Holier than thou attitude going on right now...

[CharlotteCD]

I am noticing a real attitude on this forum at the moment saying "don't do this, don't do that" and "oh just admit it to people"

Maybe some people can't admit it - everybody has reasons. Maybe they would get kicked out of their home, maybe they could lose their job. Something they do as a hobby isn't worth ruining their life.

Maybe some people need to borrow clothes in order to satisfy their need to cd because they don't have the confidence to go and buy their own, or they fear ordering clothes in case the parcel goes to a family member.


I just read in another thread "its not helping the image of crossdressers"

Get over yourself, the image of a cd won't change for anybody born in my generation and I am only 22. It will take years and a lot more acceptance before people are easily accepted.

I am sure I am not the only person who hates coming on this site and reading that I am a terrible person for borrowing clothes without permission and that I should just man up (girl up?) and tell people.

Situation isn't right to change either of those things right now.

Is it lonely up there on your pedestal?

[Shari]

Great thread Charlotte.

Stand by for the backlash.
I'm sure this will get more than one pair of panties in a bunch.

[vetobob9]

I have not seen anyone trying to force anyone to admit anything. I do have a thread complaining about a small minority. But I am not telling anyone they have to tell anyone anything. What you do in private is your business.

We all borrow things without asking, including me. Often we don't stop to consider that when we do this, the people we are borrowing from might consider it stealing because we did not ask.

I found there are alternatives to buying from the store such as the internet. But if you are married or have a significant other that is used to opening your mail, that may not be an option. The main point of the taking clothes was that its unsanitary.

We all need to remember that what we do can have a negative impact on those we care about and on larger communities.

People who are ready to come out of the closet on their own time and on their own terms. No one is going to force them out, unless they are caught "borrowing" without consent. But if you are forced out by someone who catches you wearing their stuff, are they not more likely to assume less of you? If you "borrowed" their intimates without their consent?

There is no need to be self defensive. Just consider how would you feel if you caught a stranger in your home wearing your intimates. Or if you came home and caught your husband wearing your things and he never mentioned his hobby to you in all the years you have been married to him.

[Kathryn Martin]

Reading your post I come to agree with you. When you read the snippets of personal stories here, it is clear that each one of us has a unique set of circumstances. And so each one of us will have to navigate our own waters without the admonition from others who want to brush the world with one brush.

I am glad you said it

Kathryn

[Karren H]

Wow! You just notice that? Lol. Personally I'm going to tell you how I feel and what I like. I'm not forcing anyone to throw their ugly ass womens jeans away!! (Though you know you should!!) That's just they way I am. If you want a mutual admiration society.... If you want support.... I'd go buy a new bra!
God I love drama in the morning! We headed to the lounge yet?

[Kathryn Martin]

Wow! You just notice that? Lol. Personally I'm going to tell you how I feel and what I like. I'm not forcing anyone to throw their ugly ass womens jeans away!! (Though you know you should!! That's just they way I am. If you want a mutual admiration society.... If you want support.... I'd go buy a new bra! We headed to the lounge yet?

Karen Sweetpea, what's your favorite drink?

I just threw all my ugly ass guy jeans away, does that count?

Can I join the MAS yet, please......

Let's go

[suzy1]

Head for the bunker Charlotte! Come out in two weeks time. You should be safe by then. [You can use mine if you like]

SUZY

[Cherry Lynn]

It is early in the morning but later when everybody starts getting online this thread will surely stir controversy. I agree with you Charlotte, everybody has different comfot levels about exposure. This should be interesting.

[Karren H]

I just threw all my ugly ass guy jeans away, does that count?

Nope. Its all or nothing!

[Tina B.]

NICE RANT! I could not agree more. Karren, they keep saying it's a support group, not sports bra. And no I'm not throwing those jeans away!
Tina B.

[Karren H]

NICE RANT! I could not agree more. Karren, they keep saying it's a support group, not sports bra. And no I'm not throwing those jeans away!
Tina B.

I keep getting group, bra and hose confused!! Lucky for me I don't need no support but the entertainment value is is worth the price of admission! .

Speaking of Holier.. You don't see Nuns (or Victoria Secret models) wearing Jeans (at work)!! Lol.

[linda allen]

Reading your post I come to agree with you. When you read the snippets of personal stories here, it is clear that each one of us has a unique set of circumstances. And so each one of us will have to navigate our own waters without the admonition from others who want to brush the world with one brush.

I am glad you said it

Kathryn

Well, so am I. We all have different levels of involvement with CDing. Some here wake up each morning and dress as a female. Some even sleep as one. Others, for various reasons, do not. Some can shop for clothes in person or on-line, others cannot.

