This site is very depressing

[evadan]

Ladies,

I have to say after finding this online community and forum back in August, it is beginning to really depress me. My wife indulges me with some lingerie in the bedroom, so I am lucky in that respect.

What depresses me is that there are so many beautiful, experienced cd'ers in this community but I don't know when I will ever - if ever - be able to enjoy or indulge my feminine side to the same degree.

I have an elementary age child and an adult son in our home with no time to myself in the house. So I can't dress and relax nor practice my make-up (which I haven't done in over 15 years). I do not really have any place to keep a wardrobe and all the necessary accessories if I could dress. I don't go on business trips or ever really get away. I'm kind of stuck in an in-between state.

The problem is my desire to dress has resurfaced recently and seems to be growing. Could it be my mid-life crisis? I am thankful my wife has been understanding about my need to wear lingerie but soon I will have to tell her that lingerie just isn't enough. I think she will be ok with that - I hope.

As it is, it may be another 8 years before I can really go all out (if at all) and that is depressing. So many youthful years - and my figure - lost forever.

Sorry for the whining.

Eva D

[charlie]

Hello Eva!
You need to get out with or without your wife to a spot that you know will be accepting. Try a transgendered bar that has a transvestite show like "A Cage Au Foe" (the spelling here may be more then suspect). You will both enjoy the show and you can get out dressed.

[tamarav]

Never ever ever say it is too late. Many of us have had more opportunities but that is entirely dependent on you, not your environment. Many of us have had children, fit our dressing in between, gone on trips, etc. for years and continued after they were grown and gone. This is not an avocation to depress us, but to bring joy to our lives and live as we would like to. Enjoy the fact that you even know of the feminine side and embrace it. Learn all that you can in your non-dressing time and put it to practice when you can dress. Just being a crossdresser can be a joy..

[regina young]

Eva, perhaps you could take one night or weekend a month, and you and the wife get a hotel room so you could explore a bit further. When you are comfortable maybe find a tranny friendly place to go to on that special night. Get a sitter for the kids. We give everything to our kids. Our time, our energy, our money and our love. But remember to save some of that for yourself, it is not being selfish. JMHO.........regina

[Lynn Marie]

[SIZE="3"]Hi Eva, it seems to me that most of us have had a similar time of quite restrictive dressing. Somehow we manage to find a way. Yes, it probably is a part of "mid-life crises". Also, anything you are prevented from doing seems to become more and more of an obsession as time goes on.[/SIZE]

[carolinoakland]

You need to find a way to keep safe what needs to be safe. And lets you have the breathing space you need. otherwise you WILL be overcome with the desire and do something reckless. it's time to find a new equilibrium for you and the family. carol

[Ashleythenewgirl]

There is some good advice I can't really add to. Being new, as in I came out three months ago, I went I out for the first time last Saturday. I have never felt so good in my life as I do now. I have a better sense of self acceptance, self confidence and inner peace. We all need to find our own way somehow but the sooner you can do it I think you will see good changes.

[Kathryn Martin]

The predicament you are in is not foreign to many of us. I just reached a point in my life where the emotional and spiritual cultivation of my femininity which was my only way to express myself for most of my life, needed it's reflection outside as well. Because my commitments made to my children and others have largely come to their natural end (they are all grown up) I was finally able to say that it was now time for me. My loving spouse has accepted and supported this transition to a new phase of my life, and we are working through the problems and issues as they arise.

I know that you have made and are making a huge sacrifice to your loved ones and sometimes it leaves you desperate and sad. If your desire to dress has occurred in spurts over your lifetime, then I would say to you that this is not a mid-life crisis, and it may be important for your spouse to understand that. There are ways that spouse can help for us to get out into the world a little ways away from home where children are not there and people don't know you.

Even though I dress pretty much outside of work full time, I cannot go out in my community dressed for fear of economic repercussions.

Now the last line is really just whining. Maybe you and your spouse can go to CD conventions once or twice a year, or to meetups close by.

Take care and I feel with you

Kathryn

[danam]

I wish I could go back to my teens and 20s and do this "right," when I was younger. I probably could have been quite passable, in retrospect. But I had other complications in life and totally missed the opportunity. Plus, it was a different era, pre-Internet, and things were more hidden (I'm from a conservative background). But I guess that is life. At least now I can relax a little and enjoy it, even if the prime years have passed.

[linnea]

You are here with the rest of us; many have had enormous obstacles but they have persevered. You can too--and enjoy the pleasures. Buck up! You'll find the ways and means. And keep coming here. It will relieve that depression in the long run.

[docrobbysherry]

I saw lots of my friends get married, have kids, have to work hard at a job they may not have been crazy about in order to provide for their families. All at an early age!

