Anybody ever felt like this?

[Gurly]

This one might be kinda hard to explain but I'm guessing that others have felt this way. In a nutshell, I feel that I have somewhat lost a sense of my male self, mainly do to my crossdressing. It makes sense to feel that way while dressed but it also affects me while in guy mode. I sometimes feel like I have to "crank up" the testosterone in certain situations or be the typical alpha male but I find myself more often............not. Plus, the strong urge to crossdress doesn't help the situation but I know for a fact that it is something that I cannot fight. I also want/must take my dressing further. I've got the clothes down very well (lucky to be 5' 8", 133lbs) but I have never progressed to makeup and I kinda feel like my feminine urges are somewhat suppressing my natural male self. Guess it's a Jekyll and Hyde sort of thing.

[JulieC]

No, I don't think it's a Jekyll and Hyde sort of thing. You're working towards your truest identity. Don't try to be false, no matter what gender you are presenting as. Be you, in as much as you can, whatever that 'you' is. Your journey is discovering who you are. Sounds cliched, but it's true.

[Sophie86]

I know what you mean, but the problem for me is more often in the other direction: trying to hang onto what I identify as my femme mindset, that part of me which allows me to respond with sweetness, calm, and patience to the people who piss me the **** off.

There are sometimes situations, though, which I prefer to go into with guy mode set to 'on'. Mainly, because I worry that I might be at a mental disadvantage in dealing with other guys. It's hard to put into words exactly what I think is at stake there, but I usually just follow my instinct and leave the panties at home.

[Ruth]

First, there's no reason to be 'the typical alpha male' unless you want to. If your true self has a feminine component (which it probably has), you can show it by being a sensitive, gentle, caring man while presenting as male. It's still possible to function as a man without being an insensitive brute.
And if you feel that your CDing is bound to progress, well, embrace it, enjoy it. Be who you are.

[Karren H]

133 pounds!! I really hate you!! Sigh...

I find myself walking the fine line between being too girlie or to manly... But I have to admit that getting out on the ice and knocking someone on their ass is as pleasant as buying a pretty new dress... Lucky for me I have supervision that will snap me back in line if I sway into the feminine lane to severly...

"She who must be obeyed"... Aka... The wife....

"Omg omg... your holding that like a girl... Stop it right now".

Fine. You hold it... Sigh...

[sissybrenda]

Yes I do feel that way. I used to be very dominating and rough but now I feel more submissive and emotional. Guess I am a sissy

[JulieC]

"Omg omg... your holding that like a girl... Stop it right now".

I got something similar from my mother when I was wiggling my fingers to dry them some before I used a hand towel. "That's how girls dry their fingers. Don't do that!"

I learned early on that it was 'wrong' for me to be girl-like. Sigh. I don't blame my mother. She did the best she could.

[Jodygurl]

I don't think I've ever considered my feminity to be preverted in any way. But, over time I've begun to realize my masculinity is the state I'm not comfortable in. I used to hide my femininty, now I hide my masculinity.

I call that delightfu.

[ReineD]

First, there's no reason to be 'the typical alpha male' unless you want to. If your true self has a feminine component (which it probably has), you can show it by being a sensitive, gentle, caring man while presenting as male. It's still possible to function as a man without being an insensitive brute.

That's just what I was going to say. There are all types of people, men and women: some are stereotypically gendered (he-men and girly-girls), while others are more middle of the road. There are men who are intellectuals, boys who prefer reading to rough-housing, men who are history buffs, gourmets, who love the ballet, the opera, and arts in general, and girls who play sports, women who thrive in competitive, cut-throat jobs, decision makers, etc.

Maybe you felt you had to be super macho growing up in order for others not see your femme side, and this is the mask you are no longer willing to wear, since it was never you to begin with?

[Jorja]

I know a man that is 6'8" tall and weighs 320 pounds. He is heavly muscled. Kind of reminds one of a greek god. He has played professional football, wrestled at the collegiate level, and is currently pursuing an MMA career. Simply put, he is one bad dude! He is also one of the kindest, sweetest, most sensitive men I have ever met. He loves to crossdress and is a rather large knockout blond.
Being CD, TG, TS isn't all about gender or sexuality. It is about balance in your life.

[CalamityJane]

Well you do pose a few interesting questions, firstly I am not sure how you can go about fighting your desire to crossdress, if you are anything like myself that aspect of your life will be deeply ingrained and I doubt that you will ever be able to surpress it, and you would have to ask yourself, Why?....after all it is a part of who you are, it is in the fabric of your personality, its not really something that you can turn your back on.
I can't tell what you are feeling clearly, because I am not you, but with regard to your feminine side surpressing your male side, I guess it could feel that way, but as I see it...its just you been you...sometimes we tend to over analyse our feelings, which if truth be told are extremely complex to say the least.
So.....just enjoy and embrace who you are, and don't worry....it will be all ok

[RebeccaLynne]

This one might be kinda hard to explain but I'm guessing that others have felt this way. In a nutshell, I feel that I have somewhat lost a sense of my male self, mainly do to my crossdressing.

I think I understand the feeling. The more often I CD, the more I want to CD more often. Doing so, my focus becomes allowing myself to enjoy the reprieve from the male-dominated environment in which I work, into the delightful "fantasy land" of femininity I've created, within which I have the luxury of experimenting with makeup, hairstyles, nail polish, and clothing options. None of which have any connection to the male self I'm obligated to present as in "real life".

I don't miss the "guy" aspect of my personality, 'cause I'm required to exhibit that behavior outwardly in society, and I've had plenty of practice...yet I'm really looking forward to every minute of "girl" time I can get, as soon as I get home...on an everyday basis.

Y'know, it's funny...I know I've reduced my sense of maleness through CD'ing...yet I don't miss it...'cause I'd rather be femme, anyway!

[Krysta]

I guess I am similar to Karren Hutten, a mans man and a girlie girl. My two halves are pretty balanced, if i CD too much, its gets a little boring and I need my Macho man time, and if I have too much 'man' time, I need to get girly!!!!! I think I have been afraid to show my girlie side so I do these manly things like build cars, drag race, guns, etc. to counter. Sometimes one side of me is stronger than the other but there is always a balance for me.

[eluuzion]

It is hard to zero in on a moving target. You just have to take your best shot at what seems real for today.

As for me...

"I feel much more like I do now, than I did a little while ago". hehehe

[Kelly Blaine]

This maybe common but don't fight it. We have to perform in drab mode and be dominant.
When you come home, you become a woman and feel pretty and love your life. Not saying a woman's life is simple.
Hair, makeup, clothing, etc.

But, I would suggest practice on the makeup. I have been working so long on that. At my age it is hard to fight all the wrinkels and lines.