Does confidence help you pass?

[Nicole Erin]

Nope, it sure doesn't! Not in the "Oh that is a GG" sense of the word.
Doesn't matter how you identify, this whole "confidence helps you pass" thing is a myth.

So what good does it do?

Well, I am a non-passing TS, by and large. However, I go out as Erin, go wherever, and no longer have the concern of "do I pass?" I do not care any longer.
And ya know, except for the smallest minded people, no one bothers me or looks at me twice.
I go to school as "Erin", in fact I hate being seen without my hair and makeup done. They all know I am MTF TS, no one cares. My friends don't make an issue of it. No one does.

What finally happened was after a rude client, I got really mad, but then I just quit caring. I accepted myself fully. I will no longer suffer small-minded bigots.

I know this has been poured over time and time again, just giving my own testimonial. I am out there. I do not duck in the shadows when I see someone coming. Broad-ass daylight I am just out there living my life. Bra, makeup, hair done, whatever.
Self-acceptance will gain you a confidence that cannot be stopped. It took me almost 13 years to get to this point. When your gender presentation no longer hinders your life, the trepidness stops.
I have seen very unpassable TG out there who are not the least bit worried about "do I pass?"

Confidence comes with the inability to worry about "passing", assuming that passing just isn't an option.

If we ever met me real life, you would meet Erin. And she would be standing tall and proud of who she is.

I read on FB - "If you truely believe in something, others will have no choice but to go along with it. Even an ugly stripper makes a lot of money"

[Ediosa]

Does for me!!! I always think I look good, and when I don't....I have I don't ffff...ing care additude.

[Ashleythenewgirl]

It was about...oh three or four weeks ago I said forget it. Why bother? I just assumed I would not pass at all. But as I went on my shopping trips my self confidence increased each time. By the time I went out last Saturday I wasn't nervous. I actually went to Chilis and had a blast.
People like you have helped me along on this journed Nicole Erin. So please keep posting and sharing. Thanks!
Ashley

[Marcia Blue]

[SIZE="3"]Confidence may not help you pass per say, but people are less likely to give you a second glance, if you appear confident. [/SIZE]

[Nicole Erin]

No problems Ashley
I know I can be a smart-alec at times but I have plenty of real world experience that I can pass on. I just wish things like this forum were around when I first started.

[Ashleythenewgirl]

Smart alec can be fun so no worries. I appreciate you passing it on. I am sooooo glad to have this forum as newgirl. Thanks!

[txrobinm]

we all pass 100% as trans something.

The only t-folk I've seen that I didn't realize were genetic males were MtF TS that had been on hormone therapy for about 20 years or more.

Wear what you want, be a nice person, accept who you are and that that is OK, and go enjoy life!

[celeste26]

When this all started (for me) there was no internet at all.

[eluuzion]

"Does confidence help you pass?"

My view on "confidence" is that anything that increases self-esteem, ego-strength and belief in your personal abilities (in general or specific to some task or goal) will make you more effective in the task at hand. It reduces the potholes of insecurity and self-doubt in your actions.

"Instability and uncertainty" in a person's actions/behaviors are easily recognized by others and typically translated into reduced credibility judgements by your "audience".

On the personal side, confidence provides the courage to present anything, even your appearance in a manner that supports belief by others.

"Doubt what you will, but never doubt yourself".

There is a reason there are scams that are called "confidence games". lol

[Loni]

yes confidence helps. so does a very large helping of i do not give a d**. just be your self and have fun. there are those out there that will give you a problem..just remember it is there problem not yours just let is slide off and keep at it having fun...your way.

you will get read, a very small number of "us" can really "pass" "blend in", so do not let it be a problem for you as most of the people out there are way to busy in there lives to care about you..and if some one see's you just leave them with a smile on there face.

i have on many a time..it can be fun in a way.

.

[erickka]

I feel that if you feel confident enough to go wherever, whenever, you'll appear like you belong there and no one will even really notice.

[Tracy X Cruz]

[SIZE="3"]Confidence may not help you pass per say, but people are less likely to give you a second glance, if you appear confident. [/SIZE]

I can't agree more with you!

People only stop and really "look" if you stand out or look uncomfortable/out of place. Does confidence hide an adams apple, hide a beard shadow, hide you unladylike sitting position? no way, but what it does do is make people walking by or around you not take any special notice to you. With confidence and attitude the only people who will do much more then glance at you are the ones who you are actually speaking/interacting with you. People in general care more about what they are doing then what others are doing and if you don't look meek/shy/out of place then they will keep doing what they were doing and leave you be.

At least that is what I have found in my experiences recently, and I will say that many times recently people actually didn't give me a second look/doubt until I spoke with my deep voice, then they look at my face again and notice the 9 O'clock shadow and I can see in their eyes that this was the first time they really looked at me.

So I will say yes and no to this one. Technically it doesn't help you pass, but it helps you blend in.

[Chari]

Great replies and advice! IMO, once you feel comfortable and confident with yourself, the remainder of the problems (yours or someone elses) become insignificant! We are called "individuals" because each of us is just a bit different from the others. Enjoy!

[docrobbysherry]

U neither NOTICE, or CARE, if u pass when you're out!

I met a tall girl at the SCC last year. As far as I was concerned, she could NEVER PASS! However, her attitude was the SAME as yours! And, she dresses EVERY SINGLE DAY!
I've NEVER met a more self confident person, PERIOD!

She wasn't there this year because of having SRS!

I'm not likely to EVER reach THAT level of confidence, But, I look at her, u, and MANY OTHERS HERE, as positive influences and a source of INSPIRATION!

[Stephenie S]

Does confidence help you "pass"?

Well, no. Not really. If you have a 5 o'clock shadow, no amount of confidence will overcome that.

The real truth is in the obverse. If you totally LACK confidence, that will surely help you be "read". A nervous and guilty looking person attracts attention. The more attention you garner, the more likely you will be "read".

Now here's where the confusion over this starts. If you don't CARE if you are "read", fewer people will "read" you because you seem confident and secure.

This is where a smile comes in. Smile. Not just a little smile. Grin. Show your teeth. A smile signals to everyone that you are relaxed and happy about what you are doing. There is, of course, nothing wrong with CDing. You are breaking no laws, neither God's nor man's. So what is there to be upset about?

Stephie

[Sally24]

I think confidence and a smiling face presented to the public will go a long way to getting you accepted. Positive people either make other people happy or intimidate them. Whether I pass or not, I usually get big smiles back from the people I interact with. They see the happy,attractive person and just accept the dress as part of the whole.

[Jorja]

Exactly Sally, and what gives you that happy, attractive persona? Confidence! It is not nor has ever been about "passing".
It is about being free to express gender as you see fit for yourself.

[Emily Ann Brown]

If you act like you belong there people belief you do. Forget "passing", enjoy being alive.

Em

[Karren H]

If you act like you belong there people belief you do. Forget "passing", enjoy being alive.

Em

And mom always said I got all the brains...

[Teri Jean]

As the song goes "Momma Said" there will be days like this and if you have confidence in your presentation it will cause some doubt in those who "think" they know better. Remember the glass is half full not half empty. Asside from that just have fun. Looks at Karren and Kimberly and myself, we have confidence and that is when it gets fun.

[JenniferB]

Well, I am a non-passing TS, by and large. However, I go out as Erin, go wherever, and no longer have the concern of "do I pass?" I do not care any longer.

Nicole has nailed it. That's what it takes, an "I don't care" attitude.
Being passable certainly does help, but there are very very few who can really "pass".
I can name about a handful on this forum who can really "pass".
If you're determined to live your life the way you want and you don't care what
people think...it just doesn't matter.