[SIZE="2"]This weekend I’ve been thinking about the lives of Billy, Seth, Asher, and Tyler, all ending in suicide, all victims of “deadly bullying,” all because they were gay. The word “gay” seems oddly inappropriate, or somewhat ironic, at times like this. I was the victim of bullying in the extreme, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. According to HealthDay News:
"A teen's outward aspect -- seeming somewhat "feminine" if male, or "masculine" if female -- can up the risk of bullying and contribute to a propensity to depression for years to come, one new study suggests.
In the study, published in the November issue of Developmental Psychology, researchers looked at data from a survey of 245 gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender young adults from the Bay Area in California. About half were Latino and about half were white; they realized their sexual orientation at an average age of 11 and reported coming out -- disclosing their orientation to someone else -- at the average age of 15.
The participants who reported the most bullying as children were about 2.5 times more likely as the others to be clinically depressed as young adults, the study found. About 63 percent of the most bullied kids were clinically depressed, compared to 34 percent of the least bullied. In the big picture, the bullying of the most feminine boys and the most masculine girls -- that's the way they described themselves looking back on their childhoods -- appeared to "essentially account for major differences in mental health between young gay adults," said study co-author Stephen T. Russell, a professor at the University of Arizona."
No doubt about it, it’s a crime to be a feminine boy. How else can you explain the bullying by more masculine types? There’s no doubt those are the ones who are doing it, unapologetically, I might add. That’s bad enough, but if you’re a boy, gay or not, expressing his inherent femininity through crossdressing, you’re exacerbating the issue, and drawing abuse from all sides. Why? It’s a crime against masculinity, that’s why.
I was bullied all during my public school years. I never had to “disclose” my gender-queerness, since it was on display from day one. I never felt there was a need to disclose my homosexuality, either. I’ve never been in the closet. As such, I was the designated target for beaucoup abuse. I was pushed into lockers, knocked over, punched, kicked, urinated on, ridiculed openly, taunted, and my books were often kicked across the floor, only to be further kicked by girls who were apparently trying to tell me something. There were sympathetic friends, of course, but they were too terrified to come to my aid. We all suffered in silence back then.
Despite all this, I came through it all with my mental health intact. I had just enough people close to me who believed in me, loved me, and knew I was not some kind of freak. I didn’t really get depressed, because a few souls told me I was special when it counted. Also, a few masculine men, or should I say gentlemen, protected me. I didn’t fight back. I didn’t turn my back on femininity or crossdressing, since doing so would negate my reasons for living. I always kept moving forward, away from danger, yet staying within myself. I was lucky, unlike the dearly departed (see above).
Why is expressing yourself through MtF crossdressing so threatening to people? Is it a crime? I’m not hurting anybody, so why do people feel the need to hurt me? I believe there is a “good” voice inside of everyone trying to be heard, but sometimes that person can’t hear it. Meanwhile, the more base human instincts cause us to seek out and eliminate all those who are different, if only to fit in with one’s peers for a (brief) feeling of power or domination. Why is this not a crime, while actively or openly expressing one’s LGBT nature is? It makes no sense, unless you’re masculine, of course. Nothing is being threatened, so leave me alone. You’re you, and I’m me, and we each have a right to exist. Can you hear me, masculinity?
I realize everyone has a different definition of what “masculine” means, but I’m talking about the masculinity that needs to express itself at the expense of others.
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