Why not!

[GaleWarning]

I have tried to stay out of this ... there are at least three reasons why I don't go out en-femme
1. As a teacher, I know the ministry of education would not understand.
2. Shesa is more nervous than I, and I don't want or need to make her feel uncomfortable.
3. I really don't want to scare the natives!


On a serious note, I have no problem with anyone wearing anything they choose to. I believe we ought to have complete freedom to be able to wear women's clothes without anyone even thinking it strange.
To those who think they are blazing a trail on which I am a mere worthless follower ... you are welcome to your opinion. Don't judge people like me and you will not be judged.

[kaitlinrenee]

the last part of ypour message, where it says to be able to wear what we want, and not have anyone to lool or think of us as being strange, is all i've been trying to say,

[Tina B.]

I'm in the second camp, and I stay in because I want to! Those that don't want to should go out and have a ball, but for those of us that don't want to for what ever reason, I just don't understand why it bothers people so much?
Tina B.

[Michaela42]

@Makaila, sounds like you're either a former gang member, or an operator. If it's the later, thank you for your service.

Thanks dear, but I was just a rather unlucky ordinary service member that has very interesting luck and a childhood that bordered on the insane.

[Shelly67]

I can't think on this question anymore . I do for some strange reason feel guilty . Perhaps this is deep rooted in the fact I haven't come out to the big wide world , told my family just who I really am , then celebrated it all by going on the town dressed up to the nines .
Then again praps its just what I've read .
Personally , I think I've done my most honest basic attribute to crossdressing .
I told my partner .
And thats all that matters .
We live in our comfort zone - our little bubble . the rest is by choice , a gamble of region , understanding , and the possiblity of confrontation we simply do not need .
We are happy as we are .
My wifes read this thread , and commented - isn't the site supposed to be committed to support and understanding ?
She also remarked that she considers theres enough guilt for most crossdressers to deal with as it is ( from her own experience with me ) and that some of the comments she has read of late be selfish .
I think she has a point .

Why not ?

Why bring it up in the first bloody place - it REALLY doesn't matter .

[Angela Rose]

Living in Englands equivalent to Helmund Province surrounded by individuals who have no tolerance for those of other cultures and would /have killed people for simply being of a different ethnic origin, I dont feel inclined to test their views on alternative sexuality, so I think I will stay in for the moment !!!!!!!

As I travel quite a lot in the UK enfemme, please let me know the area you are in so that I can safely avoid it.

[Sedona]

Shelly67, thanks for showing the thread to your wife, and great post.

Thanks dear, but I was just a rather unlucky ordinary service member that has very interesting luck and a childhood that bordered on the insane.

No kidding, glad you made it through!

[Jorja]

i live alone too, except that i live right behind my parents, and would not be accepting of this, if they knew about it,

consider it a lesson learned, don't live within sight of the parents house

[kaitlinrenee]

it is within sight, the apartment is right behind their house, they can look out their back winow and clearly see me,

[MandyLee]

well here is my take for what its worth. I try to all ways look good when I go out just being my male self. when I can look good as mandy I will go out maybe i'm vain about how I look but if I dont look good male or enfemme I dont go out the door.

[Abbyru1]

I live in a world of my own making. Here inside my own home , no one can say anything to me.
My wife knows but just doesn't want to be part of what I do. My neighbors might not say anything either.I'm not going to give anyone a chance to form an opinion be it right or any
other way.In here ,I can wear what ever I want from ****ty to pretty nice. If I have something on that I like,it doesn't matter to anyone what it is and I don't have to be "accepted" as female or a male in women's clothing. I only have to please myself and I can
do that here in my own world.

I amazed by what some of you do and I will be the first to support what you do. It's great to
be out there and let the world know what you can "get away"with. I am also thrilled that there
so many of you who look fantastic. I couldn't "pass" if it was the only way out of hell. And,
once again,in here,I don't have to.

The last thing I might mention is that a few short years ago, a young gay student attending
college in my state, was tortured and tied to a fence and left to die. I'm not saying that
because I might wear something that society does not accept as male would put me on a
fence somewhere would happen, but when I am dressed in the safty of my own home, I
really don't worry about the freaks out there who would try their best to rid society of something that to them is not "right".

With that in mind, I will remain in the second group.

[Jane P]

Why not?

I wouldn't want the undesired attention that a beautiful woman or someone who appears to be a beautiful woman receives. I'm not saying that I could even pass , let alone appear beautiful but I would want to look my best.

The problem is men ( I know because I am one) men find beautiful women sexy , as in , would want to have sex with them. I think women (GG's) have this same problem, they would like to dress sexier sometimes maybe but don't want to deal with fighting off the wolves.

It may be flattering in the same way that it might be flattering if a gay man found me attractive in male mode except the gay guy probably isn't going to be freaked out when you say you aren't interested , mostly because he already knew before he approached you that you were a guy.

[annecwesley]

Hi Nigella

#2 Out of respect for my wife and family.
My wife tolerates Orchid but it's a don't ask///don't tell thinggie you know
My wife is the only person that knows about Orchid other than
the thousands or so on this forum.
So I will be happy here in my little corner of the world
dressing and surfing the Forum.