After awhile, they began to feel trapped! And stressed! And whipped! And, finally cheated! Because they may NOT have been ready for all those responsibilities! And, they may have felt they were forced into them and began to RESENT IT!

STOP WHINNING! U r in charge of your life! However, u have responsibilities to the family you've created also! Now is the time to find out what u want to do! Start by laying out your feelings to your SO. Maybe she'll help and understand. Maybe NOT! If u like each other, it WILL be OK.

A well qualified therapist could help u and your SO thru the rocky times ahead. I strongly suggest u find one!
The feelings u have could destroy and your family if u can't locate a path that works for ALL of u!

This site is NOT depressing! If u r feeling that way, THAT'S a dangerous sign!

[Kathi Lake]

Eva, Eva, Eva,

Silly girl!!

You have it completely backwards! If anything, this site should give you hope! Hope that what you're feeling is only temporary. Hope that you can dress. Hope that you can get along with your wife. Why? Simple - we've all been there, and yet here we are. Do we go through low spots? Heck, yes! Don't let the low spots define you. Live your life. Love your life.

Kathi

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

Naughty, naughty girl. Eva do not be depressed. This site is to help us all enjoy what we all have in common and that is a love/desire/need to explore our feminine side without fear of ridicule. Sure some are very lucky in having more time than others to practice and enjoy and some have more accepting friends and family. Some of us make time when we can and some may even need to suppress for a long time between enjoyment. Sit back, take a deep breath and relax for a few minutes. One thing I have learnt in all my years is that time appears to shorten the older one gets: an hour becomes a minute and a minute is but a second. Time passes far too fast. Live it to the full, enjoy your family and above all enjoy yourself because if you waste time being depressed, life has gone. Read the stories and experiences and read between the lines too, we all have had many obstacles. Just sometimes, some obstacles appear like mere stepping stones whilst later they may appear as walls then one looks back and reflects: what obstacles.

[Inna]

Simple solution to simple problem. Get a PO Box, get a airconditoned storage big enough for couple suitcases, order bunch of clothing on line have it shipped to PO Box, tell your S.O. you will explore dressing in full and will for now dress at the hotel for a while to explore your inner Fashionista. Get a room every once in a while and do it. You gotta get it on babe, one way or another. I have fallen a victim of suppression and am glad to be alive today only because of love for my child. Don't do this mistake, explore!

Love, Alexia

[evadan]

Hey Girls -

Thank you for all the encouragement! Just to set some at ease, I'm not depressed in the true sense. In fact, I feel better emotionally now than I have in a long time. I think accepting my feminine side has helped me feel better about myself and is some ways allowed my masculine side to be more masculine. The hard part is wanting to express and indulge my feminine but not having the opportunity to do so.

In any case, this forum has helped me tremendously since I have joined. The transformation pictures from boy to girl are amazing and have given me new confidence that I can do it, too. Before I just felt that I would look like a man in women's clothing and make-up. Now I see that with the right clothing, accessories and make-up, I can be a beautiful lady just like the rest of you. Also, this community has so much to offer in advice, experience and encouragement. Thanks again to you all. I know I just need to bide my time...

The funny thing is I came home after work and no one was home. The first time in probably 2 months. I had a few minutes and decided what the hell. So I changed into panties, a half slip, a top and a denim skirt of my wife's that fits me. I had a short time to myself. It was delicious!

Eva D

Learning to dress all over again!

[Ashleythenewgirl]

Eva dear, you just summed up how I have been feeling as of late. Not enough time to openly express the femme side. This is such a wonderful site and I love the people on here. Glad you're with us!
Ashley

[evadan]

Thanks Ashley!

[DeeDeeB]

Eva,

This is a very difficult and frustrating question we must face. While we (hopefully) understand there is nothing wrong with us, the rest of the world hasn't caught up. I waited until our son was grown and out of the house before coming out to my wife. Fortunately, I was busy enough to keep Dee in the back of the closet without much stress while he was growing up. I had even purged soon after meeting my wife. But every story is different and you need to follow your needs as you can. Take the moments you can. Do a conference like Southern Comfort or Fantasia Fair with your wife so you can express yourself (sans children) for a week a year. Many on this site have come out to their children with various results (girls seem to take it better than boys). But most of all, don't be depressed. We are all trying to express ourselves within the boundaries of our lives. My best observation on my life is that I have been living it on what I perceive others expect of me. I'm working on making my life to be what I want it to be and finding less resistance than I expected. After all, I'm old enough to not live it based on the opinions of the naysayers (polite term). But most of all, enjoy who you are. You are a special person.

DeeDee

PS: Two of the benefits of a conference is meeting others with the same issues, and going to seminars that advise on handling them.

[faltenrock]

evaden, get out there, get some freedom for yourself and your feminine part of your personality, it'll make you a happier person