Busted!

[Persephone]

Looks like I may have gotten busted by a neighbor yesterday.

Maybe.

Kinda hard to tell, since I've been doing my morning run en femme for years and come past her house on the other side of the street everyday.

My spouse and I always figured her for the kind of person I could probably come out to, especially since she is part of the women's craft group that I'm part of.

But we were concerned because her husband and my spouse worked in the same company. My spouse retired a few months ago and her husband retired about a month ago, still, there is a network of retirees. And we really haven't seen them since he retired.

Yesterday I came home from my spa session, manicure and eyebrow shaping, in full femme, pink top, beige skirt, and open toed heels.

As I was pulling into the driveway I saw a couple walking down the sidewalk. It didn't look like this couple, but I waited in my car for a while.

Finally, after a while, I didn't see anyone pass by. I decided that, if it was them, they would have gone passed by then, and that it must have been some other neighbors who had gone into a house along the way.

So I got out of the car, shouldered my purse and went to get the mail -- crossing right in front of them!

She said, "Hi, --- (my male name)."

I said "Hi! Guess you can take a walk now that he's retired."

She said, "Yes. It's great!"

Throughout all of this I was fetching the mail and they just kept on walking.

Now I need to figure out what to do next.

[Ashleythenewgirl]

Sounds like you can be yourself.....I didn't detect any negative tone on their reception. This could be a good sign for ya!

[Rianna Humble]

You mean they didn't bring out the garlic or make the sign of a cross?

[Billijo49504]

Sounds like you are good to go any time you want. Hey, as long as your wife knows, what to worry about, if they don't talk to you, big deal. Most people don't worry about it, as long as it's not in their family. Live your life for you and your family, and if the neighbors are ok with your life style, great, if not, tough stuff...Billijo

[PretzelGirl]

Now I need to figure out what to do next.

My guess Barbara, is that you will next accept that you have done a lot of presenting at your groups and during your runs. From your stories, it sounds like you at least end up in "High Androgeny" at a minimum most of the time. So just maybe a lot of people already know. If you just walked past them in full femme and they didn't blink, I think you were just told something.

[Persephone]

My guess Barbara, is that you will next accept that you have done a lot of presenting at your groups and during your runs. From your stories, it sounds like you at least end up in "High Androgeny" at a minimum most of the time. So just maybe a lot of people already know. If you just walked past them in full femme and they didn't blink, I think you were just told something.

Thanks, Sue. I pretty well figure that what you are saying is true.

My real problem centers on a couple of "his" friends that my spouse and I feel will be uncomfortable. Given the groups that I participate in as a woman, it is only a matter of time before they find out, and yet we are having difficulty bringing ourselves to opening up with them. That part is simply not very good.

[Tina B.]

There is nothing to do next, what is done can not be undone, the next move belongs to the neighbors, either they tell or they don't, either the other couple hear about it or not, and if they do, how they react is beyond your control. So talk to the wife, she does not need to be surprised if something is said, and wait to see what happens next. Being as out as you are, it was just a matter of time anyway.
Tina B.

[Kiera79]

Hi Persephone,

I have seen you grow in my time on the site and from this post it seems you have doubt in your ability to dress around others. I say don't worry about it, friends will come and go just as books, newpaper stories and the like. i have lost four people that I thought were close to me due to the way I choose to live my life(true to myself) and not care about what people say, think or whatever. Let them be who they are going to be and that's it. They or anyone else for that matter sleep in your bed, have to worry about paying your bills, or picking out your outfits but you and your wife.

[AKAMichelle]

Yep your busted. I guess now you will find out if you were right about coming out to them - cause you did

[Tima]

So I got out of the car, shouldered my purse and went to get the mail -- crossing right in front of them!
She said, "Hi, --- (my male name)."
I said "Hi! Guess you can take a walk now that he's retired."
She said, "Yes. It's great!"
Throughout all of this I was fetching the mail and they just kept on walking.
Now I need to figure out what to do next.

[SIZE="2"]What kind of purse was it? Did the couple look back at you, or did they keep walking? Did they look stunned? What to do next? How about up the ante, be more visible, and let them figure out what to do next. I would.
[/SIZE]

[Persephone]

Thanks so much to everyone who has posted, commented, and offered suggestions! Really appreciated!

[SIZE="2"]What kind of purse was it? Did the couple look back at you, or did they keep walking? Did they look stunned? What to do next? How about up the ante, be more visible, and let them figure out what to do next. I would.
[/SIZE]

The purse was my normal everyday purse (pardon me for not describing it in detail, but very tired right now), a large metalic leather purse, clearly feminine.