Orchid

That's where I'm at. The best I manage to do outside is an occasional walk in the woods whee only the squirrils see me. I'm getting bolder though, but still keeping out of public view within a hundred miles of home.

[kaitlinrenee]

i agree with what you're saying,

[kimdl93]

as I responded to the "greatest" fear thread, the thing that deters me from being fully "out" and in public is the fear of embarrassment. I know I'm not remotely passable and sincerely wish I could be. But we play the cards we're dealt.

[kaitlinrenee]

i feel the same way, because i wouldn't be passable either, but i wish i could be,

[RebeccaLynne]

Those who wear skirts, dresses etc and stay in their houses etc and hides.

Firstly, I'm not hiding. I don't seek approval, or validation, from the public. I don't need it, and please DO NOT equate my preference for privacy with "hiding". I don't denigrate your choices, they're yours. And I have my own. Respect them, please!

What is really keeping you behind closed doors?

'Cause I choose to enjoy being "en femme" in private...by choice...

Is there really any need to divide us into "camps"?...I think this is greatly polarizing, and does the community no good. To each their own.

[Sarah Michelle]

I live in a small town so my wife, children and grand-children would be affected by my actions. I'm not prepared to inflict that on them. If I could move and live apart enough that the two worlds didn't collide, I would go out.

[DonniDarkness]

Why is it no matter how i read this thread i cant help but feel im being judged by my peers for the decisions i have made for myself.

Those of us who wish to be ourselves in our own homes for whatever reason should be safe from ridicule here.

Coming out and calling us cowards is not supportive, this is a support site: act like it.

We also should not have to defend our motivations for being in the closet. PERIOD

[ShellyMadison78]

The main reason I haven't ventured out in public yet is I don't feel I could blend in with the natives yet. I know I can pass (except for my voice maybe), I just don't have the resources yet to complete my feminine side. When the time comes to take that big step, It'll be to a GLBT venue where there are like minded people, it'll also be out of my town, and I'll hopefully will have made some good friends by then and won't take the step alone.
Doing this 24/7 or even half the time, using hormones, or surgeries is something that is not on my table of options and most likely will not be for many years to come....if at all.
Another thing is my wife doesn't approve (don't ask, don't tell policy). She says she needs a man in her life and I provide that to her, also with my daughter who is 1 1/2, I don't want to be seen as a freak or a failure as a daddy to her when she grows up. Shelly is my female alter ego, she is a stress release for me, I didn't choose her, she chose me as I never asked for the thoughts and feelings that I've experienced my whole life. No matter how much I try to suppress her, she comes back stronger then before.
I lead a pretty stressful life with my work....I'm an EMT and I'm in the military (short timer now) between my life experiences growing up, and the "human condition" that I bear witness to everyday and when I'm on a deployment, Shelly is what keeps me cool, calm, and collective, when I dress as her it seems as if my troubles and drama disappear for awhile, she keeps me sane even though I'm still in the closet with her and the world. In time I'll come out using baby steps. Shelly is just as shy as I am, can't rush into it!

[Zan Bandalora]

I don't care if the world cares how I dress, Its my friends and family that I worry about. Most of them would accept it if I dressed in public (in time), some would not. Losing even just one friend would make it not worth it to me.

I share the same view as above. I also only dress my lower half which leaves me looking like halves of two different people joined at the waist.

[Carly D]

I went out a couple years ago in a controlled situation and all I can say is it was fantastic, but it was mine.. I would like to come out to everyone and throw caution to the wind and be what I want to be dressed the way I want to etc. etc... But there are two trains of thinking on my part and the one where I come out to everyone puts it as such as I am me doing as I please and screw you if you don't like it I'm free free freeeee ... Right, then there's the thinking that as of right now I have no true desire to be out because as I have said from before as me here not so much as the rookie poster but as the guy (gurl) that was here for a couple or so years that.. hold it.. let me read back and reacquire my point here.. THAT: Being in the closet gives my the.. Affords me the ability to not be out, and still have that exciting bit of a secret that I know and THEY don't.. Which may or might not be true but because I haven't actually told anyone to their face my assumption is they don't know..

[Rianna Humble]

Why is it no matter how i read this thread i cant help but feel im being judged by my peers for the decisions i have made for myself.

Those of us who wish to be ourselves in our own homes for whatever reason should be safe from ridicule here.

Coming out and calling us cowards is not supportive, this is a support site: act like it.

We also should not have to defend our motivations for being in the closet. PERIOD

I agree with you about the shame of seeing people ridiculed for their position, however, may I put a different aspect of this thread to you that you don't appear to have considered? You have said quite rightly that this is a support site, how are we to support someone's decision to "stay in the closet" if we do not know why they make that choice? Again, how are we to support someone who wants to come out of the closet but feels held back if we do not know why they feel that way?

[Lucy_Bella]

how are we to support someone who wants to come out of the closet but feels held back if we do not know why they feel that way

I agree and key words are for those who want to come out.. They shouldn't be shamed to come out or pressured , Support is always nice.

[vivianann]

I am in the first group. I have been out and about since 2006 now, and there is no way I will ever go back to hiding my femme identity, I wish I would have come out years earlier, I have not lost any friends, or family, and if I did, its not my problem. I am much happier now, I enjoy the freedom of dressing whenever I want, peaple have been very understanding, and it seems that peaple in general treat me better.