Close Calls - Are they really that close?

[AKAMichelle]

I just recently flew into Springfield, MO on business and yes I was dressed. It was a much smaller airport than I expected and I felt very uneasy after I got off the plane. I thought a city with 300,000 people would have a larger airport but no they have a little one. I was ok until the next day with my client and he told me that a GF was on my flight. I knew from the description that she was a GF but he didn't confirm until later. Then Annie posted this comment to my thread about my flight and it really got me thinking.

I think we make way too much of being recognized in male mode and then dressed enfemme or visa versa. People who you encounter just don't expect the unexpected. Let me give you an example:

I had to have some body work done on my car and returned to the same business that did work on my daughter's car. I dealt with the same representative, Regina, both times and in the course of doing business she got to know what I do for a living, about my family, etc. My car is very distrinctive, a bright red Toyota convertible, and she wanted me to leave it longer than necessary so she could drive it (just kidding). One day I was in my local nail salon getting a pedicure and nails painted when lo and behold enters Regina and she sits down in the pedicure chair right beside me. As I am just about finished, I say to myself, oh, what the H*ll, she recognizes me so I might as well speak to her. I open the conversation and she replies and there is no recognition on her part, so we continue chatting. When I am finished, I inquire if she knows who I am and she replies that she did not! I ask her to follow me to the entrance of the salon, I point to my car in the parking lot and she exclaims, "Oh my God! I didn't recognize you and you have children!"

I go on and explain a little bit about us and she kinda understood but she did say that she would never had dreamed that I represent myself as two different people. I guess her not recognizing me is a good thing but I learned that people don't expect changes in aquaintances or semi-familiar business associates.

I knew this was really an interesting perspective that required it's own thread. We go out all the time and we are always scared that someone will recognize us. So I thought about the description he made of her. I zeroed in on the woman in the row in front of me. She was the only one on the plane fitting that description.


But what was the description of me?

• Tall
• Middle Aged
• Pot Belly
• Salt and Pepper Hair
• Receding Hair Line
• Bald Spot on top
• Wears hear in Ponytail
• Cowboy Boots
• Blue jeans and Polo Shirt

None of those items would have caused her to think about a man dressed as a woman. Add to that the fact you try and blend in as much as possible. So even dressed in a small airport I didn't attract additional attention. So we spend hours locked away in the closet hiding because someone might recognize us. Have you ever thought about how someone would describe you? Are any of the items on the list anything which would cause them to notice a woman for that description? So are these really close calls or just near misses in our minds only?

[Loni]

alas if i bumped into someone that knows me..they will know it is me.
if not know i am in that "mall" and they see a lady just shopping most likely not see...me.
but maybe a commit or question next time they see me.

[Karren H]

I've passed fellow employees while enfemme... across the parking lot where we were all staying on business trips... And they wouldn't have recognized me enfemme as me un-enfemme. So I don't even consider them close calls. Even bumping into people I know in check out lines ,en-masculine, with a cart full of fem clothes isn't really scary any more. When you don't really care what people think then "close calls" aren't an issue..

[sissystephanie]

Once again, Karren has the right idea. If you don't care what people think, then "close calls" never become an issue! I quit worrying about what people think years ago and just live my own life!! And yes, I have met friends while dressed enfemme, and have not had any problems with that!

[Rhonda Jean]

Michelle,
Now that you're going out with your own hair (for the most part) I think the odds of you being recognized are exponentially greater than for someone who wears a wig.

If the male/female mode pics on this site are any indication, though, some transitions are so incredible that (to me anyway) the female mode is absolutely unrecognizable to the male. It's one of the most amazing things I've ever seen.

[AKAMichelle]

Michelle,
Now that you're going out with your own hair (for the most part) I think the odds of you being recognized are exponentially greater than for someone who wears a wig.

If the male/female mode pics on this site are any indication, though, some transitions are so incredible that (to me anyway) the female mode is absolutely unrecognizable to the male. It's one of the most amazing things I've ever seen.

I have to agree that using your own hair does increase the risks but not always. It still goes back to the description doesn't match what they see. I have read a lot of times where people are in the same store and people don't recognize them. If you look up and see your friend TOM at the store and you recognize him, but if Tom was dressed as a woman you wouldn't see that person. You would have to get a lot closer and possibly hear them talk to know that is Tom.

[Annie D]

Hi Michelle! Thank you for the prop but I would like to add more of a personal opinion. Maybe some of the ladies on this site will disagree but I think that we sometimes "over act" how we are presenting. What I mean, in my experience in the world, I have not seen too many women who are nearly or over 6 feet tall and who are nearly or over 200 pounds act very feminine. Texas women who are that size are pretty much "take charge" and act in a fairly authoritative manner or a least don't act like a "shrinking violet". As a result of being the size and shape and the age that I am, that I can't act like a 20 or 30 or 40 (I'll stop there) year old who I see and admire and wish I looked like but have to just act my age (okay maybe 10 or 15 years younger than I really am) because that might just be what the people I meet expect. I am what I am, I smile alot, try to be friendly and try to look as age appropriate as possible. The more that we are out, the more confident we become and that results in our less likely to be recognized.

[PretzelGirl]

Michelle,
Now that you're going out with your own hair (for the most part) I think the odds of you being recognized are exponentially greater than for someone who wears a wig.

I think this way also. But I look at it as a wig is an advantage. With your natural hair you do have to do other things. I don't necessarily do them well myself, but I am working on it. First rule is hair is tied back in boy mode and down in girl. It does change the way the face looks in the way it is framed. Not a lot by itself, but a start. The rest then needs to feed back on your list.