The risk here, is that the forum will take on a personality where there is a majority and anyone with a view different from that majority is afraid to post because of the reaction of the majority. At that point, the forum is useless and there is no reason to bother with it.

[Marissa]

Charlotte, you bring up some good points and even though some replies may be tainted with humor (not mine, of course ), you will get some good responses and maybe open some eyes.. by the way, its okay to RANT.. need that at times..

I am noticing a real attitude on this forum at the moment saying "don't do this, don't do that" and "oh just admit it to people"

Maybe some people can't admit it - everybody has reasons. Maybe they would get kicked out of their home, maybe they could lose their job. Something they do as a hobby isn't worth ruining their life.

I have to admit that it hits a side of me when some respond as you said above..but remember (even if not stated), its all just advice.. even though I'm sure some are really meaning what they say only because their life allows them to be so free.. You control your life so take it for what its worth and don't let all the words get to you.. accept it just ADVICE and leave the rest to what you want.. Its funny how I just had this conversation with my daughter..about how I try to keep this side away from hmmm for a better word "normal" life (no offense) as I'm not ready for that.. but I made one mistake to allow someone that close and now I'm dealing with a person who wants to be apart of what I see as my normal life..lol.. no not anyone on here.. anyway, I do agree that just because we dress at times or go out, doesn't mean we are ready to walk to the shoppette in heels and a dress..

Maybe some people need to borrow clothes in order to satisfy their need to cd because they don't have the confidence to go and buy their own, or they fear ordering clothes in case the parcel goes to a family member.

With the exception of the sanitary thing (wearing someone's panties for hours and then returning them in the dresser.. ) or a bra..etc.. that is what most of the issues is about.. and yes, there are many who began their venture that way..by borrrowing..so hopefully that is not forgotten.. And again, take it all as ADVICE and you will be okay..even if the words are as you stated. Some will not understand your situation.. and they should be thankful for that.

I just read in another thread "its not helping the image of crossdressers"

Get over yourself, the image of a cd won't change for anybody born in my generation and I am only 22. It will take years and a lot more acceptance before people are easily accepted.

Where would we be if the world's view on the image of all crossdressers was based on what I did or said???.. yes that comment is made like all others..a reaction of someone's thoughts on the incident. And it doesn't matter what 'group' you belong to, there is always going to be some incident that will seem to tarnish a group..and the next day its old news.. So be you..and the let the rest decide how the 'image' is affected.

I am sure I am not the only person who hates coming on this site and reading that I am a terrible person for borrowing clothes without permission and that I should just man up (girl up?) and tell people.

Sticks and stones.. remember? unfortunately, lately in the media, we are finding out that words do hurt.. most did not have the support they needed or wanted. This is a supportive site with a few bumps here and there..that is where you need to focus so you don't feel that you are terrible person.. only those near you..and the person in the mirror knows that. I was on another site where a 'girl' chastised anyone who dressed and was not considering crossing over to full time.. It upset me, but then I thought "how sad for someone to waste so much emotions just because I (and others) were not in the same line of thought as her"

Situation isn't right to change either of those things right now.

Is it lonely up there on your pedestal?

Okay, I think its safe for me to step down from my PEDESTAL now

Thank you for starting this thread..

Hugs,
Marissa

[Tamara Croft]

Ooh... I can see it now, Tamara the meany has posted... and what she going to say you're all wondering

Just wanted to say Charlotte, I totally agree, good rant

Ooh and I forgot.. Karren, totally agree about jeans!! horrible things lol!!!

[Jenny Beth]

I've been here longer than just about everybody and I have seen this "holier than thou attitude" spring up numerous times. I usually keep my mouth shut but have said my piece once or twice. But here's my take:

It sometimes comes from someone who is young and or passable, has a government job or works for a company that has a no discrimination policy, has no one to answer too (wife, kids, family) and often someone who is a true TS.

The day I see someone who is self employed, has a family, is mortgaged up to his/her ears, is 6'4 and built like a linebacker come out to everyone as a CD then I'll tip my hat and say yes, anyone can do it.

[Babette]

I think Charlotte makes some valid points. Each of us, including me, acts as we do for our own reasons. Even though I am comfortable with my behavior, it doesn't necessarily mean that I expect everyone else to follow suit. That shouldn't be interpreted as me accepting or condoning everyone's actions because in my mind, that is not always the case. More often than not, I will simply mind my own business.

Sometimes I have read posts and based on the information provided by the OP, it is easy to jump to conclusions or judge their actions. Then again, I try to remind myself that my understanding of the situation is limited by the text provided and I probably don't have all of the facts at hand.

