWN car just to have a photo of the look on their face when that happened.

[giuseppina]

Hello Ginger

I'm saddened to hear of your misfortune.

The only thing Canadians can legally do in this situation is document and collect evidence. This may be in the form of video, audio, or paper evidence. Perhaps a few hidden cameras inside the car and a car security system will help. It may be time to get the police involved,whether or not family members are the perpetrators.

Nicole, possession of mace is a criminal offense in Canada. A permit to carry a gun is difficult to obtain. Vigilantes are dealt with the same way as perpetrators.

Julie, our criminal code is national, and it contains provisions for hate crimes. It is up to the federal government to decide what should be in the criminal code. Enforcement is a provincial responsibility.

[kimdl93]

You shouldn't have to justify yourself to HR - just tell them who it is. Being gay or being transgendered is no justification for property damage or other work place harrassmenet.

[Angel.Marie76]

I would give plenty to catch some MF'er messing with my car like that.
....

Now if you report things and know who it is and they say "well there is nothing we can do" then it is time to f*** with THEIR car, I mean there isn't anything that anyone can do, right?

While I whole-heartedly believe in involving the local authorities, and protecting yourself from bodily harm, I was just reading a psychology blog the other day which references the concept of bullying.. and goes something like this (I'll paraphrase and exerpt):

----
...Don't fight with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it...

..There are three basic pieces of advice when it comes to bullies: 1. Ignore it, 2. Be nice, 3. Beat the crap out of 'em.

[While the first two are simple in statement, they may not be simple in practice, especially with physical property damage involved. The reality is, in most cases fighting fire with fire will only enrage the flames further.]

...An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind, for those who live by the sword, often die by it...

...Bullies [the pig] often have any of three attitudes about the dirt on them:

1. "What dirt? A fish doesn't see water, a pig sees no dirt. Lets keep fighting."
2. There's no dirt on me, only dirt on you. hahaha.. You're getting all dirrty. You can't win!"
3. Dirt on me is a badge of honor, in fact, I love it. I'll roll around in it for HOURS! It's what I look forward to."

..there are plenty of times when being kind and 'turning the other cheek' is the appropriate thing to do, and then there are times when when you should act. If it becomes apparent that the pigs are ready and eager to do some serious damage, the aggresive retaliation- of the appropraite kinds- are warranted. Just remeber, both true victims and bullies claim victimhood. What burden of proof are you ready to present?...

-----

I know, I know, we've all heard the cliche's, but I'm trying to be realistic here. You can document, document, document, and keep very close eyes on things.. poison the wells with misinformation.. bait the bullies into the open, get them to misstep.. use their own aggresion and foolishness against them. If they end up putting their own feet in thier proverbial mouths, then who are you to stop them?

Best to you Ginger, I wish you luck! *hugs*

[Jay Cee]

I'm sorry to hear about what's happened to you and your car, Ginger. There is absolutely no excuse for that.

In regards to the person(s) who blither to their family or friends about what you say while sedated, maybe they should have some kind of disciplinary action taken against them. That is unprofessional in the extreme.

As far as fear of being exposed, try to put that on the back burner. If it happens, it happens. Easy to say, I know, but you have enough to deal with already. Don't add to your stress.

Hugs

Jessie

[Kathryn Martin]

My two cents: Property damage is property damage. It is completely irrelevant what motivates it. Your employer is responsible for your safety and security and that of your property during work hours. Tell them who did it and insist to make a complaint to the police. No matter what motivated this it's still an offense.

[Sarah Doepner]

As the victim to this crime You don't have to admit to anything. If HR wants an explaination, they need to find the person doing the damage. Because of their behavior, they have no credibility and it really doesn't matter anyway. If that person is found they should lose their job and be subject to both criminal and civil penalties. Let your HR people know they are on the hook to keep this type of harrassment from growing in the organization. If this happens to someone based on rumors and/or speculation, what would happen if a person were open about their GLBT status?

