Its all in the image

[Nigella]

Joe public has an image of the TG community. This is usually stereotypical of how we as a community are portrayed by the media in all its forms. Very rarely are we seen as most of us really are, that is a person who prefers to wear clothing that is generally accepted to be associated with the opposite sex.

Joe public is not aware of the diverse nature of the TG community and therefore usually tars us all with the same brush, no matter where we fit on the spectrum.

Reading some of the threads on this forum, do you believe that we as a community do enough to dispel Joe public's perception, do you believe that we need do no more to alter the perception, or are you just not bothered because it affects you as an individual very little?

GG's points of view are most welcome on this thread as your views may have changed since you became a part of this community.

[eluuzion]

Although I wish the world had a few things it lacks today, I am realistic in my expectations and always find a way to avoid the potholes and the people who create them.

I am certainly not in the Casper Milktoast squad, for sure. If there is a battle that I feel I need to fight, I am in the front of the assault with a spear in each hand. If forced to play, I always play to win. Most people either describe me as eccentric or intense...or both.

But just as most things in life, we all have to pick our battles. Mine happens to be privacy rights.

Although I have been a CD for over 25 years now, I have never felt like I have been a "victim" of anything. I have never felt "restricted" or "confined" or "attacked" in any way. The whole experience has been a fun ride that has always been on my own terms. I suppose I am more creative than many people in my ability to get what I want without fighting many battles. I am simply good at working around the "system" instead of letting the "system" control what I do.

So, I am happy, as usual. I am the only one that can make that happen. I view it as a choice we all have. You probably will never see me on Oprah or Dr. Phil fighting for CD rights. But I might be on there as an example of some other bizarre eccentricity in my life...

I just do not feel all of the emotional conflicts and urgency many seem to feel here.

[Sandra]

I guess I'll get into trouble here but there are some who do a great deal to dispel Joe public's perception, then there are those who just sit back and let all the others do the work, but moan that Joe public wont ever accept instead of doing sommat themselves.

I will admit when I was new to the community I did very little, you as my SO wasn't out in public so it didn't affect me.....Now when things changed and you became public then I started to try and do things to change the perception that people have.

How did I do this, one way is talking to people, friends, work collogues, explaining that some of the myths about the trans community just wasn't true.

[Nikki A.]

Big picture there is not much one person can do even if he is in the public spotlight. I try to dispell the preconceived notions on a one on one basis and if we all did that perhaps there will be a change in the long run.

[suzy1]

I have to admit I can’t see how I can do anything to change Joe public’s perception of us.
A bit defeatist I know but there it is. Any suggestions?

SUZY

[NicoleScott]

It's really a good question, and a good topic for discussion. Sure, a little (or a lot) more acceptance would be great. Sorry to say, however, that I can't do much to improve the perception. I know my situation, I know the heart of my boss, his attitudes, and I don't question his ability to fire me. Don't post that he can't do that. He can, and would. My family, too, would not be accepting of my crossdressing (religious, social, other reasons). Sorry, but I can't be a martyr for the cause.
So I know the rules, live within them, and therefore I don't have the emotional conflicts and urgency as Eluuzion mentioned..
I just hope this doesn't turn into a "everybody must do more" push. Each of us can only do what we can.

[debbie55]

The problem with raising the profile of TG community through any type of publicity is that you inevitably reinforce many stereotypes. I my opinion its the same with all minorities, those that do the marching thing just reinforce the stereotype, the only real way to acceptance is to show that we are just like everyone else and get on with life. Of course the flip side is you need trailblazers to get the ball rolling.

[Starr]

I am not sure if I need acceptance by people who don't know me.. but I do need respect as a human being and respect for my decisions as to what I find makes me Happy in the way I live.

[Kathryn Martin]

I very much believe that we need to do more to alter the perceptions about gender diversity and it's expression in a myriad of individuals. We need to de-sensitize the world from the shock of what they perceive as an in-congruence and therefore out of the norm and worthy of being ostracized. Miqqui Alicia Gilbert, PhD. says in her acticle: "Come on out" this:

By a large margin the coming out experiences of most who have come out has been more positive then
negative. More often then not, people don’t care what you do on your own time. But
every time you do come out, to your SO, to you family, to your friends, you are bringing
that fantasy world a little bit closer. Every time you share your real self in all its
complexity and gender diversity with a friend you are coming closer to personal honesty
and growth as well as educating someone about gender diversity.