[AKAMichelle]

I think this way also. But I look at it as a wig is an advantage. With your natural hair you do have to do other things. I don't necessarily do them well myself, but I am working on it. First rule is hair is tied back in boy mode and down in girl. It does change the way the face looks in the way it is framed. Not a lot by itself, but a start. The rest then needs to feed back on your list.

That's why my boy mode is with a ponytail and never as a girl. I am going to start wearing glasses when out of town in boy mode and contacts when en femme. I don't think that it is a problem here in Denver but when I go out of town it might help protect my identity.

[VS Fan]

That's why my boy mode is with a ponytail and never as a girl. I am going to start wearing glasses when out of town in boy mode and contacts when en femme. I don't think that it is a problem here in Denver but when I go out of town it might help protect my identity.

I do this especially when driving en femme... then you can add a nice pair of women's sunglasses to assist the illusion

VS Fan

[Ashleythenewgirl]

I agree with VS. I have a pair of sunglasses for that purpose and I think I will get some fashion frames with clear non prescription lenses. I wear contacts so no big deal.

[Ozark]

Ah, Springfield, MO, it still is a small town. Bass Pro Shops, Assemblies of God national headquarters, more churches per capita than Springfield Cashew Chicken joints.

Close mined, psuedo religious and strictly republican.

populaitons of metro area probably close to 300,000 but city itself is not half that size.

The city council just allowed homeowners to raise chickens in their yards, but only 6 at a time.

Home of Central Bible College, Baptist Bible College, Evangel College, and close to Southwest Baptist College (Roy Blunt was president of SBU but after he commited adultry and divorced his wife, he went to washington dc as our representative.

Springfield is a conservative, republican community.

A state rep running for state senator lived as a homosexual crossdresser until he got religion. I kid you not. He will probably win.

[Stefia S]

This is such a coincidence! I was just going to post this as a new thread, then I saw this thread.

I was at a (not too local) Target recently and saw a woman approach the clothes rack across from me and glance at me. When I looked up, lo and behold is was an GG admin I had often worked with and whew! she did not recognize me! I discreetly distanced myself from her – I saw out of the corner of my eye she glanced at me as I moved away, again not recognizing me.

I guess it goes to show that people see what they expect to or want to see and unless I did something she was not expecting she would not really “see” me. I was hiding in plain sight.

I’m not confident enough about how I carry myself or speak in public to have stayed across the clothes rack from her, nor was I willing to risk the consequences with this person if she did recognize me.

Fia

[txrobinm]

My first such experience happened the last weekend I went out dressed.

Over the summer, a CD friend and I frequented a Dallas eatery, usually opting for the outdoor seating. We got to know all of the waiters, and the music director as well, en femme. 2 weeks ago I showed up in guy mode for an event in which I participated. I chose guy mode because my 2nd profession is a very close-knit community, and he needed be there, not she. I do my shtick, have a conversation with the music director, including explaining some things to audience in a Q&A.

Fast forward a week, and I'm there en femme with other friends. Music Dir. comes over and says "why haven't you been to so-and-so? I though you were coming after being such a regular over the summer."
Robin: "But I WAS here"
MD: "On the patio?"
R: "no, in here"
MD: "no you weren't, I would have remembered you!"
R: (whispering)"I was one of the ---- at the ----"
MD: "That's cool!"

This was the first time I've met someone as a guy whom I had met 1st as Robin. He's a photographer, you'd think he'd know faces.

If it had been last fall, when I didn't quite have my own look, it might not have been so smoothe. Still, it inspires confidence in the transformation from him to her.

[gabe]

Our minds are very good at focusing on what we are supposed to "see" and filter out other salient informtion, half of the people failed the Invisible Gorilla test. As long as we do not present ourselves as a crossdresser, there is a very good chance that we will not be seen as a crossdresser, but we cannot fool everyone. Chabris & Simons authored a book by the same name, the test is also on Youtube. It is very interesting how the mind works in directing what we see.

[joann07]

I've had several close encounters with people who don't know I dress. In two separate occasions, while I was shopping, I nearly ran into two GG friends as I was walking down the main isles. I made eye contact with them and they never even did a second look. We just walked by each other like it was just a near accident.
In another instance, I actually interacted with a GG friend while I was volunteering as a coffee server at a fund raiser for breast cancer. There was loud music at the time and so that helped to disguise my femme voice.
I've had other occurences where I've seen or passed people I know, but they were totally oblivious.

Hugs!

[TommyII]

Ok, this is giving me confidence to go out dressed that I never had before. I'm thinking it will take all day to get ready. The right clothes and a visit to the make up counter, maybe a manicure and a trip to the hair dresser. Not sexy, but casual. I'm thnking jeans and a cute top (OMG I don't have a purse) and consevative heels. Halloween night, I walk over to my local pub enfemme and have a drink. What about the voice to order a drink? Any suggestions?

[LynnInDenver]

Michelle,
Now that you're going out with your own hair (for the most part) I think the odds of you being recognized are exponentially greater than for someone who wears a wig.

If the male/female mode pics on this site are any indication, though, some transitions are so incredible that (to me anyway) the female mode is absolutely unrecognizable to the male. It's one of the most amazing things I've ever seen.

I do use my own hair... and people who have known me for years have trouble recognizing me en femme. One I showed a photo, and I had to actually tell her 'that's me'. Another of my friends had to wonder 'who that is' seeing me with a friend, until he remembered what the dinner meetup that night was all about.