I was fully en femme, makeup, hair down, bangs, wearing an above the knee straight skirt and high heeled platform sandals.

To the best of my knowledge they did not look back nor did they stare, at least so far as I could tell.

We are friends and have been at each other's homes many times, have borrowed things back and forth, and used to belong to the same congregation (both of us left), but we are not ordinarily in day-to-day contact.

My thought, agreed to by my spouse, is that when I get a chance in another couple of days, I will drop them an email note and say something like, "Since we are both now retired couples, why don't we get together for lunch over the next couple of days," and then see what happens.

Any constructive suggestions will be appreciated.

[JaytoJillian]

Well, if she's seen you running en femme for years, what's the big deal????? Maybe I missed something here.

[FionaO]

Of course your busted, that goes without saying. You or your wife need to talk to the neighbours pretty soon. Why don't you invite the wife over for coffee and explain about your crossdressing. She can tell the hubby and they can decide what to do next. If they feel you trust them enough to be taken into your confidence, they will be less inclined to blab to other acquaintances. But seriously you know that you were going to be caught eventually and now what you have secretly wished for has happened.

[VeronicaMoonlit]

Looks like I may have gotten busted by a neighbor yesterday.

Maybe.

There is no maybe. They know.

Kinda hard to tell, since I've been doing my morning run en femme for years and come past her house on the other side of the street everyday.

People aren't idiots. If you've been running around your neighborhood en femme for years...they know. This whole "his friends" and "her friends" thing you've got going on, is just for your own psychological benefit. Once you realize that the separation thing you've tried to do isn't actually working, then you can "really" start dealing with "This Thing of Ours of Varying Kinds"

My spouse and I always figured her for the kind of person I could probably come out to, especially since she is part of the women's craft group that I'm part of.

You came out to her the moment she saw you in the women's craft group.

But we were concerned because her husband and my spouse worked in the same company. My spouse retired a few months ago and her husband retired about a month ago, still, there is a network of retirees. And we really haven't seen them since he retired.

That's an artificial barrier created in your own mind to justify your separation of things.

Yesterday I came home from my spa session, manicure and eyebrow shaping, in full femme, pink top, beige skirt, and open toed heels. .....
She said, "Hi, --- (my male name)."
Now I need to figure out what to do next.

Do? There's nothing do actually "do". If she addressed you by male name while you're en femme, they know. Sure, you could take the time to use the words in the discussion, but it's pretty obvious don't you think?

Veronica

[julia ann]

It does not sound to me like you got "busted" it sounds more like you got validated or confirmed either way explore and enjoy.

[kimdl93]

As you and pretty much everyone recognizes, if you had a secret, its out now. Inviting them over is a good idea. It might be wise to touch base with the lady to see if there's any reason to be concerned about her Husband's reaction.

[Kathi Lake]

Throughout all of this I was fetching the mail and they just kept on walking. Now I need to figure out what to do next.

What to do? Simple:

• Step 1 - close the mailbox door
• Step 2 - click your cute shoes on up the driveway, and put your purse away
• Step 3 - read the mail, pay the bills, recycle the ads
• Step 4 - there IS no step 4

Barbara, as Veronica so aptly said, the dividing line you have made is, well, . . . one you have made. It's up to you on if you want to strengthen that line or erase it. As with me, people just know. You could be wearing the manliest of costumes (and I said costume for a reason), not have a bit of makeup on, and still be seen as who and what you are - which, coincidentally, is totally up to you and the ones you love.

Basically, you're not busted in my book, you're busted free.



Kathi

[VeronicaMoonlit]

What to do? Simple:

• Step 1 - close the mailbox door
• Step 2 - click your cute shoes on up the driveway, and put your purse away
• Step 3 - read the mail, pay the bills, recycle the ads
• Step 4 - there IS no step 4

Barbara, as Veronica so aptly said, the dividing line you have made is, well, . . . one you have made. It's up to you on if you want to strengthen that line or erase it.

Basically, you're not busted in my book, you're busted free.

Excellent way of putting it, though steps 4 and 5 are:

• 4. ????
• 5. Profit! from being busted free.

Yes yes, I've just made a reference to a Slashdot meme...I'm a geek.

Also I just remembered something. Barbara, didn't you post how someone you knew was under the impression that you had had "the surgery" and had thusly transitioned? Odds are that person is not the only person with that impression.

Veronica