Came out to Mom finally! Need advice.

[GirlieAmanda]

Well I finally did it. I came out to good ole' Mom! She is my biggest inspiration. It was easier than I thought. She already knew pretty much. She was just not sure if I was still doing it or I "outgrew it". HA! outgrew it. "Like...no way girlfriend I like sooooo love it". I wish I could say that to her. I told her about when I was young and I raided her drawer and wore her clothes. She was not thrilled. She doesn't understand and says CDing "scares her a little bit". I am not sure yet what scares her yet. I came out to her on Tuesday. I called her again on Thursday and it went to message. This is not too uncommon but with this new info I am now starting to feel a little uneasy and scared that I might have changed our relationship too much. It has been a little distant, but still warm. She is in FLA living the life I guess. Semi retired and over 60. She looks great. I guess I am not sure where to go from here. I am now getting worried about calling her. I don't want her to think I will be talking CDing all of the time. I really want to know more about her feelings but I am not sure how to proceed. If anyone can give me advice on coming out to Moms and other family I would sure love it. I don't want to lose her emotionally. Thanks girls.

[joannemarie barker]

Well done hunny you're a brave girl I think it may take a little while for your mum to digest all the news but I think you are worrying too soon.I'm sure it'll work out ok

[Jamie48]

Amanda,

You have taken a big step, be honest with your Mom. Maybe a little education on the subject would help reasure her. You are still her son & I am sure she will always love you no matter what.

[Amanda22]

Hi Amanda, I reluctantly give advice because I'm no expert. Not sure if any of us are. I came out to my wife a month ago and after the initial conversation I didn't bring it up for another two weeks. In the second conversation, she said she really needed those two weeks to let the new information sit in the back of her mind so she could start to understand. At that point, I knew it was a very good decision to wait awhile before bringing it up again. It couldn't have helped to do otherwise.

Of course, I live with my wife and can read her emotions and you don't have that opportunity being so far physically from your mother. I know the mind starts to wander and you wonder what she's thinking. As hard as it is, try to give her time. I predict that she'll be the one to bring it up and you'll find your relationship with her to be better than ever. I'm really serious about that. She'll be impressed with the way you opened up and were completely honest. It isn't about the clothes, it's about the honestly and communication.

I hope this helps.

[tricia_uktv]

Hi Amanda and well done. The advice here is good. You need to give your Mother some time to digest things. Give her a while before trying to contact her again then don't mention Amanda; talk like you used to. When she is ready she will talk to you about Amanda.

btw It took my Mother four months but now we are both happy to talk about it, and she even gives me some of her clothes.

[Stephanie Miller]

Just make sure you have all the CORRECT information to the questions she will have. There is a lot of B.S. out there for her to get her hands on that will give her the wrong impression of who you are. Give her time - but not enough to find wrong answers on her own. my

[pernille d]

give it time and make sure she gets the correct information . generally ike someone said mothers are mothers and you will always be her offspring so she will love you whatever. just remember she is probabaly confused as she has brought an off spring into the world that is a little different . its your job to tell her she did everything right and you where just born this way and your not different your just very "specal"

i know how you feel i am still struggleing with someone i came out too . i often think do i go on too much about my cd/ing or is it normal chit chat , and should i tell that or not .i just am carefull not to over do it and overload it , and the best thing i did was i just actually asked her , " do you feel its too much or are you ok with it " she admitted she thought it was a bit funny but it was no problem at all and would say if it was ever too much . Therefore Comunication is the key, dont guess what people think just ask them in a nice way .

[Cassie/Charlie]

You are a very courageous person, hopefully you can answer all of your mothers concerns and she will understand

[JamieG]

Wow, Amanda. You should be proud of your bravery. I don't know if I'll ever get the courage to tell my mom, who is similar in age to your's. I agree with the others that the best thing to do is to give her some time to digest the information. I recommend that the next few times you talk to her, don't talk about the CDing unless she brings it up first. I think this will help her to realize that you're still the same kid you always were. I wouldn't be surprised if the reason it "scares her a little bit" is that she's worried for your safety.

[Carly D]

I do wonder if my mom knows or how much she might know.. She caught my clothes (found my clothes) when I was little.. Actually they were her clothes in my drawer or in a hidden place.. I've had her pantyhose suddenly vanish and wonder what happened to them only to find them in her drawer.. I have thought about telling her everything and I'm sure she would be alright with it.. I think if I were to tell I would try to set some sort of boundry to when and where I could dress... Or maybe not.. Just wear freely (DARE TO DREAM)..

[Dana921]

Not saying anything different than others have already expressed but it made a difference to me when in one of the classes I took at Colorado Gold Rush with the instructor at the time, she expressed the idea that when you share this part of yourself with another it then becomes about them understanding, comprehending, digesting the information and coming to terms with what that means to them, what their inner circle of friends will think of them, what their outer cirlce of friends will think. In other word, when you share this part of you, you must recognise the subject matter shifts from you to them and how they are going to deal with the information.