In the final analysis the choice is ours. When we come out we can engage in political
action, organize and begin to de-sensitize the world to gender diversity. The world in
which you can wake up and see how you feel each morning before choosing trousers or a
skirt will not be here in our lifetimes. But it will never be here if we don’t just try to
extend ourselves that little bit, try to be as much as we can all the time.

©2008 by M.A. Gilbert

It is only in the greyness of the masses that we stand out like a sore thumb. If we can personalize us in the eyes of the public, if we can put a face to what is stereotypically judged, then it becomes less and less easy to discard the way we have been discarded without thought.

Not once have I been treated in an inappropriate way by the person I look in the eye.

Kathryn

[CharleneT]

Well, I would start by saying that the TG community is not made up of mostly cross dressers. A large group for sure, but there are many differing groups under that umbrella. In a way, that points to one of the things that confounds the public: terms. We aren't consistent with them and the media even less so. Add that to the average person's lack of knowledge of these words and confusion is almost automatic - I think.

How to solve that ? I've barely got a clue !! My best guess is that being public and being who we are, in the many splendorous ways that that expresses; might go a mile towards educating "joe public", maybe "jane" too. If they can see whom-so-ever as "ok" then the next person ( of a different flavor ) who is termed "TG" might just get some automatic acceptance. In many cultures things unknown are considered bad and feared. Just basic human nature. Shine a kind light on it and often the fear dissipates.

[linnea]

A good question: my answer is that each of us [I]can[I] and should do our little bit. That might mean speaking up when the subject of TG or CD gets into the conversation. This, of course, can be hard to do if we're in the closet and want to stay there. But we don't have to join any negative conversation about TG and CD. If we're out of the closet--a lot or a little--it is with those people who know us that we can reinforce positive images. I think that "baby steps" doesn't come close to describing the slowness of the progress, but if we do nothing, progress won't improve. So I hope to do my little bit, and I hope that others will not be so discouraged that they won't do theirs too.

[Sandra]

A But we don't have to join any negative conversation about TG and CD.

Very well said.....

[Billijo49504]

I'm doing my little bit. I 'm trying to set up a TG group at our local LGBT center. And several people on this forum are a great help. Especially you, Jennifer and Carla. I've also outed my self to the VA at 2 different locations and I have put my hormone letter in my file. Maybe when our grand kids growup things will be better...BJ

[Rianna Humble]

I did not set out to "trail blaze" for the TG community, but I have come to see that becoming front page news because of my transition has had a positive effect. Before I was outed in the paper, the vast majority of people around me had never met anyone who is transgendered. Now they know me and seem to agree with a quote from the follow-up newspaper article

Apart from the obvious, meeting Rianna is almost exactly the same as meeting Robert – she is shy, polite, self-deprecating and quick to smile.

as a result they now have at least one TG that they know and of whom they seem to have a positive opinion. If that makes it easier for them to accept another TG, then it will have been worth my while.

Other people have read the hatchet job that was done in a national sleazy tabloid but have taken it positively and that seems to have informed their opinion of TG folk in a positive way.

Have I changed the world's opinion of the TG communities? No. Do people around me a have different, more positive perception of TG's than before I came out? It would appear from their comments that they have.

Would I encourage others to become front page news? No, but in my case it seems to have had more positives than negatives for Joe Public's opinion of us. Am I proud of that? No, I am humbled (no pun on my name intended).

Do I think I should do more? Definitely, that is why I have joined a pressure group for LGBT rights and am explaining to members of that group who we are.

[Kaz]

There are some interesting ideas raised here and Nigella the original post was brilliant and cut to the core of some fundamental issues for me.

If I was gay/lesbian (ok there are debates about CD and gay, but I don't think I am.. gay) I would want public acceptance. If I was truly transgendered and wanted to go TS... I would want public acceptance.

I think the problem we have in the CD community is that many of us (and I suspect the majority) do not want to be "out" - it is a "garage" activity to deal with our own "self-perceived" issues. We are happy being within closed doors.

But, there are others who want the right (quite rightly and properly) to be accepted in "the broader society". In that situation, we want to be able to go down to the supermarket, post letters.. in our own neighbourhood... and go to work (the biggy !) dressed, and it is all accepted... dreamworld scenario.

If we are given this right by society, there will still be problems as many CD's will still not want to express their preferences openly.

However... unless we collectively seek to win a change in public perception, we (as a community) could seriously undermine the needs of some of our community (those who want to be openly "out" and acceptably visible) their "human rights" to self-express.

