Explaing what I do to my child - the first steps

[KlaireLarnia]

Over the last couple of days I have tried to decide if now is a good time to explain to my daughter what I do - rather than she finds out later in life and hates me for it.

I have been wearing women's tops around the house this week (as my wife is away until Sat night). This started with them being covered, then partially on show and for the last 3 days and evenings fully on show. Some have been simple low cut t-shirts in black or white. Others more casual, patterned tops with slightly frilly shoulders. My daughter has not batted an eyelid. Her only question was "why are you not wearing a t-shirt daddy?" to which I replied, "I am but it is a low cut one for a change". She seems to have accepted this.

Tonight while walking to my brothers for a shower (as my bathroom is being redecorated and our bath will not be back in use until tomorrow, around 3 days later than I hoped) we spoke about shoes as she had on some heeled boots. She said they where for girls only, and I asked why. She replied they just are - so I countered well boys can wear them can't they if they wanted? Her reaction "Yes, but they would look very silly if they did". And so it went on, I did mention I had worn heals once and explained I know they are not easy to walk in. She asked when and I said at a party - which she again seemed to accept. [there was no point in telling her I had a pair of three inch heeled boots on my bed if she went home and looked].

So this is my first step. Gentle exposure and questioning on what she thinks. My idea is that if she seems to have a lot of negative reactions - rather than impulse reactions of that's silly, it is like that because it is sort of thing - then I know it will not be a good idea to go much further. I am not planning on telling her I wear skirts - although I think she suspects I wear nightdresses.

Not sure how much further we will take it but I think making the first steps is the main thing here and now I can see how best to make my next move - if there is to be one.

Klaire

[tricia_uktv]

Wow Klaire careful, though maybe not. Two crucial questions,

Does your wife know and accept?

How old is your daughter?

I think you are playing with fire. But what do you want?

Hugs

[AKAMichelle]

Careful there. Telling a child without the other parent approval and preparation can lead to one big nasty fight. This fight would be your own doing and you won't like it. I think you need to talk with your wife before you go any further.

one other thing that you need to understand about telling someone is that once you do it. It is no longer about you but them.

[KlaireLarnia]

MY daughter is 7, at the age where she is aware but still open minded to things. Is my wife aware? Yes. I am not going to explain the full extent of what I do and why as this would confuse my daughter. More see if I feel it would be appropriate for her to understand that I am not like other dads or my brother in some respects but this does not change me or who/what I am. I am not going to go round in skirts etc. It would purely be tops at this time and when my wife returns simple, plain t-shirt style ones - again keeping it simple but there.

Then later on, when she is ready I can explain things in more detail so it not a total shock - at least that is my hope. Lay the foundations now, build on them later.

[Kiera79]

@ Klaire

I like the fact that you are talking to her. It shows you care and want to know how she feels. My kids know as I actively dress around them and my SO knows and approves also. We are a straight forward family and hides nothing from each other. You go girl and keep up with the good work she will love you more for it I promise.

[JulieC]

I think each of us with children has to make our own decisions on this issue. My wife and I have chosen not to disclose my crossdressing to our children, but work arduously to educate them on diversity issues in general. It's gone very well (I have children in the same age range as your daughter by the way).

I'm unclear on a point here; you're manner of dress in front of your daughter is changing based on whether your wife is present or not. Does your wife know and approve of your decision to go down this path with your daughter? Was it a joint decision?

[Chickhe]

My child is about the same age and my plan is to dress up for halloween and let her see me. I have done this over the last couple years and she saw me, but doesn't remember too much. She jokes about boys wearing girls colors sometimes. I think limited exposure is good, the kind that shows it is fun. My main fear is having her deal with hate from other kids, but I think it is cool for the kids if it is for a party. At least it is the story I'm sticking with if a parent or teacher asks... If I think back to being a kid, most of my friends had unusual parents...and that didn't matter too much, it was the kids with boring conservative strict parents I feared most.

[Stephanie Miller]

One thing I noticed... When asked if your wife knew and was accepting, you answered yes. But the Unspoken question was " does your wife know and is she approving of your display around your daughter? Looks to a be a bit off when you have to wait for the wife to be gone to experiment wearing things in front of your daughter. You might want to back up your plans a bit until you have a talk with the wife on how she feels you should proceed. The wife may have a whole new approach on it.

[Kelly DeWinter]

While I admire your wanting to be open with your daughter, I have to agree with the others here, that it is your spouse you SHOULD be communicating with FIRST. You dodged the question when it was asked, so here it is again. Have you spoken to your wife in detail about how and what you are telling your daughter ?
Never forget that spouses can be very supportive and helpful when it comes to childeren.

[Stephanie Miller]

Hmmmm.... Guess no answer is an answer after all.