[SIZE="2"]That’s a given, but that’s not what I’m going to talk about. Do you love me? Never mind...
OK. If you’re posting in this section, you’re most likely male by birth, and you enjoy wearing women’s clothing in some capacity; either under, over, or a combination of both. You’re active in the act of emulating women, or you are affecting feminine gestures, vocal characteristics, and other tell-tale behavior in an effort to pass and achieve some longed-for goal you have in mind. Since males, according to everything you hear or see or read, are supposed to have a hard time saying “I love you,” has this spurious fact changed, along with your outward appearance and inner transgendered re-wiring?
I don’t find it difficult to say, “I love you,” but I guess I’m supposed to. Who says, anyway? Apparently females say the phrase in question without much difficulty (by comparison), but therein resides a tale. I have an ex-girlfriend who says, “I love you” with alarming frequency, punctuating short sentences during conversation with these three words. However, I notice the...insincerity...all the time. What is she telling me? We broke up many years ago, yet she still tells me she loves me, even during a blow-by-blow description of every lover she’s had since we parted company. Of course, I will say “I love you,” in response, sometimes out of habit, but I would anyway. With her, there is a slight hesitation before I form the words. After I exhale, I feel strange – do I really mean what I say, or am I simply remembering another time and another place, when I did love this person with all my heart? My ex-girlfriend’s other stock phrase is “Life is short,” so I guess she’s trying to hang on to something during our mutual brief existence together. She loves me, but we are very much apart these days, separated by nearly half the country...
My other ex-girlfriend had a very hard time saying “I love you,” perhaps an indication of a previous disappointment or dashed hopes. She wouldn’t say it, but she would demonstrate her love in many other ways every time we were together. She was ultra-feminine. She wore dresses at all times, was a master (mistress?) of makeup application, and I was proud to take on the role of her male companion. I put my crossdressing on the back burner for a while, so pervasive was her feminine presentation. She did everything that my other girlfriend didn’t do, including go to church on a regular basis, be active in her town’s affairs, contribute to charities, and befriend children and the elderly. A real über-woman, but she wouldn’t say “I love you,” nor did she wish to hear it from me. After six months of dating, back in 2000, she feted me with a birthday party I will never forget. There was a picnic with a beautiful basket of goodies, a day spent together hand-in-hand doing various things, and a dinner at a very fancy restaurant. At the end of a long, exhilarating day, I pulled her close and said, “I love you.” She immediately replied, “No, don’t say that yet, in fact you shouldn’t say it at all...” fearful of a future she could not yet foresee. It took nearly two more years for the words “I love you” to decorate our everyday conversation, but it all ended abruptly with a crushing finality...
The last time I heard from that particular girlfriend, the words “I love you” were written at the bottom of a long, apologetic letter, which amazed me, after all we had been through. I think it’s a very feminine thing to say, an expression of deep feeling, something I like to be in touch with as a crossdresser. It comes with the territory you map out for yourself when you dress – I insist that something comes along for the ride, something at odds with masculinity, and it doesn’t hurt to embrace this beautiful change going on under the surface you are actively transforming. To a crossdressing friend, it’s easy to say “I love you.” We share something, after all – we must be in touch with our feelings, since crossdressing is an expression of feeling at the root level. I wear certain things to feel a certain way, and you, my friend, are a kindred spirit...
I need to say I grew up in an atmosphere where the words “I love you” were rarely heard. My parents didn’t say it, but they certainly expressed love in other ways. My sister is bitter about this even now. She wanted to be told “I love you” in no uncertain terms, i.e. she needed to hear that she was loved at all times. I tell her about my theory, outlined above, but she won’t listen. I know I was loved, and that’s good enough for me, but I’m a boy by birth. These days, however, with uncertainty looming all around and the years slipping past faster and faster, I feel the need to express love as often as I can and while I can. It’s all part of my inherent femininity, at least that’s the association I make, so I “come out” in this way to all concerned in an effort to express the female. I love all crossdressers everywhere (even those who disagree with me), and that feeling is resolutely genuine and heartfelt...
My question is this: do you find yourself saying “I love you” more since you’ve been actively crossdressing, or cultivating your feminine persona, or do you see no change? Do you say it at all? Maybe, like a majority of males, you find it difficult to speak the phrase for one reason or another, and your CD nature is not all-encompassing in this regard. I'm very much aware that we are all different, so please do not take offense. Have I told you “I LOVE YOU?” Good...
PS – I once told a crossdresser, on a similar site a few years ago, that one thing I like about these MtF discussion boards is the unmistakable fact that, just under the surface, just under the veneer of femininity, males are talking to each other nicely -- by and large, I mean. She (my friend) said “I suppose...” in so many words, and left it at that. I guess I’m not supposed to notice, or talk about, these things...
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