How do we raise public acceptance when I reckon 80% of us aren't bothered about it and could I suggest percieve it as a threat?

Sorry if this is deep... Nigella has hit a big point!

Kaz xx

[vetobob9]

The manner of our dress at work is often determined by the companies standard of what constitutes "professionalism". Some companies consider a man in a dress to be highly unprofessional.
Until standards of "professionalism" change we won't see very many employers allowing men to wear skirts or dresses to work.
Professionalism includes not just how you do your job but what you wear when you are doing it.

[Patty B.]

Nigella this is the type of thread to get everyone thinking. For myself I feel I can only go so far. Working for a nationally known corporation I'm aware that I can find myself unemployed if I were to become to much of a distraction, irregardless of current legislation. As much as many would like to work to changing society sometimes the reality of your circumstances dictates your actions.

[Rianna Humble]

Big picture there is not much one person can do even if he is in the public spotlight.

I dare say that the abolitionists were told that back in the 19th Century - and look how right it proved to be in their case! You cannot change everybody's opinion overnight, the way you change public opinion is one person/group at a time.

I am not saying that every TG person and/or friend/loved one has to become a public advocate for our community. I am saying that we are all able to make a contribution - even if it is only by refusing to listen to transphobic remarks.

I have to admit I can’t see how I can do anything to change Joe public’s perception of us.

A bit defeatist I know but there it is. Any suggestions?

Apart from the one above, there is also the possibility of speaking up for understanding when the topic arises amongst your friends/colleagues.

If you go out, then your behaviour whilst out will influence Joe's opinions subtly and sometimes without him realising it. If you don't go out, then see my previous 2 points - they don't have to entail outing yourself.

I have often spoken out for understanding of ethnic minority groups - did that out me as one of them? I don't think anyone would believe that I am an ehtnic Sikh/Hindu/Chinese/Afro-Caribbean, but it did influence the ways in which those groups were regarded by those around me even if only in the short term.

There are some interesting ideas raised here and Nigella the original post was brilliant and cut to the core of some fundamental issues for me.

If I was gay/lesbian (ok there are debates about CD and gay, but I don't think I am.. gay) I would want public acceptance. If I was truly transgendered and wanted to go TS... I would want public acceptance.

I think the problem we have in the CD community is that many of us (and I suspect the majority) do not want to be "out" - it is a "garage" activity to deal with our own "self-perceived" issues. We are happy being within closed doors.

I try to respect each person's level of comfort with their cross-dressing / transgender. That said, I firmly believe that we can all influence the way that our little part of Joe Public looks at the TG community - even if we are not willing to out ourselves.

But, there are others who want the right (quite rightly and properly) to be accepted in "the broader society". In that situation, we want to be able to go down to the supermarket, post letters.. in our own neighbourhood... and go to work (the biggy !) dressed, and it is all accepted... dreamworld scenario.

If we are given this right by society, there will still be problems as many CD's will still not want to express their preferences openly.

Although I understand what you say, I am not sure that I would call it a problem if someone only wishes to dress in private.

However... unless we collectively seek to win a change in public perception, we (as a community) could seriously undermine the needs of some of our community (those who want to be openly "out" and acceptably visible) their "human rights" to self-express.

How do we raise public acceptance when I reckon 80% of us aren't bothered about it and could I suggest perceive it as a threat?

IMNSHO we do it one heartbeat at a time, but YMMV

[AKAMichelle]

I don't think that we do very much to dispel the preconceptions. Most cd'ers are in the closet so if they never go out, how does anyone know they exist? So the only ones who go out and are photographed in the media are the outlandish ones. The ones who strive for looking like an ordinary woman don't want to be headline news.

[Nigella]

To add more ingredients to the mix,

As a group in our own right, do you think that as a cross section of the TG community we are adding to, dispelling, or just maintaining the public perception of the TG community?

To explain this question, take a little time if you will to read some of the threads that are in the public domain part of the forum, that is those areas that can be read without the need to log on. How many of them do you think help our image?

This is not a thread to point any fingers, or to say what is right or wrong, I am simply trying to see how we as a community see our selves in the wider scheme of the public perception.

[Alice Torn]

I think that the vast majority will always be joe public, and janes. The brutal truth is, that men wearing womens clothes will always be looked on as deviance, by the masses. However, a FEW "NORMIES" are becoming more tolerant, or accepting, than there used to be. One person at a time, becoming accepting seems the rule.