[Tina P Hose]

Dude that is really messed up, but cowards are cowards...and in an off beat way cowards are what leads to our society be lead by facisim. sp

[Alice B]

Based upon what you are describing, this is matter that needs to be brought to the attention of your local police. This is well beyond minor harassment, involves felony property damage and and possible personal injury. I would also consult a lawyer about possible action against your company, if the issue is not resolved. There is nothing funny about what is happening.

[Jamiegirl1]

I'm curious, wouldn't this be a criminal matter? Not that you'd get satisfaction, but at least it would be documented, and perhaps the employer could issue a company-wide statement that vandalism of personal property has been reported to the authorities. That may get the message to the guilty parties to stop. Just a thought...

I like this approach,the person responsible will likely not do it again....

[abigailf]

Start telling everyone at work you got a new car and describe the CEO's car.

[Megan Thomas]

If that happened, how funny would it be if HR took them in the office and showed them the video and was like "So do you care to explain this?"

I know of a school where if a kid gets caught downloading or sharing pornography the parents get called in and are shown the film in the presence of the kid and headteacher/principal.

I really feel for you being targeted and can't really add anything to what's already been said. I've been targeted myself in the past, though not for being TG - just random mindless vandalism. Car cams get my vote

[Christinedreamer]

Another possibility. The offender may actually be a manger or some other "trusted" official. I found this out the hard way when working at my last employer. I had 15 years with them and after a merger of several smaller companies, several folks were let go. I thought I was immune as I was the guy in charge of the building and security systems with full access and all the passwords. One afternoon our inventory control manager commented about a LOT of equipment missing with no back up paperwork.

During construction of the building I had cabling installed for a security camera system installed, but cameras were not installed at the time.

After the realization that a LOT of gear was missing, I approached the new manager and told him we had already setup cabling for cameras, all we needed to do was buy the cameras. He gave the go ahead to order and install them. That was on a Friday. On Monday after returning from lunch i was called in to the conference room and officially "downsized"(fired)

Move ahead one month and I get a call from a friend at the company telling me the manager who fired me had just been hauled out in cuffs by the FBI for grand theft, interstate transport of stolen goods, filing false tax and capital purchase documentation and a host of other felonies.

Sure hope he has a good time in prison. I might send him some makeup.

[Chickhe]

Oh that really sucks! I hope you have been parking where security cameras could record something this time. As for HR, or the police, you do not have to 'out' yourself. You just have to provide a timeline and connect the dots for them. For example, you tell them your car got keyed and it started right after a medical proceedure. You tell them you remember being asked some unusual questions about your sexuality while you were under, but don't remember exacly what it was because you were drugged, but that is why you connect the two or three situations together. You can also do some research on your own to find out who has relatives at the hospital and in your office... should narrow it down. You may already have a good idea who it is. The police can match a key to a scratch. In Ontario you can be criminally liable for a hate crime even if you are not in the minority group. It is also illegal for your manager and HR not to take reasonalbe action to protect you from a hate in the workplace. The person who did this will be dismissed when they are discovered, but you need to make it happen.

[kym]

ok time for my two cents. lol Being an employer here in the states I do have a perspective on this that may help out. Do two things here and try to do them in this order and you should get results. 1. go to HR and let them know what has happened so they can handle this internally, whether you out yourself or not to them is purely your choice however HR has a duty to be confidential and to protect your rights in the work place as long as it does not affect negatively with business. also tell them that you are going to file a police report about the incident to protect yourself and your property. 2. file a police report so if this happens again there is a paper trail on it and more can be done about it. what has happened to you is a crime and it is in most areas considered a hate crime..

[MsJanessa]

it is a criminal matter and you should report it---if you know or suspect who is doing this, tell the police that---often times a chat with the cops is enought to make this crap stop---it's bad enough that people sometimes confront us on the street but when a coward like this does it when he obviously does't have the cajones to deal with you face to face it really sucks

[Robynts]

Sounds like a hostile work environment to me. That qualifies as harassment, with sexual issues involved. I would strongly suggest you consider getting yourself a lawyer and have the lawyer explain to the HR department that you expect the harassment to stop. Not wanting to push litigation in a world with too much litigation, there is money to be had when you are subjected to a hostile work environment and it is not stopped.