When in the class it was expressed to me this way it just seemed to make sense and I realized I had to now become the teacher to the other to let them come up to speed on the subject as well as their personal feelings on the matter. Patience is obviously a key component in that working.

Hope and wish you success!
Dana

[Loni]

just treat your mom right, take care of her. at least this works for my mom and i. just go slow at her pace.
and now she is going to teach me how to sew using her sewing machine. it will be my first dress i made my self. and there are other items in the works. :-)

moms are such great people.

[AKAMichelle]

This is the akward time. maybe the best advice is to talk about other things and only bring it up again if she asks.

[carolinoakland]

As a parent I will tell you this... you can dislike EVERYTHING about your child but one thing NEVER changes. You are her child and she loves you.

[GirlieAmanda]

An update. I heeded the advice and now it looks like my Mom and I are Ok. Yay!! We are just talking normally. I will bring it up again sometime. Thank You.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I'm glad things went well. As others have said give her time. From my own experiences my Mom accepted and supported me. However I always get the vibe that she would really prefer that we not talk about it. Not long after telling her while in male mode I made a reference to "Jocelyn" and I could tell she was disturbed by it and asked me to not reffer to my fem side as a seperate person or even as "her". My mother has always been supportive and has helped me through very rough times so I understand that she would only want to spend time with the male version of me.

[MandyLee]

I wouldn't push her on how she feels about it she now knows and if she want's to talk about it she'll bring it up give her time to hash it over. hope she comes around because I think she'ed better once she saw how good you look as Amanda.

[tommi]

Not easy and it's a slippery slope my mom always wanted to talk and I didn't and still haven't on the subject even though she busted me more than once as a kid.
But going slow and letting her make the next step is most important as with my wife ,your mom may never want to talk a whole lot about it. But the one thing I know with my mom is she has always supported me just not sure how to at times and most moms I think do.

[S. Lisa Smith]

It appears that things are working out for you. Just go slowly and I'm confident (without knowing you or your Mom, of course) that things will develop in a postive manner. I was just down in Fla to help my Mom out (she has moved here we are selling her condo) and she and I went to the flea market in Pampano Beach, Fla. She loves to go shopping and I do too. I got some Lisa stuff and she was quite helpful. (unfortunately I was in drab.) She's very stylish and is a very young 84. I hope that you will be able to do stuff like that with your Mom. And... if she's near Pompano Beach, hit up the Festival Flea Market, it's amazing!!

[Jennifer Marie P.]

Good for you another thing off your mind and she took it good thats good news.

[Fab Karen]

One thing it could be telling her about raiding her clothes back then, she might misunderstand thinking that you still steal clothes, so she's worried about you.
Did you show her pictures? Another thing is without seeing you in girl-mode, some people would picture a guy in lingerie & nothing else ( the old fetish stereotype ).

[JustineFallow]

My mother figured it out when I was a teenager (stuff moved in her closets, etc.) but never said a word except for a general comment about a "tornado gone through my underwear drawer" which I was sure to hear. Except for a later incident when she picked up one of her dresses, which I'd forgotten to put back on the rack, off my chair thinking it was a T-shirt (at which point I was BEGGING god out of embarassment for a sudden death), it had never come up again for over 20 years.

Fast forward to this past April, when I had a break-in at my house, and was reluctant to let her into my bedroom to see the carnage because I had my "other" clothes on display, pleading that there was some stuff she "might not want to see". "Oh, I know what it is you have in there", she answered, "and it's no big deal." This was the first explicit admission between us about it, and she let me know that while she wasn't pleased about it, I was in her words "not hurting anybody, so it's nobody else's business." I gave her a big kiss on the cheek, because in spite of it being one of the worst days of my life, she actually took some of the sting out of it. It's a mother's superpower, no?

While we were waiting for the police to show up, I told her I was sure she had at least a few questions, and that I'd be happy to answer them. She only had a few basic ones, and I took the opportunity to apologize for using her wardrobe as I did as a youngster; I always felt guilty about that part, but I assured her that as soon as I had my own money and the means/courage to go shopping on my own I left her stuff alone. I told her, half-jokingly, that it was all her fault because she always looked so good getting ready to go to work in the morning AND she worked in a hosiery department, which made me jealous and I wanted in on the action (she IS a stone-cold fox, truthfully). She chuckled at that one, but later mild jokes were ignored politely, so I don't push it anymore.

Her only concerns were that I didn't go out in public dressed (not in this city, I assured her) and that my dressing wasn't pushing potential girlfriends away (very few knew, and their reactions were either puzzled concern or curiosity; my policy is to ALWAYS tell them if we start to get serious), but she's made peace with it, and I'll take that.

But, damn it, I wish I could have talked her into giving me a makeover; she's SERIOUSLY good with makeup and I told her she'd be pleasantly surprised if she saw my wardrobe.