[Tima]

Reading some of the threads on this forum, do you believe that we as a community do enough to dispel Joe public's perception, do you believe that we need do no more to alter the perception, or are you just not bothered because it affects you as an individual very little?

[SIZE="2"]Why doesn’t "Jane" public ignore Joe public, and go about its business? When ignorance is declared illegal, I may attempt to dispel prejudicial perceptions. Ask me again in a thousand years.[/SIZE]

[Lyric]

This reminds my of a great line in a PBS program on transgenderism a few years ago: "Nature loves diversity, but society loathes it". While modern civilization has take great strides over the last century toward equality, we are a late priority. Part of it is that fact that gender ID is something people associate with their own sexual feelings. The majority of people around us wish to live with the illusion that there are only two distinct genders and there are border lines that can never acceptably be crossed.

Thankfully, though, we are making progress toward greater acceptance. I've been a personally acknowledged crossdresser since the 1980s and I've seen a slow, but welcome change over that time. Since TV talk shows began spotlighting (and often exploiting) transgendered people in the '80s, the rank and file public has had an increased exposure to crossdressers and there is much more understanding and acceptance than there was before. While at one time, we were always simply dismissed by most into the category of "gay" or "perverted", there's now widespread knowledge that many heterosexual males who function normally in their communities like to crossdress. Among younger generations it seems to be increasingly tolerated.

We've got a long way to go, though. The news media still likes to spotlight crossdressing criminals as if crossdressing were a side effect of criminality. I think our public image is changing, but will never be 100% (or even 50%) accepted. Too bad, too.

I think there's plenty we can do as our "little part" in improving the image of transgendered persons. To an extent I try take I try to consider the impression I will make on others-- and consider what's appropriate to the situation. It's a common beginner's mistake for CDs to try and dress like a sexpot or something and it usually turns out to their detriment. Dress as normally as any woman who resembles you would (age/body type/face shape/etc/). Take a hard look at yourself in the mirror (actually I find photos work best). Would a woman like that wear a red leather miniskirt and a plasticy-looking kanekalon blond wig to the mall on Saturday afternoon? Probably not.

I've worn long hair (as long as my waist) since the early '70s. I've lived and worked with many conservative people in that time. I learned early on that the best way to achieve some degree of acceptance was to wear it as clean and neatly styles as possible. When your hair looks good and normal-- even if it's normal for the opposite gender, people are more accepting and comfortable being around you. The same can be said for dressing to a considerable extent.

As important to looking good, though, is being good. Whether we like it or not, people will always be keeping an eye on us to see if we do something weird or wrong. The best way to deal with that is to go out of our way to be normal, likable people. Contribute to charities. Do volunteer work. Be extra courteous in public. Give people more reasons to like you than to dislike you.

Acceptance will never just happen and it will never happen completely, but I do my part.

Lyric

[Rachel Morley]

I agree that this is a really a good question, and a great topic for discussion. I think main problem is access to the information. Generally speaking, I don't think people (Joe public at large) are going to get off their backsides and go looking for the information unless they have some sort of interest or reason to know more about us. So the information they get is not what they go get for themselves, it's what's presented to them without them asking for it ... namely how the general media reports it. That's how I think people think they know about what we are, so yeah I'm blaming the mass media.

The other thing you mentioned; do we think we (as individuals and as a community) need to do more to alter the perception of Joe public? Yes, I think we do, but again, it's the access to the information that's the problem. We think there's tons of TG people all over the place because they are all around us in our own lives, but actually we're only like 5% of the general population (or whatever it is) so no matter if we get together or we do it individually, it's a drop in the ocean, we're not going to get the level of exposure that the mass media does when it comes to sharing the information (be that good or bad information) with Joe public. Our TG support group that I am on the board of has done some outreach presentations at student colleges and whatnot, and of course we ourselves are all ambassadors for the TG community as a whole when we go out, but at the end of the day, we're fighting against a bigger tide of resources and access to the public than what we ourselves are able to generate. What we need is some sort of rich benefactor that will pay for an infomercial on all channels, every night, on prime time TV. That's the sort of level of exposure that we're battling against. All those TV shows, radio shows, newspapers, etc etc and those journalists that talk about us and and think they know us .... yet they don't.

Still, never mind, we do what we can, and just hope that one day it'll be enough

[Rianna Humble]

The ones who strive for looking like an ordinary woman don't want to be headline news.

You're right that we don't want to be, but sometimes it happens and when it does we need to be prepared to put our points across politely but forcefully.

Well, that's my excuse and I'm unanimous in that!