Babette

[Emily Ann Brown]

It won't help to thrown away your ugly ass jeans unless you thrown out you ugly asses with them.

Now ready to be a virgin sacrifice !!!


Em

[JessiRed]

The big theme I've seen lately is that it's "unsanitary" to steal panties.

Well, if you're stealing them (ie not returning them) how is it unsanitary? Only way that's true is if you wear a pair, dirty them, don't wash them, and then return them to where they came from.

How many people actually do THAT?

If anything, I should be able to complain about how my wife borrows my panties and stains the crotch, but I don't.

[CharleneCD]

Welcome to the world of internet forums. I belong to many different online groups and forums and on each and every one of them are those people who know best. They believe their way is the best and only way to do things. They are so closed minded there is nothing you can do to change them. You just need to remember that many of them can still say some pretty good and important stuff. and in the case of this forum they are still a TG brother or sister.

[Stephenie S]

Yeah, Charlene is right. The idea that this forum will take on a particular point of view is kinda silly. There is an incredible number of different people here. A HUGE number. We come from all walks of life and all countries. And we hold a HUGE number of different opinions.

S

[Lynn Marie]

There's this thing that so many guys do that I call one-up-man-ship. I'll tell a story and the next guy feels that he has to top my story, and so on and so on, ad nauseum. The only cause I can think of is a lack of testosterone. Gee whiz, can't you just enjoy a good story and be done with it. I love stories and story tellers. I've learned in my old age to encourage others in their gifts and to leave me out of it totally. I've got plenty of testosterone, I've no need to brag about me.

The other thing I've seen here is that some of us don't know when to quit. How many times do you need to tell someone they should shave their legs? Once is nice, twice is okay, the rest is just plain rude and "holier-than-thou" just like Charlotte said.

I love good advice. I love loving encouragement. I hate being told what to do. I hate guys just talking to hear themselves talk or bragging to make up for their low self esteem!

[Stephanie Miller]

In the immortal words of Rodney King.. "Can't we all just get along?"

I, for one, enjoy the banter that goes on here. I don't really care if it's all to my liking or not. Do you realize how boring the forum would be without differences?
I like pink. Me too. end of post.
Boring.
With so many people ranting or giving advice, I feel somewhere there might be the information I need to make my own decision. Just because someone states something doesn't mean it's the gospel. It's their opinion - that's all. I find if I take it in stride the world is an easier place to navigate.

Please note: The following is MY OPINION ONLY! Do not read if you can't handle it!
"Get over yourself, the image of a cd won't change for anybody born in my generation and I am only 22. It will take years and a lot more acceptance before people are easily accepted."
Charlotte... your wrong. I have been doing outreaches to schools, colleges and workplaces for over 15 years. And I can tell you the difference in the level of acceptance that is has been going on has been growing. Albiet slower than we want - but growing. If, for instance, if it hasn't then we would not be seeing the changes in company or political policies we are seeing. I know what the level of acceptance was when I walked through a mall in 1990. And I know what it is today. How would you know what it was in 1990? You were just starting to poop diapers! Now you're right on one point. It will take years before we are EASILY accepted. I have found very little comes easy. It takes work. But nice rant from you. I'll accept it. Thank you or loaning your pedestal, I will give it back to you now.

[Gerrijerry]

That is it with this kind of post. I have had it. DON"T YOU people understand I am the only one who is always correct. GEE how many times must I tell you that. As for the jeans problem what size are they all I have is female ones now and maybe I can sneek in a male pair if my wife does not find out.

[Tracy X Cruz]

I like what you are saying, and I agree with almost all of it except this point:

Maybe some people need to borrow clothes in order to satisfy their need to cd because they don't have the confidence to go and buy their own, or they fear ordering clothes in case the parcel goes to a family member.

Maybe I am alone here on a pedestal... it is cold and scary up here... but borrowing without asking is usually considered stealing... and stealing can very easily be perceived as wrong by the majority of people. Perhaps I will receive a lot of flak for saying so but there it is... I would rather be caught buying women's clothing then stealing them... because then I only have to explain dressing in women's clothing and not why I am stealing women's clothing to dress in it.

Am I saying you have to listen to me? NO! do what you need to do... but my advice is to keep in mind that stealing is usually perceived as wrong... and you are going to get more flak if you are caught.

BTW I don't own any jeans and never will ~_^

[GaleWarning]

You don't see Nuns wearing Jeans (at work)!! Lol.

It's a nasty habit!


They say a bit of humour always manages to diffuse a nasty situation.


Time to head over to the pub. See ya all there!