Hi Everyone,
When I joined this site I fully intented to come out to my SO after reading so many post here. Well, that day still hasn't arrived and now it is getting more and more difficult to live with this secret...afterall it has been over 25 years now. In the past I would never think of dressing when there was the slightest chance of being caught. Now I find myself dressing while everyone is asleep..I'll sit out back on our deck, occassionally walk up and down the sidewalk out front. This usually last for about 5 or 10 minutes before I quickly remove my things and hide them away. Almost as if I want to be caught, I do know this would be the worst way for my SO to find out. Not long ago I read a post something like "Do you think about dressing more than you actually do" ..OMG. I'm constantly thinking about it. Each and everytime I see an attractive women all I can think of is how I want to look like her, dress as she does etc. I believe part of my problem is I haven't been able to dress fully in months... even when partially enfemme it is only for moments. Moments of my heart racing in fear of being caught as well. To make matters worse I just picked up a pair of ankle boots that I haven't worn yet lol.
I know the right thing to do is to speak to my SO..believe me I have planned on it so many nights. So nervous I could barely speak. The fear of losing her and or my children. In the past my need to be enfemme has faded for many years at a time. Doesn't seem to be going anywhere this time around. See now this is the reason I joined this forum months ago..just need someone to talk to
Thanks so much for listening, Jeanna